Author: Blaze
Description: The ponies and the humans have lived together in harmony for centuries. Equestria is an island inhabited entirely by ponies, and some have branched off to live with humans. However, the humans, seeing their bleak world and accepting that they have made too many mistakes in their world to fix, have decided to open facilities to convert humans into ponies and live in peaceful Equestria.The Conversion Bureau
The Conversion Bureau Part 2
The Conversion Bureau Part 3
The Conversion Bureau Part 4 (New!)
Additional Tags: humans, equestria, life-changing decisions, ponification, tolerance
234 comments:
GAH FUCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUCKER...
ReplyDeleteI wanted to write a fic where i turn into a pony and
seduce fluttershy :(
lol good fic, didn't see many grammatical errors at all :D
Anyway a fic like this was inevitable, there's at least one for every fandom.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou can still write that story and it'll be entirely in your own words. Unless you want the story to be exactly like this one, then work on making your story a little more different.
Very intriguing idea, but it feels like it's headed in the self-inserted stu area.
ReplyDeleteJust be cautious of that :)
It has a VERY interesting premise especially with the paranoia about becoming a pony. I hope the author just remembers not to make the main character or the MC's best friend a Gary-Stu.
ReplyDeleteIs the fic about Trucy Wright meeting Trixie?
ReplyDeleteOr a random self-insert?
The unsubtle misanthropy is a turn-off.
ReplyDeletePonies taking over the world: I don't see anything wrong with that!
Humans moving to equestria: evil! Actually, more like: Humans: evil!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteACE ATTORNEY CROSSOVER. SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET ON THAT!
Human vs Pony war Looming, interesting.
ReplyDeleteThough I myself would chose to be a Pegasus pony. Controlling weather(since I'm interested in meteorology) ability of flight( been a plane fan since I was little) plus the opportunity to join the Wonderbolts(The Blue Angels/Thunderbirds of Equestria.)
Grez LOVES this.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin.
When to expect part 2?
ReplyDeleteIt certainly looks like it's shaping up to be interesting...just hoping the anti-human angle doesn't get too intense.
ReplyDeleteI was kinda half-expecting a brainwashing angle, actually.
gets a solid 3 from me. Which isn't bad! i think too many people are giving 5s for things they kind of sort of like.
ReplyDeleteyou REALLY REALLY should avoid backstory or prologue paragraphs. introduce the leader to the backstory through the initial few exchanges of dialogue instead, it flows better.
it also needs more focus on what the main character is thinking. hint at some lingering doubts, internal dialogue, ect. It just seems like the people should have some kind of apprehension about losing their outward humanity.
in general it just needs more refinement but the concept is workable
Well... I liked it how it was. But that just my opinion with doesn't count is much XD. Keep up the good work =D
ReplyDeleteThe morality aspect of the story is unsettling, especially with the heavy handling. Though the way things are with these sorts of narratives, it is a hard thing to avoid soapboxing.
ReplyDeleteindeed it is pretty heavy handedly anti human, to the point where some of the ponies are out of character.
ReplyDeleteif they're so carefree and nice, why do they have these seemingly deep seated hatreds for humans?
This is great so far..kept my interest. Hope it keeps going!
ReplyDeleteSome of the character interaction is nice but the soapboxing is a bit unnerving. As some have said above it's a bit heavy handed the way the ponies seem to hate all humans in general, it might be easier if you introduce a big bad that represents all these things to channel that onto, or even give a legitimate reason for each of these ponies being unsure around humans (while still avoiding too much exposition.) Twilight seems (just a bit) out of character with her immediate friendliness to the human characters, she's more the bookish defacto leader rather than the all knowing administrator. Having her be a little more unsure in the new territory might help. All just opinions, good story so far but could be great with a little work.
ReplyDeleteLooks like self-insert wish fulfilment with a heaping side of author tract misanthropy. Damn those humans and their big business and their greed. They clearly should have based their economy on magic, like the ponies did.
ReplyDeleteDo not want.
Misanthropic furry bullshit.
ReplyDeleteYou guys jelly you can't write as well? :D
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteUmmm ... no.
It's just the majority of us can't tolerate anti-human bullshit. I've seen this before, the writer has trouble fitting in so he's lonely and miserable which lead him to the conclusion that humanity must be inherently evil and it should be eradicated and the thought of our extinction makes him wet. If you would give him access to weapons of mass destruction he would push the big red button without thinking killing millions if not billions of innocents just because he's unable to deal with his problems and blames everything on the negative aspects of humanity conveniently ignoring the positive ones.
Basically it boils down to this:
If I hate humanity than it should just be eradicated because I'm a special little snowflake and the world should revolve around me.
I find this disgusting and selfish.
The representation of the anti-human stuff was a little heavy.
ReplyDeleteBut most notably in this story, I had an intense feeling of nervousness, exactly as Ethan felt, as he walked into the ponyfication center. That feeling really hit me, made me nervous to read it, made the story emotionally charged. It was excellent. I _really_ liked this - usually I give three stars since I simply enjoy stories, but this one I particularly liked. Brilliant stuff.
- Pride
Have to agree with the other comments about the heavy anti-human vibe, but I'm really liking this so far.
ReplyDeleteIll be disappointed if this turns into Humans vs Ponies though.
Blaze, if you're reading this, can you email me at [email protected]? I have two ideas I would like to ask you about!
ReplyDelete- Pride
"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world, and you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences any more. We will be united in our common interest. Perhaps it's fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution, but from ponification. We're fighting for our right to live, to exist... and should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice, 'We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on, we're going to survive.' Today we celebrate our independence day!"
