Author: Kiyyik
Description: Hundreds of years in the future, an older, wiser pony looks out over her kingdom. A summer night brings recollection of memories and regrets.The Circle of Friends
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[Sad] It's a little bit short, but still really good. Apparently the author is a fanfiction convert thanks to ponies.
Author: Kiyyik
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134 comments:
That... was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteBut what about fluttershy?
That left a very warm, fuzzy feeling inside me.
ReplyDeleteIt's true that no one lives forever, and that's why we have to make the time we have count.
Thats...
ReplyDeleteJust absolutely amazing.
Simple, yes, but it adds to the story.
Most excellent.
Pinky I could see wanting to have a party waiting for everyone after it all ends.
ReplyDeleteApplejack and Rainbow Dash, the fan art of them getting married should be around in the drawfriends art section. (They both probably went at the same time)
Fluttershy and Rarity obviously were close friends, live their dreams and after a certain point of watching the world passed them by decided to finally move on.
That was indeed sad. However, It's a shame that the stories of all the ponies was not told.
ReplyDeleteI could see how this was sad, but for me, it was more heart-warming.
ReplyDeleteSimple but effective; I like it!
http://www.dafurr.com/random/pony1.png
ReplyDeletea little love to brighten your hearts
liked it a lot, and i agree that it was more heart-warming than sad. Very high-concept, and it moves fast, but it moves.
ReplyDeleteLet's look at something done right: Twilight's little speech at the end could easily have been ham-fisted, poetic for the sake of flowery prose. One line in particular that validates it is:
"The younger pony shivered. "Please, Ladyship," she whispered. "I do not like to hear you speak of such things."
"And why not?" "
The little bit of discomfort from Dusky goes a long way here.
I prefer them shorter, incidentally
BTW: i too am a fanfiction convert. Writing English/Journalism major here, if it isn't MLP and it's fanfiction chances are i will loathe it.
Still haven't written any yet, but that's because i'm tremendously lazy.
Hi y'all. Thanks for the kind words.
ReplyDeleteI did consider listing how each moved on, but I decided I didn't want it to be this litany of death. Not only cos that part was totally depressing already, but also because it put the emphasis of the story on death, which woulda kinda undermined the whole theme, y'see.
Anyway, first fanfic, so yay :)
Very good story. I liked how you fit so much emotion, happiness and bittersweet reality into this, and in so few words, too!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how its technically not the end for the Elements of Harmony, generation 2; it's just the in pit-stop for a gathering much more permanent.
Eh... this is really just your typical baaawww story, which is starting to get as rampant as Rainbow Dash shipping stories. Also why did you randomly just slap Appledash into the middle of the fic? Whatever.
ReplyDeleteWe also got no word of Spike, who is pretty much Twilight's best friend.
I mean it's not really bad writing, it just seems like quick attempt at a bawstory.
Sad stories are starting to get annoying and as bland as the shipping stories. Just talk about how someone died and then its sad.
Count on Pinkie Pie to go through with something that all of us fear, no matter what. We can all learn something from her, and we most probably should
ReplyDeleteThough I was wondering what happened to Fluttershy and Rarity, I didn't see it as a flaw in the story. And I can see why their deaths weren't mentioned so to keep the story from being too depressing and heavy on death. It's a good call, because it keeps the story more focused on the 'now' rather than the 'then'.
Cottonmouth, though your criticisms are valid, your tone is out of line. And I've witnessed your negative input in more than one post on this site. Please, make your criticisms by all means, but don't write it acidically.
ReplyDeleteAppledash would rattle some people's cages, but it wasn't detailed all that much, so it can be tolerated. Spike's absence from Twilight's memories is somewhat odd, and could be added in at the author's discretion, but since dragons are generally accepted as being capable of living for hundreds of years, it is possible that he's still alive, but not present in the scene. Twilight's memories focused on her friends who have passed on, which also strengthens the idea that Spike could still be alive.
Judging by the length of the story, I think the author intended the tale to be like a standard 'bawwww' fiction, since it is deliberately short and simple. But it isn't bland at all, it has a clear theme behind it, and the writing and pacing is really well thought out. I've read 'bawww' fics that lacked in one of these things, and have been longer, and still fail to impress the emotions the authors wanted to place within their readers.
This story sets out with a clear theme; a short, but polished, scene; and a goal to leave a bittersweet feeling similar to what Twilight experiences in the scene in the very hearts of the readers. And it succeeds in doing so.
If that is bland to you, then you clearly have set your sights on disappointing yourself, and will stop at nothing to feel that way.
Cottonmouth, why are you always full of such negativity? Were it not for the fact that you've submitted some well-rated fanfiction yourself, I'd assume you were just a troll. Seriously... ya gotta share, ya gotta care.
