Author: Jetfire
Description: When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?All Chapters after the Break!
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 1
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 2
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 3
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 4
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 5
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 6
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 7
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 8
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 9
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 10
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 11
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 12
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 13
Ir's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 14
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 15
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 16
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 17
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 18
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 19
Besides the Will of Evil (New - Sequel)
Additional Tags: Adventure, Epic, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash
Full Revised Story Download (New!)
Gildsedale Flag
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747 comments:
Heck, yeah! Let's get this adventure started.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that Applejack seems to be taking the leadership role in this journey to save Twilight. She's the best pony.
See this? I would like to see more fan fic like this. A nice set up, great writing, and just well-crafted all-around. I look forward to more additions in the future.
ReplyDeleteAlso, given the nature of the show, Beneviolet is the best name for a made-up flower *ever*.
And so the three amigas set out on their long journey, who knows what obstacles, trials, and triumphs they shall encounter?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, who knows? Because this story is currently incomplete and I want MOAR
Well that was Epic. I'm definitely looking forward to what happens next.
ReplyDeleteThe part with the mountain range reminded me of the mountain peak joke from the Simpsons. That's going to be alot of ground to cover.
Epic adventure is epic, moar!
ReplyDelete>My face when you named it after an Underoath album/song
ReplyDeleteThe title is more likely a reference to a line from the Fellowship of the Rings.
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be epic. EPIC.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit, this is brilliant so far.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I think I can see where its going in a couple places, but you know what? I don't care! it's all about the journey right?
ReplyDeleteGreat voices and characterizations on all the ponies, paced well and I can't wait for the worldbuilding beyond the boarders of equestria.
Keep up the awesome work, I can't wait to read the next chapter!
I am SO looking forward to the rest of this. I just hope they didn't forget Spike's fire, though.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAh yes, it is, the term I was thinking of was "It's dangerous business walking out your front door."
That DOES make a lot more sense doesn't it, lmao.
I'll definitely read this, having just gotten back from work...
Everything seems to be shaping up nicely, can't wait to see a continuation!
ReplyDeleteA very fitting title to what may well become an epic tale of high adventure.
ReplyDeleteA very nice story, but I do have a question.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't they just ask Celestia for help? Unless they're dealing with the tyrant version (and it doesn't sound like they are in this fic) wouldn't she just be able to pop over there and back before lunch was over?
I get that it's about the quest and the journey and the relationships forged along the way and all, but it's like the big eagle in Lord of the Rings. It's a pretty large hole in the story.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI was wondering about that too. I think there should have been a mention of contacting her, especially since even if she wasn't being asked to help, it seems like she'd care if Twilight was so seriously ill.
If they had contacted her, I could see her being like "Okay, your plan is good, go do that." She's trusted them to act as her agents before (arranging for them to defeat Nightmare Moon, telling them to go get rid of the dragon). I don't think Celestia can teleport that far, so from what we and the characters currently know, the adventuring party is completely as capable of solving the problem as Celestia is. Maybe even more capable, since they don't have to deal with the red tape of a sovereign leaving their nation in a time of potential economic uncertainty.
This is an amazing introduction. A lot of good setup that took its time and didn't rush through details, but also didn't drag its feet and get bogged down (too much) in them.
ReplyDeleteA couple things stood out to me:
Rarity's guilt was well done, and she did try to temper her impulse to accessorize with good sense, even if she may not have been entirely successful. I liked the sunscreen and glasses mention.
Rainbow's inner conflict was pretty good. I liked how she compromised herself to sleep.
Twilight shouting "LUBE!" had me rolling! Nearly lost my drink to it. Your explanation of the lube and its use as the plot device was really well done, also. Especially the magical conductivity of the stuff. I also liked the explanation of Horn Rot. My only hope is that it doesn't turn out to be Soap Opera Disease; no symptoms other than a slight cough, followed by sudden death. Scenes of it progressing will likely help to build suspense.
Other than that, the only other thing is why didn't they take the balloon?
Eagerly look forward to the real meat of the story. I would give it five, but the proofreading errors and the fact that it's only an introduction knock it down to four.
I am so stoked for the rest of this story. SO STOKED.
ReplyDeleteskeletorMOAR.jpg
ReplyDeleteDisregard about the proofreading errors. I confused one set of comments I was writing with another. x__x
ReplyDelete“Ah, here it is!” she said. Just what she'd been looking for, right in the same cyan-colored tube. “Lube!”
ReplyDeleteAnd the winner of the semiannual Context Required joke goes to Jetfire!
But seriously, keep up the good work.
It's a dangerous business, Applejack, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your hooves, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.
ReplyDeleteI would guess that they didn't take the balloon becuase they would have no way to control its direction. I suppose they could have used Pinkie Pie's contraption but that has its own problems.
ReplyDeleteLiking this a lot, and very interested in seeing where it goes, but I gotta echo the sentiment regardin the elephant in the room: Why don't they just send a scroll to Celestia? Spike even mentions that he can send her messages instantaneously, and there's no reason to assume she can't do SOMETHING about the situation, much less the fact that she's sure to want to know if her personal student is in mortal danger. She absolutely shouldn't solve the problem for the ponies, because then there'd be no story, but the reason they aren't immediately going for the obvious answer should at least be addressed.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe that'll be resolved in the next chapter and I'm talking out of my ass. Either way, looking forward to moar.
GASP! IT UPDATED!!! Oh joy!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy right now.
Oh God, I want more already.
ReplyDeleteArgh, I read these stories entirely too quickly. Without being too spoilery, I must say that cave has me curious as to its nature.
ReplyDeleteDarn, I wish I had this kind of dedication. Such a great story.
ReplyDeleteI hate stories like these because I get deeply into it and then I have to wait for an update. It's an amazing tale you've spun out for us here and I can't wait to see how it continues from here.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't be too surprised if they had to deal with it on their way back.
is anyone else getting an error on the second chapter? I can't open it
ReplyDeleteOkay, Raritie's panic attack was LOL as hell.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying this a LOT, good job Jetfire!
ReplyDeleteThe road goes ever on and on...
It's a good thing ponies don't need to breathe, or being trapped under the snow would be a bit of a problem... ಠ_à²
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good read. I couldn't stop until the end. Characterization seems spot-on, with a few added quirks for extra depth.
ReplyDeleteJust curious--was the cave monster a Siren? That's the only monster I can think of that uses such a tactic.
This is a fantastic read.
ReplyDeleteI still like the story but until I get more fleshed-out characters from more chapters I'll only have empty praise.
ReplyDeleteaka: keep writing you dastardly writer
And now for some criticism.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, this is one of the first journey stories I think I've read that feels like a JOURNEY story with other events happening, not other events happening all happening during a JOURNEY. If that makes any sense. All the danger has been physical with little emotional challenge other than fear and that siren (which I assume is what it was). There's a profound amount of mystery here, and even the idle dialog, the thoughts and opinions they have, they are all incredibly in character (I liked the freedom discussion, regardless of how simple it was). Giving everypony time to reflect was paced well and well done in their own thoughts.
