Author: Prince Shadari
Description: Rarity feels lonely, having no pony to cal her own while it seems everypony else is finding love in some fashion or another. Getting desperate Rarity decides to ask a certain cowpony out on a date...Fashionably Faux
Fashionably Faux (New!)
Additional Tags: Desperate love, desire
30 kommentaari:
yay¡¡ applejack and rarity shipping
VastaKustutaI love this one! I feel so bad for Rarity.
VastaKustutaWhat a strange combination. It was clearly shown in 'Look Before You Sleep' that AJ and Rarity had a big bickering arguement between them, even after the episode...so it came to me as a surprise that this actually worked!
VastaKustutaYou sir, win an internet.
@Chris
VastaKustutaI will gladly accept that internet.
Also the pre-reader's comments made me laugh, if only how true that will be to the stories I've got planned.
daaawh, I swear if you don't finish this I will find you.
VastaKustutaJust read the whole thing. Can't wait for part 2, cos OMG dat Rarity, so sad.
VastaKustuta@Lia I feel the same way you do.
VastaKustutaDon't worry, Rarity. Thosands of internet fanboys love you
VastaKustutaCan't...stop...staring...at...Rarity's butt. Now to actually read the thing.
VastaKustutaThat picture is so sexy.
VastaKustutaIt's official, Rarity is the best pony ever.
I wonder why she didn't try asking Big MacIntosh first... I mean, the Apple family titan is kind of single, if a bit on the extra-extra-extralarge side...
VastaKustutaIt was surprisingly good, even when my FAVOURITE pony of all time, that is Rarity, have such a hard time in this Fic. But she is well written here, I can see her react that way, that desperate way to find some Sweet Luv. Waiting for next chapter - and yes, this is way better then Swapped.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustuta"I wonder why she didn't try asking Big MacIntosh first"
Just one word:
Caramel
Well written and interesting, although I have to say the characterization wasn't necessarily accurate.
VastaKustutaRainbow Dash would NEVER say "moreover".
*This is going to dip a bit into spoiler territory.*
VastaKustutaInteresting, though I thought Rarity was rather ruthless. Her ultimatum- 'date me or I'll out you', seemed cold, regardless of her intentions.
FUUUU YEA NEW PART TANK YOU 1000000000000 times xd
VastaKustutaWhile I did like the fic, I thought that some of the side-characterizations were a bit off. Rainbow dash was a bit over-rude towards the beginning, even for Rainbow Dash, and later on her dialogue sounded a bit too educated in its diction, though most of the issues with Dash are cleared up by the second part. I also thought you could have done a better job writing fluttershy, she just seemed a bit bland, even her characteristic shyness and hesitation didn't come across very strongly. I did like your characterization of Rarity, Though her bursts into Drama seemed a bit sudden at times, (not enough time to fester, she would have tried to stay ladylike for at least a few more sentences) especially at the party. That said, her ultimatum to Applejack was a wicked little twist that I could definitely see her pulling.
VastaKustutaThe biggest complaint I have is that your writing style in general is very choppy, it just doesn't flow smoothly. Each interaction reads a little too much like an impersonal play-by-play and not like a romance story (I say this as a man who hasn't read a single non-pony romance story in his life, so you know, grain of salt and all) The story itself is solid, though, if you just smoothed out your writing a bit, made it flow a little easier, and drew out the character's actions a bit, give their emotions a realistic amount of time to build up instead of just jumping into the reaction, I think you could have some class A material here.
Aaaaand, the second part crushed everything. Each pony acted extremly out of character - I can agree with it, maybe there is some kind of deeper reason behind it. But than, dialogues and reactions were plain silly - Within just a few lines AJ changed from anger and hatred to lovin' and understading. She was forced by a freaking' blackmail from a FRIEND to go to a date, while this FRIEND used some poor, lousy explanation for the entire course of actions.