ReplyDelete@Purple Tinker
ReplyDeletePeople, I'm just calling how I see it.
It really seems like going down a list and saying
"xxx died. It was so sad but they were so brave."
"then xxx and xxx died. They were together to the end"
With Twilight's student going "Jesus Christ how Horrifying" throughout the list.
Maybe that's more of my opinion than the actual quality of the fic, but I wouldn't be able to tell.
I just feel like there's no meat. I'm looking at mash potatoes here.
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteYes, but it seems like every time I see your name, it's attached to a string of nasty complaints. Okay, we get it, you don't like pathos, or drama, or any of those girly things. You don't have to come out and leave a giant pile of horse apples on every thread you touch.
A rather fitting name.
ReplyDeleteAnd onto the story itself: My thoughts. "Wow." It was rather nice and sweet. But more like a metophor or a poem than anything.
@Purple Tinker
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're talking about.
pathos.. drama.. these are good things when utilized correctly. If you actually think this fic has any drama.... well...
I agree the random sadfics are getting kinda stale but I actually liked this one.
ReplyDeleteI hate fics that just leave me feeling sad for no reason but this one although dealing with death its less about being a baawwww fest and more about excepting death and change.
All things that begin must end weather we like it or not death is the only thing that awaits you in life and you should treasure every moment while you can.
deja vu
ReplyDeletedeja vus everywhere
While I would've normally agreed with Cottonmouth - this is your usual bawww-fic, which I have read aplenty, this time I had http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo_pQgNdzZg playing. That got me, sooo... good work, I guess.
ReplyDeleteIt's a baww fic. it isn't long because it knows what it wants to be and nothing more, it's got at least a point behind it, and it didn't try to overstep it's bounds by going into poetry that only sounds poetic to the author.
ReplyDeleteIn a word, it was efficient. the brevity is probably the best way it illustrates Twilight's attitude toward the subject.
Now I was disappointed that it didn't touch on all of the cast. Pinkie's passing was hardly death and gloom, neither were AJ and Dash, so I don't think including the others would come across as overly gloomy and melancholic.
now, I am probably REALLY going to regret doing this but Cottonmouth, bluntness and frankness are two different things in how they come across. "calling them as you see them" is not free reign to leave your manners at the door.
and that is all I will say to you.
This story made me has a sad now.
ReplyDelete@Adrian Brony
ReplyDeleteSubmitting your stories to this blog is opening yourself to the fandom. I DO have free reign to leave my critique here. The person who submitted this probably realized that whenever they sent it in.
But of course, you won't accept being wrong. Seems you'll never improve.
That was very professionally written.
ReplyDeleteI Absolutely Loved it!
The way you incorporate Twilight's story with her conversation.
And there was so much. . . wisdom. O.O I feel smarter for reading this. More at peace with the world.
Although, it would have been nice to know the other ponies fates. . .
Still,this is one of the best fanfics I have read, and that's saying quite a bit.
Wow, bazillion comments!
ReplyDeleteLessee, I either had too much death or not enough. Not sure how to fix that ;) Oh, and I totally forgot about Spike. *adds him in*
Incidentially, I didn't really set out to do "baww" fic, just I had that little monologue in my head, had to do something with it.
Anyhow, thanks to everyone who gave constructive criticism. Definitely gonna have to do this again!
Short, but sweet and very well done. Defenately looking forward to any future works you post here.
ReplyDeleteWhile I noticed the lack of Spike, Rarity and Fluttershy, I think it worked. Both for the intent of it not being a continual list of death, and because it rather fits with the characters.
Fluttershy spent her life working with animals, aside from Pinkie she'd likely have the least to fear from death, simply accepting it as a part of life.
For Rarity, what would there be left after accomplishing her dreams, and so much more than she had imagined? After a very long lifetime of stories and scandals and drama and excitement, after a life well and truly *lived*, sometimes melodramiticly so, eventually the time comes to bow out and let another bask in the spotlight.
Besides, I'm sure Dusky(and pretty much every other pony) has allready heard Rarity's story, and probably several versions of it at that.
And Spike, well being a dragon he's probably still kicking around out there being completely badass(or napping for a century or two at a time).
I didn't find this sad at all. It was more or less Twilight preaching about how people come and go and with every beginning there is an end. Rather than hanging on to those you love in desperation, you happily let them go as you know the times you've spent together is what truly is important.
ReplyDeleteAren't we all "fanfiction converts, thanks to ponies"?
ReplyDeleteI always thought only losers wrote fanfiction. Guess I didn't really disprove my thesis when I wrote my first story.
Anyway, good luck, Kiyyik. Your life is now ponies.
