• Story: The Sun Never Sets

    by
    [Sad] This one is supposed to remain mysterious, so have a cool image instead of one that is related!

    Author: Jetfire
    Description: A snapshot of a strange Equestria, far in the future.
    The Sun Never Sets

    Alternate Tags:  OCs, Surprise
    Thursday, April 14, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , ,
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    41 comments:

    1. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 11:18 AM

      Not going to spoil anything but it was a great read.

      Also the irony was delicious Thank you good fic writer

      ReplyDelete
    2. Scorch_MechanicApril 14, 2011 at 11:34 AM

      Any writer who can utilize the strengths of the short story to good effect is a good writer in my eyes.

      This was a very worthy attempt. I should like to see more, but I rather think that would spoil the mind-castles I have built from this tale...
      The implications are simply delicious. Best leave them to rest.

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    3. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 11:47 AM

      New Favorite Author

      ReplyDelete
    4. FireantApril 14, 2011 at 11:51 AM

      Yes, it was short, but very strong. And Sad, but not with "Diddly Diddly, Rain is falling, melancholy" aftertaste, but rather with rich "OMC, This, my good sir, if seriously disturbing in a way, I can't describe". Very good penmanship!

      So, Impressive, five stars, luvs, and waiting for more - an entire, longer story set in THIS Equestria would be 20% cooler than any other fanfic.

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    5. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 12:04 PM

      Holy.

      Shit.

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    6. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 12:24 PM

      Amazing. Will there be a prequel or explanationécontinuation to this or is it to be left up to the reader?
      Cause I need MOAR.

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    7. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 12:41 PM

      Uhh... kinda hard to discuss this here without spoiling. Well, let me just say I liked it, but would have preferred fewer references to the current generation. It doesn't really add much to a story that's good enough on its own.

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    8. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 12:59 PM

      *Potential Spoilers, I have remained as vague as possible, but avoid reading any and ALL comments until you have read the story*

      To the author: Do what you wish with this tale; expand upon it, leave it, or write another story indirectly linked to it - I do not mind, this story is beautiful either way.

      This story is powerful on it's own, and, while it leaves me eager to learn more, I feel that it in this case, less could very well be more. Ironic, since the conflict present in the story is that one pony doesn't believe the very notion of 'less is more', and is slowly killing herself and others around her.

      It is tragic, in more ways than one, which makes the story very heartbreaking. It all comes down to the fact that there is a very lonely pony who has lost her way, and is set on a course for total self-destruction for she has not a single friend to guide her, and not a shred of will to remember her old friends and use her memories of them to guide her. Yes, she has one such old friend still in her world - another twist that brings more sadness to the tale - but she simply will not listen to her. She simply will not understand that loyalty to one's nation is not as important as loyalty to one's companions.

      The figment of this particular lonely pony's imagination is a very mysterious addition. While the apparition declares that the pony sees it because it exists in her mind, there is still an air mystery about the hallucination - and it's intentions. I got the vibe that while it appears to be her sub-conscious trying to communicate with her and advise her to do the right thing, it also seems to have a hint of corruption - evidenced by the apparition congratulating, perhaps encouraging, the pony for her clever actions. If that is the case, then it becomes even more terrible as this means that this pony's 'evil' is starting to rot away even the deepest and purest parts of her soul...

      The Princess of the Moon feels like a shell of her original form, due to her inaction - and betrayal of herself. That, despite not being explored by the story itself, is a deeply saddening fact, and it adds to the desperation that she feels in trying to prevent her co-ruler from following the same path.

      I do wonder why "Old Equestria" and it's Princesses are such a painful topic for the Princess of the Sun in "Modern Equestria" to even hear. Whether this is a hint at a prequel, or just me missing a detail, I do not know.

      This story's brevity does not limit the volumes spoken about the two main characters in the tale, and the many conflicts present. It is genius, and part of the reason why I feel this piece should be left as it is. However, leaving the tale as it is does not bring any closure to the reader, and my own intrigue wants a resolution to this story's conflict - even if the resolution only brings more heartbreak.

      If the lack of closure is intentional, then it is probably best to not follow up the tale with another story. I personally think that the lack of closure is there to emphasise the lack of closure the Princess of the Sun has in her life. And so, makes the story powerful on it's own, but in no way prevents a second story from being made, one that could indeed bring closure to both the Princess of the Sun and the readers.

      I apologise for the long essay, but I hope it is ultimately appreciated and encourages discussion.

      This story gets a 5 from me, despite the lack of information regarding the delicacy of speaking of "Old Equestria", that minor detail is a drop in the ocean compared to the huge impact that this short story has made upon me.

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    9. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 1:20 PM

      This setting just made Equestria 20% cooler! Please more!

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    10. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 2:04 PM

      This was depressing. Extremely well-made, but depressing. I want to know more, but...I'm afraid it would just get more depressing.