All in all it was great, and this was the best chapter yet I think. More and more out of you, pl0x.
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteThank you for your detailed review! I'll try to keep it in mind for the future. I feel like the way each chapter since leaving Ponyville has encompassed one full day has contributed to the sense of journey.
As for emotional challenges, don't worry, those are coming up- all three ponies will have a lot to think about by the time the story is over.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteOh I'm quite sure, I'm just happy to read a story that doesn't have that as the forefront of the entire story! Even some grimdarks I like to read seem more bent on making you scared than just being violent.
I guess I only have ONE small complaint as well, and that's that saying "hours passed doing this one action" is a really boring way to describe passing time. It doesn't detract THAT much, but I think artfully describing some scenery, regardless of how redudant it might seem, would be a slight improvement.
And man if you think this is a detailed review you don't want to see what I've said for Arddun LLeuad.
Ohhh man, this is the fanfiction I wait for with most enthusiasm~!
ReplyDeleteI do hope we get to see Twilight's decline in the illness along the way of the journey. I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff.
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteI admit that's a spot of uncreativity on my part, which I shall do my best to correct- really for my own good. It would give me a better opportunity to add in background details.
If anyone has further questions, I have threads both on Ponychan and FiMchan, though I'll be happy to take any questions in the comments here as well.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but are the Chapters following a day-by-day progression? That is to say, is each chapter (except for the first two) one day of travel?
ReplyDeleteBecause if so, then that's pretty cool. We can then tell at a glance how much time they've been travelling and how much time they have left.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteChapters 1 and 2 and 3 take place in a single day. Chapter 4 and Chapter 5 take place over the course of the next day. But from Chapter 6 onward, it's one chapter per day, and I hope to see it remain that way. So, count off the chapters from Chapter 5 onward, and add two to them, and that's how many days Twilight has been sick.
Yeah, I think it'd be cool to have at least a little interlude in one of the chapters showing how Twilight is... I was wondering how she was getting on while I was reading the more recent chapters :)
ReplyDeleteJust because I feel like being "that guy", gonna dispel a couple theories/queries here.
ReplyDelete1. Cave monster isn't a siren- lurking in caves isn't their style, and their songs reflect the listener's greatest desires. Plus, sirens can't shoot lightning bolts (at least I think that was the cave monster.)
2. Travel by balloon if ridiculously slow- maybe a couple miles an hour if you have good strong winds. Plus, the blizzard would have torn it to shreds.
3. Calling Celestial wouldn't be a very entertaining plot device, now would it?
Plus, I've said "plus" far too many times in this comment. Oh well.
Don't worry, we'll get some glimpses of Twilight and the goings-on back in Ponyville.
ReplyDeleteOh my, a new chapter! You have no idea how happy I am...
ReplyDeleteNow the story is picking up! Really like what is going on.
ReplyDeleteI haven't even finished it; but when I read "the average pegasus is about 80% as cool as me", all I could think of is how that would make Rainbow Dash 25% cooler, I knew I'm weird.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favourite fanfics, I hope the next part cmes as soon as possible!
I see where you went with this chapter. I love Rohan too.
ReplyDeleteAt first, I thought it was a neat fic with nice in-character mane-cast and a good intro with poor Twilight gettin' Ba-zoomed by magic. Than, we've got some survival in the mountains, and it was good. And after that, you made us BALLISTIC with freakin' Pony Rohan! How good could this fic get in next chapters!?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, loved it so far. One thing I would be pleased to see - how Fluttershy and Pinkie are handling Twilight and how she get worse? Just a little tiny itty bitty scoop!
So I discovered this 'fic a couple weeks ago and ate it up; you can see my gushing review on its Ponychan thread in /fic under the name "Gojira007". Well now I'm back, this time to comment on the ED thread because hey, consistency! :D
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm sort of shocked it took your making the parallels explicit for me to catch the Tolkien connection that's been lurking behind the scenes of this 'fic from the beginning, but I'm positively giddy to see them surfacing here and how they're taking shape. Your cast of OC's are remarkably well-drawn, the society you've built for them fascinating, and the way AJ 'n' the others react to them compelling. I'm admittedly nervous to watch their journey to save Twilight get swallowed up by the Gildedale Ponies and their conflict with the Komaga, but I'm sure it's just a matter of adjusting expectations; this feels like the path you've been moving toward from the start, given the clear connection between Rarity and Dash's debate about freedom vs. order in the last chapter and Ashtail's noting that their freedom comes from their lifestyle, so I'm eager to see how it unfolds. :)
Am I missing something cause Chapter 8 was only one page.
ReplyDeleteA few thoughts:
ReplyDelete- I'm not quite sure how the mechanics of a hoof axe work, but I'm excited to find out!
- I'm happy that the main characters' personalities haven't gotten lost in the narrative.
- It'd be interesting to see the civil liberty debate continue. I was (not unpleasantly) surprised at the addition of Lockean political leanings to Rarity's character, though Dash speaking from more of a libertarian perspective totally fits. Since I'm Canadian, I keep expecting AJ to take a slightly more socialist angle (since the prairie states and farming communities tend to do that here,) but in the meantime it's interesting to see her mull it over in the middle. Also, the more subtlety the better, and I think you have that right. It's freedom vs. freedom, not freedom vs. order.
- To echo Sssonic somewhat: be careful about straying too far into the dalepony part of the story. It can be hard to remember the clock is ticking when I'm caught up in lovely descriptions.
- Humour is good! Lube, phallic horn dreams, "80% as cool", all keep the story fresh.
Looking forward to more!
Correction: the prairie states are really conservative/libertarian at the moment, but historically there was a lot of socialist sentiment out west.
ReplyDeleteNot that it's really relevant to this discussion. *embarrassed cough*
Noooooo too many people viewing the document! *sads*
ReplyDeleteAn excellent story, combining two of my favourite things, LotR and ponies. Not, granted, that it would ever have occured to me that such a thing could be done. Superb work, I look forward to the continuation.
ReplyDeleteHmm. Interesting chapter. I have an inkling as to where it may be going. Whether I am right or not, I will be looking forward to the next chapter, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteAlso... Will Ashtail end up in Equestria? Probably not. The other way around would make more sense, theoretically, but I would hate to see that happen. I guess that won't be revealed until the end of this, and as far as I can tell that is not for a while yet.
This story is absolutely fantastic.
ReplyDeleteMOAR
This is incredibly kickass.
ReplyDeleteCONFOUND THOSE PONY CLIFFHANGERS! THEY DRIVE ME TO THINK!
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed this story throughout all 9 parts so far, and I look forward to how things will turn out.
I'm just curious; will the white streak and the ancient cave hold any relevance to why the creatures are panicking?
Gaaaaah I want to know what happens next! But I knew when I read "they arrive on the morrow" that I would have to wait for the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteThe battle scene itself was fantastic, riveting, and very well-written! All these sentences end in exclamation points! Except this one.
gaah..