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteOk dude, seriously. Everyone knows you have impossibly high standards that will never be reached. You've established that already. You have better taste than all of us lowly commoners. It's not really our fault that we like to enjoy things instead of complaining about them. It must just be that you come from better stock, right?
Honestly you keep saying the same thing over and over with each review you give.
"It was all the same as everything else and it sucked."
We really do get it. Just make up a little stamp that says "Cottonmouth does not approve" and we will know what you mean.
Now I realize that there is a vast amount of bad fiction out there that actually DOES make the exact same mistake every time, but you are too brutal with your critiques and too quick to spill venom all over the comment page.
Was there ever a fic that you DID enjoy?
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteOk dude, seriously. Everyone knows you have impossibly high standards that will never be reached. You've established that already. You have better taste than all of us lowly commoners. It's not really our fault that we like to enjoy things instead of complaining about them. It must just be that you come from better stock, right?
Honestly you keep saying the same thing over and over with each review you give.
"It was all the same as everything else and it sucked."
We really do get it. Just make up a little stamp that says "Cottonmouth does not approve" and we will know what you mean.
Now I realize that there is a vast amount of bad fiction out there that actually DOES make the exact same mistake every time, but you are too brutal with your critiques and too quick to spill venom all over the comment page.
Was there ever a fic that you DID enjoy?
I seem to be having quite a bit of difficulty putting my thoughts on this into words. It's certainly a very technically proficient piece, and I can tell it was arranged with care and skill. So for that aspect alone you deserve praise; you've clearly been around the block a time or two. But to me, this reads a bit like a Homeric list of ships more than anything else, and that's bothering me on a very fundamental level. Actually... I have it. What you've written is a philosophical piece. What I *wanted* was an emotional one, and I feel that Twilight as the teller of this tale is too wise and too at peace with everything to deliver the sort of charge I would want to see from the subject matter, particularly given how beautiful the final image is.
ReplyDeleteLet's not mince words. This isn't a "bawwww" fic; I really don't believe you wrote this with the intention of making anypony sad. You had a point, and you made it clearly and concisely. I feel that the point could have been made more *powerfully* with a slightly more meandering path that probed a little deeper into each pony's decision to... let go. But, that's only an opinion. If there was One True Way to write I think there would be far fewer authors in the world.
Regardless, I'm very happy that you seem to have had fun writing this, and I am hoping to see more contributions to the fandom from you in the future.
@Purple Tinker
ReplyDeleteAre you serious? Cottonmouth the All Knowing wrote something? Judging from his comments on pretty much everything he has responded to, it had better be a masterpiece that blows the doors off reality. Otherwise how could he be justified in giving ANY of his criticism.
And you know, even if it is something that will redefine literature as we know it, he STILL wouldn't be justified in being as rude as he is.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete"If you can't do it better, you can't criticize.", probably the stupidest argument ever.
Just saiyan.
@Phoe
ReplyDeleteI agree with this completely, and I think it's something that cotton mouth didn't see. The point of the story wasn't to "AHAHACRYCAUSEEVERYONEDIED," but a brief synopsis of her friends gives a small perspective that gives even more to a clear message. I think, unlike my reply-ee, that her wisdom strengthens it a little, because why should there be emotion? Celestia certainly, over one thousand years, knows ponies who have died, probably even dragons. I don't see any bawwwing over it, and there's no reason to. There shouldn't have been much baw here, and there wasn't.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI didn't intend my comment to be taken like that. I realize that you don't have to be an expert chef to know that the food on your doesn't taste good.
All I'm saying is that it seems that Cottonmouth never has anything good to say about ANY story. All his comments, no matter how much sense they may make, just come off as being rude complaints.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI didn't intend my comment to be taken like that. I realize that you don't have to be an expert chef to know that the food on your plate doesn't taste good.
All I'm saying is that it seems that Cottonmouth never has anything good to say about ANY story. All his comments, no matter how much sense they may make, just come off as being rude complaints.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou're right. I didn't mean to come off sounding like that, but I guess I did. I realize that you don't have to be an expert chef to know that the food on your plate doesn't taste good.
All I'm saying is that it seems that Cottonmouth never has anything good to say about ANY story. All his comments, no matter how much sense they may make, just come off as being rude complaints.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteYou're right. I didn't mean to come off sounding like that, but I guess I did. I realize that you don't have to be an expert chef to know that the food on your plate doesn't taste good.
All I'm saying is that it seems that Cottonmouth never has anything good to say about ANY story. All his comments, no matter how much sense they may make, just come off as being rude complaints.
In lieu of absolutely gushing I will just say that that was a beautiful piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteNot to be morbid, but I don't think enough authors use the beautiful aspects of death, like peace, release, or going into the unknown with a lover. I appreciated the artistic use of death in this story. Thanks for writing!
