• Story: Constellations

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    Author: The RPGenius
    Description: Luna attempts to distract herself from the same frustrations that she once let ruin her life.
    Constellations








    Spoiler image kind of!


    Thursday, March 10, 2011 op
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    35 comments:

    1. GrrxmasterMarch 10, 2011 at 12:54 PM

      Hurrah for a happy Luna!

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    2. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 12:57 PM

      I think "lovely" is the only appropriate word here.

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    3. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 1:12 PM

      Aww, very cute. You may want to proofread the first few paragraphs again, but other than that, it was an awesome story.

      The decision not to turn the story into shipping was a good one, in my opinion. You managed to write a normal story that still made me d'awww and left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Great job!

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    4. ZarkanorfMarch 10, 2011 at 1:21 PM

      I think the choice of not making this story a shipping one was an AMAZING CALL from the author; this story, without the lovey-dovey fru-fru of ships, was so adorable and heartwarming on its own. A few touch-ups on the first couple of paragraphs (nothing too OUT THERE), but... my favorite Luna story to date.

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    5. Cereal VelocityMarch 10, 2011 at 1:29 PM

      Regrettably, all I can do is repeat the sentiments of the above two commenters. This was a wonderfully written and thought-out story, and I'm very glad you didn't make it descend into shipping, because that would have completely ruined it. Your descriptions of Luna's thoughts were graceful without being overly flowery- a difficult thing to do!

      Hats off to you, sir. Excellent work. I look forward to more from you.

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    6. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 1:30 PM

      Better for not being shipping. Almost felt like watching an episode.

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    7. 5t3v0March 10, 2011 at 2:00 PM

      That was amazing... and heartwarming :)

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    8. PhoeMarch 10, 2011 at 2:05 PM

      Just as a nitpicky little "quickie way to improve" sort of thing, be careful in the future about your use of "I" and "you see", and other things of similar tone. An informal narrator can be a very strong device, but it tends to cause more of a campfire story or morality tale sort of vibe, and this story is better suited to a more reserved voice (which by the way, you generally stuck to).

      It may not be shipping, but this is an incredibly romantic story that brought tears to my eyes. You did excellent work and deserve high praise.

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    9. Rainbow BriskMarch 10, 2011 at 2:19 PM

      This is one of the few fics i can completely admit to enjoying because of the way it was written, regardless of whether it was a fanfiction or not.

      I don't mean to deride fanfics here, hell, i read most of the fics posted on ED every day, but admittedly, there are issues and problems with writing fan fiction that don't arise from regular fiction--problems that will inevitably hurt the piece as a whole.

      Granted, most fanfics aren't professionally written. We should definitely enjoy them for what they are (and we do!), and if you can devise meaning from reading a fanfictions, by all means, more power to you.

      However, this piece had a level of technical proficiency i'm not used to seeing. The descriptions were vivid without being trite or obnoxious, it was flowery without being overbearingly juvenile.

      Here's a more subtle thing: As the story goes on, Luna gets more and more anxious to find out Twilight's wish. I actually found -myself- getting more and more anxious when reading: reading faster, trying to get to the end more quickly. Not because i was enjoying it less, but because the author had me feeling what Luna was feeling.

      Of course, the payoff was pretty fantastic.

      Many props, RPGenius. I'm an english major, so i deal with a lot of good writing, and i definitely give this my stamp of approval.

      Also, happy Luna. *GAAAAAAAASP* yay.

      ReplyDelete
    10. SethistoMarch 10, 2011 at 2:30 PM

      This was awesome. People voting below 5 stars have no friends

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    11. The RPGeniusMarch 10, 2011 at 2:36 PM

      Thank you all very much for the kind feedback. I almost feel I shouldn't take credit for winding up not making it a shipping story, though--sometimes my writing just takes things in a direction almost without my realizing it, and that's kind of how it came that the story became more general than anything else. I guess I just follow Pinkie Pie's policy--never question your whims, just go with them, heh.