ReplyDeleteit keeps cutting short. I only get a page's worth or less for some reason.
any ideas how to fix this?
I only get a page of Chapter 8, the rest doesn't load.
ReplyDeleteOh you son of a diamond dog! That's one NASTY cliffhanger to leave us on, especially after such an intense chapter!
ReplyDeleteI'm very glad to see you've managed to keep things in perspective as I hoped, with AJ, Dash, and Rarity still keeping themselves in character and up front in the plot. Your world-building continues to impress, and your action descriptions prove very effective. Admittedly, I started noticing some of your descriptions running on a bit longer than needed, particularly once we arrive at Thatchholm, but that's a fairly minor problem all things told.
I also felt the ending confrontation between Applejack and Iron Hooves was sheer genius. You set the moment up and pull it off brilliantly.
I might be the first to ask why exactly in all of Equestria no one has bothered to keep a supply of the 3 week to brew potion mentioned in chapter 2?
ReplyDeleteEspecially if Horn Rot is potentially fatal and caused by over exertion or simple mistakes with lube...
Cool story anyway
Loving your story. Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow Dash are all in character, and stay in character throughout. I really like the world building you are doing with the Dale pomies, with all the detail of the society. I especially liked how you handled the political debate. I have seen other authors try to do such discussions and fail miserably. This is a very exciting and suspenseful tail.
ReplyDeleteI do have a suggestion for your next chapter. Have a short scene checking in on Twilight and her worsening condition. We have spent so much time reading about the Dale ponies it has become easy for the reader to forget that there is a ticking clock. Not telling you how to write your story and feel free to ignore me.
This is the Style Police! Drop the bold and put your italics on your head! In all seriousness, please don't use typeface for emphasis. If you feel the need to impress upon the reader how incredibly loud komagas roar, or how viciously they swipe their claws, do it verbally. ALL CAPS and multiple exclamation points are also a big no-no. Now, there are cases where italics are appropriate, but it's rare. Usually, you want to reserve italics for unusual emphasis. For example, "Put it in the car." has a different meaning from "Put it in the car." I like to put thoughts in italics (without quotes) too: "I'll get your food right away," she said past clenched teeth. And I hope you choke on it, she added in her head.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteum... all i get is about half a page's worth of each chapter.. in 8 it even cuts out mid sentaence.
ReplyDeletehow do I fix this?
Ooh, komagas have golden-yellow blood. That must mean they're not using hemoglobin in their blood chemistry--
ReplyDelete"Brain..."
--so it's probably some other oxygen-binding protein that either turns yellow when oxygenated, or turns clear--
"Brain!"
--and it looks yellow because of all the stuff that makes human blood plasma yellow after you remove the red cells--
"BRAIN!"
What?!
"Overthinking!"
It's not MY fault they have yellow blood...
Could you perhaps make a mirror of this on another site? The docs aren't loading properly.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteGoogleDocs in general is having trouble right now.
I love this, especially because it doesn't require familiarity with the "Lord of the Rings" universe in order to be entertaining.
ReplyDeleteJust don't get too distracted with all that world-building, Mr./Ms. Author; as well-written as it is, I don't want to forget about Twilight!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAs I've said- once our intrigues with the Daleponies are done, we'll get a glimpse of Twilight Sparkle- and Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and even Spike.
ReplyDeleteOne more chapter of Gildedale stuff, then it's back to Ponyville for a chapter.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteIs anyone else thinking of Gildedale as Lord of the Rings-esque place? I'm thinking either that, or some midevil fair, or something.
@Flaming Artisan Are you kidding? I have trouble not thinking of the Daleponies as Rohirrim.
ReplyDeleteHeh, was it that obvious?
ReplyDeleteBut to settle the matter finally (since we're almost to the end of their part of the story), yes, Gildedale is based heavily on Rohan.
The whole idea for Gildedale came from learning that Lauren Faust had based Canterlot on Minas Tirith. Extending the inspiration outward, Equestria as a whole does a decent job standing in for Gondor. You could even rejigger Manehattan as something like Dol Amroth, assuming it's still coastal.
Thus came Gildedale- the Rohan to Equestria's Gondor. They even have similar relations: friendly yet strained by time and difference of culture.
Well... yeah, it was obvious. Remember you're writing for geeks here. :) I actually started to pick up the Rohan vibe just before the Daleponies arrived -- I thought for a minute you were going to riff on the scene where the riders surround Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli. "What business does an elf, a man, and a dwarf have in the Riddermark?"
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure it was deliberate until Eowyn-I-mean-Shield Maiden showed up. That said, I like your rather literal interpretation of Helm Hammerhand. :)
DRAT THESE INCOMPLETE STORIES.
ReplyDeleteThey drive me to insanity. I just read the whole damn thing in one sittings, and now there's a massive cliffhanger in my face.
RRRGHH.
Brilliant story, absolutely epic. We do need more stories of this breadth and depth.
I was a bit apprehensive about reading this fic due to there being nine chapters and all, but now all I want is MOAR! This is an absolutely amazing fic that makes the world of equestria so much bigger and deeper. I love stories that take the characters out of their homeland into the unknown.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best fanfics ever. Hurry up and finish iiit. Label it a six star too. :U
ReplyDeleteOooo... if Gildedale is Rohan, and Equestria is Gondor, does that mean there's a Mordor out there somewhere? Or a Rhun? Maybe Sarumane is causing the problems with the Komonagas? I mean, you've already more-or-less foreshadowed Lothlorien with the newest chapter...
ReplyDeleteDon't be silly. They're traveling on foot, and you can't just walk into Mordor!
ReplyDeleteWhy i am sad for AppleJack? :(
ReplyDeleteGood work,it's one of the fiction that i keep an eye on it.
Hmm... Lord Whatshisname said that there's a forest between Gildedale and their destination that Rarity would really like? Perhaps it's inhabited by a Unicorn nation?
ReplyDeleteWould that make the mountains themselves the home of a Pegasus nation?
OOOOMMMGGGG YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS.
ReplyDeleteThis is my favorite story on EqDa. There's just so much depth to it, it's INCREDIBLE.
Can't wait for chapter 11.
That was resolved a lot quicker then I thought. Or so it seems. I'm willing to entertain the notion there is more to it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, this was a truly great chapter. I enjoyed every second of it tremendously. Shield Maiden's filly was a nice touch, very touching. We are probably well over the half-way point by now, but I hope we still have quite a few chapters to go through yet. I'll be eagerly looking forward to the next one.
Welp, I made it halfway through Chapter Eight before Rohan-lite was too much. When introducing a frightening, alien culture, having them go on and on about how much better they are and then having the main characters sheepishly agree ain't the way to do it.
ReplyDeleteRarity forgetting how to kick monsters in the face was a particular disappointment.