ReplyDeleteYou've all been drowned by this notion of "friendship" that any time a condescending critique falls upon a fic you lunge at someone.
ReplyDeleteWhen you submit your stories to the blog, you are putting them out there for everyone to see. You are taking up space on my screen. If I'm interested in the fic, I'll read it and say what I thought about it.
Sure I also love putting in my own opinions (the "bawfic" part) but I also lay out this fics problems. Phoe actually said what I was trying to convey in a much more efficient manner, so congratulations to him.
Also, I would LOVE for you to read my fics, ESPECIALLY if you want to critique them.
Sorry for the double-post, but I just wanted to say I really love the name 'Cottonmouth the all-knowing".
ReplyDeleteAwww! That was sad and heart-warming.
ReplyDelete@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteWhen I say emotion, I don't necessarily mean sadness. To the contrary, adding sadness where there need be none would undermine the message of the story. And while I suppose the peaceful and subdued tone the piece takes does add a certain degree of... weight to the wisdom of the lesson, I really don't think it's as effective as it could be.
What I would have wanted is a confused and slightly more insistent Dusky Rose pressing for details on even just one pony's story, opening the reader up the reader to a hint of what it really is that makes somepony look up at the sky and think, "Ok. I'm ready." Paint me that sort of picture and my heart will sing.
It's worth mentioning though, that if you look at the comments here, a fair number of readers found a lot of emotion in the words written there as-is. There's almost no way to know what it is a reader will bring into a story with them, so perhaps it was wiser on Kiyyik's part to stay with a cleaner and more pared down version for his audience to fill with their own hearts than it would have been to try guide and point them in any one (or even several) direction(s). My only hope in mentioning it was to get him and everypony else who read the comment to think about it in terms of how else it might have been written. Well, that and getting my thoughts into the open. Sometimes I'm selfish like that.
Would you look at that, it's raining.
ReplyDelete@Phoe
ReplyDeleteOK, I see what you mean here. I have to say from reading the feedback I h ave been putting some more thought into the story, ways I might have done it alternatively. I'm almost wishing that, instead of having AppleDash sail off into the sunset together (metaphorically speaking), I had had Twilight recall a conversation with one of the girls in which she discusses why she's ready, and sharing that with Dusky.
Still, I'm one of those who, once the story is out there, I kinda force myself to put the (virtual) pen down and step away. Somebody said art consists of knowing when to stop ^.^.
Anyway, appreciate the thoughtful comments once again. Now moving on to something new--gonna see if I can get an April Foal's story in real quick. Got an idea, just not sure I can pull it off. Wish m'luck!
Kiyyik
(oh, and it's "her" audience, not "his", btw. Yup, I'm a uhm... sisny? Bronette? No, that' can't be right...)
"You are taking up space on my screen."
ReplyDeleteOh ponies that is the most obnoxious thing I've read all day.
I wouldn't categorize this as a sadfic, personally. I thought it was a sweet, wise, and uplifting piece, and I came away from it feeling happy. It's a wonderful reminder of how important it is to cherish the people who love us, and the line about how every hello anticipates a goodbye is incredibly, inescapably true.
ReplyDeleteA beautiful piece of work. After I read it I had to run up and give lots of people big hugs.
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteRe: "You've all been drowned by this notion of "friendship" that any time a condescending critique falls upon a fic you lunge at someone."
Being "condescending" is the problem. There is a huge difference between CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and CONDESCENDING criticism. The former can be good; the latter is almost invariably bad.
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteWhat HAVE you written anyway? I have absolutely no idea.
Also, Cotton, I don't think it's necessarily that people hate you for your negative comments. It's more that almost everything you say is negative. When you only have one opinion on everything you read, it almost loses value just because no one has read a positive comment. It almost makes you look like a troll. I'm not saying you are, cause I kind of agree most of the time with your critique, but without any contrast, it just seems... like hate mongering.
@kiyyik
ReplyDeleteWhoopsies, my bad. I couldn't really read any strong gender tones in your story, and I kind of let the massive male population of this site sway my guess. Sorry!
You know, I don't think they've actually got a girl pony-fan name for us, as of yet. This has always kind of bugged me. Maybe someday...
@Purple Tinker
ReplyDeleteGood think I took up the constructive mantel instead of the condescending one right?
Also, if you are wondering what I wrote, all you have to do is use the search feature to the left.
Well, regardless of the discussion above, I liked the story; Short, to the point and it worked.
ReplyDeleteSpike IS still around though, for those of you who questioned where he was and missed this bit.
"Really? Dear me. Go see Spike, will you? Have him sort it out. Run along, now."
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteOh shooo...
If you have nothing good to say or a way to make an objective-neutral critique, just don't say anything and spare yourself some energy.