      Also, Phoe, about the "I" and "you see," I actually did debate whether or not to take that approach at that part (I know what you mean about what kind of narrative influence it has), but I decided I liked the effect it had and went with it. It wasn't an oversight, and I was "careful" as you caution--I just perhaps carefully made the wrong decision with it, heh.

      And I know what you mean about fanfiction, Rainbow Brisk. Nice as it is, I feel like it just often suffers from people not taking it seriously enough. Me, I believe we should take our fun pastimes as seriously as anything else in our lives (perhaps even more so since they're what we WANT to be doing). So when I write, I give it my best and work to make sure it's done as well as possible. Maybe I don't HAVE to, but then, Lauren Faust and the rest of the MLPFiM crew didn't HAVE to turn a cheesy and totally meaningless toy-selling scam into a genuinely wholesome, enjoyable, quality animation series, either. If they can pour themselves into creativity when they don't have to, it's only right we fans return the favor, you know? Anyway, thanks for the words, my fellow major.

      But anyways, thanks for the feedback, all. It's very gratifying for an author to hear.

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    12. SandmanMarch 10, 2011 at 4:56 PM

      I really liked this story. The decision to not make this a ship was the right one as it seems to make the whole exchange more tender I guess. I definitely had a bit of a watery smile when Luna read the journal. Bravo, RPGenius, bravo.


      Though this makes me wonder what Luna would think of our world and the near constant activity continuing into the night. Also, how would she react to the near ten thousand pro astronomers who dedicate their lives to studying the heavens above. Not counting the numerous amateurs.

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    13. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 5:27 PM

      Wonderful story. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

      However, the ending sent me looking at several constellations. Here's what I found:

      When Twilight starts suggesting dress changes to Rarity, she talks about Orion, specifically its belt - which is where the horse head nebula can be found.

      A little later she talks about Canis Major and Minor. They are close to Orion, but one smaller constellation is between the three: Monoceros, the unicorn.

      Since we are already in the vicinity, there's a meta-constellation (asterism) called the Winter Hexagon right there, consisting of the brightest stars of the six constellations Orion, Canis Major, Canis Minor, Gemini, Auriga and Taurus.

      It's sort of a hexagon if you take the blue star Rigel as Orion's representative. But Orion has another bright star, the red Betelgeuse, in the center of the hexagon. If you replace Rigel by Betelgeuse, you get a red star surrounded by five other stars, which is - Twilight's mark.

      I've got to stop now, the men in the white suits should be here any moment now...

      ReplyDelete
    14. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 6:29 PM

      The 4am pudding wish made me laugh so hard...
      Ace story.

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    15. AnonymousMarch 10, 2011 at 6:32 PM

      @AmbiValent

      Holy crap, you're right. I just had a stargasm.

      ReplyDelete
    16. LordOfTheWrongsMarch 10, 2011 at 7:18 PM

      LOL at the Strong Bad colt who wants the snake with a knife.

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    17. EscherMarch 10, 2011 at 9:03 PM

      I *LOVE* this story. It's well written, totally in-character, and I love the random wishes that are totally recognizable... Even the ones that are references to fan art.

      ReplyDelete
    18. locojomMarch 11, 2011 at 12:26 AM

      I... I'm crying manly tears of joy

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    19. That Weird GuyMarch 11, 2011 at 1:23 AM

      Like I said from Ponychan, great story! You also made me very happy by using my title.

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    20. Kylezagr8March 12, 2011 at 8:33 PM

      Maybe its me or maybe its the painkillers I just took (I have a RX don't worry, car accident)but this makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
      Have you thought about trying to work this story into a script? The way it read, the focus on the characters, I mean almost everything about your story reminded me of a real episode. You have a real talent either way, and I enjoyed reading this.
      Thank you

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    21. Fairy SlayerMarch 22, 2011 at 10:24 PM

      I thought it was a terrific insight into Princess Luna's life after returning from exile and her struggle with those negative feelings. The beauty with which you described her best nights was incredible, despite the mixed feelings she got from them. Then there was the extra bonus of hearing wishes and knowing better than to intervene (no matter how much she wanted to)... though 'fridge logic mentioned me that if ponies were wishing on stars then that is some kind of appreciation, but certainly not the gratitude that would fill Luna's need for appreciation. (So well played. :))

      The insight into Twilight's life, from Luna's point of view, was a good bit of fun. It's sweet how the realization that one pony showing such intense appreciation without asking for any reward was terrific. After all, Twilight already had the intense and limitless beauty of the heavens, and she was happy for that gift already. I'm left both wondering if Twilight will ever find the hidden message or if she'll realize simply that the nights have been much better since Luna's return, deserving some thanks.

