[Normal] A Twilight Sparkle Origin Story written by a new author, Diceguyd30. Also punz
Description: A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic story focused on the the defeat of Nightmare Moon over 1000 years ago, and Twilight's origin. It was an idea I had when I was trying to figure out why Celestia seemed to need Twilight to stop Nightmare Moon in the pilot episodes among other things. This story is the result of those musings. I hope you enjoy as it is my first time doing anything like this.
End of the Night Mare
21 comments:
This was a very well written story, I can see that the author put a lot of effort into it. It portrayed things in an interesting light that I'm not sure people have considered before.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I have to put on my critic cap for a few minutes over one thing that I really think should have been done differently.
The aspect of using Twilight as a plot device, though interesting, just sort of grates at me. One thing that I really liked about the series as a whole is that nopony is really above the others. Yes, Twilight tends to be a focus a lot, but instead of her being the lead character, they're all the lead characters and share the spotlight. She's the glue that keeps the group together, as it were. Making her a thousand year old filly with fantastic cosmic powers beyond Celestia gives her Mary Sue qualities that makes me twitch.
IMO, I think the story may have gone better as a 'history repeating itself' situation. Where Celestia takes Twilight's place, and five other ponies similar to the main cast were used to activate the elements. But at that time, Nightmare was at the height of her powers, and could not be easily banished.
oh wow. I've never been one for fanfiction. I always thought it was weird and obsessive. Mostly horrible ways of combining one aspect of a character to another and blah blah blah. But this is the first one I've read for FiM. I guess I'll explain my background, discovered MLP about 4 weeks ago, to date I've easily spent over 70 hours doing things related to the show blah blah blah. Anyway, this story was clever and enticing to say the very least. The simple nods to things like the abandoned castle from the 2nd episode made it just as absorbing as the show itself. I honestly started to tear up at the battle scene. Never really was one to do that sort of thing (17 years old, guy).
ReplyDeleteok I have a lot to say but every time I try to say it I can't put it into words in the comment box. Damn.
This could easily be a FiM prologue movie. :P
and OMG twilight's mom and dad, simply amazing character design. That's what got me. Especially when he said "I'll give her 16" FUCK MAN I WAS BAWLING. haha
powerful shit, and it was about cartoon ponies. Damn I love this World.
brilliant
ReplyDelete"I'll give her sixteen": Badass quote of the day.
Teared up at "I'll give her sixteen".
ReplyDeleteHell of a story, I'd give you six stars if I could.
That pic.... sooooo cute...
ReplyDeleteIt was a very well-written story that barely strays from the series and its own internal logic (Luna was able to seal Celestia in the Sun upon her debut in the series). It certainly explains why Twilight's the personal student of Celestia and more.
ReplyDeleteVery good story, I think. It's probably not canon, but it's still fun. I'll give her 16, etc.
ReplyDeleteThough I do think the epilogue takes a bit away from it, but that's just my opinion on things. It seems to detract from the sacrifice Knight and Eve make, even if you know how it turns out in 1000 years.
holy shat twilight is pony jesus!
ReplyDeleteDamn, I got a lump in my throat at,
ReplyDelete"I'll give her 16"
Excellent story, 5/5 stars.
Might have been better without the Epilogue.
A very well done story indeed. kudos
ReplyDelete5/5
easily one of the best stories that I've read on this site. though I do tend to agree with others that using twilight as the plot device is a little strange for the series, it isn't so far off that it's like "wow, that was dumb." Quite the opposite in fact.
ReplyDelete5/5
You're a wizard, Harry.
ReplyDeleteI don't normally give out fives, but that was EPIC. The scenes, characters, and dialog were brilliantly written and it fit in so well with the established canon. Oh, what would I give to see this happen in the show!
ReplyDeleteIn any case, you're awesome! Hope to see more from you soon!
Thank you all so much for the comments! You bronies have all made my day! In response to most of the comments let me explain the idea behind the story:
ReplyDeleteThe true inspiration for this came from a combination of
1) Wondering about the relationship between Celestia and Twilight. It really seems to be more than just teacher-student and, at times, really seems to border mother-daughter
2) the events of the pilot. There are some hints that Twilight has to be the pony to stop Nightmare Moon
3) The amazing article at Overthinking.com about the economy of Equestria. People in the comments kept saying that you couldn't use Twilight as an example of a normal unicorn (suggesting Rarity as a better example) because Twilight was unique among unicorns. A special case.
4) Attempting to answer why and how Twilight became a student of Celestia.
@Shadow Phoenix, You are indeed correct sir, but I never really bought that Celestia was imprisoned in the sun. It always seemed more to me like she was just waiting to raise it, letting Twilight defeat Nightmare Moon (which is what I attempted to give a reason for in the story). The intro shows that Celestia used the Elements of Harmony to imprison Nightmare Moon in the Moon, but we don't hear of Nightmare Moon using them to seal Celestia in the sun. I would imagine that there isn't a huge power difference between the two sisters, so I always thought that Nightmare Moon would need to use the Elements too. We also see later that Nightmare moon doesn't seem to be well versed in how the Elements of Harmony work. Instead, it seems like she views them as more of a threat than a tool. Just Twilight doing 'something' magical do them really terrifies her. And when it fails, she opts to destroy the Elements, rather than use them. All of these musings sort of became the foundation that I built on.