ReplyDeleteBill Pullman, where are you now, when we need you most. :'(
I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day "Armageddon:" the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge, every step up the ladder of science, every adventurous reach into space, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all the chaos that is our history, through all of the wrong and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into Equestria. And may we all, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteMr. Armageddon President, where are you now, when we need you most. :'(
I love the premise - I've got my own near-future-poni story that is just flatout refusing to let me write it - so keep on writing this one, it looks like fun.
ReplyDeleteBe wary of the pony sue/pony stu and see if you can get somebody to proofread it (for example, first you said the speaker we'd see was a friend of one of the characters, an ex-human, but then it wasn't).
i'll be on a spaceship away from earth looking at mr president declaring war, me thinking "who says you have to be pony to use magic"
ReplyDeleteone day i will blow the horse out of you people or something
@Windchaser
ReplyDeleteHeading...? Dude, that ship's done sailed. We're in the land of Mary Sue & Stu now!
@Pride
ReplyDeleteDon't worry pride, if he didn't see this I'll give him the e-mail in ten seconds flat.
@Roy G. Biv
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be so quick to judge. Nothing bad has even happened yet in the story, so how can you say it's a Mary Sue? Not everything needs to show character flaws immediately.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletePrepare to be disappointed then, because that's exactly what's going to happen. I also spoil the ending, humans will lose and there will be universal peace afterward.
The anti-human aspect leads me to believe ponies are merely a vehicle for the author to spread his misguided worldview.
I've read furry stories eerily similar to this, the only difference those were about humans who were turned into 'anthros'.
Dear author, please try to be a bit more optimistic and try to see the bright side of things otherwise you will succumb to bitterness and hatred.
Well I liked it. I do tend to enjoy these Crossovers and/or Origin stories, and cannot wait for the next additions.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to like this story, but I was disappointed in how it quickly turned into borderline self-insertisanthropy soapboxing. As others have written- do not want.
ReplyDelete@Roy G. Biv
ReplyDeleteThat can be said about all stories with OC ponies. Especially 'humans in equestria' stories. If the author can be careful, he can hopefully bring the boat back into port :)
The 'soapboxing' can be brought down a bit if a central individual/group were made to be the antagonist instead of the whole of humanity.
This seems like the author has had entirely too much contact with the wrong type of people. It almost seems like he doesn't realize that the sort of people who are "evil meanie" humans are in the minority. The problem is that the Bad Guys are also the ones with a vast majority of the money, power, and influence to shift things to their favor (which always ends badly for everyone). This is what creates the illusion of "Everyone's an evil prick". In actuality 90% of us really are decent people who have gotten screwed over by that evil minority, and have been turned distrustful to everyone else.
ReplyDeleteThis story has some nice potential to make the point that humans are NOT all the same as those few who make our greatest mistakes. Whether or not the author decides to go that way or not is yet to be seen.
Interesting premise, but as others have said, the Captain Planet-style misanthropy completely ruins it. Don't think I'll be keeping up with this one.
ReplyDeleteI have to take issue with the story's premise that ponies are some sort of enlightened race that's above the petty emotions that plague humanity. They may not have them to the degree that humans do, but ponies can be greedy (Rarity trying to steal that dragon's gems) or capitalistic. Applejack owns and manages a farm and sells the product of her labor for a fair market value. It doesn't bother me that she does that, (I'm an Objectivist and free market libertarian) but it seems contrary to the author's belief that humanity's capitalistic system is inherently evil. They are also subjected to shallowness (Equestria's thriving fashion industry) and even to petty rivalry (the pegasi bullying Rainbow Dash or Trixie) Sorry, but the author wrote an excellent story but taking it down the wrong path. It would have better, for the story, that there was some disease that was killing off humanity and that the only cure was ponification or that people believed that ponies were better than humans and were disenchanted to find out that they put the ponies on a pedestal that they didn't deserve to be on (and that may be the path the author is taking the story with Ethan finding out later how ponies are not the angelic saintly beings that they make themselves out to be). I'm not saying that they're bad, but they are flawed and can become bad like Trixie or the pegasi that bullied Rainbow Dash if they allow their character flaws to go unchecked.
ReplyDeleteNifty, to be sure, but I'm afraid I'm with the other commenters, the soapboxing was WAY heavy-hooved. I know the trope is Humans Are Complete Bastards, but over-riding good in humanity ALWAYS bears out, by my own personal experience, so it was exceedingly jarring.
ReplyDeleteI love this. Sure, it is a self-insert, but it's still good.
ReplyDeleteI'm suprised at the number of butthurt comments going on here.
Blaze, don't worry about those negative faggots. I can tell where their reactions are coming from
("Well I'm not like that and I am buttmad at the implications")
and I can sort of understand that, but look at the fucking world.
Greed. Sloth. Lust. Gluttony. We've pretty much nailed the deadliest sins.
I ain't no hippie, but damn, I really wish this world was more like Equestria, with less hate and more love.
Also, this isn't "Humans in Equestria".
ReplyDeleteThis is "Equestria is Hawaii's eastern clone."
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeleteSecond.
This reeks of furfaggotry. 1 star.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Cant wait for part 2 =D
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteGo back to /b/, dude.
You are not pony.
At all.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSure, Equestria has it's flaws, but compared to our world? It's a goddamn utopia.
