That was very nice. If I can offer any criticism it would be that it seems you used an overabundance of commas in some areas. I can't really talk though. I'm just as guilty.
Also, I'm staring at the eyes, not her ass. Honest!
Beautiful cadence, lovely imagery, brilliant execution. This story wants to be read aloud. I read parts aloud just to hear it.
Very Beagle-esque style. A wonderful choice for this character and this story.
The only thing I found slightly awkward was the Celestia/Luna exchange upon arrival in Ponyville. That paragraph lost the rhythm for me, just a little.
That didn't matter, though.
I loved this. Read it three times, then it dragged me out of my comfortable bed to get in front of a real keyboard and praise it. Read it again while writing this. It is the only Luna story I've seen so far that has felt exactly right... You've enlarged the character for me. Bravo, and thank you.
aww i love luna and this story, but the way you kept saying 'the moon was silent' made me think it was gonna start talking and then i had a visual that the moon from the mighty boosh was having a chat with luna lol
"And here we see the pinkie piacis, hunting in its natural habitat. It sneaks up to its victim, but, confused by the decoy eyes, it attacks the rear instead... turning this hunt into a mating session."
I suppose I shall make my way down the list in order.
@Anonymous Yes, one giant leap! Thank you, glad you liked it! I now have the urge to write a story about pony space travel....I suppose I'll save that for the Whoof fic.
@Pride Thank you! I do like adoribleness, so that is quite the compliment!
@Maxie Thank you, Maxie, I'm very happy your liked it! Indeed she is not alone.
@uSea Yeah, my comma usage has occasionally been a bit of a problem, I shall try to work on it! Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
@Cereal Velocity
Wow! Thank you! I'm so happy this story seems to be doing so well! Unabated five stars! *Squeeee*
@PodoTepworth
Wow, that has to be one of the best comments Iv'e gotten. Thank you. Funny you should mention Beagle, I happen to be reading an anthology of his at the moment! I thought the story style would fit, so that's what I was going for! I'm glad I accomplished it! Thank you for the feedback as well, I shall work on it! I'm really giddy that you enjoyed it to such an extent. Perhaps I shall try to get my brother to do a reading for you. Thank you very much for reading, and taking the time write me a comment.
@Toomuch Thanks! I was leaning towards that fairytale style of things.
@Lordofwrongs. Of course....it all makes sense now...
@Lurksnomore Thank you!
@Anonymous Glad you liked it, but now I'm going to be thinking about the Mighty Boosh all week!
This was nice. The grammar needs some tidying up here and there (most notably, the word is "its" without the ' when it's meant to be possessive--it only has the ' when it's being used as a contraction ("it is")), but that's the only real criticism to be given. Otherwise, it's short and sweet, fairly well-written and a nice glimpse at a character who continues to be sadly underused. 4 Stars.
Very sweet story. My workshop-critical side wanted to change only a seldom spot or two, which is certainly rare in fanfiction (other stories have me going of like a warning klaxon). I admire your natural talent at imagery and especially at evoking bittersweet emotions. There is a reason I always come back to your fics and this is no disappointment.
Thank you, Slywit!! I've corrected a dew mistakes since your comment, so hopefully I caught those errors! Thanks again, I'm really ecstatic at your comment! I'm glad you weren't disappointed!
Aw... got some tears of sweetness outta me at the end of this kid. Well-done. So, am I interpreting this right? Was it the moon itself that decided to appear mid-day to cheer up Luna? Heartwarming.
A bunch more errors are still in the thing, though. In this show, the plural of Pegasus is "Pegasi". Also, when it's possessive, the word is "its". It's only "it's" when short for "it is".
34 kommentaari:
Thanks for the upload, Blog Brony!
VastaKustutaComments always appreciated!
I will read the story riiiiiiiiiight after I comment about ass eyes.
VastaKustutaAss eyes.
I dawwww'd.
VastaKustutaThen I quickly clicked 'X' because the eyes, the eyes, they won't stop staring.
...
...
...MAKE THEM STOP STARING!
@Sandman
VastaKustutaThank you!
Why do I get the suspicion I'm going to get more comments about the eyes than the fic?
Not to say I blame people....they never stop staring...
@Squeak Yeah the eyes will get more comments, it seems like when stuff like that is completely unintentional it is creepier/funnier.
VastaKustutaThat's one small step for Princess Luna, one giant leap for ponykind.
VastaKustutaThat story was really nice - made me go 'awwww'
also...
the eyes
Really, really liked this. Was bloody adorable.
VastaKustuta@Squeak
VastaKustutasqueak that was beautiful and lovely
luna is not alone :)
That was very nice.
VastaKustutaIf I can offer any criticism it would be that it seems you used an overabundance of commas in some areas. I can't really talk though. I'm just as guilty.
Also, I'm staring at the eyes, not her ass.
Honest!
Five stars. Five unabated stars.
VastaKustutaThis brought a tear to my eye. Excellent work, Squeak.
Beautiful cadence, lovely imagery, brilliant execution. This story wants to be read aloud. I read parts aloud just to hear it.
VastaKustutaVery Beagle-esque style. A wonderful choice for this character and this story.
