Author: Nova25
Description: One day, at Scootaloo's Family Reunion, she happens to learn a secret about her past. Something that might change everything, unless Rainbow Dash can make her remember what family is really about.Family is Forever
Additional Tags: Family Always Hope Sisters Happiness
10 comments:
Dash didn't really feel in character, here. At least not how I generally picture her, anyway.
ReplyDelete>>unless Rainbow Dash can remember her what family
ReplyDelete>>can remember her what family
>>can remember her
I'm sorry, but the idea here is fantastic, but the execution is.... Okay, look. I'm gonna be blunt here. It was organized horribly. The grammar was awful. And instead of saying heart, you always wrote "hearth". There were so many grammatical errors, character shortcomings, and missing story segments, I found this unreadable. I had to quit half-way through.
ReplyDeleteI highly reccomend revising this, and posting it on Google docs, where people can help you,real-time. Really, REALLY needs to be rewritten or revised.
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeletePretty much this. I loved the idea of the story, but yeah, the errors made it really difficult to enjoy.
You have a great general plot here, and if you really polished it up and made the dialog believable, it could be an excellent story.
The idea was excellent. I like nice Dash. Nice Dash is Nice.
ReplyDeleteBut I have to agree with Albatross. (Well, I didn't have to quit part way through but the organization.) I understand grammar is difficult (especially if English isn't your first language), but ask for someone to read it over first.
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeleteNot sure what people mean by ''organisation''... I thought it was correctly segmented, but I'm no teacher.
Also, grammar... French-Canadian, relatively good in English and using 2 grammar-correction thing, but again I'm no English teacher... I can easily overlook simple errors, sometimes.
I showed this to many people and most answers were positive (for those who actually finished reading it), but this story can't please everyone, I know that.
Finally... How does Google Docs works ? I never used it, but would be glad to give it a try.
@nova_25
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, have a Google account.
search for google docs, *(If you use firefox just type it in the address bar, it will take you there automatically)* and you will see a kind of splash screen. Here you have two options. You can upload (You need a text or image file) or you can create a document right from there. Now, open the document. You'll see it open in a java-based Word processor. Up near the Google docs logo, to the right you'll notice the document name. Click it to change. Next to that, is a text that says "Private". Click it. The "Sharing Settings" window will come up. Click change, then "Anyone with a link". Now, from here you need to copy the URL at the top of the window and paste it in an Email to Sethisto along with your name and tags to identify the fic. Once it's up, people may ask you to share it. You'll receive an email in your Gmail account. Only share with people you trust (Like me!).
Do this and send me an email at
theangryfetus@gmail.com and I'll help you through the rest. Good luck, and God speed!
I didnt see any errors, but then again I wasnt looking for them. Did enjoy it nonetheless. And Being a mormon, I felt warm from the last line, as we often use and value the phrase "Family is forever" :)
ReplyDeleteA slightly edited (mostly proof-reading) is on its way...
ReplyDeleteOr rather is ALREADY posted on my DA account (just follow the link), since a few days now.
Also, the description, here, will be updated as soon as Sephisto post my 2 New Stories. :)
Description of this story should be updated soon...
ReplyDeleteAnd to Sephisto : I made an error in the Desc. I sent you...
I wrote ''real about'' instead of ''really about''.