I just started reading, and couldn't help but burst out laughing when I read "...Moving from Canterlot to Newark..." LOL
ReplyDeleteLove it!!!
ReplyDeletedefinatly a tiny bit eerie for me to read it since the MC and i share a name, but i think i liked it more for that lol. can't wait for the next one!
All those people complaing about it being all misanthropy
ReplyDeleteIt's called writing a story, a murder mystery story writer dosent go out and kill people.
It's good I liked it fun Idea.
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr+y
ReplyDeleteO RLY
there is no utopia, ones that claims to be are just hiding their flaws (why did the earth stopped moving, princess' true intentions, and all those almost-canon grimdark fanfic)
This was clearly written by an American nationalist to parallel the issue of illegal immigration from Mexico. Humans play the part of Mexicans and ponies play the part of Americans. The pony nationalists percieve the humans as being inferior and more likely to be greedy and corrupt because they come from a part of the world that is more greedy and corrupt and there are many of their fellow humans that are greedy and corrupt; in short, the ponies are racist against humans.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, this work argues that the only acceptable form of immigration is complete assimiliation, with the humans interested in immigrating required to become pony in mind, body, and taste; even their choice of food needs to change to satisfy the conditions of assimilation. The ponies are worried about humans qua humans coming to Equestria, and they've built defenses with the intention of keeping illegal immigrants out, defenses that they worry won't be enough.
This peice seems to be heading in the direction of "Pony" culture being presented as objectively superior, and by that flimsy justification, the ponies will force their will on the reluctant or resisting humans. This work is an ode to cultural imperialism, no more, no less.
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeleteFuck yourself, "brony."
I think one of the problems about the juxtapostion between humans and ponies as it is presented here is the fact that humans don't have magic- not just unicorn magic, but pegasus weather control and massive agricultural advantages due to earth ponies litterally being children of the earth.
ReplyDeleteThe ponies have high living standards they can only keep up due to magic, and because of magic they can keep them up forever without overly damaging their environment. (Although it does say pony overpopulation in the story... hmm)
Yet everypony is willing to condemn humanity for essentially lacking magic, and not being willing to live like the stone age. Most egregious is Twilight Sparkle, who should have noticed this at some point; She is a frickin' academic for crying out loud. Equestria apparently has magic radiation high enough to be HARMFUL to humans.
This leaves us with some questions; Does the sun rise on its own in the rest of the world? Will the ponies notice that humanity is not blessed with their inherent abilities, and therefore CAN'T create an utopia like they have? And will they notice that, for all their faults, humans are a whole less likely to get killed by a creature from the Everfree Forest? That the erst of the world actually works like that forest, and not their tiny island? We'll have to wait and see.
wow, thats a lot of comment for one little story! Yes, we could talk about the lol mexico-is-america-is-equestria, or the tendency for it to be selfinsertporn, but I'd like to see where it goes because the idea is fun - YES if we find out that Equestria really IS all kittens and rainbows and them damn dirty humans is ruinin it all, I'll be upset, but I think I'll stop reading long before then if that's what it is (that said, man do your own thing)
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSuch hatred.
I am dissapoint.
Also, Umad?
@Albatross !!z0yT7Pqnr y
ReplyDeleteno we arent, you are
Read it.
ReplyDeleteI fucking hate fics like these. I wont give you a star rating because it would be biased.
Still, plots like these are a real blot on a fandom. Please keep these to your own hard drive. Most of the fans here are content with their current lives and do not fantasize turning into a pony and condemning humanity.
The first The Conversion Bureau: Sidelines link won't work for me.
ReplyDeleteShould be good now
ReplyDeleteIt;s a story, I liked the idea
ReplyDeleteI don't care for the authors intent of the story it was a intresting, thought invoking read
The original story was not that enjoyable to read because the whole humans-are-bastards aspect was beaten into your head.
ReplyDeleteI much prefer CB:Sidelines. Good on ya Sonic!
I was actually kindda offended when I read this. Since there's an awful lot of anti-human stuff people thrown at you, it felt like racism to a certain degree.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I would have liked it better if you said something like the human race is being killed off my a disease that ponies are immune to or something like that. And seeing how Ethan got to meet all the original ponies felt really mary stu-ish.
I have never read a story I didn't like until now. I kindda want to read the other stories but how the original was written kindda drew me away.
To you guys who read the other stories. How is it compared to the original?
The first few chapters about the thoughts leading up to ponification were a nice read, but became completely uninteresting after that.
ReplyDelete3-stars, needs less misanthropy.
Midnights Tale was hilarious/awesome. My fave of the bunch.
ReplyDeleteOkay, so Midnight's Tale has just cemented Midnight Shadow as my fave ponyfic author. That was a great read. I want more now. I normally despise oc's but Martin is highly tolerable. I've never spoken so highly of any oc before, so... Also, Dash stole every scene she was in. Hilarious ending.
ReplyDeleteSidelines was awesome as well. Better than the original even. Not much else to say.
As for the original itself, I love/hate it. The concept is great, the setting is thought invoking, but... it just lost me somewhere along the lines. But it did help create these other two, so I can't hate it :P
-ponies are just acting like anti-immigration types and proving that they are no better than the humans, claiming what is theirs and letting everyone else squabble over the rest. ironic?
ReplyDelete-greed is not the thing which will limit humans, we'll just run out of space eventually and when that happens greed will just make things seem especially unfair. and humans aren't inherently evil, we're inherently competative.
-this is why china has the one child policy- though it may seem unfair in the short term, it is actually more humane than letting people squabble for scraps and die in the streets knowing that a small percentage of the population lives comfortably and would not give anything up to save them.
