The StrangerDescription: Twilight gets called out by Applejack because the Cutie Mark Crusaders get in a pickle at Sweet Apple Acres. An Apple-related party follows and as twilight is about to settle down for the night, a strange, brown pony makes a dramatic entrance into her life.
7 comments:
awesome idea
ReplyDeleteterrible execution, someone needs a lesson in English and formatting
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete...and you need a lesson in politeness...
Anyways, idea seems good. Just need to be cut in more paragraphs, for easier reading.
I thought the narration was good.
ReplyDeleteBut dear oh dear, is that a self-insert? Not a bad thing by itself, but tread carefully lest you make yourself more important than the characters we came here to see.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete>strange, brown pony makes a dramatic entrance
If that's not a self insert then I'm the Queen of England.
I thought it was really good when he emailed it to me for a basic proofread. It flows pretty well, and is really good. The only real problem with it is that I (the proofreader) should have made sure it was formatted properly.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
The writer is from England and the English in this story reflects on that. There are no major grammatical mistakes in the story. Maybe some "misspellings" because the English isn't the same, and telling someone that their English is crap when you didn't even capitalize or put punctuation seems a bit ridiculous.
The writing quality's not all that great. Could use work. Doesn't do a very good job at detail, and conveying emotion, and the dialogue seems a little flat. But the concept garners enough interest I did read what of it there is at the time of this posting, and intend to read more when it gets written.
ReplyDeletegood story, the plot of you 'somehow' entering the world of your fandom is abit cliche. No offense
ReplyDelete