      At the very least, somepony will eventually see what Luna did and it will be a lasting tribute to one pony who was simply grateful.


      So... how close did I come to what you intended?

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    22. The RPGeniusMarch 24, 2011 at 6:27 PM

      Well, Fairy Slayer, you enjoyed the writing style I tried very hard to make worthwhile, you liked the way I developed Luna, you noted the ways I strove to make the story believable even when one could take a different perspective than Luna did, you wonder about and seem to enjoy the slight ambiguity of the ending's on whether Luna's gratitude will ever be known, and overall you took the story seriously and seem to have had an emotional response to the story. I think you hit the bullseye on what I'd intended with the story, sir or madam, and for telling me so, I thank you, because there's few things as rewarding to know that someone has read your work and appreciated it in the ways that you hoped that, and put effort into making sure that, they would. Thank you!

      And thank you to everyone else who's commented since I last posted a reply on here. You guys/gals are great, and I'm pleased as punch that I made something you enjoyed so.

      ReplyDelete
    23. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 7:20 AM

      Wish that crazy servant of mine would learn her proper place. She's here to feed me, not entangle me in her dress-making nonsense.

      Is that...Opal wishing??
      If so, well played sir. A very nice touch.

      ReplyDelete
    24. AnonymousApril 2, 2011 at 12:49 AM

      Wow, just wow. This story was truly excellent. Good call on not making it a shipping story, after all love does not have to be romantic. Very well written and a very good idea at that!
      Happy Luna makes me happy!

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    25. AnonymousApril 17, 2011 at 5:46 PM

      "I never, ever want to be up at 4 AM making chocolate pudding again. Please, never let it be repeated. Give me back my life."


      Soooo... Stu lives in Ponyville?

      ReplyDelete
    26. That SwedeApril 27, 2011 at 5:07 PM

      such a heartwarming story, beautiful.
      well deserved 5 stars!
      keep it up!
      <3

      ReplyDelete
    27. XiMay 13, 2011 at 10:01 PM

      All I can say is that, This fic REALLY made me happy. I was almost leaking from the eyes at the end of it.

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    28. AntiguoMay 16, 2011 at 4:44 PM

      Damnit.

      Why, why so many stories of My little pony make me feel so good and nice inside? Its just so, amazingfantastic cuterific.

      Word, my writer.

      Word.

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    29. AnonymousJune 1, 2011 at 12:32 AM

      Oh Celestia! thank you, thank you, thank you! I enjoyed every letter of this story. I cannot thank you enough.

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    30. Soapy5June 14, 2011 at 9:48 PM

      What an amazing story! I admit I got just a teeny tiny bit misty eyed. Just a little. Actually it probably was just something in my eye... >_>

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    31. AnonymousJuly 17, 2011 at 11:16 PM

      I shed manly tears... Thank you for this. It was absolutely beautiful.

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    32. NosnibormadaJuly 27, 2011 at 2:41 PM

      This has to be one of the simplest but nonetheless charming fanfics I've read. After reading this I just feel like staying up to watch the stars, as if I'm admiring Luna's work :)

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    33. AnonymousAugust 10, 2011 at 1:56 AM

      A lovely story that inspires the imagination. Hard to say what else I'd like to. Well done.

      ReplyDelete
    34. McPoodleMay 16, 2012 at 8:51 PM

      In the months since I first read this, I've come across several other fanfics with this same general premise, but of them all I think this one is the nicest.

      ReplyDelete
    35. TridusJuly 2, 2012 at 5:10 AM

      Beautiful little story.

      ReplyDelete

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