VastaKustutaI couldn't belive how Stupid these Ponies are, so sorry, but this simply don't work for me now.
I want to like this story and I can't. Rarity is creeping me out. She's not going after AJ out of any actual desire, but because she's afraid of being alone.
VastaKustutaSnooping is totally in character for Rarity, but the blackmail? That's awful! And then AJ forgives all and even kisses her after one little talk about daddy? Good grief. It would be more likely that Applejack would never forgive that kind of blatant manipulation!
after more thought...
VastaKustutaIt's possible that the next part will redeem this story, but the only way I can possibly see that happening is if you drop some pretty awful karmic retribution on Rarity.
Maybe that's where you're going with this, I don't really know. I can't see Rarity doing something this cruel to her friend in the first place, but assuming she did, there's got to be a backlash.
The second chapter also reveals that Rarity is incredibly shallow. She's supposedly bisexual because that "maximizes her chances" (good god...) then dismisses every possible partner on the grounds of a nearly impossible standard (strong, dependable, either wealthy or famous, and the right size). Even Dash seems disgusted with her.
Certainly if anypony in the show is going to be shallow it's Rarity, but again -- there has to be a comeuppance for that, and from where this chapter left off it's going exactly the opposite direction.
Yeah, I also have a slight problem with the blackmail aspect of the story. But its only the very teenie tiniest problem since readers who made it to the end of the 2nd chapter would know that Applejack ultimately seems pretty okay with the idea of dating Rarity. The way I see it, it's not really blackmail if you were gonna do it anyways, right? And even though it might have been wrong, at least Rarity's intentions were, in a sense, pure - she just wanted her friend to stop torturing herself, and instead come to terms with who she really was. Note - EVEN IF this meant that Applejack eventually ended up with some other filly.
VastaKustutaAs a general side note, I read this after reading "Swapped", and I was constantly surprised at how well Shadari was able to tie the two perspectives together. That's not to say that Rarity's story doesn't stand on its own, but for me, the interweaving of the two tales added to the sense that the author had a very specific version of everything that was going on in Ponyville during the timeline of these stories, instead of just a detailed vision of one specific pony's life.
Quite innovative, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I know Shadari says on his DA page that he is kind of "shipped out" after writing so many equine romance stories in such a short amount of time, but this reader REALLY hopes that he keeps on going.
Can't wait for more pony loooooove! n_n
No. Just no. Regardless what AJ previously felt, Rarity just betrayed her trust multiple times in just a few minutes. And THEN blackmailing AJ into buying lunch is salt in the wound. This is the express train to FOREVER ALONE. Rarity is being incredibly clumsy and ham-handed here. She's supposed to be the graceful socialite for Celestia's sake! She, above all, should know (or think she knows) how to handle a situation like this tactfully. This is the kind of plan I'd expect from Rainbow Dash.
VastaKustuta@Sagebrush
VastaKustutaA bit? xD
That's like saying "Dipping a bit into spoiler territory, Snape kills Dumbledore". That shit gets you chased down the block by enraged teens in wizard robes xD
@La Barata
VastaKustuta(In case you're wondering, the trick is to drive just slowly enough so that they think they have a chance at catching you, but quickly enough so that they can't hurl a broomstick they wrote FIREBOLT in sharpie on through your back window)
On Part 1:
VastaKustuta//Rarity thought to herself, though I don't think that you could ever see that unless somepony like Applejack pointed it out to you.//
Why can't Rarity do this? What makes Applejack so special? Is it hinting at deeper emotions that Rarity may hold towards applejack, even before the plot is set in motion?
//"I'm in love with… with… Twilight Sparkle." Fluttershy blushed deeply as she said the name.//
So.. Twillight Sparkle in a Tug Lover War between Trixie and Flutters'...
Why aren't I reading that story?!
//"She's so full of herself, and she turned my hair green, GREEN TWILIGHT! GREEN! Such an awful color."//
"-on me!" is what I hope she meant. Afterall, she is the one who made Fluttershy's galladress.