@Anonymous Keep reading you'll change your tone
ReplyDeleteManly watery eyes were had, and shivers down the spine were sent! This continues to be one of my favorite series out there!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I will say: The komoga issue was resolved pretty quickly, but its probably a cliche to have the leader be a stubborn a-hole who will stay the course because of tradition, so... still good.
This chapter could very well be my favorite. You really conveyed the sense that the Equestrian ponies performed great deeds in this chapter, and you did it using lassos. (Lassoes?) Not many fics I can think of that have done that.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI couldn't very well have a big, bloody battle, now could I? This world is still that of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, however much I've filled it with peril and twists. Love and friendship are the law of the land. So, Applejack found a nonviolent solution. In the end, neither pony nor komaga had to die.
My oh my, that ship is ridiculously legitimate.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see forest unicorn elf pony equivalents.
I honestly have nothing to add critique wise, it is done so well; I did tear up while RD/Rr were talking and... becoming friends. I really did. True powerful character development for characters from a show for 8 year old girls, fucking damnit. And you do it perfectly and in character. Sigh. I hope I never grow up, so to speak.
Keep on writing, this story is glorious.
I love this story and I love the regular updates. You make my Sunday evenings!
ReplyDeleteAlso, RD is a huge fucking cockblock.
ReplyDeleteI wish Rarity had kept that sword. Every adventurer knows you don't GIVE loot like that away. I could see her using it...if only as a magical booster. Besides, it's not like the Gildsedale ponies can use it anyway.
ReplyDeleteOther then that point I have NOTHING bad to say. This is just an epic piece of work! Keep it up!
Another great chapter. I look forward to reading what happens in the Shimmerwood. I am a little disappointed that Rarity didn't keep the horn blade though, I expected there to be a story behind it. Oh well, Keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for the next chapter. I also can't wait to see Shimmerwood and its inhabbitants. Who I assume must be the Deer Shield Maiden mensioned earlier.
ReplyDeleteI liked this chapter. It felt like a nice little uplifting breather for a story that I was getting vibes of GrimDark as of late.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to the next one.
So this is officially a weekly story, is it? Fine by me; gives me something to look forward to on Sundays, finally. XD
ReplyDeleteAnyway, while I sort of saw Applejack's solution to the Komaga problem coming, you nonetheless pull it off so nicely, so satisfyingly, that I can hardly complain about that in the least. It was likewise a nice change, after all the tension between our Equestrian trio and the Ponies of Gildedale, to have the celebration in Thatchcolm. I do admit, the fact that it winds up taking over the rest of the chapter left me hungry for more plot progression, but again, you do such a nice job filling the celebration to the brim with heartwarming moments (finally getting to meet Shield Maiden's daughter, and Rarity styling her hair no less, was a particular favorite for me) that I can't really fault you for it.
Also, kudos to you on making Applejack/Ashtail a convincing couple; I don't generally go for OC/CC pairings, especially when I have a pre-existing favored pairing for the CC in question (I find myself oddly attached to Fluttershy/Applejack), but you've done a fine job of mapping out the ways in which these two compare and contrast, how their relationship progresses, and, perhaps wisest move of all, you leave things just a little bit uncertain without copping out. That balance, that refusal to go unrealistically all in but nonetheless leave the bond between them legitimate, does a lot to give the pairing real weight and make me hopeful to see more of it. :)
I also find myself flailing with excitement at some of the plot threads you left dangling here; what awaits our trio in the forest ahead? Just what is scaring the Komagas into stampeding across Gildedale year after year (My guess: it has something to do with whatever it was lurking in the cave that entranced Rarity and Dash)? All the more reason to wait for next week's exciting chapter. :D
Very interesting so far.
ReplyDeleteI can't help, but wonder and link the ''something frighten the kagoma each year'' and the ''mysterious abomination'' in that cave, in that earlier chapter...
...yes... I wonder ? Hum...
A little dissapointed that Rarity didn't keep the horn blade and that they didn't get a Dalepony escort. But other than that it was freaking awesome.
ReplyDeleteThat image that Seth uses for the story is kinda starting to fit now.
You've set up so many little side mysteries in this story from the siren-like thing in the cave, to the land lightning and now something that can spook a house sized hill smashing monster. I'm looking forward to the next chapter and what other little surprises you decide to spring on everyone. Bring on the deer.
Also enjoyed the "Freedoms" debate and the overall interactions all felt natural. And your right Dash and Rarity don't really hang out unless someone else is there to mediate.
Applejack actually says "hold your horses" in The Best Night Ever. Aside form that, loving this story.
ReplyDeleteDuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude.
ReplyDeleteThat is a might fine story. One to download, which is rare.
[a few spoilers below ... I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. nothing serious]
I really like how fleshed out it is (properly epic) without feeling like it's unnecessarily meandering. The overarching plot - Twilight's horn - is the skeleton on which you can hang two weeks of story (ten massive chapters and only seven days? methinks there is a fair bit still to come), and the main theme isn't so pressing that we feel we have to get back to it. In other words, this is well structured and layered.
Gildesdale (if I've spelt it right) is a tremendously rich creation of your imagination, with surprisingly intricate issues of isolationism and the debate about freedom. My mind flicked to Lord of the Rings more than once, but I don't see that as a bad thing, and it was only a vague association.
It's interesting that such an enormous story uses only AJ, Dash and Rarity. But it's worked very well in that three is a much better number of characters than six for this sort of story, and I think you've done well to leave Pinkie and Fluttershy at home. Their characters don't really fit so well for this sort of epic adventure story. Personally I would have liked Twilight to participate in the story, but there is a very obvious reason why she doesn't. And I suppose it's healthy to read about Rarity, since I often ignore her. I think as much of the internet fanbase of mlp is male, Rarity perhaps gets a rough deal since she's the most effeminate character for her obsession with fashion and dresses.
Rainbow Dash is Rainbow Dash, and she's beautifully simple to characterise in a story, which you have captured perfectly. I really like AJ, too - she has a new depth that she didn't have before to me, and it's a good depth and development of character, rather than arbitrary revelations that have just been hung on Lauren Faust's creation.
I natter much too much, but take it as a sign that I really enjoyed this story - and of course I'm waiting for more! I'd love to write an essay on it :)
Argh, I should really read through everybody else's comments before leaving one of my own. Still it leaves me feeling a little proud that I spotted the LOTR allusion myself, and also that it's a more deliberate link to Rohan. The modern style of writing leans very heavily on originality, but we don't appreciate taking somebody else's idea and running with it so much any more - I mean besides the fact that this is a fanfiction of course. I don't think there's anything wrong with the Rohan image, in fact I think it's great - it's exactly what Virgil did when he wrote for the Roman Emperor Augustus, basing a lot of what he wrote on Homer. You're up there with the classics!
ReplyDeleteAnd on that comment, I do think that this will become one of the classics of mlp ficdom. I confess I haven't read hundreds of fics, but this is the most accomplished I've read by far.