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    11. Mather MaddoxApril 14, 2011 at 2:15 PM

      Wowww... marvellously sad. I need more from this author and more about this idea. The revolution will go on!

      Maybe this will be the next Conversion Bureau theme, who knows? But I know that I want to write stories in this setting and I want to read stories written in this setting.

      How did they get into those positions? What foreign lands await? How does it all work? Don't answer it all at once; a short story each exploring one aspect would be the best imaginable. I crave this now. I need it. I need it or I will explode (that happens sometimes).

      Bravo sir, genius genius genius sir.

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    12. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 2:30 PM

      Damn.

      That wasn't just a good fanfic, that was an outstanding piece of fiction. The author obviously has a great way with words. It was so well written, and the idea behind it was used very well. Really refreshing for fanfic.

      I would put this up there at the top of my favorite FiM fanfics, and near the top of favorite short stories.

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    13. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 2:30 PM

      This was amazing. The character twists blew me away.

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    14. JetfireApril 14, 2011 at 2:34 PM

      Thank you all for your very supportive comments. It's always nice to see one's work appreciated.

      Also, no fear of talking about spoilers at this point in the comments- anyone who scrolls down this far without reading the story brings it upon themselves, as far as I'm concerned.

      Regarding continuations: I am currently writing a longer story set in the here and now of FIM (titled It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door). I was inspired by this idea yesterday at work and had to write it down that evening. Once I'm finished with Dangerous Business, I might revisit the Glorious Equestrian Empire and its princesses.

      And yet I'm partially tempted to leave the story as-is. It's as Scorch_Mechanic says- it's evocative without being excessive, and it creates possibilities in the mind. If my writing can inspire readers to create their own stories in their heads, I feel I've done my job as an author.

      I've yet to make up my mind, but I'll let you know when I do.

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    15. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 3:17 PM

      Brilliant!
      by the way, I'm very intrested in the so called "related" picture as well!

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    16. Springtime BluesApril 14, 2011 at 4:06 PM

      If you expand on this be wary of the lost problem; just adding more and more questions and not answering anything.

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    17. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 4:34 PM

      @Jetfire
      I think I agree with Scorch as well, this was an awesome story on its own, and I think you'd have to work really hard to write a continuation that didn't seem like it was almost doing it a disservice. The vagueness is part of what makes the story excellent, IMO.

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    18. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 5:04 PM

      Beautifully written but a prequel would be fantastic. I just think so much could work well with the prequel if it's meant to be read after this as to not spoil the surprise. I'm just so curious as to many of the things here.

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    19. JetfireApril 14, 2011 at 5:35 PM

      The related picture, naturally, is this one: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&q=rainbow+dash#/d3al5sd

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    20. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 5:47 PM

      Ooooh, this one is good!

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    21. Chakat FirepawApril 14, 2011 at 9:11 PM

      Hmmm, someone has stumbled into the dangerous realm of the Zeroth Law of Robotics and why there are no aliens in the Robot/Empire/Foundation setting.

      (0th Law: A robot may not harm humanity nor through inaction allow humanity to come to harm. Since a non-human culture could eventually come to harm humanity....)

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    22. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 9:53 PM

      Nice story. Twilight's ghost can be both the good and the bad angel on Rainbow Dash shoulder but Fluttershy is probably what really stop her to fall completely in the abyss of insanity. Human aren't made for loneliness and ponies are more vulnerable that humans on this side. If Fluttershy disappear, she will be alone and be alone while surrounded of ponies is more that Rainbow Dash will be able to hold. She will laugh while watching her empire crumble if it happen. She won't be able to focus on her job.

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    23. AnonymousApril 14, 2011 at 10:58 PM

      Twilight's first lines, the fact that the past is such a terrible topic and Fluttershy's outburst really got me thinking about what happen in the past and I really hope I'm wrong. My conclusions are usually the worse scenarios.
      I'm really intrigued about this and hope that you will write more but this fic on it's on is powerful enough to leave it as it is.

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    24. AnonymousApril 15, 2011 at 12:57 AM

      This is quite good. Here's to hoping for a continuation!

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    25. Midnight ShadowApril 15, 2011 at 1:42 AM

      I usually dislike sad (and I'm feeling all weepy now because of this one) but it was just as good as everypony said it would be. five stars, no hesitation.

      I would like to see more, but to be honest it might be best left as-is for the imagery it gives.

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    26. AnonymousApril 15, 2011 at 1:35 PM

      This was excellent. The expanded look at the pony universe, combining the inherent, well, 'nature' of the mlp universe with advanced topics such as science and politics is something I've been playing with for a while, and you're pulled it off flawlessly. No mean feat, that.