//"The really weird thing is it was sent through Spike, and not the usual post." Twilight continued. "The only one who sends me letters through spike is Princess Celestia, but it didn't look like her script at all."//
... Can't we leave the marshmellow alone for a bit and follow Twilly? :3
//Back in her bedroom, Rarity was going over ways of asking Applejack out without coming across to forward.//
Should be "as too".
//The more she thought about it the more she became convinced that Applejack was the one that she was destined to be with.//
That was fast, but I guess she is pretty desperate at this point.
//"A filly? YOU? I didn't take you as a fillyfooler Rarity." Rainbow Dash said surprised. "Didn't you say that you wanted to marry Princess Celestia's nephew?"//
"I didn't take you as a fillyfooler Rarity... I took you as a mare." *snerk*
Okok, "for" instead of "as".
I imagine Rainbow doing half a barrel-roll and flying upside down during this since it'd be weird (ooc even?) if she just hung there.
//"Fine fine," Rainbow Dash said, "But you do know she's not gay right?"
"Oh Rainbow Dash, you're such a kidder." Rarity said with a slight laugh.//
I'm gonna have to pick off a star for this. Passing the Idiot Ball to Rarity to force a plotpoint is.. not cool.
//"This isn't going to end well…" Rainbow Dash said, watching Rarity trot towards Applejack. "But if this works I would have kept beating myself up for nothing."//
So Rainbow doesn't know? She never asked? Or she did ask but was rejected? Or thought she was rejected? It's not entirely clear.
- continued - ~D
On Part 2:
VastaKustuta//"But I would have left her in an instant to be with you in an instant!"//
I am gonna chalk this up to her state of distress.
//"I'm going to die alone aren't I Rainbow? I'M GOING TO BE ALONE FORE-E-EVER!" The unicorn broke into sobs.
"What? Is that's what it's all about?" Rainbow Dash said a little surprised. "You really think that you're going to be alone forever? That a load of rubbish, you're not going to be alone forever." Rainbow extracted herself from Rarity. "Listen, if you need a girlfriend so badly I could introduce you to a couple of fillies."//
Rainbow is surprisingly calm in this situation. I always thought she would be awkward at comforting others.
Also:
What's with the double-spacing? Is it the format?
"That a load of rubbish," should be "That's".
"Rainbow extracted herself from Rarity." Erm..
//"Colt or filly?" Rainbow Dash asked raising an eyebrow. "Do mean to tell me you go either way?"//
Should be "Do you mean", and why does Rarity say "colt or filly" twice? Use "pony" in one of those spots to vary it up. I'm sure Rainbow would still catch on.
//"While I won't deny his rugged good looks," Rarity said with a little gesture of her head, "He's a bit to… Extra-Large for my tastes. I mean even other colts look small next to him."//
Yeah, it's a good thing he doesn't have to go shopping for clothes... wait.
By the way it's "He's a bit too…".
//"And the last thing I ever said to her was rejection, [...]//
Am I the only one who has a problem with this line?
//She needed to find Applejack, she wanted to reassure the pony that everything was going to be right.//
Should that be "allright"?
Also, I don't understand her motivation right here. I assume the dead pony in her dream was herself and... now she's afraid, that AJ's afraid, that she'll commit sucide or some-such-sort? Or that she'll die before she can tell AJ her true feelings, and AJ would feel guilty?
That's dark.
- continued - ~D
*After reading AJ's diary entry*
VastaKustutaI don't like how forced this plot point is. Terribly convinient.
//Only I don't know what the treasure is, but that's part of the fun right?" The pink pony looked over at Rarity with a large grin on her fact.//
"face".
*Reads the following conversation*
Your Pinkie Pie is making too much sense.
//"And what would Big Macintosh do if she knew that you kissed a girl?" Rarity asked, [...]//
WOAH! Woah! Who'sawhatnow? Big Macintosh is.. zah`?