-I suppose that the problem is that our species is not as empathetic as it could be... that could be a good thing considering how bonobos spend their day... god, imagine all the STDs.
sorry, just rambling now
cool story brony!
I seriously couldn't stop laughing at the last line in Midnight's version. The story was fantastic all around, but Dash sealed the deal. Looking forward for more!
ReplyDeleteAs much as this story reeks of anti-human propaganda in the first part I'm hoping to see some dark stuff from the ponies later on. Serious horror movie vibes when Ethan goes into the room for his conversion.
ReplyDeleteCB: Sidelines, Chapter 3:
ReplyDeleteSo this is how humanity dies,
With thunderous applause.
This.
ReplyDeleteThe Conversion Bureau: Midnight's Tale.
This is the story I was hoping for when I first started reading the original Conversion Bureau, before it turned into a platform for the hatred of humanity with badly done self insertion. Midnight's Tale works so well that it can function as a stand-alone without reading the original writing. THAT is artistry.
If Blaze is going to write anymore fics on this topic, then he/she needs to read the works that were inspired by his/her original story. They seem to be much more thought out and finely crafted.
I imagine in the future, they might actually put more than two lenses on such a device to enhance picture quality and depth, but that's just me imagining off again...
ReplyDeleteNow to wright a Dr.whoof Spinoff of it
ReplyDelete'cause everything else has one
Yo, Midnight? more please?
ReplyDelete- Siraj, yet another fan of your take on it.
LOL at dash's lines in the last paragraph in Midnight's Tail, she has some serious fantasy going on there.
ReplyDeleteSo this is the post where we ship our badly disguised self-inserts with the mane cast? Because I totally call Rarity. She's such a PILF.
ReplyDeleteten rounds - this really needs the grimdark tag, sethisto please fix. As a parody I loved it even though it's brutal and dark. So good grief pony, ten thousand words and you've not posted a thing else? stop sodding around...
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteActually, they're not disguised at all. I asked for self-inserts in mz thread over here, which kicked off all of the TCB spinoffs:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/1306.html
Oh, humans and ponies interacting with eachother are my favorite fics!
ReplyDeleteAlso...
'"Spike...Spike...SPIKE!" Twilight said loudly, and a thud was heard.'
Why do I hear the MGS game over music after that?
@Pride
ReplyDeleteoh no, they're not disguised. They are SHAMELESS. I should know, I wrote one. ;)
U MAD?
The self inserts are completely shameless indeed, but I haven't found them cringe worthy. Which... I think I should, but I can't. I just can't bring myself to.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, now I want to try it. Oh Celestia, this is bad. Real bad. :P
Ten Rounds was flippin' awesome. Also props to Blaze for creating a really interesting setting.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDelete*rubs the back of their neck sheepishly* ... yeah, I want to try it too... heh...
I guess we're all hopeless, in this case.
Hmm... i'm thinking about doing my own take on this too.
ReplyDeleteI see very much potential in this.
Personally, I absolutely love reading any that are made. So you have at least one guaranteed reader, harhar.
ReplyDelete- Pride
@Pride
ReplyDeleteConfound you Pride (and Blaze for your creation) you've driven me to write a ponyfic.
This is why I love my bronies.
The amount of creativity blooming from this one world made by Blaze is astounding. The stories range from emotional stories of ruin and love, to resistance and war, and even mystery and suspense. Keep it up bronies!
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to fight the urge to write one as well... must... not... succumb...
@Windchaser
ReplyDeleteDo it. You know you want to.
I would if I had any talent, but alas I don't. So I must read other peoples! Meaning yours! Write it now! ^^
@Malicin
ReplyDeletefffffffuuuuuuuu.jpg
fine. I had an idea today after reading some of the newer ones, so i'll try and upload it here when i finish it. Maybe this weekend.
FUUUUUUU- *cue applebloom whinge* I WANNA BE A PONY RIGHT NOOOOOOOW
ReplyDeleteI love how the first part is like "HUMAN BAD"
ReplyDeleteAnd the second part is basically like "Whoops! Not everyone! We shouldn't be so judgemental!"
Way to pony up there. Very much like the show.
I don't mind the story, honestly.
That is the point if this post. Insert away gents.
ReplyDelete@Sethisto
ReplyDelete*Bends Sethisto over and prepares to "insert away".*
I made a Dr. Whoof Spin off with this
ReplyDeleteWhy?
'CAUSE IM COOL
Dr. Who meets Dr. Whoof at a conversion center. Awesomeness occurs. Make it happen people.
ReplyDeleteI bet, at this point, Blaze is probably one of the most envied authors here just because of how many spinoffs he's gotten, haha.
ReplyDeleteThese culture clash fics really really make me want to see a Peter Watts fic of ponies and humans. (Please excuse my gushing about my favorite author.) He can write convincing psychological exposés of shapeshifting aliens without a sense of individual identity and hyperintelligent nonsentient aliens, set up and presented to make humanity looks like contemptible retards in comparison. Surely he would have something interesting to say about pony versus human society.
ReplyDeleteTime to Nuke Equestria from orbit. It's the only way to be sure...
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHear hear!
This is one most awesome setting. I love pretty much all of these =3
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm OK with this.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletethat...would be far too much awesome for one fic.