Dear Kiyyik
ReplyDeleteYou made a grown man shed tears as reading through the story multiple times. I am not a writer myself, nor a good critic in my opinion, so this is all I can tell you now:
Thank you
Beautiful one-shot. Not sad but heartwarming like others have said here. I'd love to see more from this author.
ReplyDeleteCottonmouth, please fuck off. Your thoughtless bashing makes Pinkie Pie cry.
@JonathanWOP
ReplyDeleteActually I'm quite content with my criticism's. This isn't a bad story, it just suffers from reading like my grocery list. Then again, my grocery lists are pretty badass...
Also, telling people to "fuck off" would probably make Pinkie Pie cry to. Please calm yourself.
@JonathanWOP
ReplyDeleteMany People already said to Cotton-thing to go away, with his/her constant negative-acid comments.
No need to be insulting, even if it's the Internet...
It was great. This story shows the most valuable lesson of friendship there is. It sort of reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite songs...
ReplyDelete"So you were born, and that was a good day. Someday you'll die, and that is a shame. But somewhere in the between is a life of which we all dream, and nothing or no one will ever take that away"
The only flaw to the story, I think, was the idea of Applejack and Rainbow Dash getting married. I'm not against the idea of lesbianism in general, but I wasn't hoping to see any sort of shipping in the story. I've never been a big fan of it, personally.
This is the single most beautifully sad story I have ever read. I had the privilege to read it aloud to my bronies on tinychat when I first read it, all while listening to "Winter" by Joshua Radin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHlf08yTPiU), and I must say is was physically difficult for me to do. Most of you know how hard it is to speak while crying, or try to read through tears. It is even harder to do both at the same time. I hope this author continues writing, because god knows he is good at it.
ReplyDeleteThis story was beautiful. I could handle the shipping, it wasn't too in-depth. Tears were definitely shed, this is a very powerful one for being so short.
ReplyDeleteI respected the choice of not explaining Rarity or Fluttershy's deaths. VERY nicely done overall. One of my new fave fics.
I do so love this fic, but it leaves me as depressed as the one about the life of Applejack.
ReplyDeleteTruthfully, though, I don't want to read any more sad fics about someone dying. I'll still read sad fics, but not ones on death. It just strikes a bad chord with me lately.
Now, to lighten the mood a little:
Twilight shut-down Celestia's cloning facilities.
such an amazing story. leaves me tear eyed everytime. such a masterpiece. i can't even write a fanfic without subconsciouslly adding tiny parts from this. i curse this fanfic, for being such a masterpiece.
ReplyDeletei very much enjoyed reading this, and i congratulate the fact that it seems to be very much in tone with the show, with the little morale at the end.
ReplyDeletei'm not TOO big on applejack and rainbow dash getting MARRIED, i think it might have worked better to just have it IMPLIED that they are more than best friends, but with that said, you handled it beautifully.
Hi to everyone, and thanks for the kind words.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I might as well explain about the shipping. I guess it seems a bit out of place, but in fact was kinda wish fulfillment on my part. My partner died of cancer a couple years ago, and during that time the idea of being able to go when she went had a certain strong appeal. Really, the whole notion of being able to go only when you were Darned Well Good And Ready really appealed to me, especially the part about a couple being able to go together, so that you didn't have one left behind in a suddenly too-empty house :/
Anyway, that's the rest of the story there. Speaking of stories, friend of mine (PurpleTinker) has encouraged me to write more, so I got a couple in production now, longer and with no shipping, promise ;)
thank you for the clarification. adds another layer to the story.
ReplyDeletei hope you will meet your partner again when you so desire.
Kiyyik
ReplyDeleteI find this whole shipping discussion to be obnoxious and insulting to you as an artist. I would like to praise the way you wrote this and encourage you to include as much shipping as you like, the vision of the artist is what matters at the end and being bullied to modify it because they dislike shipping is just out right wrong.
Please keep the good work.
Well, I dunno about being bullied, just I do understand that it makes people uncomfortable, and i wanted to explain that if I include shipping in a story, there's a reason. As it happens, the 2 i'm working on now don't have any reason for shipping, so there isn't any. *shrug*
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, appreciate the kind words.
Wow, that hit me pretty hard. I went into this expecting a "meh" story but I completely lost it at:
ReplyDelete"It is this: that all things pass in the course of time, that forever does not exist. That every Hello contains within itself the echoes of its own Goodbye. That for every person you come to know in your journey through life, no matter how long you know them, there will always come a day when you will see them for the last time. And yet..."
"And yet... it is all worth it." The princess looked back up at the stars, the light from the moon reflecting in her eyes. "The time between Hello and Goodbye, if you fill it properly, will sustain you through all your days. Every shared moment, every laugh, every precious sliver of time spent with someone you care for is a treasure, to be kept safe forever."
