• Story: Indoctrination (Updated Complete!)

    by
    [Normal] We don't get many stories in the second person (outside of that ponychan shipping compilation)!  Also /r/ing more everypony images.

    Author:  Fickle
    Description: You find yourself acting as an audience through the eyes of a normal human on Earth. However, after a few nightmares and dreams, you can't get the thoughts and hallucinations of ponies out of your mind. Are they just strange visions and feelings or just more so? You might even learn something important on the way... My first story ever so tell me what you think~!
    Indoctrination Part 1
    Indoctrination Part 2
    Indoctrination Part 3
    Indoctrination Part 4 (New!)
    Indoctrination Part 5 (New!)
    Indoctrination Part 6 (New!)
    Indoctrination Epilogue (New!)

    Additional Tags: Learning, happiness, true friendship, conversion, dreams
    Saturday, April 30, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , ,
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    27 comments:

    1. BenschacharApril 29, 2011 at 11:14 AM

      This is off topic but where is the thread for Party of One, it's a new episode today.

      ReplyDelete
    2. AnonymousApril 29, 2011 at 11:19 AM

      Creepy, but I'm looking forward to see how it ends.

      ReplyDelete
    3. ZE PonyApril 29, 2011 at 11:45 AM

      > Finished reading the first few alinea's of the story.

      What am i reading?

      Must..stay..awake..forever..

      ReplyDelete
    4. krypqeApril 29, 2011 at 11:48 AM

      Gah, Still needs moar proofreading and punctation.
      >Especially commas.
      But all in all, I enjoyed it.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Darth EquusApril 29, 2011 at 11:54 AM

      I like the idea.

      However (and sorry to be a jerk), it needs a bit of work in the spelling and punctuation. (Your=possessive. You're=contraction of 'you are')

      Come on, you can do it better. The concept deserves it!

      ReplyDelete
    6. AnonymousApril 29, 2011 at 1:12 PM

      The finished story is in a thread on Ponychan

      I want to know when the last two parts will be posted

      I just want a permanent link

      ReplyDelete
    7. FickleApril 29, 2011 at 1:59 PM

      I apologize for any grammar errors. I was typing fast and did most of it on my iPod touch... Now that it's the weekend, I should be able to edit it for the better.

      ReplyDelete
    8. Lurks-no-MoreApril 29, 2011 at 3:30 PM

      Weird, disturbing, yet compelling. Interesting!

      ReplyDelete
    9. AnonymousApril 29, 2011 at 4:20 PM

      lets see we've seen Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkypie

      will said person end up being transformed into a Rainbowdash?

      ReplyDelete
    10. AnonymousApril 29, 2011 at 6:12 PM

      FlutterShy misspelled her own name but you corrected her LOL

      ReplyDelete
    11. AndrewApril 30, 2011 at 2:29 AM

      Really good fanfiction Fickle, I enjoyed it a lot. Kind of corny, but I like corny things.

      I can see he's going to end up losing it. I'd be so scared of something happening that just bluh. Maybe he'd get mugged or something. That's just so scary. :(

      ReplyDelete
    12. AndrewApril 30, 2011 at 2:31 AM

      By the way, I really appreciated all the spacing you made, it made it easier to read in my opinion.

      Again, really well done story. Sorry for double post.

      Looking forward to the next story, be it a sequel or not.

      ReplyDelete
    13. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 2:36 AM

      I really liked it. The only issue is that Rainbow Dash gets screwed during Bryan's monologue at the end (he never mentions anything about loyalty.)
      It was excellent nonetheless :D

      ReplyDelete
    14. DragonInsideApril 30, 2011 at 3:00 AM

      It needs a spelling checkup, but it's very well made for a 3-day story.

      ReplyDelete
    15. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 4:11 AM

      Spelling errors make it pretty annoying to read, and throwing internet jokes in left and right is not writing a story. It's pandering to a crowd.

      ReplyDelete
    16. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 7:22 AM

      > did most of it on my iPod touch

      That would explain the spelling errors, yeah.

      ReplyDelete
    17. Walter44April 30, 2011 at 7:22 AM

      And again I get this strange feeling of...sad joy. I get that a lot since I've been bronified, gee. But I like it.

      ReplyDelete
    18. ToonNinjaApril 30, 2011 at 8:57 AM

      @Anonymous
      How'd you manage to do THAT?

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 9:25 AM

      Creepy and disturbing. Lots of mind control and reality warping. Overall pretty interesting though.

      ReplyDelete
    20. T.O. BronyApril 30, 2011 at 10:39 AM

      I fear that after next week, we'll also share that feeling of loss...at least for a few months.

      However, I certainly won't forget them either!

      ReplyDelete
    21. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 4:47 PM

      Nice fic, I feel a bit happy after reading that but ponies have that effect, well this is not really a review but it was great, a good balance of story and comedy, well not much of a review but i'm busy.

      Hope there's a sequel.

      Steven Ray

      ReplyDelete
    22. FickleApril 30, 2011 at 4:51 PM

      @Anonymous

      Yea... it was too long of a story in too little time using the wrong device. For my first story, i kind of screwed up.

      @Anonymous

      Oh! Thanks for noticing. Its fixed. I feel like such an idiot...


      @ToonNinja

      I used Google Docs on my iPod Touch and Ponychan with Safari

      ReplyDelete
    23. FickleApril 30, 2011 at 4:57 PM

      To Everypony:

      Again, I apologize for the spelling and grammar! As it was my first story, I didn't think the grammar through, didn't take my time, and used the wrong resources. I was pressed with school and not thinking.

      Sorry for the irritation everypony...

      ReplyDelete
    24. AndrewApril 30, 2011 at 6:54 PM

      @Fickle

      It's totally okay.

      ReplyDelete
    25. AnonymousMay 1, 2011 at 7:03 PM

      I couldn't help but think of the Old Spice guy narrating the story.

      ReplyDelete
    26. ArdashirSeptember 24, 2011 at 9:22 AM

      I read it, I like it, but it felt a bit rushed in places. I also wonder just HOW the ponies were controlling the people and environment around Bryan. Unless they were just affecting /his/ perceptions, and everything around him was the same as ever.

      ReplyDelete
    27. story readersApril 27, 2012 at 8:02 PM

      this is 1 of the coolest thing

      ReplyDelete

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