Author: l0x0r
Description: A look back to before Luna was Nightmare Moon. To how she acquired her cutie mark, and how she changed into a pony so full of anger that she transformed and had to be banished to the moon.Let Me Play Among the Stars
Additional Tags: How Luna became Nightmare Moon
28 comments:
This -almost- made me cry. It has some tiny things that could be improved upon as far as wording goes, but it is a very good and imaginative story. Thank you ever so much for posting.
ReplyDeletePoor Luna, over an hour later and only one comment. :-/
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWell, to be fair, this was posted shortly after the most incredible episode. I don't know about anypony else but I have been recovering from the DAWWWWWWW for the past few hours.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteLUCKY!
I'm stuck at work and couldn't watch it... ~.~
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, and I'm glad you didn't cry. Otherwise the tag would have to change to sad, and I'm sure that involves a lot of work.
I thought this was quite good. :) The transition from Luna to Nightmare Moon was very nicely done.
ReplyDeleteNever submit a fic on new episode day. Everypony will be too busy with the episode to notice it.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's a shame, because this is a great story. If it doesn't get the attention it deserves, I'll nominate it during the next Archeology event.
Very well written, I thought it was amazing, the whole story and emotional connection was excellent. I'm sure all second children feel that way one time or another. It's these types of stories that make me go our every night and compliment the moon.
ReplyDeleteI figured hours at the top would give it some good attention while I'm at work today.
ReplyDeleteI guess ill wait on fics during new episode day!
Thanks to everyone who's read it, and I'm glad it's getting positive responses. I'd appreciate some harsher critique though, since I know it could have been better, and I need to learn what not to do for the next fic I write. Which I'm leaning toward being Rarity and Sweetie Bell centered.
ReplyDeleteWell written story, yes... Very interesting to read too. :)
ReplyDeleteThe progression of the story was nicely done... though it might have used a bit more of a (I don't know?) rising tension, before the ''duel''... To let it build a bit more? But those are just details...
But I have to say that the story in itself raise quite a few interogations.
Like... What, it was Day/sun 24H before ? (this alone brings many questions)
I ''GUESS'' one could put the way it is shown as an ''artistic representation'' of what 'was', but this still remains something odd?
This was great,sad though. It made cry a little.
ReplyDeleteInteresting story, well done ! I especially like the fight with celestia and the ending, so it doesn't end in a sad tone. Since I'm not a writer I can't give an construtive critism, maybe as nova said a bit more tension building.
ReplyDeletePrescriptivist here. I enjoyed this story greatly, and so will only note one thing:
ReplyDeleteYou made the mistake of thinking everything is "said, exclaimed, cried out, whispered" and so on. From the mere fact it is in quotes it is obvious it is said and from the context can always be derived who says it and generally in what tone. Thus, unless there is indeed a special condition in which something is said such descriptive terms are unnecessary and even annoying.
Do keep writing.
Gotta... Fight... The... *MAN* Tears
ReplyDeleteOkay, I've *never* said this about any fan fiction about *any* series before but...
ReplyDeleteUnless the official show proves it wrong, this is canon for me now.
Pfft. Now I have to change the title of my fic >.> It had Frank Sinatra references and everything D:
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written though :)
@Cubed
ReplyDeleteThank you for that suggestion. I hope it wasn't too terribly annoying. I'll try to do it less next time.
@Anonymous
Sorry. If it's any consolation, I was going for the Doris Day version of the song rather than the Sinatra.
@Batty Gloom
Thanks for such high praise.
@I0x0r
ReplyDeleteNo worries, I'll just have to find another part of the song to use :P Once again, you've written a lovely piece of work :)
YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!
ReplyDeleteLoved it! One of the better fics I've read on the site, and like anon said, this is now canon for me!
And finally SOMEONE did an epic unicorn duel, I've been waiting so long for unicorn duels, I honestly don't see why people never use them, they could be so epic! I guess I'll have to fill the niche or something ;)
Wonderful peice of art, loved every single word!
@Batty Gloom: I might actually reference this story if I write anything... very well done!
ReplyDeleteAside from that, what Cubed described is pretty much my only complaint. It's still a very wonderful story. Thanks for sharing. :)
Wonderfully written and it captured the emotions so well that it almost brought a tear to my eyes.
ReplyDeleteBravo.
I root for Luna because I work night shift. The sun is way too bright and I don't like it. No way, no how.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone said, this is suprisingly cannon, and very well written. As a writter myself, I kinda wish I had written it, haha.
ReplyDeleteAs for critique: Hmmm, I was incredibly satisfied with everything up until the point Luna became Nightmare Moon.
This is maybe hightly personal preference, but I think it seemed a little bit like Luna just became another personality entirely when she became Nightmare Moon, instead an embodiment of her darkest emotions... That's not to say your portrayal of Nightmare Moon had anything out of character, you did her up perfectly, just that I might have added a little more hesitation into her thoughts and actions during that fight scene (which you touched upon for a second, but to me it wasn't enough).
I would have liked the idea of it almost being a rather violent missunderstanding between both Celestia and Luna/Nightmare Moon, each one kinda inadvertently pushing each other father and father in the beginnings of the fight until there was no backing down for the either of them.
Aside from that, I really loved the ending to this, too. This is nearly perfect, man, and the best Luna fic I've read thus far.
Amazing story. I really enjoyed this and hope to see more.
ReplyDeleteBravo, bravo. Excellent story, much better then what I imagined. Greatly fleshed out those two's relationship. More, more!
ReplyDeleteTwas awesome, thank you !
ReplyDeleteIt's rather wonderful to see how far you've come as a writer, l0x0r. But yet, despite the ways in which you have improved, this was still wonderfully enjoyable. I love your dreamlike prose. I have said it before, and I will again, it's just beautiful. It's so tender and smooth, elegant and expressive.
ReplyDeleteNever stop writing, my friend. Never stop.