I've never had many real life friends so the whole "looking back and remembering all the good memories we had" bit really got me thinking; if I were to die today, what memories would I have? Mostly of playing video games, watching TV, and of school... I used to have no issue with my current life style and would brush off people's criticism that I'd look back and wonder how I let all the time slip away, thinking "well I"m happy now"... but this has really got me thinking.
Will I look back and wonder if I've wasted my life? Will I be generally happy with how I've spent my time?
The one counter argument to the "immortality would suck as you would outlive your loved ones" I've always had was what if your loved ones were immortal too? But you've completely shattered that...
Sorry for my rambling; it's been a while since I've had a real cry. I usually don't have much emotional response to fanfics, but wow... I don't know whether to thank you or hate you for how you've made me feel. I really didn't think anything about this show could make me feel so sad.
A very cute story, sad yet comforting at the same time.
ReplyDeleteI love My Little Pony and I love this.
To the anonymous commenter from yesterday, you sound a lot like me when I was younger. I was perfectly content to kill time on my own: I have my books, my computers, my writing and photography and so on. I didn't see that I had a problem at all. It was only later on that I began to really feel the emptiness. You don't notice it much at first, just kind a general desire for *more*. Then the old things aren't as much fun anymore, and you start belatedly wondering how you go about getting freinds (soemthing I'm still not good at, I'm sorry to say), casting about for people you can just be around. By some miracle I found myself in a relationship that lasted for five great years, and let me tell you, once that's happened, being alone just doesn't cut it anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf this story has done anything for you, let it do this: let it send you out into the world. I'm serious. Get out there. Find other people who like what you like. Try things you've always wanted but never dared. Step outside your own door. The internet is a wonderful way to meet people, but it doesn't beat face-to-face contact (do I sound like somebody's mother yet?). People like us--and i think we are cut from the same cloth--are naturally disinclined to go out and make the effort to be 'social', but believe me, the longer you put it off, the more cause you will have to regret it.
Wishing you luck.
Hey Kiyyik, it's me the anon from yesterday. I've figured it out; I want to thank you.
ReplyDeleteI thought about what you said and I've contacted one of my friends; one who I used to consider my best friend. We live a good half an hour to hour from each other, so we'd hang out maybe once or twice a month; you know, watch some movies, play some games, whatever. We didn't really have a falling out, it's just college started and I lost track of priorities. I've been meaning to contact him for over a year now but I've been putting it off... and justifying it by saying, "oh well I'm happy enough right now". It just hit me... for someone I considered my one of or my best friend, I don't even remember which college he chose to go to. I know which ones he was considering, but not where he actually chose to go.
I guess one of the reasons I could justify the lack of contact is that my brother is always around, and we have so much in common; we like all the same video games, all of the same TV shows, and all of the same movies. I don't think we're supposed to be brothers; aren't brothers supposed to fight? I can say with 100% certainty that he is my best friend; even if he wasn't my brother he would be. However, he's nearing college age and is planning to go into teaching. I was hoping he'd go to OSU like me, but he's looking at BGSU as their educational program is better. If he goes there I will mostly only see him on the holidays as it's a 1 - 3 hour commute. The fact that my brother will no longer be in my daily life combined with this has solidified my decision to rekindle old friendships.
Making friends has always been fairly easy for me... but making good friends has been hard. A lot of my friends have one fault that prevents me from hanging out with them; for example two of my good friends are pot heads and I'm not really into what they're into... but we still have a lot in common. I'm torn. I like to talk with them, and hang out with them, but I don't really like to "hang out" with them.
This story made me think about needing to treasure the few strong friendships I have. Thank you again for writing this; all I can say is I wish I had found out about this show sooner and I hope the second season helps strengthen the community rather than weakening it, with Lauren's departure.
So heart-warming...
ReplyDeleteTruly a wonderful story. I'm not one for reading fanfics all that often but this was strongly recommended and with good reason. The setting, the reminiscing, the acceptance that life eventually ends in death, everything in this story directs you to what should be most important in life and that I feel, ironically, is friendship.
ReplyDeleteI can't help but feel the same way as the previous anonymous comment mentions. You read the story and start thinking back on all the experiences you've had. It seems that every one of those experiences were shared with family or friends. Whether or not it was your intention Kiyyik, this story helps put things in perspective and conveys that relationships should not be taken for granted. Well done!
Also, was listening to this while reading http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5Ih_Bvnjpc. All I can say is, "Wow..."
that was beautiful and so sad. I almost cried.
ReplyDeleteIt was so beautiful. I was going to shed manly tears...
ReplyDeleteI cried. A lot. Very beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI read the story once, then I immediately felt the need to read it again whilst listening to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_6Z5C8cE0Q
ReplyDeleteQuite moving if you ask me.
im missing words..great just wonderfully great..