@Sandman, @9Nine9, I understand exactly where you're coming from. Originally the epilogue was supposed to be the actual ending, then I wasn't going to include it at all, but I felt that I just couldn't leave Knight and Eve like that. They became so much more than I had originally intended (I was planning on them just being background characters, referring to them only as Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle!) and I not only wanted to bring them some resolution, I also wanted to end on a better note. I had never intended this to be a sad story (hard to tell now!) so it just didn't feel right, leaving it there. Additionally, I wanted to completely tie the events of the story to the pilot episode, turning the story into sort of an expanded version of the intro to episode 1. In the end, I made it an epilogue, both separate from, but still part of the story. I hope it didn't detract from it too much.
Twilight as Jesus: Yeah... it didn't occur to me until I was re-reading what I had written after a session that I noticed it too. Twilight being born with a cutie mark was mostly a way for everypony (I just typed that without thinking...wow....) to identify her as having a great deal of lunar magic. It did become a bit more than that though as I tried to close some of the loopholes in my original plot. Although...pony Jesus...theres some art I haven't seen yet...
Twilight as plot device: It felt odd to me too. I had toyed with making Twilight more of an involved character, but I just couldn't convince myself that I wanted to give her any memory of these events. As a result I made her a newborn for the story, effectively turning her into a plot device, but also turning the focus to her parents, a decision I do not regret!
This is Epic Butter on a delicious slice of Epic Toast, with a dollop of "I'll give her sixteen" Badass Jam to top it off.
ReplyDeleteIn my personal opinion, this fic is now canon until the show says otherwise.
It's very well thought out, and it is executed pretty much flawlessly. The characters, both existing and original, retain their character and have the level of personality that the show's writers place in their own characters, respectively.
Having Twilight as a plot device doesn't appear to bother me like it does with other commenters, I feel that it was an excellent idea, and making Twilight more powerful than 'usual' Unicorns just makes sense to me, not quite sure that Twilight is as powerful as Celestia, though, but since your story doesn't outright state that as a fact, but instead suggests that it could be a possibilty though Twilight is still powerful enough to activate the Elements of Harmony. In other words, I'm fine with the suggestion that Twilight is 'Celestia-tier', as it does not make it a fact. And I think only stating that Twilight's power is enough to 'fill the gap' leaves a comfortable middle ground between 'usual' Unicorn and being as powerful as Celestia.
The more I think about it, the more this fic makes sense about Twilight as a whole. It gives a very plausible explanation as to why Twilight is Celestia's student, and the mother/daughter relationship that appears to exist between them, and it offers an explanation as to why Twilight is *the* pony required to activate the Elements in the pilot episodes.
Overall, a truly spectacular and clever work of art, this is the sort of thing that makes fan fiction shine.
end note: I noticed the Jesus reference when I first read it, I realised it wasn't intentional as you didn't use key words such as 'manger' and other words that would confirm the reference. Being a young man who has no attachment to any particular religion, I think the unintended reference made the story just a little more interesting, and I feel that Christian readers in particular would definitely approve, and enjoy the reference much more than I. MLP is riddled with references, so your accidental reference fits in with the actual show's style perfectly.
^ I love this comment! Unfortunately it looks like episode 23 will be where my story falls apart. It's where the Cutie Mark Crusaders will find out about how the main six ponies got their marks. I absolutely look forward to it since I love origin stories, but it will be a bittersweet episode for me to be sure.
ReplyDeleteYou can always assume some of the 'mane six' lie about how they got their marks. After all, Twilight isn't one to really brag (That's Dash's job xD), she has her moments like when she tried to prove the Pinkie Sense as false, but, think about it, she gets modest about her magic when encouraged to show up Trixie, that can very easily be tied to her keeping this story a close secret.
ReplyDeleteThere you go! I've just strengthened the validity of this fic by thinking while I type. Twilight is most likely hiding the truth behind her magic abilities, after all, not only would she be treated very differently if other ponies were to realise that she saved Equestria and was put in trance for 1000 years, but Twilight would have a hard time being reminded that she can't even remember her parent's faces.
Ha! 'mane six'..... I have, actually, thought up a few different ideas about how I might alter the story to keep it in canon, but I'll probably hold off on doing so until I actually see episode 23. I think I prefer a version where Twilight is entirely unaware of the events of this story, but I am certainly adding this idea to the possibilities list. It casts her current character in a very interesting light. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI'm late to the party, but I just had to mention that I really enjoyed this! The transition from sad to smile-inducing in the last couple pages was particularly memorable. <3
ReplyDeleteFuckin' BRUTAL. Epic win, my friend. Epic win.
ReplyDeleteEven in light of "The Cutie Mark Chronicles", this could still work as an origin for Twilight. You could put her cutie mark not appearing before the Sonic Rainboom down to a sort of magical exhaustion from the spells in here causing it to fade. As far as Twilight knows, the story told in the episode is how she got her cutie mark.
ReplyDeleteAll-in-all, a great story. Full marks.