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteSame here, I really can't stand people who concluded that humanity is evil and should be eradicated simply because they don't have the ability to solve their problems and fit into society like any decent person, instead they wish misery and death upon everyone simply because they are not satisfied with their life and it's easier to blame society/human nature than actually taking an effort to improve and achieve happiness.
The only reason why they don't bother me too much is the fact that they will waste their life being bitter and miserable, as Ashens would say: a fitting punishment.
Alright everypony, just to make this clear, Blaze's story is in fact NOT a self-insert. It may shock many of you, but it's true.
ReplyDelete@Überpony
ReplyDeleteIt can read like one.
I'm not complaining though, self inserts have their place sometimes. And an armada of those have formed around it. In a way, it's encouraged self inserts into the Coversion Bureau universe and not the Pony universe. Because of that, I actually really like all of these :D
re: Sidelines chapter 5: Might I suggest that last line of thought before the end of the fic, the 'because I don't trust you' be put in different marks than double quotations? With the italics, I read that as him saying it out loud and in quite a sharp fashion, rather than thinking it.
ReplyDeleteAs to the second chapter of the Conversion Bureau story proper, MUCH better! A good chunk of plot, a bit more explanation... very helpful, after the awkward intro of the first part.
To be completely honest, I like the sidelines fic more than the original! :P Although they're both quite interesting.
ReplyDelete@siraj
ReplyDeleteyes, write-friends, quick lesson - if your character is thinking, you do NOT use quotation marks. not single, not double, to denote thought.
Personally, I tend to use italic, but you don't actually need to use ANY markers to denote it.
To the author of The Conversion Bureau: Unknown Occurrences
ReplyDeleteIf I was your english teacher, you'd get a D. So many mistakes, gave up trying to read 1/3 of the way through.
I have to agree with English Teacher Anon.
ReplyDeleteUnknown Occurrences is just painful to read, in the story and the structure.
Just, ouch.
@Sandman
ReplyDelete@Malicin
Sonic here! Thanks much, I really appreciate it. Chapter 6 should be out today. And here's a link to the whole folder which will automatically show any new chapters. https://docs.google.com/leaf?id=0B0h7Ehya6LQ1YmEzOTlhOGUtOTgyMS00NGI5LWI5NjgtNTg0ODQ4Y2E1ZjY4&hl=en
@Sonic
ReplyDelete"Chapter 6 should be out today."
>mybodyisready.png
Seriously, your work is marvelous. How many chapters do you have planned?
@Sonic
ReplyDelete*Fluttershy* Whoo-hoo! */Fluttershy*
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteWhoops, I missed this. Glad you liked it! The time I have for writing is pretty sporadic, so I really have no way of telling whether I could provide updates with any kind of regularity, so right now I'm playing it safe and either working up a huuuge buffer for updates or just finishing the thing outright before posting it.
I've read Ten Rounds about 4 times now. Holy hell I love that story.
ReplyDeleteSidelines is my favorite of the bunch I think. I keep looking back to it for inspiration. Incredibly good stuff.
Midnight's Tail... oh my gosh, the funniest thing I've read in a while. Then again, I'm immediately biased as soon as Dash gets any portion of the spotlight at all, so... :P
Pride resonated in me in a way I wasn't expecting. Where it ended was perfect. Even so, if there was more it would probably make my year.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln4yOP4BB0Y
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS MY FACE.
He put it up. Incoming shitstorm...
Here's a short story for y'all:
ReplyDeleteFOR GRABS
CUTIE MARKS
NEVER DISCOVERED
@The Epic Spammastor of Ponifics
ReplyDeleteyou're reading midnight's tail part 2 again aren't you? ...I haven't written it yet! How are you doing that?
@The Epic Spammastor of Ponifics
ReplyDeleteActually, no.
I was reading Ernest Hemingway.
And watching the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
And looking at that comic where the grandpa had no cutie mark.
But yeah, I totally made it while I was in that strange mood after reading those stories up thar.
Spam number tres:
ReplyDeleteDo you know what this fanfic series reminds me of? Either that scifi story where humans are on the brink of evolving or the 2009 show V. They've got ambassador things (and their counterpart terrorists), "invasions," and a theme that signifies a sudden change in humanity. Is it cliche? Not yet. Is it a trope? Oh yes, it is.
@The Epic Spammastor of Ponifics
ReplyDeleteit's a trope of every cliche ever!
invading alien species, humans are bastards, one winged angels, our dragons are different...the works.
but srsly, I totally wanted to give Midnight his cutie mark only once he gets to equestria. part 2 will have that.
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteSo he really doesn't have a cutie mark yet?
Here's to hoping he'll discover it in the midst of wacky hijinks!
Also, another spammy fanfic:
IT was a dark and stormy night.
Lying in her bedchamber, Twilight Sparkle quietly read about the different legends of Equestria. She had already finished reading all that is to know about dragons, braggarts, and underdogs of yore. She decided that her final read was on her mentor's own folklore, so she kept it in a reserved space on her desk.
Tonight actually was and will be like many other nights in Canterlot- the pegasi had planned this rain to start at night because it had been the best time in the year to water the city without being a hassle to productivity.
And so, she continued to read on the many other tales happening, only sleeping when she felt that she needed to.
Spike, on the other hand, felt the biggest release from hard work since he first signed up as Twilight's assistant, for he had nothing to do all week now that all the books had been stacked up beside Twilight's bed. So he decided to sleep in an equally relaxing bed at the other side of the bedchamber.
They did not speak at all except for the times when Twilight would inquire about dragon-related things in some of her books.
Because Twilight read so many books that week, her brain decided to throw some of the information away- information that related to every other aesop she would eventually (re)learn in Ponyville and the East Coast of the United States (while she worked in the Conversion Bureaus).
THE END
Still loving this.
ReplyDeleteThis should be bumped :P
ReplyDeleteooh YEAH Midnight's Tale part 2 XD
ReplyDelete@The Epic Spammastor of Ponifics
ReplyDeleteOK so I goofed :3
part 2 turned out different than I expected, part 3 will end in equestria :P
@Malicin
ReplyDeleteblogpony might bump it after april foals, i guess, if ponies keep writing for it...
@Defoloce
ReplyDeleteI liked it! It's kind of your fault I wrote "The End". It's totally your fault, unless ponies like it. Then it's my fault. I guess. ;)
@D-Rave
ReplyDelete...and at the risk of sounding like an attention whorse (more than I already do) there'll be part 3 as well, even if it doesn't get bumped (hint hint)
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteIt seems that Sethisto only bumps it when the original The Conversion Bureau is updated, which kinda makes sense. If it was bumped whenever on elf the spinoffs is updated, it would never leave the front page :)
And Midnight, I'm really looking forward to reading your next part as well!
And for anypony wanting to follow the updates a little closer, here's the link to the thread on ponychan that we have been using:
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/1306.html
I've decided to start bumping it when a certain amount of side updates happen.
ReplyDelete5 is good for now~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1oQm1NjR8U Appropriate soundtrack for most of these awesome fanfcs.
ReplyDelete@Windchaser
ReplyDeleteI'd like to believe my comment on here is partially responsible for your wonderful fic existing, but I suppose all credit for it belongs to you right? :P
All of these spin-offs are wonderful everpony. Please keep writing them.
Am I the only one who thought story 6 (end of the conversion bureaus) was as funny as hell?, the irony of it. "you chose, poorly..."
ReplyDelete@Malicin
ReplyDeleteYeah, kinda XD
part 2 of Last Man Standing should be back up in a few hours.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI was expecting far more of a shitstorm than I have had, to be honest. Maybe all the warnings scared everypony off.
@Spin-off #5:
ReplyDeleteI smell spoilers.
Man, I love these stories! Keep it up, bronies!
ReplyDeleteMakes me wish I could just write NEARLY as good as you guys...
Anyway, something I noticed while reading these stories:
Apparently, there is overpopulation amung ponies, and they want to expand the place they live in, meaning, ponies living in the US, Europe, Japan (well, maybe not, it has atomic problems...), Russia (lol ponies with fur hats) and well... anywhere!
Yet, in most stories, the converted ponies always seem to go to equestria, dispite the overpopulation.
Maybe I'm just thinking too much, but still, here some food for thought.
I'm sorry. I can't bring myself to enjoy these.
ReplyDeleteI used to be a transformation fetishist, and it took a whole lot of willpoer to break myself of that. But these stories all just seem to have an eerily familiar story structure, events, and plot elements to so many stories I ashamedly used to get off to. I can't have that with my ponies. They're too innocent for that.
Last Man Standing pt 2 lives again!
ReplyDeleteI apologize about the downtime, I had to fix a few issues I had with my writing. Should be much better now.
@Putuk
ReplyDeletesounds like a good idea - most ponies WANT to go to Equestria, so that's where our stories take us, at least the first one(s).
How about you try writing your story for us?
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteWeeeeell...
I just kinda noticed that they have a problem with overpopulation, so I'd think there were ponies living in the surroundings known to us, maybe even living with humans.
But, sereously, I don't think I'm good at writing, I'm better at drawing, and I've been writing so much for school lately, I kinda get sick of writing. :P
@Putuk
ReplyDeleteThat's part of the story - humans are overcrowded at first, but then so many became ponies that they were in the minority relatively quickly (within a few years). Equestria wants to "expand it's borders" (though that's never really explained) and ponies DO live amongst humans.
there are some really good tales to tell in that setting.
I've been hearing around that ppl don't like self-insert, but what's the problem with it anyway?
ReplyDeleteit seems to me that:
1: It allows writers who might not otherwise write to express themselves
2: When done well, it can produce good stories while remaining fairly inconspicuous
3: If you're a new writer struggling with character definition, who better to use for practice than yourself?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeletethe problem isn't with the self-insert to much as what it often leads to - mary sue and gary stu. the overly-powerful, exuberantly brilliant, good-at-everything type with no flaws who is instantly attractive to the desired sex and especially the mane cast, who are all left in the shadows.
If your story is too much of "I R poni! everypony love me nao! {mane cast} are forever looking up to me, the end!" then it's no fun. it's painful.
HAVING SAID THAT - none of these stories exhibit those features, and your three points are each good.
I was iffy with the first post, but this has turned into something really good. Sidelines is my favorite story, but I'm starting to like the main story as well. Everyone keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteSomething that bugs me...
ReplyDeleteIn this post here, there is that link to that one pic with that "Anonymous"-character. I don't really get why that goes with this...
Of course, I do dislike said character, since as far as I found out, Anonymous, as a collective has done some preatty underhanded things. Not that I hate every anonymous poster here, just them as a collective that does that crap. Personally, I like having a name.
Ok, I wanted to ask a simple question, and it turned out to become a rant... DANG!
Rainbowdash.net reports that blaze emailed the 3 part to EQ. Where is it!!!?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeletesheesh calm down, blogpony staggers updates so they dont all happen at once. As you can see, he got to it.
no more shouting.
So this is what I've been shadowed by.