ReplyDeleteI got linked to this from ponychan, where a thread was posted in /pony/ telling people to read it and listen to /watch?v=C5Ih_Bvnjpc at the same time. I'm not easily brought to tears, but this story made them well up. Well done, Kiyyik. You rock!
ReplyDeleteI got this from Ponychan too.
ReplyDeleteI'm...speechless.
I haven't read something this beautiful in a long time.
It's one of those stories that really makes you think.
Personally, I feel that this would be a GREAT ending to the story of our friends in Ponyville. Of course, I don't mean it as I'd want to see it in an episode, but just I feel it'd be a very fitting end to it all.
ReplyDeleteAlso, every time I listen to "In My Life" by the Beatles or the cover by Johnny Cash, I cannot help but think of this.
This story........this is absolutely beautiful. Kiyyik deserves every praise for creating such a masterpiece, such a powerful piece. I was in tears after reading this.
ReplyDeleteI read it once and i was moved, but didn't cry. But it got me thinking. Thinking about how pure of everything MLP represents is. Now i'm not an idiot, I know its just a cartoon about ponies, but the fact of the matter is, the pureness there is everything our world COULD be. I read this again, thinking about how corrupt our own world is, compared to the purity in this, and I've never cried so hard in my life.
ReplyDeleteI bawled like a baby. It was so beautiful.
ReplyDeleteMAKE THE SAD FAN-FICS STOP!
ReplyDelete5/5 Stars, but my god if I read another one, I will be clinically depressed!
That was really nice. I especially enjoyed how each pony chose to pass away, and that they became stars afterward.
ReplyDeleteManly tears were shed.
ReplyDeleteHow is this not 6-star'd yet....
ReplyDeletei cried. i really did, it was so sweet, makes me wonder what the other ponies found on the other side...
ReplyDeleteShort, brief, yet beautiful just like the journey of life exalted within its words. Good job.
ReplyDeleteIt's.......nice.
ReplyDeleteFuck, man...FUCK.
ReplyDelete*cries*
I know there are those who didn't fully enjoy this fic for lack of character developing, Meat part of stories but I say this one's a keeper (I come back and read this once in awhile) and it's probably simple enough for those non-brony people to understand and get the message.
ReplyDeleteI can't watch the MLP the same way anymore, ayee.
Thanks
This fic is sad for its existing characters have found peace, but they never show Twilight Sparkle or Spike or Dusky Rose, what happens to them, do they live forever, does Twilight join them? what happens to spike? so many questions left unanswered.......... probably forever
ReplyDeleteSeventh time reading it in half as many months and I'm still blubbering like a child. I think I'll keep this story close and bring it out every now and then to have a good cry.
ReplyDelete@KiyyikAnd thats how I feel right now, I feel empty and alone, no longer satisfied with my old ways, so I lie to try to make friends or get a girl, and its not working, so now i went back to acting the way i used to be, I still feel alone and depressed, but now its by myself, but at least now I cant make a foal of myself in front of everpony, and I still want love, not sex or a moblie credit card, I want somepony to be with, but I ain't never gonna get it, since I can't even communicate a joke well half the time, how could I talk about my sadness and desires. ps I am a member of EQ, I just am glad that they have an anonymous feature, helps me with my paranoia on sensitive subjects to me like this one.
ReplyDeleteI think this has been incorrectly categorised. I don't think this story is sad. I do think it's sweet.
ReplyDeleteIt's nicely handled and I'm giving it five stars.
I saw this fic more than 1 month ago, my eyes still wet while I remember it...
ReplyDeletekeep writing, dude, you really have talent
@Cottonmouth
ReplyDeleteYou best be trollin, cuz this story is extremely well written. I would buy a book from the author of this story if they wrote one.
@Anonymous Cottonmouth is one of our most notorious parasprites. Don't feed him.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful fic :D
ReplyDeleteI listened to it with this.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wrl8weYTmGU
Please excuse me while I go off contemplating about life and existence for an hour or so.
This is still the best fanfic I've ever read, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSuch a nice story, I'm happy that for once I didn't have to read a fanfic that involved a pony dieing.
ReplyDeleteread this story with the song "a walk down the trail" by reasoner
ReplyDeleteI cried so godmdamn much.
*sniff* *sniff* So touching, excellent story.
ReplyDeletejeez Louise! I submitted this sucker back in March and ponies are still being affected by it! never had one if my stories affect readers like this before. anyway, I'm gonna have to start compiling a list of all the music people have listened to while reading this thing. appreciating everyone's kind words!
ReplyDeleteincidentally, I've written a new fic here. its a bit different but I hope yall like it: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/07/story-potential.html
ReplyDeleteFascinating! According to my research, masturbating can make one utterly devoid of emotions for a brief period of time following!