I do have one nagging question, though; what was the flash Dash saw in Glidedale when she flew up high? Perhaps it was explained and I missed it, but I don't think I did.
You could draw a graph for this story, and that's important - crucially, chapter ten ends with some downtime before the plot continues. This is a very good decision, it's tinged with a bit of humour (stout? are you English? if so, all the better.) and I loved the idea of Dash being susceptible to beer - even though its OC it fits her perfectly.
A few other people were asking about alternative plot devices (eg why can't Celestia go and get it, or why can't they go there in a balloon - which is a ridiculous idea, who came up with that? it'd take forever!) ... I think that the author must be allowed some poetic license. Although having said that it's pretty damn watertight. My one feeble attempt at a fic was full of holes where there was no real logic, just me pushing the story where I wanted it, but in reading this there were very, very few occasions where I said "Why don't they just". I can't bring any of them to mind now, so they can't have been very important.
There's so much OC in here - little Rohan (nah, I'll call it that rather that Gildedale if that's ok with you!) and the Daleponies (fantastic name) mean that you've effectively written your own story here. The degree from which you draw from MLP:FiM in its official carnation is pretty low. It's a real achievment and I'm really looking forward to there being much more.
"They are forces of nature. They cannot be managed as you think they can."
ReplyDeleteYeah, when Equestrians manage forces of nature, they call it Tuesday.
GAHHH APPLEJACK AS CECIL. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN RAINBOW DASH IS CAIN, AND THAT JUST DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. AND THEN, WOULD CELESTIA BE TELLA? BUT THEN, THAT WOULD MEAN CELESTIA DIES GAHHHHHH.
ReplyDelete@Sssonic
ReplyDeleteI'm expecting it to be those lightning-wolves, or whatever it was Dash saw coming out of the Drackenridges. (I'm not sure whether the howl came from the lightning, and whether the lightning came from the siren cave, but either way...)
I'm loving the payoff in this chapter. I want to add my voice to Sssonic's, congratulating you for the believable romance -- plus Rarity getting to be all sisterly. I'm also really enjoying how the mane three bounce off one another in private. You write them really well.
I laughed out loud when Dash yelled for AJ to stop talking to her boyfriend. XD
I'm interested to see if there's going to be some air defenses or something that would have made sending Dash alone or with a small team of fast pegasi a really bad idea.
I have to ask, are you big into geography? It just dawned on me that the progression of Everfree forest, Drackenridge mountains, Gildedale scrub plains, Shimmerwood forest, and finally Archback mountains totally makes sense if the group is moving with the prevailing wind. There is presumably a large desert behind the Archbacks, and I wouldn't be shocked if there's a swamp between them and the Shimmerwood.
ReplyDelete(It also dawned on me that GildeDALE is a broad valley between two mountain ranges. So, um, I see what you did there.)
This is so beautiful. I adored the end of chapter ten. I can't wait forcehatecer you have in store next!
ReplyDeleteI... another update.... already?
ReplyDeleteYESSSSSs
And it's in ponyville? Holy shit...
I'm just loving this Fic more with every chapter. This is worth every one of the Six stars and more. Chapter 11 was just as worthy as all the others, and having come out so quick just gave me happiness.
ReplyDeleteI can't tell what Twilight said... deer, perhaps a fork in the road? It's certainly a warning, and I bet the lightning Dash saw, and the fact that she can't buck it, are all going to come into play. This is getting very good, and it was already fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThat was... intense. As usual, everyone seemed very in character, especially Fluttershy. She's the oldest and would take on a motherly role for sick Twilight, and that poem/song she sang was excellent. I could read it clearly until that last stanza, I lost the rhythm there haha.
I am... scared for Twilight. I mean, I don't think... you'd be that huge of a... you know, meanypants (this story is too good to use strong words) to have Twilight die, but you summon up her fears and Fluttershy's fears so well... it's heart wrenching.
YES! SCREW HOMEWORK. MORE OF THIS TO READ! WOOHOO!
ReplyDeletethis is...probably the best chapter of the best fanfic ive read...really heart wrenching and you should definetly do a few more chapters based on those characters. i was really happy to see spike taking a main role as guardian to twilight and more or less her son. you got a talent man, keep using it.
ReplyDeleteThis needs an [Awesome] tag.
ReplyDeleteAlso i didn't expect another chapter this fast, i am so excited for the next part of this adventure!
I'm starting to get really worried about Twilight here, i just hope they will make it in time.
Oh damn, this really had me scared about Twilight. I huess in the more-orless light tone of the series so far, I kinda forgot about how Twilight feels. Good job reminding us. I think I said it before, but I'll say it again: This is my favourite fanfic on this site.
ReplyDeleteIt was refreshing to see how Pinkie and Fluttershy were handling the situation again, and it certainly seems to reignite the urgency in everything.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that Chapter 11 brought some tears in my eyes. Some memories were washed up in it. Some I wish I never had made them.
ReplyDeleteManly tears were shed over chapter 11 - very real. And just what was needed at this point of the story. *Claps*
ReplyDeleteIts a great story. Very well done and I love the characterization of all the Six pack and the earth ponies.
ReplyDeletebut I have one question.
Why they don't contact Celestia? I mean, she is the Princess/Godess most beloveda apprentice and she had means far beyond what the three ponies could ever concieve, both in traveling the land and in the Medical help. If its not done for this, why don't just communicate that twilight was horrible maimed as a matter of courtesy.
I can see why the rest of the Pack wouldn't do it, but why Twilight would refrain to communicate such important news to her teacher? And if she did, why hasn't celestia reacted in anyway.?
Its just something that keep bugging me the most I read and seeing how much is suffering Twilight, it came as a very big plothole.
Yeah what does Celestia have to say about this? Is there nothing she could do to possibly slow the horn rot's advance? I could imagine she's terribly concerned that her star pupil is slowly decaying.
ReplyDeleteAnyways with recent family members passing away in the past 5 years this update really struck home for me. Fantastic representation of the characters in ponyville. It really shows what is at stake here.
Pleasant surprise to see a new chapter so soon. Particularly since it comes right after things resolve in Gildedale, it feels almost like a bridge between the story's first half and its second (which only works if we assume the story to be 20/21 chapters long, mind, but you get my point X3). I definitely liked how well you handled the tension in this chapter, and the distinct roles Spike, Pinkie, and Fluttershy are all playing in Twi's care is equally well thought out and effective. Fluttershy's song is cool, but it feels a bit too long and definitely too cryptic to work as a lullaby, at least to me. Still, another solid chapter. :D
ReplyDeleteCelestia's absence is the biggest plothole in the story, and one I'm still grappling with. I can't very well have her solve things instantly as she probably could; otherwise there would be no journey to write about.
ReplyDeleteI would like to have her show up, if only at the end. As to why Twilight hasn't contacted her... pride? Hopelessness? Foolishness? Take your pick. I will say that in the universe I've constructed there are some good reasons for Celestia to not want to venture into the Archback Mountains. Still, even so, she would go for Twilight's sake.