//"Don't play dumb with me, if you read mah diary you'd know that Ginger Snap was the first girl I ever kissed. She was the only thing that I liked about Manehattan, but we never kept in contact."//
I like this piece of backstory.
//"Fine fine, we'll go to town." Applejack said gritting her teeth. "I don't know why we can't just settle this here."//
You don't... she just said.. and you agreed to.. but you didn't... 'the hay?
1. Ra: Let's go into town.
2. AJ: We're settling this here.
3. Ra: Big M may overhear us.
4. AJ: Okay we'll go.
5. AJ: But I don't understand why.
This (5) would make sense if Rarity had made (3) a threat, but as it is it's really just sound reasoning. Big M may really overhear them there.
//[...] I'd rather if we were caught that it's understood that I'm just experimenting."
"Very well." Rarity said, she understood.//
I don't. What was AJ's problem again?
*flashback*
//But I can't just come out and tell everypony I'm gay, what would Big Macintosh think? And pappy, he always said that the natural order of things was a filly and a colt being together and that anything else was unnatural.//
Which of course doesn't mean it is not ok to experiment with other filli-ohwaityesitdoes! *face-hoof*
//Applejack obviously didn't want her image tarnished with the idea that she had lied about being a fillyfooler.//
And the most important thing to any filly -especially Applejack- is her image. *nod*
Wait what.
You go from her greatest fear being being outed to having her image ruined. I admit that those are both pretty heavy, but even if her image weighs heavier on her than the emotional baggage it's quite a stretch to have her go "No, I don't really care about that."
Claiming that they're just friends seems like the better solution, and is shunned only because the author likes that Rarity can't guess what AJ is thinking.
One may argue that AJ doesn't want to hide who she is anymore, but there's no real build-up and her sudden change in attitude makes her problems seem easy to overcome.
//"I see… and how did he… die?" Rarity asked tentatively. She felt she was assuming quite a lot, perhaps Applejack's father merely left the farm in charge of Applejack and went off to pursue a larger career in the Rodeo.//
"He killed himself when he found out mah big bra' had 'imself a sex change..." :p
//"Rodeo accident." Applejack said, and Rarity was slightly startled to see tears in the orange pony's eyes.//
Because Rarity was being so sensitive in how she approached the subject. /sarcasm
Wait... rodeo?
//"Yes Applejack?" Rarity said looking at Applejack. She was getting closer, closer. And then the kiss, warmth filled Rarity like she hadn't felt since her first kiss back when she was just a little filly.//
Shouldn't it be along the lines of:
"She was getting closer, and closer... and then the kiss. Warmth filled Rarity [...]"
- continued - ~D
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaAfterthoughts:
VastaKustutaYou did a great job of capturing their characters in Part 1, but in Part 2 it's as if staying true to their characters comes second to the drama.
I like the plot. It's refreshing to see Rarity in a shipping fic where she isn't the most "experienced" Pony in Ponyville. Portraying her as an aging virgin fits her, makes her relatable, and makes for better drama. I am not saying that the other portrayal can't work (Campfire Stories is a nice example), but being "knowledgable" is best for supporting roles, whereas "innocence" is for when you need her to be the heroine and learn a lesson. (Keeping in touch with the spirit of the show.)
In Part 2 Rarity turns into a very unpleasant pony, and the ending with Applejack implies that she is supposed to be in the right!
It feels like the story is trying to teach us that "Friends help friends come to terms with their sexuality", but at the same time tells us it is OK not to respect the privacy or wishes of said friends since you (supposedly) want/know what's best for them.
Only, the aesop breaks down (further) when you remember that Rarity is doing all of it to get laid...
Not a great way to wrap up your story.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read Swapped! ~D
Hmm... It was... Okay. There was just WAYYYY too much build-up for that short bit at the end. At least, that's what Trevor thinks. Good overall, but could use a bit of work.
VastaKustuta~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria