Author: Pride
Arddun Lleaud Part 1Description: Chester Llewellyn was not prepared to fight for his very life on the alien planet that had suddenly become his reality, following a sickening experience that nearly tore him apart at the seams. Creatures of myth and legend hunt for his blood as he simply tries to survive, totally unaware of the Equestrian utopia not miles away.
But they are aware of him. Equestria is seeking Chester, enough to send the legendary war hero of Canterlot to personally track him down. His ravenous curiosity at the alien horse species, the brilliant tactics of his hunter, and the beasts of his forest-home that would tear him to pieces in a split second barely come close to the effect that the moon in the night sky has upon him, changing his world and his life completely.
And somewhere out there, at the tallest point of Equestria, somepony needs Chester, and fast.A 30,000-word shipping epic, Arddun Lleuad attempts to combat the intense stigma of giving a human and a pony a meaningful, romantic relationship while providing a story that simply cannot be put down.
Arddun Lleaud Part 2
Arddun Lleaud Part 3
Arddun Lleaud Part 4 Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleaud Part 5 Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleaud Part 6 Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleaud Part 7 Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleaud Part 8 Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleaud Epilogue Or Alternate Google Docs
Arddun Lleud Lost Chapter Or Alternate Google Docs
Authors Notes Or Alternate Google Docs
Additional Tags: Long, Epic, Human, Action, First-Person
Also check out the LIVE READING after the break!
Story 2 After the Break!
Story 2
Description:Arddun Lleuad 2: Chwe Goleadau - Six Lights (New!)
A fortnight on from the paradise-thwarting events of Arddun Lleuad, Chester Llewellyn and Mittens, his newly-befriended manticore, eke out a meagre survival in the Everfree Forest, to remain hidden from ponykind. What drives the former university student to do this, is the sudden, otherworldly bond that has united Chester and none other than Princess Luna herself in a soul-to-soul connection that they both find worth fighting for. Whilst secluding the human from the eyes of those who would find him and discover their shocking actions to keep him within Equestria, they must find and unravel the unseen, malefic intent of a foe they simply call the Enemy; they know nothing of him, nothing of his reasons or his intentions, only that he is capable of far more raw malevolence than anything Equestria has so much as seen before, and that they have done exactly as he has planned down to the letter.
But the Enemy is a far greater threat than either could ever realise. For the Enemy of which they speak is merely a seed, merely the beginning of an ungodly abomination from which nothing is safe. An abomination beyond the senses, beyond understanding, and beyond Chester and Luna to combat alone. Far, far more than simply their lives is at stake as events begin that signal the start of a new chapter in Equestrian history.
Additional Tags: This is actually complete rubbish
247 comments:
I don't necessarily have a problem with one of these characters x human, per se. Not if it's done reasonably well. This can't be too controversial for Equestria Daily because, IIRC, isn't there already a Twilight x human Twilight from alternate Universe fic somewhere in the archives? I never read it, but I remember seeing it.
ReplyDeleteI look at it like this: these characters aren't really all that different from an alien species in popular science fiction. And in such sci-fi, humans do often become romantically involved with said alien species. The only real difference here is that these characters are loosely based upon animals we're already familiar with, which is enough to give some people pause.
However, they really seem to have almost nothing in common with real-world ponies. Like aliens in sci-fi, they're basically human brains wrapped up in a different package.
Hey! I'm glad you finally decided to send this in ED! Although I wasn't aware of any coming humanXLuna, hehe.
ReplyDeleteThe only problem I would have would involve it not being complete. I've been burned several times by getting into an incomplete story, then the writer never giving it an end. And it's made me wary of reading any more until they're done.
ReplyDeleteInteresting
ReplyDeleteWhile whole lunar/Luna love angle seems a little forced, your take on a human in equestrian is quite refreshing and captivating. I am very interested to see how this story plays out.
Incomplete stories are more annoying then self inserts/human meets ponies/OC ponies.
ReplyDelete~Scratch
I'm enjoying it so far. Glad to see a more realistic approach at the human in the ponyverse stories. It's nice to see that he would try to stick to the Everfree forest rather than just waltzing into Ponyville. Also nice to see that soldiers were sent to search for the "beast" and that they treat him as a threat first rather than just accept him as a friend. I'm all for realism in my stories about talking ponies that some are able to fly or cast magic
ReplyDeletePersonally, I just LOVE first person stories, like Half Life <3
ReplyDeleteI read and reread over and over again. This is giving inspiration for MY FanFic...
Hope to see more interactions! Thats what I always love about foreign characters meeting the show's characters; How will the interaction go?
This is... possibly one of the strangest stories I've ever read. And that's saying something.
ReplyDeleteHowever...
... This has gripped me in such a way that few works ever have. The first time I read Shakespeare, and Beowulf. The works here of the Conversion Bureau and of Nuke's Memories story... and now this. I can't wait for more!
Wow.
ReplyDeleteJust...wow.
I hope it updates soon.
From what I've read so far I can say this much:
ReplyDeleteThis fanfic has potential. Forget about the shipping, the plot, whatever controversial topics it may encompass.
I've read the first four chapters and I have come to the conclusion that I very much like this writer's style. His way with words speaks to me and draws me in to the story.
This story is actually very captivating, which is very bizarre considering the circumstances. I suppose if you can pull it off, you can write about anything... I really like this Chester person, even though he isn't a self-insert, it just seems... how to explain.
ReplyDeleteI want more, and I hope you don't fuck it up. The direction you're going with this so far = not fucking up. Does that make sense?
Nice story but how is this a shipping story?
ReplyDelete...I'm not seeing it.
Dagnabit! Cliffhangers...WHY!?
ReplyDelete@Batty Gloom
ReplyDeleteChester is in unwavering love with the moon, AKA Luna. The story might end up humanxLuna.
omgomgomg moar! D:
ReplyDeletewhat
ReplyDeleteThat was my initial reaction to this being a pony/human shipping story. I gave it a shot anyways and it's actually very interesting. I like how the ponies are described like how they might be described in a lovecraft story. They're still adorable, but very alien.
Still, that pony/human shipping thing is going to be a hard hurdle to jump. I'm kinda hoping it's more a courtly love type situation, rather then an actual romance. In the story itself ponies are probably going to be weirded out if Luna meets this dude and it becomes obvious to the citizens of Equestria that they are more then just friends.
shippin' wha'?
ReplyDeleteI've read the story so far and I don't see no shipping. Unless you've now spoilt a tweest.
Srsly, I see no ships...
Good morning, noon or evening, gentlecolts.
ReplyDeleteWell, the cat's out of the bag. I wanted to hide the above point until the fifth chapter. But we roll with what we've got, so I want to make this very clear:
I am to treat this subject with immense caution and care. This is a bomb that I am handling, and if treated badly, the entire story will explode into terribleness.
I have been inspired by the comments here to attempt to write the behemoth Chapter 5 today. In this chapter, everything comes out; this is the big one.
Wish me luck, gentlecolts.
- Pride
Normally, I don't like human in Equestria stories. However, this one has me eagerly awaiting the next installment. Well done, sir.
ReplyDelete-elite guy 94
A very interesting story. Well-written and an actual realistic approach to a human stuck on Equestria scenario (mind you, not completely, as I find just popping into the world makes me chuckle instead of taking it seriously).
ReplyDeleteThe characters interactions with the world is full of pet peeves that irritate me to no end, but as a whole I like him. The one Major exception is his complete and utter obssesion over the moon (and probably later Luna). I don`t think it was intentional, but him pleading and praying and saying that Luna (as the moon) was more beautiful than Celestia when seeing the latter depiction (that scene made me chuckle) kinda creeps me out.
But overall, awesome story that does the realistic approach well with a bit too dreamy human character for my taste. Keep up the good work.
What the hay is Ardunn, anyway?
ReplyDeleteApparently it's welsh for moon, according to the story.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for chapter 5.
ReplyDeleteOh wow another "human goes to Equestria" story. You're so fucking original!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteOh hey, a fucking retard who hasn't read it to realize it's probably the most realistic interpretation of such event.
I like the main character, though the moon thing is pretty forced. He is (no idea if it's your self-insert) is fun to watch and interact and simply live in Everfree and trying to avoid everyone and everything. The avoiding muddling with the world's natural order is also very interesting, as I don't think anyone's done that.
For the writing, it's very technical and accurate without being overly verbose. It's hard to find such descriptions in most human-insert fanfics because writers LOVE to default to "everything looks clean bright and drawn," but you actually make it realistic and vibrant. You give enough detail for those who have even seen the show to know exactly what is going on, and even if someone hadn't, the image their mind would be painting would be very similar.
I cannot wait for more. And I know the pain of deviantart upload limits lmao...
I really enjoy this story. I don't think anyone else has tried to write one as an epic before (to my knowledge) and Pride does a wonderful job with it. And Pride, please keep going! It's a marvelous endeavor you have taken upon yourself! Really looking forward to part 5 :)
ReplyDeleteI make it a rule of mine to not comment on things like this. There is no greater flamebait than a shipping fic, particularly with two subjects of a different species. However, the sheer quality of your writing compelled me to make an exception. Bravo. First things first lets talk about your style. It flows eloquently and gracefully and your descriptions of the land and its inhabitants are vibrant yet not hyperbolic. I will say that the continuous references to the moon and its glory, even if it is setting up the ship, seem a little forced at times so perhaps tone that down. As for the ship itself? I say go for it. As a commenter above me noted, its only the resemblance to earth creatures that causes the squick. They are sentient beings like any other and can make their own choices. Good work and please do conclude this eventually, I hate to see a good story left unfinished.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGentlecolts! Chapter 5 is done.
ReplyDeletehttp://priderage.deviantart.com/#/d3drjsf
You can use this link while Blogpony gets to updating the main post.
In addition, I'm taking a good look at all the feedback here, and most notably Chester's over-obsession with the moon. I had intended to have him come across that way, but in hindsight it seems it's detracting from the story rather than adding to it. I will consider editing the story to tone down the moon-crazyness. If it's any consolation, by Chapter 6 it's gone completely.
I love all the feedback I'm getting, especially anything along the lines above. But I confess to a warm heart when I read that people are enjoying it. I pray I give you reason to continue to do so.
- Pride
Alright, I take back my previous statement.
ReplyDeleteThis is pretty good, Pride.
... Pride? Chapter 6, pronto. 5 was heart-rending alone... Damn.
ReplyDeleteAh. I was unaware of the fact that he was under some sort of magical compulsion/ had implanted memories. Chester's captivation with the moon makes much more sense now, nice work. As I said before, I don't usually comment on these things but this is really excellent work. Keep it up!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteEven it makes sense to you now, it should be made clearer from the beginning. An easy way to remedy it is to have Chester fight it a little bit more, question it a little bit more, to show that he's not actually entirely himself with all this Arddun stuff.
Wonder what will happen now...
ReplyDelete...I don't know why, but I am hoping for the ponies to turn their backs on Chester for some reason...
Praetor you fucking idiot. You think they would convict you after she asked you to stay the night? Man, praetor you used to be cool. Then a few paragraphs later wham! I am dissapoint.
ReplyDeletePraetor...poor Praetor. In his element, he's a legend. Behind the scenes, in his personal life, he's as lost, vulnerable and scared as a little girl in a war zone.
ReplyDelete@Pride
ReplyDeleteThat would go a long ways towards making the story a little cleaner and more coherent. Having him wondering what he was thinking and slightly resisting it earlier on would definitely be a sound addition to the story. I also forgot to mention this earlier, but I am more than a little glad that your character is not turning into a mary sue. Its difficult to write a fic without blatant author expys getting in the way and you are doing a stellar job of keeping it that way.
Heh.
ReplyDeleteSomeone will need to apololgise to Celestia, methinks.
I've said all I want on your dA.
ReplyDeletePlease, please dear lord continue this.
*Shakes fist at Chester*
ReplyDeleteDude, you think it was cool being one of the only immortals around, deprived of the only companion and confident who could share your eternal life because you had to hand out the just punishment for attempting to commit planetary genocide?
Maybe it was just a visceral reaction to experiencing a fraction of Luna's isolation, but he better not hold it against Celestia.
Holy moly.
ReplyDeletePride, I've been working on my story for a couple of months now, then you swoop in with this, and there are so many similar thematic elements between the two stories (aside from shipping, which I wasn't going to touch) that I honestly think I'd have to start over at this point just to avoid being called a copycat.
That's my problem, of course, not anyone else's, so let me just say that it's really good so far.
Now get out of my head. :)
Oh god no, Defoloce, please don't change yours on account of mine. I would love to read yours.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the fifth chapter I must say: Silly man thinks he can hurt a GOD.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up, I must have more.
Chester certainly wasn't thinking straight after having a millennia's worth of total isolation beamed directly into his brain, keep that in mind.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say about this story as of Part 5 is wow, just wow. The writing and word choice is brilliant, spelling and grammar mistakes are few and far between, the story flows nicely, the OCs all seem like real people and the charters from the show feel like they are actually the characters from the show.
ReplyDeleteBut now that the story is moving away from Action/Discovery territory and into Shipping territory I grow worried that I will not be able to look past that and continue to enjoy this masterpiece.
I dont like reading but this has my full attention its realy good i cant wait for part 6 :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome story. so awesome in fact i read it through the night and it's now 7:02 AM here >_>
ReplyDeleteConfound thees pony story's, they drive me to insomnia...
@Anonymous http://kidstrangelove.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/xanatos_schemes-sized.jpg
ReplyDeletewow, I was surprised by this, I honestly wasn't expecting much from another human in equestria story, but this is one of the most well written pieces of fanfiction I've read in a long time, Bravo brony. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteHah! That's not the TRUE prime directive! As we all know the real prime directive is to EXTERMINATE ALL NON-DALEK LIFE!
ReplyDeleteAlso, very well written and is a good take on the human in Equestria story, can't wait for the next chapter. Write faster!
I liked the story from the start, but characters obsession with the moon seemed out of place to me, the only thing i felt it could be attributed too was some sort of post shock psychosis. But after chapter 5 it makes much more sense. Good work, look forward to reading more.
ReplyDelete@Bazil
ReplyDeleteYou're not alone with your thoughts here. I plan to go through the entire story and seriously tone down Chester's obsession with the moon.
Dammit, i'm hyperventilating here because of this guy! I know it's not right, but it feels... right. A forbidden fruit, that's what the story is about. As i usually hate ships, this is something i can read with awe. It doesn't feel forced, it doesn't feel even awkward, just... natural.
ReplyDelete@undead431
ReplyDeleteIt's probably because it's not the bodies that are being attracted, but the personalities, the emotions of the two beings. Usually you end up imaging two horses making out after some ships, but here? i can see only abstract figures dancing together, no real form, just colors of their personalities dancing away together.
Confound these ponies, they drive me to enjoying ships.
@undead431
ReplyDelete"i can see only abstract figures dancing together, no real form, just colors of their personalities dancing away together."
Mission accomplished.
This is one of the biggest things that I look for when I drop by EqD, I really enjoy this story and I'm looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteAlso, [Spoiler]Throw your very worst at me, Equestria! You may move mountains, bend rivers and construct wonders such that no man will see, but you will not tear me from Luna’s side!
ReplyDeleteI am ready for you, Equestria. I am ready for you, Celestia. But are you ready for me?[/spoiler]
That is one of the coolest quotes i've seen imo, but then again, i ain't no fan of romantic stories.
there's little to say about this fanfic other than....I eagerly await more.
ReplyDelete@undead431
ReplyDelete"It's probably because it's not the bodies that are being attracted, but the personalities, the emotions of the two beings."
As it should be.
@Pride
ReplyDeleteYes, i am lurking out of boredom.
Anyway, not everyone was as gullible as anon, I, for example, knew that he was under an effect of some kind of charm from the moment you begun describing his uncontrolled love to the moon.
1. He had seen moon on his planet/universe/dimension many times before, it's not totally new experience.
2. The language you used was fairly clearly showing that it was a charm (though i wasn't sure whether you just tried using this type of language to make it seem more magnificent or whether you actually were describing him being charmed)
3. i read how long you spent on this story, so as a pro story i highly doubt you would make such a silly mistake as sudden change of character's mood.
Anyway, remember, some people solve crimes before they finish reading a detective book, some don't get how it got solved even after finishing it.
@undead431
ReplyDeleteIn the outline for Arddun I have several important points that I must try and get across to the reader, that the story must exemplify.
The first was that the shipping between Chester and Luna be meaningful, loving and wonderful. I think I've pulled this off quite effectively.
The second is for Arddun Lleuad, and especially it's sequel, to be a real page turner, something that people want more of whenever they see it.
A third was exactly as you said - for the reader _to be able to figure it out before Chester finds out_. There's NOTHING worse than a detective novel where the reader isn't given enough clues to figure it out until the very end, where the detective suddenly goes, "But when I was there, I also noticed this detail that I didn't mention earlier, and that's how I knew it was you!". Ugh. No. Terrible. I'm glad you figured it out early - that was my very intention.
- Pride
Imo you've done astonishing job with all four points - fourth being imaginary, though it could have been my mind making up things as i read your work, especially at the beginning which was amazing.
ReplyDeleteAlso, i like how in your comment you signed your comment even though you posted under your account name. Excited or nervous? :)
I'm off to do some work on my own story till i feel the flow.
It's a thing I do...I sign all of my comments with my name like that. I started doing it a long time ago, and old habits are hard to break.
ReplyDeleteMan, Chester is kinda bugging me. Personally, I think that him and Luna being together is good for Luna, but I can't help but feel he's being arrogant. Also, everybody has good reason to be concerned about him. A spell that has gone wrong has left two individuals apparently emotionally dependent on each other. Who knows if that's good for either of them? And I'm always going to be pro-Celestia so anyone who takes the attitude "What heartless tyrant would bid take my relationship with my love and tear it in twain!" gets no sympathy from me. If Celestia thinks he should go I'm gonna side with the avatar of the sun.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteTotally valid opinion, and a fascinating look into the perspective of someone who isn't quite as enthralled with the story.
This story....is goooooooooooood. Very well done Pride.
ReplyDelete@QuantumFire
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy _writing_ it. But it's even more phenomenal to see people enjoing it.
@Pride
ReplyDeleteOh I like the story a lot. It's just Chester, the character, that bugs me. He's too immediately combative. It's probably because his first impression of Celestia is that she's a godlike figure that banished someone he cares about to the moon for 1000 years. A mortal vs. a god, we've got lots of stories like that, and the mortal is usually the good guy fighting against gods who are distant and uncaring of mortals. But Celestia is not just a goddess, she's the older sister of Luna who cares for her and who banished her for good reasons. In my eyes Chester is going about things wrong, he shouldn't be thinking "I'll do whatever I can to stay with Luna no matter who I have to oppose!" he should be thinking "How can I get Celestia on my side?"
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWell I HAD an absolutely huge reply to this, and then Blogger ate it. Gah.
My intention was to show that Chester only lashed out so wildly at Celestia because of the sheer damage an entire millennium of hours alone did to his psyche in that split second. Under normal circumstances, Chester would never even come close to this.
In addition the fact that Chester has become so defensive and confrontational is also meant to represent how strong the psuedo-mind-meld between he and Luna has had an impact on him. Chester is a Trekkie; his normal reaction to this situation should be to smooth everything over as much as possible, make friends and allies, maybe even represent the human race. But that gets skewed badly after something as groundshaking as what happened to him, happened.
However, the last thing you should do is consider these two points as my attempts to defend the story. What they are, in response to your comments, are clear indiciations that I have failed to get a point across that I was looking to represent in the story, and that requires review and revision of the story; which may very well result in a better, more clear and accessible story, which is far and away cause for me to be grateful for your comments.
- Pride
@Pride
ReplyDeleteI don't think you really need a revision of the story. I don't think Chester is a poorly written character, I think that he is a well written character who has done things that I disagree with. I totally get why he does what he does. Me being outside of his situation and not dealing with the stuff he is just makes me see what I think would be a better way to deal with it and it's a bit frustrating seeing him make a mess of things. If he gets along with Celestia it's smooth sailing, because who would oppose her?
I think you only need a revision if you aren't trying to make Chester come off as a little irrational, but I think that he is supposed to come off that way. It's like in Star Trek: First Contact when Picard was going all Ahab, that bugged me too, but it was how Picard was supposed to come off.
@Pride
ReplyDeleteHuh, I had a reply that didn't work out either. Well, anyways what I said was I don't think you need a revision, really. The story is good and Chester is well written, I get what motivates him. I just have problems with some of the decisions he has made. It's like Picard in Star Trek: First Contact when he went all Ahab, I can understand what motivates him without thinking it's the right thing to do.
Being outside of the story and not having experienced what Chester has I can see what I think would be the best option for him. He just needs to get Celestia on his side because no one would argue with her. So my reaction to him isn't "Chester's a lame character" it's "Chester, get Luna's benevolent big sis on your side and watch as your problems disappear, you dummy!"
Characters encouraging emotional responses in readers is a good thing.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why i am even here, i should be on /b/ :/
Anyway, I can see your point, but it's too objective. Your opinion is based on what you know about Celestia, but take a look and see what Chester knows about her. How well does he know her? Not well. That's what her knows;
She's a princess and sister of luna, she has imprisoned her younger sister for thousand years for reasons he thinks he can understand (let's not forget he knows only the things when she was trapped in the moon, nothing before that), she seems a lady, so it's in a nature of a lady to seem kind, he's being pulled to the court which didn't end well for luna, so he could expect the worst e.g. you can't stay here because you're different and may ruin our world. he's got luna by his side, who has similar powers to her big sis (raise the moon?), even the nicest may become aggressive when you threaten their close ones (fluttershy and angel at the beginning). Even mr and mrs cupcake were pretty nervous because of Celestia's presence, just like everypony except pinkie pie, now, how did you expect him to view Celestia as? A benevolent goddess? If you stood in front of a god, you don't know whether it's yehew, allah, zeus, hades or some god you never knew of, how can you know that that god is benevolent, you don't.
I will say that this story is not perfect, but it's amazing, and i don't see, or can't remember at least, anything that requires changing. keep up the good work.
@undead431
ReplyDeleteWhat Chester has seen so far of Celestia is that she's a walking example of everything good in the world. I feel that she would give off an aura that says she can do no wrong.
But when Chester received Luna's memories, no man can even _live_ for a thousand years, let alone being isolated for that long. At that moment, nothing could have validated that act. Nothing whatsoever.
- Pride
@Pride
ReplyDeleteAs Pride says; living fifty human lifetimes completely and utterly alone and full of nothing but anger and regret in the span of... was it like a minute or something? That would actually, I think, leave most people a bit more scarred than Chester currently is.
Keep it up Pride. You emote Chester exceedingly well and keep his relationship with Luna genuine. I'm loving the story, and it's one of my favorites on the site. Keep it up.
Ugh, she summoned him? Thats just creepy. I thought it was just going to be a random teleportation, then he hung around the royal court for a few months getting to know the characters then slowly fall in love with one of them. Maybe have an adventure or two. That would have been great.
ReplyDeleteBut it turns out he was kidnapped and mind controlled into it. Not Great.
For a long-lived, maybe even immortal being a thousand years might not be such a tremendous deal, but to a human, a thousand years of solitary confinement is unfathomable.
ReplyDeleteAll the rationality and restraint he has shown up to this point go straight out of the window in favor of blind rage. The person who couldn't bring himself to play boogieman in order to save a civilization is now socking a goddess in the face. It was that bad.
I have no doubt he feels terrible about the way he handled the situation, but he isn't about to forgive her for her cruelty towards Luna.
So far I am absolutely loving the story, and I eagerly await the next chapter.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete"The person who couldn't bring himself to play boogieman in order to save a civilization is now socking a goddess in the face."
I am putting this in the author's notes under "Awesome Quotations".
Gentlebronies,
ReplyDeleteI wish to let you all know that your feedback has given me an idea regarding Chester and Celestia in the next chapter. The beginning was changed, and frankly, it is _awesome_. You have improved the story with your comments.
I am deeply grateful.
- Pride
I am thoroughly enjoying this story. You, sir, are a talented writer.
ReplyDeleteAnd please, please continue with the recorded readings. You have an admirable talent for that, too. Seriously, with some effort, practice, and experience you could rival the professional voice actors who do recorded books.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt's been said many a time that my voice is quite marvellous, and it would certainly be the case that I would consider doing further readings, but alas:
My good headset microphone _broke_!!
I'm using a headset with a substantially worse microphone than my decent one. I pine for a podcast microphone like a fat kid pines for cake in a military school, but until the gravy train rolls my way that's not going to happen anytime soon.
- Pride
4.5 stars! Thank you so much for your ratings, guys!
ReplyDeleteI just came to an interesting conclusion... I may not say so because if I'm right, it may spoil a part of the story.
ReplyDeleteI'll just say that Praetor has a very interesting name.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHmmm, interesting! Comments like this make me really gung-ho to write the next chapter.
[spoiler]
ReplyDeleteLuna was smiling, relaxed-
"YOU'RE IN LOVE!"
"[i]Jesus Christ![/i]"
[/spoiler]
damn it, my sides hurt from laughing at this xD
confound this pinkie pie, she's gonna kill me with laughter.
@undead431
ReplyDeleteNO POWER IN THE VERSE CAN STOP ME
I must say, this is a very interesting read indeed. Always excited to see it being updated on this here blog.
ReplyDelete@Pride
ReplyDelete"Hmmm, interesting! Comments like this make me really gung-ho to write the next chapter"
I'm just as gung-ho to read it. I myself am an aspiring writer, and have found myself drawn to this story; even more now that I've studied Praetor's character.
You know what? I'm going to register here and start rubbing elbows with the other bronies...
If that's okay with you all, of course.
Another glorious chapter, as I said on dA. Keep it up Pride.
ReplyDelete@Pride
ReplyDeleteThat is just so awesome that it made me squeak too many, many times. lol, i'm a guy (come on, man up!).
On the other hand, i'm watching a pony show... fuck it, let's be happy!
Love you man!
p.s. i was surprised to see your story come out so soon.
@undead431
ReplyDeleteOriginally this chapter was part of Chapter 6. However, it was taking too long, was too big, and had a good cutoff point in the middle. So I split it; which meant I had the outline for Chapter 7, and the beginning and end pre-written. Hence it's quick release.
However, Chapter 8 is being started from scratch, so it might take some time. Outline written already, however.
Amazing, as per usual. In the case of your sudden demise, would you perhaps be interested in donating your brain to the herd so that the remaining chapters can be extracted? If this is not the case, please try to remain alive until the remaining instalments and/or potential sequel are finished.
ReplyDeleteThanks in advance.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually, Anon.
One day I was typing up Arddun; I think it was Chapter 5. And it hit me;
If I was to die, nobody would know how the story ends, or how the sequel goes, or even the third installment I'm planning.
I felt cold. I felt really vulnerable, mortal all of a sudden. It scared me. I had to actually say that over the IRC I frequent. I won't lie - my blood ran cold when I realised this.
So I typed up a rough outline for the sequel immediately. If I die, Arddun Lleuad and Chwe Goleadau are kept around my neck on a lanyard, stored on a USB stick, also backed up on my PC. And so help me god if my last words won't be to get at least the outline published somehow.
/me takes a breath.
Phew.
And yes, my brain is free for all my beloved, treasured bronies. I would adore to be one with you all. Make it so, number one.
- Pride
Wonderful story! The dialogue is really well done and I actually find the human/pony relationship actually working!
ReplyDeletePlus, with the ending to the latest chapter (Part 7), will we be getting any action scenes? Because normally, when a character develops a strong bond with another character, there is usually something bad that splits them apart, and I am probably guessing it is Nightmare...
@Chris
ReplyDeletehttp://kidstrangelove.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/xanatos_schemes-sized.jpg
Yay, Celestia was cool like she should be. I like the rationale for why she banished Luna. I always personally figured that banishment was just a last resort thing, because seriously what else could Celestia do to a sister that's her equal and who has apparently gone genocidal and insane?
ReplyDeleteI really liked how disarmed Chester was by Celestia's nearly ridiculous niceness. It's like
Chester: Yeah, about how I attacked you with the intent of tearing out your throat...
Celestia: Man, don't even bring that up, it's cool. Hey everybody, let's have pancakes!
Kind of a side issue, but I thought their might have been more of a "Wait, really?" reaction to Luna and Chester having a thing going on. I guess in a world with multiple sentient species interspecies romance isn't something shocking? Like "Luna wants to date the pink primate? Big deal, my aunt married a dragon and they seem to be doing fine."
Pride, I can't get Praetor out of my head. I wanted to ask you a couple questions about his character, but I don't want to risk saying something that'd mess up the flow of the story. Any way of contacting you?
ReplyDelete@Syrius
ReplyDeleteI was considering giving you my email address, actually.
Throw me a mail at Pridethunder@gmail.com and I'll be overjoyed to throw things back and forth.
That goes for anyone else who's got something they want to ask, by the way. Or say. I light up like a Christmas tree at any comment regarding my writing, harhar.
- Pride
Just too freakin' awesome, Pride.
ReplyDelete“YOU’RE IN LOVE!!!”
ReplyDelete“Jesus Christ!!”
I lol'd heartily.
Thank you mr. Pride.
Pride, I've been up to date with Arddun Lleuad since around the second update and every time I see another chapter appear it's like meeting up with a friend. I've spent many, many hours reading stories here on EqD, picked favorites, seen stories flourish and flounder... At this point the two ongoing stories I most look forward to continuing are Paradise and Arddun Lleuad. I hope that means something to you, because it's intended mean a lot.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I see an update I check the rating and every time it goes up and up, and it makes me smile. I'm rooting for this story, to get the acknowledgment and attention it deserves. It definitely needs a Luna tag, so that other lovers of the night can find this story when they go searching for something lovely to read. Speaking of tags, if I could give a few decimal points of rating from my silly stories to yours--so you can have the prestigious Star-5 tag--I would!
Chapter 7 was easily my favorite, and I was already enamored with the story. Having Chester meet the mane six was long awaited and awesome. Luna, Celestia, and Chester's interactions altogether were excellent. I love your Celestia. I have to wonder if Celestia purposely let Chester hear that whisper, to help diffuse his inner turmoil; she doesn't tend to make mistakes. Pinkie Pie was tremendous; Jesus Christ. Purple Tinker's cameo half-drew me out of the story for a moment, but only because I chat with her irregularly, so that's not going to impact the majority of readers. And then just when things seem to be winding down, and any chance of things going poorly seem to be evaporating... mysterious tension! Excellently timed.
My only complaint whatsoever is that I don't know what your Luna's real personality is yet! I want Chester and Luna to have some time together that isn't just (adorable) cuddling. Between their lack of real conversation since their first meeting--when Luna was still being guarded with her thoughts--and the way we see things through Chester's tinted eyeglasses... I feel like Luna's still a bit of a mystery. I truly hope you find time for Luna to have some lengthy, natural interaction with Chester and others, so I can really _feel_ your Luna, before you thrust the characters back into the fire.
A few more so-random thoughts:
-The word "lovers" generally is intended for a couple who actually have engaged in... let's call it "lovemaking." I'm assuming your use of it near the end of the chapter should not indicate that Chester and Luna have engaged in sexual conduct?
-Man, I would have loved to hear what Pinkie Pie and Celestia were talking about. With Celestia's lack of Laughter at a critical moment she must have some especially grateful feelings for Pinkie. Plus... "Hello, Celestia, it's me, Pinkie Pie" would be the best children's book ever.
-There's one more big one... but I'm going to save that for an email to you, because I don't want to spoil anyone else on this thought and ruin the effect it might have on them when they read it.
Please keep writing. Don't forget that for every person who takes the time to comment and rate there are 10 or 25 or 50 people who didn't but still loved the story and walked away smiling or on the edge of their seat or both!
@CupcakesNom
ReplyDeleteGood holy gods, what a phenomenal comment. My heart did grow ten times it's size.
Yes, the full meaning of Arddun Lleuad being one of the major features you seek on EqD does not lose it's message. I understand fully and find myself immensely humble.
I, too, dearly wish to see the story reach a Star-5 rating; currently, I believe, it's sitting at 4.3. When it reaches 4.5, it becomes eligible for the Star-5 tag. As for the Luna tag, you're aboslutely right, that is completely correct and I will notify Blogpony about it with the finale.
Yes, I was quite pleased with how Chapter 7 turned out. It represented a serious challenge - put Chester together with the mane cast, and have all interactions be believable - but I think I did myself a service by concocting Pinkie Pie's super-observant skills and Rainbow Dash's hugely confrontational side.
As for Luna's personality, and a scene with Chester and Luna being normal instead of snuggly-wuggly, I can certainly say that's on it's way (in fact, a scene approaching this is the opening scene in the finale; it's very natural, very much a relaxed conversation) as well as showing two sides of Luna that I seek to bring to bear, albeit one only for a short time. My intention for Luna is, in addition to her character traits of being emotionally scarred by her isolation and whatnot, to also embody that feminine power, that quiet-yet-ferocious strength you just have to admire in a woman. She is most certainly _not_ a pushover, and will stand and defend her love and land when the need arises.
Chester and Luna never have sex, period. Unless I'm feeling like forsaking God and my mother and signing my name up for Pony Hell and writing a clopfic, Chester and Luna never have physical sex.
Pinkie Pie and Trolles- Celestia. What could they be talking about? I do wonder. I'll confess that I have always enjoyed the idea that Celestia is quite mischevious under her title of the Avatar of Day, and thought her talking to Pinkie Pie could drum up all kinds of interesting interactions between the two of them. I am very glad someone picked up on the decision to have them speaking with one another.
I had genuinely forgotten that not everyone who loves Arddun, leaves a comment. This had in fact slipped my mind. But for all of those who read and enjoy silently, comments like this make up for it in kind, and I am without words to express my gratitude.
I shall read your email and reply posthaste.
- Pride
Oh dang...this is like a movie (or amusement park ride). Immediately after reading the last line of part 7, I played the intro music to CSI: Miami...it fit surprisingly well with the movie your excellent description put into my mind.
ReplyDeleteAnd on that note...
It looks to me like...
*sunglasses*
...there's a bad moon rising.
YEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
@T DUDE
ReplyDeleteReally? Hang on, I'll go try that.
@T DUDE
ReplyDeleteHuh. Suprisingly it actually kind of _works_.
there is so much I have said on dA that I can't say anymore.
ReplyDeletethis story is brilliant. It's shipping of basically two OCs (to deny that luna isn't an OC is stupid; she has no personality in the show atm). It's powerfully emotional, visually extravagant (in a good way), and paced perfectly.
I fucking can't wait for more, but this story is so good. So fucking good.
It was an alright story. But did he ever explain why Chester was so fanatically devoted to Luna? Or why Luna managed to fall in love with someone despite only knowing them for a few days? Did I miss something or is this going to be left for the sequel?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat's explained during the trial. Not much to say except that you missed it, it's said pretty openly and obviously.
No offense, but the ending was a tiny bit sad for my taste, skimmed over the epilogue though..
ReplyDeleteStill good, of course.
I loved the story, but from Part 8 onward, it grew a bit stale. After reading through the author's notes, I referably liked the FIRST Cut Concept about everypony turning on Chester.
ReplyDeleteIt would of provided an interesting scenario where Chester and Luna try to escape and survive the onslaught of armies upon them. I always found the 'Everyone is now against you and now you must fight to survive!' concept. So instead of epic chase and battle scenes, we have Chester and Luna sneaking througout the castle.
Plus, I don't know why, but a Grimdark, or atleast a Sad ending would of fit the tone perfectly, because for me, the ending was just...a small dissapointment. Not only was I lost but I felt that the resolution was packaged in a plastic bag and shipped into a McDonalds Happy Meal.
However, The Begining to Chapter 7 are the real strong points of the story, so luckily, I still have my imagination to imagine what would of happened afterwards. So I wil constantly be rereading all of the chapters up until Chapter 7 over and over again, because frankly, when you dream from Chester's perspective while sleeping, you are in for an exhilerating ride!
I would rate the story 4.5 is I was permited to do so. I am, however, interested on how you will take the story for the sequal, and I hope that some things mwill be improved.
- Bongo
I've told this to Pride in an email, but for the sake of voicing my (sometimes ignorant) opinion, I'll say it here as well:
ReplyDeleteTo go for something else than a somewhat-bittersweet ending would have been too indulging.
Sometimes, it's better that way: Pets make us happy, but they will pass away at some point. Childhood was full of wonders and discoveries, but it had to end. Our favorite toys and clothes eventually wear out, friends have to go away and beloved relatives will no longer be with us when their time comes. Life is just like that: not always full of rainbows and candy. Hope this makes sense.
*SPOILER WARNING*
.
.
.
.
.
In the light of what I said above, I prefer this ending compared to the alternative of Chester *HAVING* made to forget and forsake The Embodiment of The Night. The love and the innocence weren't lost, and that's fine with me.
FUUUU! MY EPIC LONG COMMENT! IT'S GONE!
ReplyDeleteLet's hope seth will sort it out.
Meanwhile, are you planning to write a sequel? I can't live without knowing what happens next! I mean, the most interesting bit was about to come! It would be like Kira vs N&M&L/N&M/N&L/M&L/N/L/M (depending how you would set it out)
@undead431
ReplyDeleteHe has a story planned called "Chwe Goleadau" (it's Welsh, look it up and some intentions about the next story might become a bit more obvious). I know not what he plans other than it's still this same canon with chester and luna so who knows.
@9Nine9
ReplyDeletethx, at least my pulse is steady now :)
@undead431Yes you did seem somewhat panicky there.
ReplyDeleteNo... Why... no! Damn to hell and a thousand curses...
ReplyDeleteThe ending, why ?
I will say it, and say it clear; I'm disappointed beyond my capacity to accurately describe it while remaining objective...
...(sigh)... It was going to be so great, a piece of art in literature with happiness inside... I could picture it...
Now, all I can feel after the end is not much else, but a mix feeling of emptiness and something close to sadness...
I cannot say it wasn't artistically well made, that would be liyng.
But I cannot support this ending... I just can't.
>My plans for Chwe Goleadau are summed up quite succinctly as this ... and I plan to make it grimdark as holy hell.
-Now. I lost all hope I had been able to keep... grimdark... vile corruptive poison...
(sigh) Forget whatever I said... It's not like anyone will care anyways. Just one person, who 'had' hopes... even for a few mere seconds.
@nova_25
ReplyDeleteI agree, I held this story a notch above, until the end. There is so much unexplained, so much story yet to be tapped. It feels as though the plot is being abandoned for this "Chew Goleadau", and all I can think about is why...
I'm probably in the minority here, but I found Chester to be a completely unlikeable character. And I tend to enjoy most OC, self-insert, Marry Sue stuff that everyone else seems to look down upon.
ReplyDeleteWow lot of craze about Luna about her beauty and all....no wonder someone came up with this love story LOL
ReplyDeleteIt's well written and dreamy but I won't take it seriously for real and others might be angry about it....since they're too are crazy about Luna!
This badly needs a [Sad] tag.
ReplyDeleteI saw that chapter eight was marked as the end for this and panicked, but I'm glad to see that there will be a sequel. Looking forward to it.
ReplyDelete--- SPOILERS! ---
ReplyDeleteThis post contains spoilers - turn away now if you haven't read Arddun Lleuad fully.
Hallo gentlebronies.
I must confess to some confusion regarding the feedback to Arddun Lleuad's ending, most notably how sad people seem to find it.
I can only agree that Chester walking in on his own welcoming party, and having to put it all away, is indeed a scene that jerked tears from me as I wrote it, let alone what it would have done to me if I had read it.
But Chester still had Luna; of all the things in Equestria he could have kept, he kept her. And this was all he needed to be truly happy in the world. Afterall, Chester is a trekkie; he would have been forever concerned about his effect on the way of things in Equestria, had he been allowed to remain as a consort in official capacity to Luna. Any worrying advances in technology, Chester would have asked himself if he had sparked somehow; a slipped term or idle pining for something he used to have, like a shower, would have started off an entirely different direction of technological research that might impact Equestria forever, sometimes in subtle but meaningful ways.
Instead, Chester has his fledgling studies of magic, his cute-and-cuddly pet Manticore, his mysterious benefactor who granted him his cloak and books, and finally, a soulmate unlike any other, against whom there can be no doubt as to her devotion and affection.
Given this, although I understand that the emotional impact of Chester's welcoming party can linger throughout the text, in this situation things have worked out quite reasonably for goodly Chester.
- Pride
--- SPOILERS! ---
Pride, don't you ever fucking stop writing.
ReplyDelete@Zarkanorf
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm capable of stopping. I just can't. Even now I'm writing the sequel's outline.
I love it. I just love it to bits.
Hmm, in general I'd have to say I had a more positive experience to the story then a negative one. I really liked the beginning stuff with Chester's views on Equestria providing a really neat "Normal dude in an alien enviroment" type story. Things sort of fell apart with the shift to Canterlot and the exploration of Chester's relationship with Luna. I'm pretty sure that the story that's intended to be told is more about the triumph of love against all odds, but with the way the story is written it's hard not to see Chester and Luna's love as being unhealthy.
ReplyDeleteI think the implication of Chester and Luna's mind meld is that this melding allowed them to know one another in such a way that they fell for each other, but their actions in the story seem more like obsession. I mean, an outside force was responsible for manipulating Luna to do something very unethical to keep the object of her love where she could retain contact with him, but I don't think that she would have been open to such manipulation if both she and Chester were thinking clearly.
Maybe some of my more negative thoughts on the story is just due to me having a different idea of how it should have gone, which is arrogant of me. I thought how it was going to go was that the love story would be more about Chester and Luna interacting with each other in Canterlot, testing how much their feelings for each other was due to their unique meeting and how much was due to them being truly compatible and meant for each other.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteGod bloody damn Blogger, it just ate my huge post.
To boil it down: yes, their obsessive behaviour is quite interesting; both of them are somewhat unstable after a millennium of isolation for one and the memory of that for the other.
Your idea of their exploring their relationship is utterly enticing to me, sadly the sequel is already planned out and I would have difficulty writing anything negative about their relationship, as I entertain the fancy that theirs is a love only fantasy can produce; they are devoted, tender, always happy to see one another and never have any arguments.
Call me a romantic!
- Pride
Keeping in mind the fact that there is to be a sequel I really liked the ending! At least Chester has something that will occupy him for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteDoes Luna still live in Canterlot at the end of the story?
Also you have a great character!
I read the final chapter to the looped song for the MMO that I wrote recently, and I think that it works PHENOMENALLY well: www.latech.co.uk/asteconn/l854.mp3
ReplyDelete@Dawnlight !SP5BRo9IC2
ReplyDeleteI have put this in the author's notes. Music within the fiction is one of the things I will be testing in Chwe Goleadau, and so this is an excellent way to test things.
Oh ^^ Erm. Thank you
ReplyDelete*Squeeeeee* ohmygoshohmygosh
Boring legal rubbish:
Just so you're aware - the music is licensed CC BY-NC-ND UK 2.0
I practically just read the whole story in one sitting and I must say I'm very impressed. The story was well written and the concept was definitely an interesting one.
ReplyDeleteThe characters were accurate as necessary with the less shown characters being fleshed out along with the few OC ponies. Along with this, the story kept me waiting eagerly until the end.
At this point I have a few theories as to the questions raised by the end of the story which I hope will be answered in the sequel. Whether those "Aha!" moments that I had while reading were truly subtle hints or my mind making me want to believe something is yet to be decided.
As far as the main character goes, I personally found him at least somewhat interesting although I'm not sure whether it's just because he was put in a more realistic mindset than "Talking ponies must be friendly! Let's all be friends!" My only other slight irk is the feeling of forcefulness of the bond between Chester and the Moon. I can assume that this may be because *spoiler* he was connected due to certain incidents *spoiler* but even then it seems a bit to thrown out there.
All in all, definitely a great use of my time and will be something I'll be thinking about until I can hopefully get my answers in the sequel.
The only thing I can say, and my highest praise, is I can't wait for the sequel. Its things like this that make me love the people in this fandom.
ReplyDeleteBy, "The only thing I can say" I meant the only thing I can say that simply sums up how I feel about it.
I read the author's notes, and I found it interesting how you said it was originally going to be a different story, especially the ending. I'm glad you didn't go down that route really, because it would have lost the ability to make a sequel, an aforementioned I would love to happen. I'm excitedly waiting to learn what that shadow is at the end.
On another note, what does "Chwe Goleadau" mean? I know, "Arddun Lleuad" is, "Beautiful Moon" or something, as mentioned in other places. Just a curiosity question.
@Anka
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid that particular gem is for you to find out, either by your own research or by waiting for it's meaning to appear in the sequel.
I'm willing to wager that almost all of the readers cannot pronounce Arddun Lleuad correctly
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIf I take that bet, I would lose SO HARD.
@Pride It's made me interested in learning Welsh
ReplyDelete@Pride
ReplyDeleteHow do the vowels sound compared to Spanish? Give me that and I could hazard a few guesses.
Right now I'm saying are-DONE Lew-AHD, but something tells me the emphasis is really off, let alone the pronunciation.
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteArr-thun Chlew-add.
-This post will container SPOILERS for Chapter 8, the Epilogue, and maybe the writer's notes.-
ReplyDelete* Chapter 8 nearly ruined my Easter. Pride, I hope you are ashamed and delighted. I suppose I should explain...
There I was, pacing with my iPod outside of a nice restaurant, reading. I just get to the words, "and we came upon our first victim," when I was summoned inside to eat.
I was useless for at least fifteen minutes. I smiled politely when expected to, nodded and "excused me'd" and went on with my business, but all the while I was distant and a little tense. There was no conscious thought of why, no conceptualizing of what would happen next in the story or active worrying about the characters... I was just uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable with what Luna and Chester were about to do, but without even really knowing I was. I was suffering anxiety about these characters I had grown attached to.
Finally I realized what was going on, that I was so upset about what was about to happen that I was letting it impact my day, and I relaxed, unwound, truly took in my surroundings, and smiled. Brunch went swimmingly after that.
But then on the forty minute drive home I was alone with just my thoughts and some music, and I almost pulled into a rest stop to finish reading. I didn't, but only because the only stop along my route was less than 15 minutes from home.
* Pride, I'm very happy with the amount of time you dedicated to fleshing out Luna's personality in this chapter. It was just right. I truly enjoy your Luna, even though she's not the one that's in my own imagination. If your rendition turns out closer to Lauren Faust's than mine I will be quite all right with it.
* Luna corrects Chester from "anyone" to "anypony," but many times in the show ponies have said "anyone" or "everyone." It'd fit better if he said "anybody" instead.
Also, her qualm with the word "people" gave me an interesting series of thoughts on the way home regarding ponies, cows, buffalo, and what other sentients might be out there, how they feel about each other, and how the animals of Equestria also seem to be voiceless sentients, and that means owls eating mice would be... And what about gryphons? They... Ahem. Yes, many thoughts.
* The part with Praetor in his study when he was supposedly standing in front of Celestia's door? That went right over my head the first time. It wasn't until the drive home that I realized, "Oh, duh, that wasn't the real Praetor at the door." At first I had wondered how Praetor ended up in his study so quickly, rather than making the connection. If I had finished reading in one sitting then any confusion would have been cleared up by Luna and Chester discussing the matter later, but in the meantime it went over my head. I chalk it up mostly to being so caught up with Luna's panic that I read faster and looser than I normally would have. Also, me being stupid.
* Praetor's scene, considering whether or not to try to meet with Chester, was electric. It did so much for his character, for me at least. I greatly look forward to more about him in the following sequels. It's painful to consider how much could have been avoided if he had just gone to play chess with Chester when he had the chance... If Luna burst in crying and saw Praetor there instead of at Celestia's door, so much would have been different! Sigh.
... my post is over the maximum size. Jeez. I probably should have just emailed you most of this. OH WELL, post comment! :D
-This post is a continuation of the last, and will contain SPOILERS for Chapter 8, the Epilogue, and maybe the writer's notes.-
ReplyDelete* Poor Chester, to have such a wonderful experience of merging with Luna permanently discolored by what the shadow's searching influence did to him after, to potentially be robbed of ever sharing dreams with Luna again for fear of what it would do to his mind and body. It's unfair.
* The very fact that the shadow knows about things that only Luna and Celestia should know is very interesting to me. I have my theory about what the shadow is, but any response you have to it would be unsatisfying so I'll just keep it to myself.
* I think the first kiss was tastefully handled. I'm going to assume that Luna didn't slip Chester the tongue.
* I'm guessing you meant "lost in reflection," not "lost in inflection."
* This question goes back a long distance, but... why did they let Chester keep the phone in his pocket? It's not only a piece of foreign technology, but one that nopony could quite explain yet. For all they knew, it was a weapon. A possible weapon, in the pocket of a large, mysterious creature, which had "attacked" Fluttershy in the night, was connected with Luna's illness, and was now being brought before the ruler of Equestria... I can't see Praetor being okay with that.
* Regarding "Chwe Goleadau," all I can say is... There are four lights! (Though I do think you're being a git, making people look stuff up on Google instead of just answering their question. =p )
* I have a block of text to send you about my thoughts on technology and Chester's opinion on things, and the Prime Directive... but all I'll say here is I'm a Trekkie myself, mostly a lover of TNG, and I disagree with Chester and some of the Prime Directive itself. Mostly it has to do with assuming that our tech will make other species act like us, when they've shown that they are better at not killing each other than we are... But this is already going on too long.
* I await the first chapter of the sequel with bated breath. <3
Holy ballseroo. Comment is bigger than an Xbox. Alright, I'm gonna respond to this behemoth if it's the last damn thing I do on this planet.
ReplyDelete@CupcakesNom
ReplyDeleteALRIGHT PAL LET'S DO THIS.
I am genuinely sorry to have nearly ruined your Easter, Cupcakes. I should be happy that I inspired such an emotional response, but frankly, I'm not. I don't know what else to say, other than that writing the ending for Arddun Lleuad and the response to it has really taught me something about fanfic writing. This was actually my first one, so I still have alot to learn.
"* Pride, I'm very happy with the amount of time you dedicated to fleshing out Luna's personality."
I actually have to agree. I'm really very, very pleased with Luna and how she's turned out. I like to think of her as Strong Luna, as opposed to Sad Luna or Happy Luna or whatever; even if she did break down under the shadow-Twilight's insults, it still took her a long time to get there, and she believed in Celestia until the very end.
"* Praetor's scene, considering whether or not to try to meet with Chester, was electric."
Praetor turned out phenomenally well, too. I almost fell out of my chair when I realised he's actually a dreaded OC. I have plans for this character. Plans in abundance.
"* Poor Chester, to have such a wonderful experience of merging with Luna..."
Yes, it is. I wonder if they'll ever try it again?
"* The very fact that the shadow knows about things that only Luna and Celestia should know is very interesting to me."
My email is Pridethunder@gmail.com. Drop me a mail, and I'll be overjoyed to chat about it with you.
"* I think the first kiss was tastefully handled. I'm going to assume that Luna didn't slip Chester the tongue."
You would be correct. Although I'm sure some people would suffix "would" with "sadly".
"* I'm guessing you meant "lost in reflection," not "lost in inflection.""
I THINK I meant inflection...inflection as in an inner analysis of thought. Might be wrong though.
"* This question goes back a long distance, but... why did they let Chester keep the phone in his pocket?"
The thing was clearly broken, as Tinker affirmed. It was of no harm to anyone; the entire ruse of keeping it at the library was a trap by Praetor to lure Chester in. Praetor was always two steps ahead of Chester, when he was hunting him; poor bastard never stood a chance.
"* Regarding "Chwe Goleadau," all I can say is..."
Someone got the reference. Excellent. I think you and Chester would get along.
"...assuming that our tech will make other species act like us, when they've shown that they are better at not killing each other than we are..."
What Chester was worried about more, that I never actually got to explain (Mea Culpa - I slipped up on this) is that Chester was terrified of his phone moving their technological research away from things that included their natural magic. They would have found the battery, and upon experimentation, found that it stores electricity. What if they hadn't invented batteries by then? What if they were meant to invent a magical battery instead? Et cetera. I really, really look forward to hearing from you about your 'block of text', so please send it my way ASAP!
"* I await the first chapter of the sequel with bated breath. <3"
Just like I can't wait to write it.
Again, I know you'll probably want to say 'No no, it's fine', but I am sorry about putting such a downer on your Easter. To me, Arddun is actually a sweet ending, but it seems I wrote that welcoming party scene just a _bit_ too well...
@Pride
ReplyDelete* The Easter thing actually turned out fine, though, because I realized what was going on and came to a good conclusion with the whole shebang. You being upset about my Easter would be the same as people thinking that this needs a Sad tag. Much more good happened today for me than bad. I wouldn't have it any other way... except that I would have finished reading the whole thing before I left for Easter brunch. Ha.
Remember, it wasn't what you wrote in the story that upset me. It was where I was stuck not being able to finish it. It was an unfortunate series of events. I liked the ending, especially because I knew it wasn't the actual end of our tales of Chester and Luna.
* Inflection is a tone of voice, or a modulation. Perhaps "reflection" would be a better word there.
* About the phone: well, it's pretty unponylike to think the worst of people or things, so I suppose them assuming that any of the unexplainable parts of the device (like the battery, or anything else) would be a weapon wouldn't be an issue. Sure. No big deal!
* I disagree with they "were meant to" too. It's not like he's going back and changing history on his own planet, where things have already been set. What if he "was meant to" appear on Equestria and provide them with knowledge of biology just in time for them to use it to cure a plague about to happen? And who or what "meant" for it to happen?
No, Chester. Bad Chester. If you have any misgivings what you should be doing is having a private meeting with Celestia, telling her how you feel about it and the feats that humankind have achieved, along with the depravities, and let her decide.
I think I'd like Chester, too, even if we'd have to agree to disagree on some things. Though with our disagreement on this major point I'm not so sure we'd be friends if we were both in Equestria.
... Which then gives me ANOTHER thought, that I'll let fester in the back of my mind for a while. Heh. Talking with you is very fruitful.
@Pride
ReplyDeleteAh, I just got the reference too. And indeed there will never be any lights besides 4.
Gotta love Star Trek.
so luna is an immortal goddess right? so what happens when chester eventualy dies?
ReplyDelete@cpt. buzzkill
ReplyDeleteGood question.
Well, you've got me. I'm hooked.
ReplyDelete@cpt. buzzkill
ReplyDeleteAnd then you found the issue with most cel/luna ship fics.
@9nine9
ReplyDeletebut if it's a celestia/luna story, that wouldn't be an issue, right?
...wow...I just finished reading it and there has only been one literary work that has provoked such romantic emotion in me and that was lords of discipline. I typically do not like books, usually because I find there is not enough emotion, but lords of discipline will always be dear to me, as will Arddun Lleuad.
ReplyDeleteFor a 16 year old boy who's never had a girlfriend it on surface seems hard for me to truly appreciate this story, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. There are tons of kids at my high school who have had countless girlfriends, who get ass and party hard, but have never had a relationship on an intimate level. It has always been one based on looks or something of instant gratification, nothing of lasting essence. Whether or not I've dated someone before I can certainly say I've been through many relationships. Regardless of how many times I have experienced unrequited love (and let me tell you, it's a LOT more than most my age) I still know more about a relationship than most teenagers.
I know that love isn't inspired by looks, it is inspired by the connection people share within their mind, personality and character. I know that when in a relationship in which both you and your lover share passionate emotion freely with each other, you will go to any length to preserve that kind relationship because nothing is more essential to what it means to be human than the need to have a relationship such as this. I know that when two people are in love, there is no greater pain than seeing the other suffer.
I know these things because through unrequited love I have experienced the intense desire for these feelings, the yearning to have them satiated and at the same time the painful emptiness their absence can leave when unfulfilled.
The irony that something without mass could be so crushing...
The reason Arddun Lleuad has provoked such an emotional response in me is because it has all of these essential truths about love, all of which Pride has expressed beautifully.
Chester at one point acknowledges how ridiculous it seems that he feels such caring emotion for Luna, for here in our world horses and ponies are seen as an animal, something of inferior intellect. Chester then goes on to realize that Luna isn't just a horse, she has a mind similar to that of his own. She shares the same feelings, emotions and basic characteristics with Chester. She experiences sadness and anger, happiness and joy, and most importantly, she shares with Chester the desire to be loved. To have someone who will care for you and who, even if you are by yourself, will never leave you feeling alone.
Luna and Chester are willing to give up everything so they could be together, as they could not imagine a worse fate than being separated from one another, nor could Chester bear to see Luna suffer being alone again.
To see Luna and Chester live out these ideals of love so perfectly and go through so much so they could be together was fulfilling on a level so intrinsic to my being that I found it impossible to not marvel at the relationship they had formed. What you have made here Pride is absolutely magnificent. It is a testament to what we all hope to experience within our lifetime, to know that kind of intimacy with someone else and to know what it feels like to become such a core part of another person and to have them become a core part of you. I want to thank you with my innermost feeling for creating such a beautiful story for all of us bronies to enjoy and reflect upon. Thank you, Pride. This was amazing.
@sgt scrubnoob
ReplyDeleteHoly Christmas, Scrub, for a guy who's 16 you really hit the nail on the head when you were describing this.
It's a most fulfilling pleasure to bring to you such a reaction, and you, as a reader, bring an understanding to the story that goes beyond what I am able to do as the writer. As such, thank you.
- Pride
thanks man. I felt for how much work was put into this the least I could do was put an hours worth of work into my reaction to it.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm a bit hesitant about the sequel being "grimdark as hell."
One of the things I liked so much about this was it wasn't THEN CELESTIA WAS LEIK CHESTER CAN STAY LOL AND THEY HAD A TEA PARTY AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTAR. There was something that had to be surmounted and there was a great sacrifice both Chester and Luna had to make to be together, but it was still a happy ending because they were together anyways. It was a bittersweet ending because they had to give up so much and only Luna could know of Chester (and whoever left the presents in the epilogue), but still they were together so it balances out. It wasn't dark enough to make Edgar Allen Poe cringe, but it wasn't so lighthearted that it would make strawberry shortcake look like edward scissor hands. It was just right.
I guess I'm worried that if the sequel is grimdark then it'll be off that balance and not give the reader any happiness from seeing the characters turn out with a positive ending. Sure, Arddun Lleuad was kinda sad, but I was definitely more happy than sad after reading it. I just don't want to read the sequel and come away completely depressed from characters who experience nothing good at the end.
Grimdark does not exclude a happy ending, or at least bittersweet (with emphasis on sweet).
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSome happy endings have to be earned.
Others go unawarded, even to the deservant.
Find out.
I'd kind of like to have a happy ending to all of this, instead of as it currently is...
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't seem like it will be very pleasant for Chester to just hide in a cave all the time, so I hope this all ends well for him, in a proper happy ending.
@cpt. buzzkill
ReplyDeleteIn regards to that, folk lore is rife with tails of wizards living supernaturally long lives(not to mention having the aid of a living goddess helps substantially). ether though spell or artifact chester could end up living a VERY long and happy eon with luna. that is if the aether decides to go that rout. (wich i for one hope he does.)
AHH. Just finished it in one sitting. Excellent. Never thought I'd like any human (cringes) X pony, but, dang, you've done it, man.
ReplyDeleteI want to see Smokie get what's coming to 'em. The story isn't over. FINISH IT, PLEASE.
You've probably gotten praise from all over, but I felt I had to write something myself as well.
ReplyDeleteJust finished reading it. I have to say, I wasn't really sure what to expect going in. I saw "human/pony shipping," "50,000+ words" and the five star rating all together, and I wasn't sure what to think, really. I'm glad I took a chance, though. It was very well written. The descriptions and metaphors were very precise and clear, and actually sucked me in on more than one occasion. I actually found myself getting to the point where I could almost feel the serenity of the scenes themselves. There were places where I could identify with the main character's feelings. For instance, entering the "Court," when Chester feels like he's about to be put up against a wall and shot for his infractions. When he discovers it's actually just a "sit down and talk it out" sort of thing, I caught myself saying, "Right. This isn't Earth. They don't punish people mercilessly for accidents and mistakes."
I felt like the romance between Luna and Chester was well done as well. They had been telepathically linked both ways. It's only natural, after getting that close to someone, that strong feelings would be present. I thought their interactions were very sweet, soft and kind, and did very well for keeping it well-grounded. Chester's "PTSD"-like experiences over Luna's memory really resonated with me personally, just from how they were described, as an almost blipping out of existence for a moment. Very well done.
I'll admit I would break out in laughter every time Chester popped out a Scifi-based one-liner, though. However it was a nice break of pace from the drama that was going on. It didn't detract from the sorry so much as it gave it a nice bend.
I really hope you write more. You are an amazing writer, and those aren't just empty words. You have an deft command over scene descriptions and pacing in general, yet still remaining so passionate, like a lover writing love-letters to their soul mate. But I suppose that was the theme of the story itself. I would give up a lot to have the command over language as you have.
tl;dr: You write good. Very good. You owe it to yourself to write more, god damnit!
@SyrinKitty
ReplyDeleteThank you, SyrinKitty. And everyone else who's commented. You really make my day when you write things like this.
The sequel is in the works; exams prevent me from getting down and dirty with it, but I have so many plans for it that once I get started I think I'll really get into it.
- Pride
*impatiently awaits the sequel*
ReplyDelete@Sheepdog
ReplyDeleteFirst chapter's only half done, my good brony...exams have yet to be completed.
Hey Pride, do you have a general idea as to when the sequel will be finished? I don't know if you already answered this -- i skipped most of the comments -- but i would greatly appreciate even a ballpark estimate. This was a very tastefully, eloquently written story, and I can't wait to see it continued.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMajor ballpark: mid-July, maybe September since I have something in August to take care of.
My problem with the story is... is absurdibly militaristic. I mean, all the mention of Militar protocol or militar fantasy clash horrible with My little pony world, it came as prepotent, takes too much space of the dialogue and action and... well... its not interesting.
ReplyDeleteIts not funny or entertaining.
I mean, take for example Doctor Whoof stories like Time and Terror or 12. Yes, they introduce several Myhtos of the Doctor Who universe but they are first mutated and transformed to adapt to My little Pony verse and still make them epic.
While it could be stated that this story is doing the same but in reverse... no, it doesn't work.
Kind of dissapointment.
so i just finished chapter 6 and i have to say this is one the greatest fic's i've probably ever read, this is the kind of story that i was hoping that i could write for my friend but i just dont have that spark but the more i keep reading this i keep saying wow it's exactly what i wanted to show him @.@ it's exactly the tale i wanted to tell. i cant thank you enough for creating this. now my only problem is getting him to finally read it heh :P
ReplyDeletequestion: why doesn't Chester just reintroduce himself to everypony?
ReplyDelete>find a finished shipping story
ReplyDelete*squee*
you must come out with a sequal soon
ReplyDeleteyou must...you must...YOU MUST
I so want to read a sequel to this tale
ReplyDeleteNot much for words, but felt a need to write this. I saw the name somewhere and found it intriguing. There was a mythical sound to it. So looked for the story. The first thing I noticed was the shipping tag, the second the fact it said HumanxLuna. Now I would be lying if I said I didn't find them strange, but looking at everything, something in the back of my head told me someone put a lot of effort into it. So I said "What the hell." and gave it a read. I finished it the same day I found it.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, this is a wonderfuly written piece of work that manages to deal with a rather touchy subject in a mature and, dare I say it, romantic way. The fact that I'm eagerly awaiting the sequel says a lot.
In other words, great work.
This is my first comment on any story ever. Just wow. Honestly, this is so well written that I just had to stay up past what I usually do just to read it all.
ReplyDeleteI regret nothing. Greatly looking forward to the sequel.
Gentlebronies,
ReplyDeleteYour comments make my day, they truly do. I check back every so often (far more than I should), and I read all of them slowly to absorb the message as best as possible. I appreciate each and every one.
Work on the sequel continues apace! I cannot possibly say it is nearing completion, but I am starting to work on it at a faster and faster pace. Truly I believe it will be my magnum opus, and yet beyond that will be even more afterwards, time permitting.
May you all walk knowing you are in my heart and mind, and that I pray with every keystroke of typing up the sequel that it meet your every expectation, and then break those expectations in half.
- Pride
Okay, well this had to be one of strangest, yet most fulfilling stories I have ever read. After being in the fandom of ponies for a month now, this story gave me its first dream about ponies. It had an idyllic sensation of someone narrating my dream with your style of writing, and it felt very peaceful.
ReplyDeleteDuring my reading of this story, there were times where I literally got up and left my computer screen saying "Oh my ..." with excitement and anxiety (in a good way!) And yet at other times, I did grow weary of reading some parts of the story. Being honest, it did hang a bit heavy and I had to take breaks from reading. You really had my imagination working hard trying to piece together the illustrative world you've written. I mostly blame myself for that part though.
Now, as for the romantic relationship of Luna and Chester. Well, it was easy to read but difficult to comprehend personally. Let me say it like this, it's like the difference between a person peering into a bakery shop and seeing all the cakes and marvelous confectioneries, and a person actually tasting, smelling, and fully experiencing those wonders. I am reclusive and sparsely had friends throughout my life, and I can't surely say that I fully understand this caliber of emotion between two lovers. It leaves me with a longing feeling for something of the equivalent in my own life.
It was a stirring story, thanks for writing it.
Its a magnificent and touching story 5/5 would read again and also I have two problems with it:
ReplyDeleteFirst, the final chapter left a strong impression that sequel was forced in. Dont get me wrong, sequels are okay, but its the way this one is implied. Specifically, the scene at the ruined welcome party, while still having a very powerful, cinematic even, moment of everypony having nightmares once Luna starts to lose it, had a ridiculous vibe of characters having an urge to act first and ask questions later resulting in Good Work Breaking It Hero.
The first thing I thought when Chester saw everyone at the party was him telling Luna "Hey, Moonpie (or whatever pet name he'd come up with this time), Celestia clearly is sitting right there under a banner saying "CHESTER TOTALLY STAYS IN EQUESTRIA" and NOT in her personal chambers casting a spell to banish my ass from the land, Twilight clealry is reading a book in the corner and is NOT murdering librarians and setting their records on fire, Tankbuster McEatsgrenades clearly is preparing a chess game for someone and is NOT being a dick. We have obviously been manipulated into this and have been playing by someone else's rules the entire time, we must stop roasting everyponys brains right now lest we all burn in pony hell."
No. He - apparently overnight - decided he's still somehow a threat to the civilization and must leave at once common sense be damned. How exactly is he going to ruin the ponydom? The only "concept" I can see him "slipping" is slipping on a bucking banana peel and accidentaly dropping a DYI nuclear bomb recipe requiring a teapot, a light bulb and a box of matches. You cant accidentaly explain the concept of deudly firearms or nuclear fusion. And really now, they have jackhammers, floodlight projectors, turtables and effing brainwave scanners (I know -I- cant explain how they work) and however rudimentary those are, thats our late 19th century at least, more like 20th, how bad can he screw it.
It would make SOME sense if they decided to go through with their plan once all the Elements and Celestia were given the amnesiacs but Celestia was right there ripe for waking up and answering answers to all the questions asked but yet again, no.
I dunno. Guess love makes people stupid or something.
My second point is less of an objection but more of a personal taste question. Did we really need four chapters of our hero Bear Gryllsing his way through the Everfree and swooning over the moon? I wanted to see more of human interacting with pony society — to be frank, Chester skulking around Ponyville giving creeps to random pegasi and punting pet rabbids was like a gasp of fresh air at that point.
But again, these thing are up to the author to decide and if you wanted him to live in a cave for significant part of the story its okay with me.
PS: sarcasm being sarcasm, pet names for a deity are cool keep'em coming
PPS: "McEatsgreandes"? Its outrageously hilarious dude how did you even
Also, I've apparently missed the post where you commented on his view of progress and how he isnt afraid of causing actual harm but rather believes he could interrupt the natural course of techological evolution, but my point still stands: in the evening he wants to work with best royal researches on whatever he wants to work on and the next night he says he could give off some hint or concept and RUIN EQUESTRIA FOREVER or whatnot.
ReplyDeleteIt could seem that hes trying to persuade himself more than anything, but its apparently the one and only reason theyre doing what theyre doing so thats not a valid point.
I apologise if this reply is a little late, but I don't want my input to be wasted, even if it is too late for you to even want to do anything about it, considering you must be pouring yourself into the sequel, right? I am looking forward to it.
ReplyDeleteThere was just something about the eighth chapter that left me feeling . . . unsatisfied. I first thought it was Chester's sudden change of heart, the fact that he who had apparently (though one of your comments clarifies that he would have always worried he would negatively impact pony society) rectified his worries about ruining their civilisation and whatnot suddenly reconvinced himself that it's better off he stays out of equestrian society, even when it was obvious they were set up by something with the malicious intent of getting rid of him? That very long sentence is better explained by Sevireth here.
But that isn't it.
I realised that it is Chester's decision, but the sudden appearance of the shadow as the main antagonist, just before the climax of the story, that doesn't feel right.
I hope this doesn't make it seem as if I think lowly of Arddun Lleuad, considering I have only supplied you with negative feedback. I loved the story. Your descriptions (so descriptive, I know) are superb, and the romance flowed well and felt natural. I suppose it was just that it was something completely unexpected (so far as I know) so completely changing the course of the story, and fueling much of the action. Perhaps if even subtle references to shadow were more spread throughout the story, slowly building up to it's debut, I would not have such gripe with it. Or perhaps (in the case that they are already there) I merely missed them.
-Sotha
Love your work, Pride. It's inspiring.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait for Chwe Goleadau!
Looks like someone Google Translate'd Beautiful Moon for the title. It's meant to be Lleuad Hardd.
ReplyDeleteI just found this story while browsing though the archive. The title caught my attention so I gave it a look. I am glad I did.
ReplyDeleteThroughout this whole story, a color clouded my peripheral vision, midnight blue. I wonder if I had been so immersed in the story that my mind's eye would perfectly display a night sky for me.
That's what this fic did to me, it wrapped me in a cool comforting embrace. It might have to do with beginning to read it before the crack of dawn, or it might have just been my mind's attempt at relaxing itself.
Either way, I believe in full confidence that the five star rating I give this story is well deserved, more than any other story that I have given the same rating.
Upon finding and completing this story, I couldn't help but feel as if I were trekking through the night; there were others who appreciated the night sky, but most just slept in blissful ignorance.
I might be seeing it as such due to the amount of comments or ratings, but since I joined the brony community back in late June, I can't help but feel as if I've stumbled upon a long-forgotten but cool and comforting room.
I feel at peace, and I shall await for the sequel.
Azarias, that was goddamn beautiful and I can only thank you for it.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story. I loved it more than most of the stories I've read yet...
ReplyDeleteUntil page 14 of Chapter 8...
It was NEVER too late to change. There might have been consequences, but it was NEVER too late to change. The entirety of the first two episodes of Friendship is Magic was about redemption... that you can be forgiven. Her friends and family would understand she had been tricked... but then the end just broke into all out WTFness. WHY... WHY would Luna even DARE to continue with her actions once she REALIZED she had been duped. Even if she was unable to restore what she took from the ponies who already had memories taken, she could stop.
I simply can't imagine HOW she could justify continuing to violate the minds of her closest friends and even her own sister, when she CLEARLY had become aware things were not right. On top of that... the whole Nightmare Moon bit seems like it was just dropped off. Like it just gave up. Maybe that's what happened, but here you have Luna and Chester out in the friggin woods, pretending to teh world he doesn't exist, still worrying over NMM, and having STILL COMPLIED with NMM's tricks!
I kept reading to the very end waiting for things to be fixed... It honestly paints Luna in a selfish light to me. I don't believe she would have continued to VIOLATE innocent ponies that she cares for, knowing the whole thing was a setup. The Luna of YOUR story DESERVES the MOON and NO love, and this from a die hard LUNA IS BEST PONY fanatic! Too bad she's left ALL her friends, her sister, and all Equestria vulnerable to the curse of NMM, all cause she had to hide her selfishness and not own up to what happened.
I have no doubt that Celestia would have understood her fears, and I have no doubt that the Elements of Harmony would realize the work of a scheming NMM, trying to elicit pain and sorrow and doubt into her heart...
As far as I'm concerned, NMM succeeded in twisting Luna. NMM couldn't get Luna herself, and failed on that part, because Chester and Luna's love for each other was too powerful to let her sorrows take her...
vvv CONTINUED vvv
vvv CONTINUED vvv
ReplyDeletebut seriously...
As far as I'm concerned, the end was an insult to Luna.
The only other fanfic I've ever spoken this harshly about before... THE ONLY ONE I've ranted this hatefully over, was "The Rainbow Factory" (yes, THAT Rainbow Factory). And for the same reason... For betraying the nature of the characters in absurd ways, ways that bend the brain into a state of utter confusion and disbelief. For me, my Rainbow Factory hate was directed at the utter disregard of Rainbow Dash's depiction utterly breaking any semblance of her Spirit of Loyalty. For this, it breaks the canonical establishment of forgiveness and redemption between the two sisters. It throws away harmony and friendship, and for what, to let a twisted, altered NMM float about freely as a mist, waiting to strike, forcing Chester to live as a hermit, and Luna to LIE to everypony that thinks she still loves them over her own selfish desires...
All because she chose to CONTINUE following NMM's tricks and betray ALL her friends, and her one and only sister.
Where is the forgiveness, the harmony, the friendship, the trust, the redemption...
REALY
Celestia and the Elements would have understood that she was tricked, and would understand why she was so afraid, and felt she had to do what she did. Those who had memories stolen would have to have things explained, or maybe they would simply be reintroduced... I don't know... The supposed fairy tale land in your story was never given a chance.
This story paints Luna in a manner that I can't accept. The ending was as much a stab and a twist into the heart of Friendship is Magic, as The Rainbow Factory or Cupcakes in my eyes.
Of course, like I said, I loved the story with a passion, right up until Luna was tainted in your corner of the fanfic universe FOREVER!!! /)@_@(\
This story's ending pissed me off so much that I might have to write my own alt ending, just for myself to calm my ass down. Don't worry, I won't commandeer your story with unauthorized writing. It'll be for my eyes only, probably something I'll just piece together in my head to resolve how worked up I am and maybe alleviate the insomnia that WILL HAPPEN as I stew over JUST how much I hated this ending. Maybe I'll manage to fall asleep by 4:30 AM... Maybe.
I seriously spent ALL AFTERNOON enjoying myself, with an AWESOME story, only to have ALL my hopes DASHED at the end. True love doesn't need to betray everything and everypony, you know.
I'm so frustrated, I could just scream...
ahhh --flutterscreams--
At least I got to take out my frustration today. Damn stray cat was terrorizing my own cat through the window, tearing up my screen...
Two filled 5 gallon buckets filled with 10 gallons of watery surprise, and a very startled cat, made me feel A LITTLE BETTER. Not much though. At least it's not tearing up my screens anymore. 10 gallons was probably a little bit excessive for my needs... but hay, that's what it gets for trying to pick a fight with my cat through the window and wrecking my screens... on my fanfic induced BAD DAY.
I think I'll call the stray cat... Mittens.
Also, 5 stars... 5 HATEFUL stars for excellent writing, epic story telling, and an ALMOST perfect story that left me emotionally SPENT AND SHATTERED at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteAs MUCH as I HATE what you did to Luna's character, twisting her like that... I felt 95% of the story was 20% more wonderful than any other story I've read on this site. I can still justify the 5 star rating... but it's a HATE filled star, just so you know...
Something this good shouldn't end so badly!
Jesus Christ, richfiles. I'm honestly impressed at the length of that review/rant. Props.
ReplyDeleteAs to the story, I wanted to love it as much as I knew I would. I wanted it to be right up there with It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door, but it just wasn't. Rich pointed out the somewhat ridiculous point that Luna realized something was wrong and Chester wasn't in trouble, and she still went through with all that business. But even that I can understand, to an extent. I can sort of see the characters' motivations for doing so.
My biggest beef was Chester's speech. He fluctuated between normal, very formal, and total make-you-gag flowery loveydovey crap that's just completely unrealistic, in my personal opinion. Still a great story, but the ending and a characterization that just irked me have knocked it down a good bit. Four stars, and I can't wait to see the sequel.
@Xort
ReplyDeleteXort, I need someone like you - can you email me at Pridethunder@gmail.com?
How goes progress on the sequel? Are you waiting until it's done to post it in one big thingamajig?
ReplyDelete@Azarias
ReplyDeleteHeheheheheh.
It's coming along. 75,000 words so far. When it's done, I'll release each chapter every 2 days. So far there are almost 20 chapters, and...even I have to admit that it's really quite something.
It will be worth the wait. This I assure you.
- Pride
I look forward to the release then, and shall wait patiently for that day to pass.
ReplyDelete@Pride
ReplyDeleteAs much as I hated the end of this story, I want to see if it's redeemed in a sequel. Your writing was good, at least by my standards. I loved 95% of the story, and hope you continue.
As for staggered releases of already completed works... Grrrr...
I hate waiting on things I know are already done!!! It's torture... Cause you KNOW!!! :P
I might have to hold of reading till I can take some BIG chunks of it at once... Or my impatience till betray me! LOL!
I like the idea of a guaranteed chapter every two days. It's much better than having to wait without even knowing if the story will be finished or left hanging :/
ReplyDeleteMy excitement continues to grow; I hope that this will be released soon!
ReplyDelete@Azarias
ReplyDeleteNot any time particularly soon, I fear. But for how it's shaping up, my lord. I do believe it might actually be worth the wait.
well written, Chester seems kinda like a dumbass.
ReplyDeleteA very well written story, but it was a sad ending.
ReplyDeleteI normally don't get this excited about fanfics. And the thought of human/pony isn't something I particularly enjoy. But, the emotion and detail of this story... It was overwhelming! In the words of a certain cyan pony, "I liked it... A LOT."
ReplyDelete@Pride I await with baited breath for the sequel that I truly hope you choose to write.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTotally whiffed on the point of MLP, but good characterization good writing and the grammar did not make my eyes bleed. 4/5. Will be waiting for a sequel if it comes.
ReplyDeleteThat luna episode was awesome, I loved every minute of it.
ReplyDelete@Azarias
ReplyDeleteI think it goes without saying, but the Luna represented in Season 2 is a far cry from the Luna characterised in Arddun and Arddun 2; although there are certain elements that piqued my interest, such as her new Celestia-like mane, there were certain things about the episode that made its integration into the Arddun universe almost impossible.
Her change in colour, to start with, was something I personally disliked; it's not an attractive shade of blue at all. But more to the point, things like those crazy Bat-stallion guards, her total change in attitude, et cetera made it so that there will be two Lunas in my head canon; canon Luna, and Arddun Luna (what I once referred to as Strong Luna during Arddun's development).
@Pride
ReplyDeleteUm. . . I noticed your dA account has been deactivated, Pride, with a final note of:
"Gentlemen.
The toll my story has taken on my private life has grown to a level where I am now forced to put Chwe Goleadau down.
Forgive me."
I express my condolences to you.
I really do hope that someday you will be able to pick it up again, or that we will at least be able to find out at least what was going to happen, or read what you had already written.
This is a very compelling story, with a very left-field ending. The last few chapters have a very 'Book 1 of...' feel; and the completeness is debatable.
ReplyDeleteNevertheless I'd recomend it. It has a lot of clever ideas presented very well, which is all you could want from an FIM fic.