ReplyDeleteOh well, good stuff I guess.
Well. A month or two ago, I read the original story and I absolutely hated it purely due to all the anti-human propaganda thrown into it. And I have absolutely no intentions of reading on.
ReplyDeleteBut it seems like that you guys are really liking to spin-off. So I'm willing to give it another chance.
Guy, Which one do you recommend I read?
Naxts, read sidelines. Its far better than the first.
ReplyDeleteMidnight, you are one prolific pony!
ReplyDeleteI was pretty impressed with your The End story. I don't understand how it can be grimdark though... It's just apocalyptic, not grimdark like Cupcakes.
"Oh, and AJ?"
ReplyDelete"Yeah?"
"What's a Facebook?"
That made my day.
Anyway.
Nice to see this being continued, just the spin-offs arn't (yet).
I'M NOT COMPLANING!
I kinda like where this is heading, with RD now thinking that there ARE some good humans. Oh, the funny conversations that are to come.
There's quite a lot of work on the spinoffs in the works - if you check the ponychan thread you'll see more action.
ReplyDelete@The Epic Spammastor of Ponifics
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked it - I'm really surprised when only one pony so far has called it overly cliched and didn't like it.
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteTHERE IS A PONYCHAN THREAD FOR THIS?
HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED IT?
Departing to PonyChan, off to find fics!
Can we please have a link to said ponychan thread.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/1306.html
ReplyDeleteUpdates! Oh, thank Celestia! <3 *reads happily!*
ReplyDeleteSees updates...
ReplyDelete*Head explodes*
This was heading in the "All Humans are evil" phase, but now it seems the writers have been listening to the fans, and making the changes. Frankly, they're all brilliant. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteYellowstone is very promising! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteIve been following Yellowstone on ponchan and I'm quite glad that its up on EQD now.
ReplyDeleteToo bad I'm now paying attention to the thread on Ponychan, now nothing is new to me. :(
ReplyDeleteNow I need chapter five, Midnight.
ReplyDeleteFive.
DO IT NOW.
I was unaware that there is another brony using the name "Blaze." To those whom it may concern:
ReplyDeleteI have changed my Blogger display name to "Doctor What".... because I don't have anything better at the moment.
I think this might be the most popular story on ED. Partly, because it gives a background for people to imagine what they would do if they had the chance to be ponified. Also, the story is pretty neat, even if it is a mary-sue self-insert story.
ReplyDelete@DoctorWhat
ReplyDeleteso, uh, is "blaze's TCB universe" now "Doctor What's TCB universe" ?
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteyou fool midnight! you should know better than to predict your own warped mind! part 5 is on it's way and he still doesn't have it yet!
self! you should be disappoint!
Dear Mr Sonic
ReplyDeleteYou. Are. Awesome.
regards
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteTsk tsk, Mr Midnight! You can never know when one gets their cutie marks!
Who's a silly pony?
The mane story's pretty good, but I'll admit I have a preference for Last Man Standing. Just a crazy idea, y'know? What would it be like to be the very last of anything?
ReplyDelete@Windchaser
ReplyDeleteI'd say Applejack but she'd buck me a new one if I did...
Man all of these are so great!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like since the latest episode the part about not having large pony cities might need to be changed...
ReplyDeleteWait, Isaac never told Sunny his name...
ReplyDeleteHm.
Oh. My. God. Videomaster, your story. Your story is magnificent. I can't hope to express how much I love it. I loved every single bit of it. Incredibly touching. And yes. MANLY TEARS WERE SHED.
ReplyDeleteI have to echo what Windchaser said, I'm loving Fragments very much - it's a bit rough in places, but I'm not going to complain. Not a hint of pony sue in it, although I am getting creeped with all the inklings of doom and gloom. Hopefully nothing world-breaking, but I want moar!
ReplyDelete@Midnight
ReplyDeletePlus of course, I approve of Midnight's Tail references ;)
I'm glad people seem to be enjoying it. ^_^
ReplyDeleteI know oh so well about how rough it is in some places. :/
I've got a few people reading through the story finding all the mistakes and errors I've made, so in time I'll be able to go through these and fix em up.
>Reading "Fragments of Regret"
ReplyDelete>"She did however, have to shudder a bit at the choice of design this one had. Looking like a long winding snake complete with a replica snake head at the end. It's closed mouth grinning at her eerily."
>listening to "Snake Eater"
> O.O
STAY IN ONE THREAD! (hehe, never got to say that before) - there's a new one since the old one got bumped to heck and back:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/4827.html
I can't wait to see where the Twilight and Hawk thing goes in Yellowstone.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I gotta admit, Midnight, you've inspired me... and me with dual 3 hour plus layovers on a plane flight this weekend...
ReplyDeleteWould you mind terribly if I made reference to Bud and Larry in my fic?
@siraj
ReplyDeleteby all means my good pony, you may reference and/or use Bud and Larry, Professional Pony Pushers..er..transporters...er... :)
Glad you liked the series :)
Every hour without an update for one of the stories is torture.
ReplyDeleteEhh- Fragments of Regret went a little too Sue for my taste. Very fun read, until the legion of superhumans showed up.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI came here to post pretty much exactly the same thing. For me, Fragments of Regret went completely off the rails at Part 9.
Videomaster21XX, you had a good thing going with James, his mysterious headaches, and the nice subplot with Rose and Wing Berry. That was good stuff! The final third of this story, however, reads like something entirely different than what you started off with.