But this is an instance where I kind of have to shrug my shoulders and ask you all to roll with it. I may lampshade the thing at the end, but for now you'll have to bear with me.
@Jetfire Understood great story anyways.
ReplyDelete@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteAbout the Celestia plothole... maybe you could use the same reason why Spike and the others hadn't contacted Twilight's parents. Perhaps because they didn't want to make her worry or something.
I don't know.
Btw, this is a fantastic story, although I sometimes struggle with your descriptions. I had to google like crazy when you were describing Applejack's armor. Even so, everything is quite vivid at the moment of action.
Thanks for writing such an amazing thing!
Yeah, the armor the Dale Guard wears is legitimate horse armor, so I decided to use the terms I found on Wikipedia. I should probably edit it to make the description a little clearer.
ReplyDeleteEasily my favourite story on the site. You strike a good balance between action and repose, set up reasonable challenges for the protagonists, and perhaps most importantly: the romance is spectacularly well done. The timing is perfect, the sensitivity and emotions aren't overblown, and it evolves at a pace that fits perfectly with the setting of two strangers meeting in a time of turmoil.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could write an adventure tale like this. You are a truly beautiful writer.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI think that if Celestia got involved there would not be much of a plot anymore.
Wait, so AJ, one of the most practical characters, knowing full well they'd need to replace electrolytes, neglects to pack salt?
ReplyDeleteSorry if this has been pointed out already, but I'm on a pone and it's hard to look for specific comments.p
I honestly can't think of any way that the Celestia plothole can be resolved (outside of BSing some excuse about why she can't be reached), and I honestly think that Jetfire should just ignore it, really.
ReplyDeleteIts admittedly been bothering me since the halfway point of the first chapter, but in comparison to what the rest of the story achieves I have no problem looking the other way.
Rather than try to pitch together a cruddy essay extolling the quality of this fantastic story that will essentially only repeat what has already been said numerous times, I shall just say this:
ReplyDeleteBest. MLP fanfic. EVER!
That newest chapter was intense and the emotion for each characters was handled perfectly. it also drives the point that Twilight is majorly screwed if the others don't succeed in their quest.
ReplyDeleteAs for the "Where is Celestia" thing I have to agree with TenchiFreak5 on the whole ignore it thing. Heck I didn't even ponder it till someone brought it up.
The only advice I could give about the situation would be relooking in to what was stoping her from dealing with that dragon in the "Dragonshy" eps or even why the settlerpony's didn't ask for help with the Buffalo stampede incident.
Maybe it's like this one comic from the Order of the Stick where the gods trying to answer one of the charcters spells are yelled at by the "local" gods because it's on their turf.
Whatever the case just go with the flow and worry about it later.
Wow that last chapter really drove home the sense of urgency for the main three. I actually felt how powerless Pinky, Spike and Fluttershy were when Twilight had her pain episode. This has definitely gone up to my favorite mlp fanfic.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Celestia issue, you could just ignore it, but here's a though: Have Celestia actually visit Twilight; this would inform the reader that she is well aware of Twilight's condition and isn't being ye olde Trollestia and ignoring her. However, due to the unprecedented severity of Twilight's horn rot (possibly linked with her unnaturally strong affinity with magic) even Celestia's magic isn't powerful enough to cure her. And since Celestia is the queen (princess, w/e hasbro) of Equestria, she can’t just barge into Glendale without risking a serious diplomatic conflict. (Remember, they do not know that the dale ponies are now brosfets with AJ, RD and Rarity) She would have to sent a messenger, wait for a reply, and pretty much go the formal route before she could even begin the journey and by then Twilight's fate would already have been sealed. Therefore, all hopes rest on Applejack’s crew.
:I
ReplyDeleteFor Celestia's sake, last chapter was so intense, I am sweating like a pig after an hour of hardcore gym session. Zecora is a bad doctor, telling that Twilight have now LESS time than her first diagnosis stated. Loved the tension!
One, tiny nitpick: AAAAHHH! is good shout for pain, but you can also use some more. Like URGAAAH, ARGH, OUUUWIIEWIEWEEE and TSSSSK! And many, many more.
Still, hardcore 5 stars here. Twice. Can't wait for more.
(Also - Ashtail x Applejack: I need a shipping now. NAOW!)
I am absolutely in love with this story. Ignore all the criticism and suggestions (I certainly know they are mostly all submitted in a truly helpul fashion, of course, but I don't think you need any assistance) and keep doing exactly what you're doing. Reading new chapters of this story is a highlight to my day, and I am anxious for more! Thank you for such a wonderful tale!
ReplyDeleteSorry for nitpicking, but
ReplyDelete>Black is every color brought together, right?
No, white is every color brought together. Black objects absorb all visible light, and are therefore absent of color in the physical sense. Even if you're talking about pigments, a mix of all colors would be more of a dull dark brown.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYeah, I thought that too. There's white pieces on the board anyway, so no big deal. I loved Twi's tricky rules lawyering. :)
I'm with Soapy, I'd mostly just figure there's not much Celestia could do at this point. It sounds like the cure involves a large, sudden dose of magic, and even a Princess probably doesn't have that kind of "surge" capacity. (Much like a gun's total energy output is far less than a power lifter raising a barbell, but the weightlifter couldn't throw a bullet at sonic speed.)
ReplyDeleteAs for her going on this quest alone, we really don't know anything about the nature of Equestria vs. "wild" areas. She may be unable to leave Equestria, or doing so might be disastrous.
Due to the severity of Horn Rot and the time it takes to brew a cure, you'd think someone would keep a few doses (or a magic rich precursor) on hand. Still, the condition sounds fairly rare, so maybe the potion decays quickly in storage or the emergency supply was recently used up.
On a lighter note, you made me want to define the pieces in pony chess.
ReplyDeleteI assume the Priestess is equivalent to a Queen, since a bishop can't trap a king on half the board.
King: Princess
Queen: Priestess
Bishop: Unicorn
Knight: Pegasus
Rook: Palace
Pawn is already sufficiently generic. :)
I really love a lot of the fanfics on this site, as so many of them are spectacularly written, but I had held off on reading this one for a while because it mostly involved my least favorite members of the mane cast. Then i was finally bored enough to read this one, and I was completely engrossed in the plot after the first chapter. This is amazingly written, and it develops the characters in a completely believable way. I also wondered why they didnt try to contact Princess Celestia, but that's a minor detail until it becomes a major one, so we can assume that Celestia cant or wont do anything. This fanfic is so intense, so chapter 11 completely caught me off guard in a good way. This is completely deserving of 6 stars, and I encourage you to write more.
ReplyDeleteCOME ON AUTHOR! CHAPTER 12 PLEEEEEEZ! actually wait.... don't rush it, we all want it to be as perfect as the rest.... BUT STILL QUICKLY!
ReplyDeleteI just rewatched LotR... I simply had to come back and start reading this again. You manage to capture those unbelievable levels of story depth and emotion hat just make the heart sing... This truly is an epic masterpiece of the world.