The only thing I found slightly awkward was the Celestia/Luna exchange upon arrival in Ponyville. That paragraph lost the rhythm for me, just a little.
That didn't matter, though.
I loved this. Read it three times, then it dragged me out of my comfortable bed to get in front of a real keyboard and praise it. Read it again while writing this. It is the only Luna story I've seen so far that has felt exactly right... You've enlarged the character for me. Bravo, and thank you.
It feels like a fairytale. Awesome.
VastaKustutaOf course they're not eyes!
VastaKustuta...they're decoy eyespots.
The early part made me kind of sad; the later part likewise; then the ending turned it all around. Nice!
VastaKustutaaww i love luna and this story, but the way you kept saying 'the moon was silent' made me think it was gonna start talking and then i had a visual that the moon from the mighty boosh was having a chat with luna lol
VastaKustuta@LordOfTheWrongs
VastaKustuta"And here we see the pinkie piacis, hunting in its natural habitat. It sneaks up to its victim, but, confused by the decoy eyes, it attacks the rear instead... turning this hunt into a mating session."
Wow, so many new comments! How wonderful!
VastaKustutaI suppose I shall make my way down the list in order.
@Anonymous
Yes, one giant leap! Thank you, glad you liked it! I now have the urge to write a story about pony space travel....I suppose I'll save that for the Whoof fic.
@Pride
Thank you! I do like adoribleness, so that is quite the compliment!
@Maxie
Thank you, Maxie, I'm very happy your liked it! Indeed she is not alone.
@uSea
Yeah, my comma usage has occasionally been a bit of a problem, I shall try to work on it! Thank you for the feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
@Cereal Velocity
Wow! Thank you! I'm so happy this story seems to be doing so well! Unabated five stars! *Squeeee*
@PodoTepworth
Wow, that has to be one of the best comments Iv'e gotten. Thank you. Funny you should mention Beagle, I happen to be reading an anthology of his at the moment! I thought the story style would fit, so that's what I was going for! I'm glad I accomplished it! Thank you for the feedback as well, I shall work on it! I'm really giddy that you enjoyed it to such an extent. Perhaps I shall try to get my brother to do a reading for you. Thank you very much for reading, and taking the time write me a comment.
@Toomuch
Thanks! I was leaning towards that fairytale style of things.
@Lordofwrongs.
Of course....it all makes sense now...
@Lurksnomore
Thank you!
@Anonymous
Glad you liked it, but now I'm going to be thinking about the Mighty Boosh all week!
Beautiful imagery, I even got a touch misty at the end.
VastaKustutaThis was nice. The grammar needs some tidying up here and there (most notably, the word is "its" without the ' when it's meant to be possessive--it only has the ' when it's being used as a contraction ("it is")), but that's the only real criticism to be given. Otherwise, it's short and sweet, fairly well-written and a nice glimpse at a character who continues to be sadly underused. 4 Stars.
VastaKustuta@Pacce
VastaKustutaThank you Pacce! *Eeehhh* I made someone misty!
Justasplanned.jpg
@TheRPGenius
Thank you! The Its have been corrected. I'm glad you liked the story, and thank you for the helpful feedback! Much appreciated!
Very sweet story. My workshop-critical side wanted to change only a seldom spot or two, which is certainly rare in fanfiction (other stories have me going of like a warning klaxon). I admire your natural talent at imagery and especially at evoking bittersweet emotions. There is a reason I always come back to your fics and this is no disappointment.
VastaKustutaWonderful job on this, thanks for the great story.
VastaKustuta@Squeak
VastaKustuta>Perhaps I shall try to get my brother to do a reading for you.
How very cool! I hope this works out... I'll look forward to listening!
@PodoTepworth
VastaKustutaHe won't....
Sadfluttershy.jpg
But, somepony has apparently been listening to us, and did this!
http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/85863/Equinox_
@uSea
VastaKustutaYeah, she has nice eyes doesn't she?
@SlyWit
VastaKustutaThank you, Slywit!! I've corrected a dew mistakes since your comment, so hopefully I caught those errors! Thanks again, I'm really ecstatic at your comment! I'm glad you weren't disappointed!
Your writing style is booming with sophistication, like Abraham Lincoln punching his fist through a steam engine.
VastaKustutaWell-done.
Thanks for uploading this nice story! it was sooo cute and the added music helped make it even cuter! Thank you! <(^~^)>
VastaKustutaa tastefull piece on a moonless night such as this.
VastaKustutai enyojed it.
5 stars.
I really wished I read this earlier. This is a really sweet and simple story.
VastaKustutaIts absolutely lovely.
Aw... got some tears of sweetness outta me at the end of this kid. Well-done. So, am I interpreting this right? Was it the moon itself that decided to appear mid-day to cheer up Luna? Heartwarming.
VastaKustutaA bunch more errors are still in the thing, though. In this show, the plural of Pegasus is "Pegasi". Also, when it's possessive, the word is "its". It's only "it's" when short for "it is".
This is a cute little story. I'm surprised that it doesn't have more views.
VastaKustutaa great and heart touching story (made me all sappy)
VastaKustutaMiss O is always here.You can run&hide.I shall catch u!"!"Careful
VastaKustuta