      RD's emotional state is explored really well, and the hints at a much larger story are just the icing on the cake. I, for one, would love to see that larger story materialize. It wouldn't even have to be a complex epic, just... snapshots. 1000-word pieces, how it all began, how Cel- I mean, the sun fell, Twilight's end, how it all ends. I'd love to read it, and I think you could do a lot with it.

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    27. Lurks-no-MoreApril 15, 2011 at 2:06 PM

      Excellent work; poignant, troubling, interesting.
      It's just the sort of story where you want to find out more, but fear that it would diminish this tight little piece of a story. Very well done, all told!

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    28. AnonymousApril 18, 2011 at 11:02 AM

      Hmm. Some minor spoilers (maybe) coming up.

      Its intriguing enough. Most of it works, and most of the questions that remain don't spoil the story. However, and I am not sure if this is only personal preference talking or not, if you are going to put the two main characters in the position that they are I feel you really should at least explain a little bit how they got there. I don't need to know what happened next, but since both characters seem to have gone against their nature, to me it is a bit hard to take without something of an explanation why.

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    29. aclockwerkponiMay 1, 2011 at 10:06 PM

      An Amazing piece of work! I'd love to read more!

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    30. Present PerfectMay 30, 2011 at 11:42 AM

      That was banger! So used to seeing scenarios that have Twilight Sparkle next in line, I wasn't expecting a different path. I think I agree with baree up there, that I'd rather see more of what's been than what will be.

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    31. Silver ManeJune 1, 2011 at 12:50 PM

      Alright, I really need to stop reading every sad story on my fic list. I think it's starting to have some adverse affects on me... Which really says something about the quality of this one, the fact that it stood out so... resolutely. That was a glorious piece of art, a vivid world so twisted from what is known, and yet eerily reminiscent of what once was; creating the strange from the common, pain from the beauty, disgust from the expected.
      It is a true artist who can make something like this from his/her own mind, and yet leave you with the feeling that it is more than everything put together. I'm lost in my ramblings now, so let's just go with perfect score, beautiful, going on the must-read list.

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    32. PaxImbriumJuly 3, 2011 at 4:50 PM

      Dear god... I love and hate stories like this. It was a beautiful story, and you literally carried it out perfectly, I can only offer praise. The ending was so perfectly set up, and opens up so many questions... please, please don't leave those answers up to my mind, because though you've got it racing, I'm positive that any answers I might provide would be far, far inferior to yours. I am but a draft horse to your mental steam-engine.

      5 stars, no question about it.

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    33. CraftJuly 12, 2011 at 7:34 AM

      As a short story this really does an amazing job giving just enough structure to the world to let the reader's mind have a field day with imagination.

      That said, some of us readers' minds just don't do a story justice, seeing what the author thinks of a story is simply far more amazing and evocative than anything we could ever imagine.

      Hoping for more in the future!

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    34. ItsTheWhinyGuysJuly 22, 2011 at 1:33 PM

      Gah, I need to find out what happens! I need to know more of the story!

      Ahem. That being said, good one. I kept looking for every little detail, trying to figure out if these princess were anyone familiar. My guesses were correct. All in all, good stuff.

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    35. XortbergJuly 30, 2011 at 7:22 AM

      No! Why would you write that? Why would you make it so good? Dammit! I hate sad ponies...

      5 stars.

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    36. AnonymousAugust 1, 2011 at 5:37 PM

      Holy shit ! ;_; i want more.

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    37. AnonymousAugust 2, 2011 at 5:06 PM

      Beautiful little gem of a story!

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    38. Captain_WaffleAugust 6, 2011 at 2:06 AM

      If I wasn't so damn lazy (and my in-progress fan fic folder wasn't so thick), I would write a little bit more about this. I have an idea of Celestia losing her mind, but Rainbow dash is the only one who can see it, and I'm not going to spoil anything. I'll keep the idea in mind though.

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    39. A Terrible PersonAugust 13, 2011 at 3:43 PM

      Well, this was awesome. It sounds like you have other fics in the works than ones in this universe, Jetfire, but if you ever go back to this one: please don't write a sequel. A prequel would be amazing, to explain a bit more of what happened to cause all of this, but I feel it shouldn't be continued.

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    40. Soapy5September 2, 2011 at 12:56 PM

      This was one of the first fanfics that I have read, and It always stayed on my mind. I just love fluttershy's transformation to godhood.

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    41. The Lovely PenguinJanuary 4, 2012 at 2:37 PM

      Whoa, this story certainly leaves a lot to the imagination as to what exactly happened. What happened to the old Equestria, and why are the old princess' names taboo? How did these characters become gods? So much we don't know...yet it's part of the charm. But I'd definitely like a follow-up. As someone else said, you don't need to explain everything at once; in fact, it would be best if you unraveled this whole mystery piece by piece. But yeah, you've definitely got me hooked.

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