ReplyDeleteEasily the best fic on the site. The descriptions are vivid and everything flows very smoothly, even with a length that would be daunting for some. The personalities are consistent and spot on and through that, the dialogue is perfect. I eagerly await the next installations. This is a 7 star fic.
ReplyDelete7 Star? I smell a new tag, Sethisto.
ReplyDeleteEagerly awaiting Chap 12.
This story is the only one in EqD that makes me drop everything once a new chapter is posted. Lately I've been avoiding reading fics to dedicate my attention fully to my writing, but that just ain't happening whenever a new chapter of this story comes up.
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions are so rich they just immerse you completely into the story, and the way you make each character shine just really makes my day- this story is worth reading, re-reading, and then turned into an actual season of the show.
Thanks for writing this, and yeah, totally a 7-star story. (Take THAT, Heavy Metal L-Gaim!)
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMFG
ReplyDeleteThe two best stories on ED update within 30 minutes of each other!
*explodes*
*reads*
Niles=best character ever.
ReplyDeleteI love him and his adorable cockney accent.
HE HAS A COCKNEY ACCENT, GET IT?
=O
ReplyDelete=D
=O
=D
Screw it! I'm reading the whole thing again! RIGHT NOW!
ReplyDeleteA DFSRX^BJZMXYTNXDRFHVBN I CANNOT DESCRIBE MY LOVE AND SHEER APPRECIATION FOR THIS STORY.
I am your slave!
I wasn't even sure what I imagined Niles with. I imagined him with a silly nasally cartoon voice with some accent I wasn't aware of.
ReplyDeleteBut wow, glad to see Rainbow Dash getting a huge character development segment. I was worried that lightning would be related to what starts the komaga running, but I guess it's just awesome deer-like things. Which is awesome.
This story is... just so good. I think I still have shivers from chapter 11. But man this was good. For some reason I want to see AJ talk about Ashtail, it seems to be really bothering her- GODDAMNIT STOP GETTING ME MORE EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR FIC VERSIONS OF THE CHARACTERS! THEY'RE EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE SHOW
JKFPOQIUFOJPRJPOOWEFW I'M GOING TO REREAD THIS TOMORROW
I SWEAR
SOMEONE RATED THIS 4 STARS
ReplyDeleteWHO WAS IT
That was another great chapter. And a good antidote for Twilight: Spellbound. I really needed that, thank you ^^
ReplyDelete[SPOILER] I have been wondering what the group would do if Spike's bottle were to break. I haven't been sure whether or not it was going to happen. I think the likeliness of that just increased. If it does happen, its good to know that the flower can still reach Twilight in (less then) a day.
@Baree
ReplyDeleteYou make valid point with the fragility of Spike's bottle... However, you bring up a point I'm suddenly very interested in; i call it the Middle-Earth Taxi Effect (WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST GET TEH EAGLES TO FLY THEM TO blahblahblah).
What is there to stop our heroines from demanding the network retrieve and send the flower to Twilight?
Our beloved author has a hell of a challenge in front of him; get teh Network to decline the obviously incoming request for help, and do so believably.
@Crimson Valor
ReplyDeleteEh, if we go down that road, why on Equestria has Celestia not been notified as soon as Twilight got stuck with the illness? Surely she could have done something?
Best not to dwell to long on that and just enjoy the story ^^
This fic gets better and better each day
ReplyDeleteComing home from work to find the newest chapter of one of my favorite stories, I could certainly get used to this.
ReplyDeleteApplejack learned to stand firm as rock and it looks like Rainbow is ging to ride the lightning, and I can only guess what Rarity's going to pick up on this journey(other than piece of mind). Pinkie and everyone else is going to be all over the place when they see what souvenirs they brought home.
Liking Niles the messenger, I keept seeing him as an odd looking deer in my minds eye until I finally caved and looked up what a pronghorn was on wikipedia. Very interesting choice of creature.
uargh
ReplyDelete12 has a really exciting development; it explains the flash earlier; I love the pronghorn (I imagine him as very english); I'm looking forward to seeing more or the pronghorns and it's a brilliant invention ...
uargh - over happy
Sssonic:
ReplyDeleteIt was a welcome return to have the girls back on the road with this chapter; the travelogue aspect of this story was one of the first things about it that really struck me and pulled me in, so it feels good to revisit that aspect here, particularly coming off our extended stay in Gildedale. Nigel is also an EXCELLENT character; right off the bat you establish his personality, his particular behaviors, and his backstory with almost nothing but his voice, and your description of his body paints a very intriguing portrait. The idea of the Network is also very interesting, as is the story behind it.
Admittedly, I advise that you tread with caution regarding the Network. The story already has to silently sweep the "Celestia" issue under the rug (which is easy enough; I'm just assuming she's too busy with Princess duties for Twilight to want to worry her), it will REALLY hurt its integrity if it doesn't address using or not using the Network to aid in the girls' mission, which as has been pounded into us from the start, hinges very much on the same kind of speed the Network specializes in. Particularly since Nigel establishes up front that the Pronghorns are basically available to anyone who wants their services, it needs to be addressed, in my opinion; Dash not asking about it here I'll chalk up to her being too caught up in the idea of learning to finally control lightning, but the issue's going to need to be addressed eventually, and probably the sooner the better IMO.
That said, your grasp of prose and character continue in top form, and I continue to look forward to its ever-enjoyable progress. ^_^
This was a great character development chapter, I think. I also see a lot of great seeds being planted for the later chapters.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I echo the warning given above about the implications the Network could have on this story. I trust your judgment, though, so I'm not too worried about it.
My dear readers, what would I do without you? I had tossed around addressing the opportunity the Pronghorn Network posed for our traveling heroes, but I shall now make sure it is addressed more fully. I already have some good ideas on that front. Rest assured your fears will be assuaged.
ReplyDeleteOn a related note, keep in mind that AJ, Dash and Rarity don't know Twilight's condition is worsening. In their minds, they still have at least five full days before they have to really worry.
I'd just figured you couldn't really piggyback on someone riding a lightning bolt. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know they have a backup if (when) the dragonfire is lost.
Though it does raise the question of why Equestria in general doesn't even know this network exists...
I imagined Giles as having a sort of jittery voice, like the electrified lab rats in an episode of the old Rescue Rangers. I like this guy.
ReplyDeleteGiles and the Pronghorn Network seemed to come out of nowhere. A bit wierd, but I'm interested in seeing where it goes.
ReplyDelete@ultra8
ReplyDeleteI think it's pretty obvious what Rarity is going to pick up on this trip.
[Minor Spoilers Below!]
My theory, before the Pronghorn Network was introduced, was that the bottle of Spike's flame would break, and right when they lose all hope, Rarity dashes back to Thatchholm, demands the weapon she had for the battle, and amplifies her magic to teleport her back to (or close) Ponyville.
