Author: Dragoonofdeath
Description: A strange turn of events sets the wheels of fate turning as a man awakes in a strange world with no memories of his own.Worlds Apart Prologue
Worlds Apart Part 1
Worlds Apart Part 2
Worlds Apart Part 3
Worlds Apart Part 4
Worlds Apart Part 5
Worlds Apart Part 6
Worlds Apart Part 7
Worlds Apart Part 8 (New!)
Worlds Apart Part 9 (New!)
Additional Tags: lengthy, amnesia, adventure, Nightmare, Flashback
24 comments:
A very interesting read, this leaves me longing for more, Fate. What is it?
ReplyDeleteWow, this is REALLY good
ReplyDelete@Shaun
ReplyDeleteI can't say much without spoiling future chapters but I think I can say a bit. 'fate' is a collective of minds that more or less watch over the universe. They rarely intervene in the problems of mortals and tend to act a bit late. A growing problem if you ask me, someone needs new management.
So it made it on, huh.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing. I'll have to keep an eye on this one.
ReplyDeleteFinally, someone other than me that's going this route with a human story!
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this, I ALMOST when with an amnesia route with Stuck in Equestria, but I figured some guy from /co/ would be funnier. You seemed to have completely wiped Marcus of even what he is, an interesting take, which I'm sure you have a good idea on.
I can't wait to figure out who/what Fate is. The suspense as to why he's there will definitely catch the eye of many suspense readers on here.
Good story so far! I'm giving it 5 stars and a fav because I'm now not the only one doing this! Can't wait for more, bro!
While the concept seems pretty good, and it appears to have a lot of potential, it really seems to just move to fast.
ReplyDeleteThings seem sorta cut and pasted together haphazardly and scenes move from one to the next in the span of a minute's worth or reading. THere's no real time to stop and soak in a scene or the events occuring before moving onto the next one.
You've got a good base here, but my advice would be to slow down. build a little atmosphere. show the world. show some emotion and character.
1. Hate humanized stoof.
ReplyDelete2. Grammar makes me wanna kill myself. (It's even wrong int e title!)
@ Lucid Thanks. Stuck is actually what helped me choose Marcus as the main character. I wanted an outlandish character, and who better than a human? Everyone seems to want to see who/what Fate is, and I feel bad for keeping everyone in the dark about it. I'll explain it all later in the story. Quite possibly in the next update (Which should be chapters 4-7) and unless something happens, should be up by friday.
ReplyDelete@Dragoonof
ReplyDeleteNothing is better than an enormous and shocking revelation. I'm planning on dropping a huge fucking ball myself in a few chapters.
But some people have said it already, slow it down and give a little more mas to each chapter, it'll do wonders.
Needs more adjectives, and which pony is saying what before it's said, so that I can read the sentence in the correct voice in my head.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, though a bit short, so far.
ReplyDeleteI like this ''version'' of the human... not freaking out like a moron for many chapter (or even the entire story), like I saw in some other stories... or being ''Ponies can TALK ?!?!?'' for half the time.
That's refreshing, a lot.
Chapters could be a bit longer. It's an interesting read so far.
ReplyDelete@ Lucid I wanted the intro itself to be fast paced to get the readers attention. I'm working on making the rest of the chapters lengthier and slower paced to actually tell the story (As thats what everyone seems to want, and I enjoy writing this stuff)
ReplyDelete@Nova, in the original Marcus freaked out in the way a normal human would if something that wasn't supposed to talk spoke up. I felt it clashed with the total amnesia story and kicked it out the door.
@Everyone else, thanks for the feedback and the ratings (Amazed its at 4 stars) I'll do my best with the rest of this tale.
Here we stand
ReplyDeleteWorlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you
Feelin' that it's gone
Can change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide love divides
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
Nice work man, keep it up!
ReplyDeleteim actualy interested in this one although the chapters seem short to me its good cant wait for chapter 8
ReplyDeletefor some reason i found it difficult to get into your story. it's well written and it's good to see another author in the community, i'm just sorry the story wasn't to my taste. though i am glad to see a lot of people enjoying it and i wish you the best of luck. :D
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteGah. Exactly my thoughts. Can't get Journey's song out of my head when I'm reading this.
Needs some work in the punctuation. Missing commas make me read some sentences twice so I can understand what is being said. All it needs is a little polishing.
ReplyDeleteJust want to point to the author that there's an error in the last Part (9)...
ReplyDelete>For every letter on the ruby, you can cast a spell<
His name is : M.A.R.C.U.S. ...right ? That make SIX (6) letters, no ?
>After the five spells are used<
Why is that then ? Missing one letter ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteThanks for pointing that out. I knew something was wrong with chapter 9. Hell even on my notes it says 6 spells, why did I put 5?
@_@ I'll fix it.
Anyhow, thanks to all of you still reading and commenting here and to all of you bronies who have stuck with this story. You guys are the reason i'm still writing this and not sitting around staring off into space :p
It needs some proofreading. Grammar, syntax and spelling errors mar what can be a really good story. Don't settle for four stars. Aim for the whole five.
ReplyDeleteYes, a proofreader would be nice. I'll ask a few friends of mine and see if one of them would be willing.
ReplyDelete