• Story: We Card Hard

    by
    [Normal] Luna and night clubs?  That fits way better than it should.

    Author: Chistery
    Description:  Clubs in Equestria sometimes have the most interesting guests ...
    We Card Hard

    Live Reading
    Saturday, March 19, 2011 op
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    21 comments:

    1. SirLeandreaMarch 19, 2011 at 2:09 AM

      I happened to find the Luna google chrome customization shortly before I read that story. I could use a sequel.

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    2. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 2:19 AM

      it was a cute story.. i think

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    3. RefractedPegasusMarch 19, 2011 at 2:19 AM

      That poor, poor bartender. This was fantastic, I definitely want to see more of Luna fitting in with the night scene.

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    4. Ebon ManeMarch 19, 2011 at 2:21 AM

      Why can't I stop smiling?

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    5. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 2:43 AM

      Because Luna is simply adorable, and drinking is magic.

      The combination of the two is always welcome.

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    6. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 3:08 AM

      Damn that was awesome.

      Your opening line was very powerful; just vague enough to be efficient yet clear enough that there is trouble afoot.

      Your scene setting skills are excellent; I adored how you managed to make lively bar scenes and numerous issues of summers past come to life so faintly, like whispers or particularly loud echoes. My personal favorite part of it was how you italicized all the very good bits for extra special delicious effect with the sarcasm and the annoyance.

      Your official document was hilarious. The wordiness and the extreme amount of technical terms was a joy to read, particularly with how you described how incredibly old it is yet still functional.

      Luna's smug request for a straw was particularly W00T! It just makes me smile that the little sister can be so smug and sexy at the same time with such an awesome move against the hard-boiled bouncer. The ending line was particularly awesome with its mundane form and incredibly smug pronunciation. Her politeness was just the icing on the cake.

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    7. Star WhistleMarch 19, 2011 at 3:27 AM

      When nine-hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not... hmm?

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    8. Midnight ShadowMarch 19, 2011 at 3:36 AM

      I loved this story very much - somehow I didn't see the tweest and laughed hard at the ID. However you put together the dating system it sounded legit!

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    9. Star WhistleMarch 19, 2011 at 4:01 AM

      @ruff1298 "Your opening line was very powerful; just vague enough to be efficient yet clear enough that there is trouble afoot."

      As a write-y grump, repetition of "the" bothered me. I'd prefer something like, "The trouble started when that filly came through the door." (Dislike 'came in the door' for a couple reasons - first, the words 'came in' bleed together when pronounced, and second, 'the door' is redundant. The act of entry implies the doorway; the act of passage through a space does not.)

      But that's over-the-top picky editing fiddle-faddle, and I rather liked the piece, so feel free to ignore.

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    10. Lurks-no-MoreMarch 19, 2011 at 6:19 AM

      Awesome. Can't stop smiling. The ID, in particular, was a great touch!

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    11. ZarkanorfMarch 19, 2011 at 11:51 AM

      @Star Whistle
      'came in the door' also gives us very immature readers a slight giggle. Hahaha, it's funny because door-clopping. haha.. ha... I'm not funny. :<

      Awesome story, though!

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    12. ZarkanorfMarch 19, 2011 at 11:52 AM

      @Zarkanorf
      My joke was bad and I feel terrible.

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    13. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 12:58 PM

      I really doubt that this poor barman can afford to refuse a drink to princess Luna but Luna should really renew her ID card. This thing is far to old and deserve to rest in a museum or some drawer instead to be still in use. This was a funny and good sory and I hope we will see a sequel soon.

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    14. AnonymousMarch 19, 2011 at 11:42 PM

      I liked this one!

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    15. Star WhistleMarch 20, 2011 at 6:30 AM

      @Zarkanorf
      True, that. I was originally going to suggest "clopped through the door" >_<

      And "came through the door" is equally graphic!

      I suppose 'trotted' works. It's always better to use a descriptive verb if you've got one.

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    16. PacceMarch 29, 2011 at 11:03 AM

      Hah!
      That got a great big grin and a chuckle out of me.
      One should never presume to have seen it all regardless of their age.

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    17. XiMay 13, 2011 at 10:11 PM

      Yeah i was quite literally laughing out loud by the end of the fic. That was amusing as all hell.

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    18. AnonymousJuly 5, 2011 at 1:04 PM

      I felt good inside after reading a luna story?! MADNESS

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    19. AnonymousJuly 31, 2011 at 1:46 AM

      That was cute

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    20. richfilesApril 9, 2013 at 12:56 PM

      Well, I would imagine Luna feels quite smug right now... When you get carded and you are... I presume at least 1513 years old, assuming I read the GLORIOUS ID correctly...

      Yeah... If I were Luna, and I had that many hears on my hooves, I'd be feeling pretty good about being mistaken for a filly! She'll be bragging about that night to big sister for a century afterwards! XD

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    21. richfilesApril 9, 2013 at 12:57 PM

      ^ Derp... That many YEARS, not "hears"

      ReplyDelete

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