But with the Pronghorn Network now in play, I figure the bottle will still break somehow, and Rainbow Dash will use her newly acquired lightning techniques (IF she gets them) to dash home to get the beneviolet to Twilight.
I'm just rambling. I love coming up with theories, and I have TONS for this story. That just proves how well fleshed out and told it is.. so many possibilities, my head is spinning from the thought of them all!
Anypony else imagine Niles speaking with a cockney accent? Or is that just me?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI love that the elves are deer in this story, but I wonder what the dwarves would be. Maybe badgers?
I will also admit to hoping that they encounter Tom Bombadil (Not a ponified version of Tom. Just pure, uncut, Colombian Bombadil).
My apologies for not having a new chapter ready this weekend. I had a lot to do and just couldn't find the time. I'll try and have a new chapter ready to go by the end of this week, then get the chapter after that ready to go by the end of this coming weekend.
ReplyDelete@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteIt's no problem at all, take your time.
I would LOVE to talk to you though! I'm in the process of creating my own Adventure fic, and I'd love to include some of Gildedale and the like (with your permission, and with ample credits to you, of course). Is there any way I could contact you?
@Rainbow Mous
ReplyDeleteYou can e-mail me at [email protected], if you like. I have no problem sharing creations. It's not like I'm making any money off of this.
I literaly drop everything that I'm doing to read this when it pops up on the front page. It's so epic, I use it as a point of reference when I write. I wish I could write this well!
ReplyDeleteJust read all of this in one sitting. I fucking love this. I don't even know what to say, it's just so great.
ReplyDelete@JetfireThe "end of the coming weekend" is in 3 hours, 46 minutes, and 7 seconds. Just FYI. I will be up waiting for the next chapter. ;)
ReplyDeleteHa! Just kidding. Seriously, though, I love this story and can't wait for it to be back!
"Dash ate some grass, then flew up to snip at some of the oak leaves hanging overhead."
ReplyDeleteFrom Wikipedia: "The leaves and acorns of the oak tree are poisonous to cattle, horses, sheep, and goats in large amounts due to the toxin tannic acid, and cause kidney damage and gastroenteritis. Additionally, once livestock have a taste for the leaves and acorns, they may seek them out. Symptoms of poisoning include lack of appetite, depression, constipation, diarrhea (which may contain blood), blood in urine, and colic."
Have fun with that Rainbow Dash.
These ponies have shown the ability to eat a lot of things that wouldn't agree with normal horses -- they consider daffodils a flavorant, for example. Much like humans, they've evolved a long way from their wild ancestors.
ReplyDeleteWow, Celestia kind of screws her faithful student over there, doesn't she?
ReplyDeleteOk, this is really, REALLY bucking awesome, if you'll pardon my... erm... damn it, now I need to find a way to get a horse pun into the word "French"!
ReplyDeleteFavorite adventure fanfic' ever? I think yes. Jetfire paints a stunningly vivid world outside of Equestria, filled with plenty of wonders--and wonderful characters--for all. He describes it just enough, so that you have an idea of what it looks like, but leaves the rest to your imagination, and the result is amazingly brilliant. Kudos to Jetfire for weaving such a spectacular tale, and may I remember to breath before the next chapter emerges.
ReplyDeleteAnd then Rainbow Dash unlocked godmode.
ReplyDeleteThat was quite a chapter! The Dreaming was really intense, and I teared up a bit when Dash and Firefly had their conversation. My only complaint was that Audrey's yellow text was kind of hard to read. Still, an amazingly-written chapter!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow....
ReplyDeleteI was expecting this, but it was still very well written. But... now what? So many possibilities. Will Rainbow find the flower and bring it back to Twilight and then return to her friends to travel back together? Will she return to her friends and will they use Spike's breath? Will she perhaps do both to make sure?
Maybe the flower can't survive a lightning ride? So many possibilities. Heck, Rainbow now probably suffers the same problems with cold that Firefly did, that would be another way to not make it to easy to get the medicine to Twilight.
"She felt no fear!"
ReplyDeleteOh crap.
I have never felt happier for a fictional character before this moment. Thank you. c:
ReplyDeleteThis chapter was absolutely surreal and beautiful. There is no other word for it!
ReplyDeleteAlso it doesn't help that I've been playing through Infamous the past few days. Lightning powers are so awesome...
Surreal, fevered, beautiful. The dreaming is something that we clearly can't understand, and the bold, the present tense, and colors made it... what it was. Perfect.
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's a better chapter. Amazing dialog, argument, story from dash, traveling, the Dreaming... it was all so perfect. 16k word chapter is 16k words. Just... my gods. This is the best chapter so far. I can't imagine you topping this. But you probably will. You always do.
Wow.
ReplyDeleteBeing an Earth Pony sucks. Big Time. I mean, look at all the other magic critters hopping about, who still needs Earth Ponies?
@AnonymousRead Luna's Goodwill Tour, and Earth Ponies shall become respected.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as someone said, holy fuck god mode has been unlocked. Ban the hacker!
ReplyDeleteIf I were writing this... I'd make it so that something was blocking lightning from the beneviolet. Or at least contrive some other reason for needing Applejack and Rarity.
ReplyDeleteMost likely Rarity. Applejack and Rainbow Dash have had their time in the spotlight. Now it's Rarity's turn. And it could very well be that what Rarity needs to do is... learn to teleport.
This chapter, man. This chapter.
ReplyDeletePerfection.
that was a perfect and amazing chapter my friend! you should feel great and proud for having such an amazing writing talent
ReplyDeleteHey! "I'm a leaf on the wind" is a possible Firefly/Serenity reference. makes me happy. My second favorite fanfic (behind Fallout: Equestria), and i like the dale ponies and the pronghorns, but Rainbow Dash connecting with the overarching force of all time and creation dose leave a weird taste in my mouth (not bad necessarily, just weird). I am curious how Rarity and AJ are going react to "Lighting Dash", and how much Dash's personality is going to change. Oh, and someone needs to draw a pic of Dash with the rune and one with dash riding lightning
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ReplyDeleteYes, keeping Dash consistently characterized while maintaining the changes she's gone through is going to be a challenge. I'll have to be careful.
ReplyDeleteI also realize I may have literally written, or rather, formatted myself into a corner for when I put the whole story on DeviantART. I don't think their dinky text markup system can handle colors.
I am at a loss of words. that one chapter just made my whole week. The dreaming was deep, intense and well thought out. I loved the development of the lands all over the world, and all the exotic wonders they have. and dash's character development with firefly was excellent. the only problem I had was the yellow text was almost impossible to read at times. this is the most complete vision of a world involving ponies I've seen in this fandom. amazing work, I'll be waiting for the next installment on baited breath. :)
ReplyDeleteThe yellow text was very hard.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm really curious how are they going to send back the cure. There are three options, now. Spike's flame, Rainbow's new skill, and maybe, probably, Rarity learning teleportation. I wonder what kind of mess they'll find themselves in.
Awesome job!