Yeah sorry, I think I'm going to post a warning in the first chapter, letting people know the story goes off cannon majorly.
ReplyDeleteThe point of the story was to give humans a way to survive, because that was the one part of the universe that bothered me. Sadly it seems not many people liked my idea for it. Which is ironic, because the entire story was only written FOR chapter 9. >_<
@videomaster21XX
ReplyDeleteI know you wanted it to be a "holy hell what a tweest!" moment, but...it doesn't really work that well. It's played too straight and the transition to explanation is in the next chapter - it needs to be *immediately* after the scene ends...and even then it's a slap in the face with a large ham baked in sue-sauce.
it does, however, get explained well later!
I'm going to guess if instead of chapter 9 being as it was. If I had chapter 9 be the revised chapter 10, eventually leading up to them going to rescue Twilight, it would have worked better?
ReplyDelete@videomaster21xx
ReplyDeletein short? yes - it could be more effective if you could somehow blend the "holy shit what is going on" part with the jump-cut to his learning how to do what he does, but to be honest you should tone down how he does it. Make him fall off the bike, break a wrist, hurt himself, make him be in danger. make it a struggle.
you didn't, that was the biggest problem.
@Midnight
ReplyDeleteBut... but it was a struggle...
Okay yes I had him come in and do that one cool thing, but I wanted him to have one awesome moment. Soon after he gets knocked flying backward, into a wall of flame that hurts him BAD. If it wasn't for the other two, he'd have been killed. Nothing they do is all that effective, heck the most effective one there is Twilight. In the end it takes the three humans, with help of the ponies holding the thing still, to kill it, and it's pretty clear they were all out of energy after that attack. If the thing had lived, there was no way they'd have won after that.
I'm not trying to be all prima donna, please don't get the wrong idea. But I don't see how it wasn't a struggle. Yes you knew they'd win, but they ARE the main characters after all.
As for why he could even DO all that. Well given how quickly Barry was learning magic in the orginal, and how I've seen a few other unicorns in this universe learn magic rather quickly, I honestly believe with over a month of having time to work on their magic pretty much every day, for hours on end would be enough time for them to learn the magic they needed to do that kinda stuff.
Yeah I know it's my own work, so I have blinders on probably, but I just don't see it as a Gary Stu moment. I've seen this kinda stuff in anime all the time, and I kinda wrote this story in the spirit of an anime. :/
I'm not trying to be an ass, I'm just trying to understand your guys side of this. Obviously you see this in a different lens, and I need to learn how to myself if I want to avoid making this mistake again.
Where'd all the side stories go that were here..?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteRight here:
http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/conversion-bureau-compilation.html
Ah, I should have searched for 'conversion' more than once on the fic page..thanks :)
ReplyDeleteOk Blaze, ya got me hooked, now where's the rest? :-)
ReplyDeleteI do realize that this is fiction, but the desire to change ones species eludes my understanding. I just finished watching the Nova episode about the completion of the Human Genome Project. It's an amazing accomplishment (a kin to going to the moon) and very inspiring. The Human Genome Project is a triumph of Humanity for it only occurred because of the foundation laid by previous generations, and is the foundation for accomplishments to come. Every triumph of a woman or a group of people is a triumph for all of mankind. Why would you give up all that we have bled, suffered, and died for?
ReplyDeleteA response may be "What about all the wars? What about all the plagues and famines, greed and corruption? How does any human achievement justify that?" “The ponies offer us freedom from diseases, hunger, war, famine, homelessness, joblessness. All they ask for is a change of species.” On the surfaces that doesn't seem like a bad exchange, but if you dig deeper, I wager the cost is too great. This story posits a version of history that is fatal for mankind. Similar versions are shared by many people. It seems the only logical choice is to give up, become “ponified”.
First off, I don't think that such a bleak future will ever come to pass. As we have advance as a spieces, the scale of the problems we are able to solve only increases. It is not unreasonable to talk about solutions that we can not implement, because in the not to distant future, we will be able to implement them.
Second, if such a future came to pass, the answer is not ponification. We need to solve our own problems, not let others do it for us. To do other wise is the spit upon the sacrifices that were made by those that didn't have the luxury. Becoming ponified won't save humanity, it's just another form of extinction.
Thirdly, the ponies in this setting are a bunch of arrogant pricks. Instead of practicing the elements of harmony, they just sat on their hooves and watch mankind suffer; and when we are in real need, they don't try to save us, they offer to convert us, to make us them. That's what you do for a dying species, you offer to hasten their demise by reshaping whats left of them into you likeness.
Fourthly, the physicality of your being is just as important as the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual parts of your being. When you change who you are physically, you change who you are as a whole. If I change my skin color, I change how I experience the world, and how the world interacts with me. It's a simple forced feedback loop. The world reacts to my new skin color and I react to that reaction. Wait a year, and then compare me to the original me. We may still be close in most every aspect, but we will still be different, distinct. Two people from one origin. One can not say he is the same person if he walks into a conversion center as a human and out a pony.
To wrap up my impromptu essay on the ethics of ponification (lol), let me reiterate that I do know that this is a work of fiction, but the fundamental issue of wanting to exchange ones humanity for something else is an important topic for discussion. I feel that exchanging ones humanity is a form of surrender, and a form of suicide (personality death may be a more appropriate term). You have worked hard to be who you are (regardless of who that might be), and we've worked hard to be who we are. I am proud of that, and I can't fathom why anyone wouldn't be.
@ Anon ^ Not sure if troll or just plain stupid.
ReplyDelete