ReplyDelete@Just Kelly
ReplyDeleteYou're darn right ponies are still affected by it. This is just about the best fanfiction I've ever read, and I've been reading fanfiction for twelve years now. Heck, I haven't even reread it in a little while now, but just thinking about the story, I want to cry.
Only one other fanfiction I have ever read has made me cry, and I was about 13 at the time. Sad fics are hard to pull off, and you did so beautifully. I applaud you.
And I shall definitely be adding your new story to my read list.
(also, I see 196 ratings that average out to be 4.9... How is this 5-star and not 6-star? I'd ask Seth about that if I were you)
@Cottonmouth No mention of Spike? You obviously missed this part
ReplyDelete"Really? Dear me. Go see Spike, will you? Have him sort it out. Run along, now."
you made me cry...
ReplyDeleteThat was the most beautiful thing, ive ever read.
ReplyDeleteI'm really not sure what to say... That was well written, very emotional, and overall pretty good. Due to not being in the greatest place myself at the moment, I've been avoiding [Sad] tags, but this was still a good read, I actually just went through it twice in one sitting. Bittersweet, but with everypony moving on at their own rate and sticking together to the end, it felt more meaningful than some of the other sadfics I've heard of (Some where I couldn't bring myself past the description). I've hardly started college and this and the comic "Memories" already have me worried on how I'll look back on these days (Or at least brought out the worry I've been denying). I've got some things to go think about now, and maybe a few calls to make...
ReplyDeleteThat word, "eternity"...for me, that is one of the most bittersweet, hard-to-digest words I know of. To know that something is never-ending, for better or for worse. It is, for me, both utterly terrifying and indescribably beautiful. It's almost incomprehensible. I can't describe in words what it makes me feel.
ReplyDeleteTo see it at the end of this story just drove the point home. I couldn't fight back the tears while reading. So yes, I'd say this story deeply moved me. Thank you for writing it.
That was so sad!
ReplyDeletefound this from ponychan's /arch/. put up the song.
ReplyDeletei.. i.. can't believe how beautiful it got in my eyes.
i'm completely speechless.
I liked this. Giving it a 5 star because of the length, but I still really enjoyed reading it. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteAnother short, simple piece that still manages to pierce right to the heart of the matter.
ReplyDeleteI really liked it. Very good story, touching, forcing to think...
ReplyDeletePS: I dont understand one thing: If you must be an alicorn to rule Equestria (and move sun and moon), how Twilight (unicorn) become Princess. Did Celestia and Luna "gave" her the power, when they were leaving??? How did Twilight grow wings???
Please, clarify this to me.
this story was... simply beautiful.
ReplyDeletei cried, a lot, i find this so beautiful, i couldnt sleep at ight just thinking about everything. then, as cheesy as it sounds, i got up, opened my window, and just stared at my window. thinking... looking at eternity
SPOILER: lolspikeisalive
This piece, although somewhat short is what I consider a fanfic masterpiece. This fic hit me hard because it deals with things I often think of. I cried, not just because of it being sad but because I know that I will eventually have to deal with the loss of friends and loved ones.
ReplyDeleteThis was simply amazing, I dont think I need to say anymore. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteThe latest song...
ReplyDeleteThe fire of Friendship lives in our hearts
As long as it burns, we can not drift apart!
Though quarrels arise, their numbers are few
Laughter and singing will see us through!
(Will see us through!)
We are a circle of pony friends
A circle of friends, we'll be 'til the very end!
...
THEY KNOW.
@CanterEdlund, yeah I totally noticed that! Kinda freaked out, but what the hay. Best part of that episode, if'n you ask me ;) (OK, that and Puddinhead).
ReplyDelete....I can't even post a well written, and thoughtful comment.....this story is just too good...and made me slightly depressed about myself...(again. :( )
ReplyDeleteshort and sweet story. Manly tears were almost shed.
ReplyDeleteBut i didn't like the fact that there was AppleDash
Beautiful story, I've read it twice, and I'm gonna do it again, but the line about AJ/RD made me sick. Silly memes :(
ReplyDeleteyou wrote an awesome story, i salute you!
ReplyDeleteShe's actually a princess now...
ReplyDeletethis is now a sad fact of the future of MLP....
This fic takes on new meaning now, given the circumstances. Puts a somewhat positive spin on Twilight's new lifespan.
ReplyDeleteNevermind, https://twitter.com/MMeghanMcCarthy/status/323513777427468288
ReplyDelete"Meghan McCarthy @MMeghanMcCarthy 2h
“@WanWeengedAnjil: As an alicorn, will Twilight be immortal and forced to outlive all of her friends?” Twilight will not outlive her friends"