Author: Lotte
DESCRIPTION: A wandering unicorn with a broken horn walks the lands of Equestria in search of herself, her place, and the answers to some questions in her mind. A series of stories written as a Sociological exploration of Equestria Society. Insert art will be included in future entries.As Told by Madeline Prologue
As Told by Madeline Act 1 (New!)
40 kommentaari:
Oh god, i thought madeline from /g/ was writing ponyfics now. *shudders*
VastaKustutaPure win.
VastaKustutaVery well written.
VastaKustuta<3 yumin
VastaKustutamoar!
VastaKustutaHoly shit, mother of God, that was badass!
VastaKustutabeautiful
VastaKustutaThank you for the kind comments - honestly I was rather worried about how the reader base would respond to something that arguably does not really fit into anywhere in particular.
VastaKustutaThe prologue was mainly done to test waters and set the mood. It isn't anything amazing to me - hopefully later entries will make up for that.
Following chapters will finally feature Madeline's journal, as well as slowly revealing how she came to be what she is now.
And maybe insert art for each update.
@Lotte
VastaKustutaI think the thing that everypony is struck by is the level of care that has gone into the artistry and aesthetic of your prologue. While there's little actual meat to the piece (as of yet!), it's obvious that a lot of time was spent making it very pretty in a way not yet seen here on EqD before.
I've been looking all afternoon for the right words to say about this, and I still don't think I have them. What you are proposing to do is fascinating. The framework you have laid is precise and delicate. So there is tremendous potential moving forward, and I think we're all excited to see what it becomes. I know I am. This is a very unique undertaking, and I wish you the best of luck and a great deal of fun along the way.
^What he said, plus the following
VastaKustutaIncredible writing, I really enjoyed reading the piece. The way it has been put together and narrated is unique, not just in comparison to the majority of fictions found within this fandom, but in comparison to pretty much everything that I've ever read. The unusual and unique way you have written the prologue simply encouraged me to read more, the style interested me, and the flow of the whole passage is seamless, making it all the more interesting.
I really look forward to future updates!
oo, looks like someone also had my idea of using sparse illustrations within the story to set tone or round things out
VastaKustutaalso interesting broken up structure for the beginning. it's kind of like how i write, actually...
...are you me?
assuming you are, try adding some music here and there to also set mood or tone. just a simple youtube link
Eh... hm. I suppose it's up to me to be the lone dissenting voice as is so often the case.
VastaKustutaI... didn't dislike the story, but I can't say I liked it either. Like many of the fanfics on this site, it left me wanting more. The character needs to be fleshed out more, we need to know what she's doing, etc. It falls prey to that old "write one chapter that barely tells us anything and then ask for feedback" trap that us writers seem to really enjoy using. I can't say I blame you, but...
I'll wait until there's more of this story to offer an real critique. I DO want to see more; it seems like it could end up being a very uniquely-told story, and this chapter already demonstrates that. But... just a prologue doesn't really do it for me.
Maybe I just don't get it and I'm a dope.
@Poultron i know that feel bro.
VastaKustutaeven if it's not much of a character introduction, it's a nice tone and writing style introduction. If anything i'd say the formula dragged on a little long, maybe trim it by a few paragraphs and add in more information about how the character thinks about things?
As mentioned in my earlier comment post, the prologue was mainly written to test waters and set the mood. In my industry the saying "Less is More" is rather prevalent, and I probably subconsciously follow it as well.
VastaKustutaDue to my education with regards to art and writing it is in my beliefs that I should not cram too many facets of information into the "hook" chapter, apologies if this has been somehow misunderstood.
Much like music a Prologue is meant to be an introductory piece - it would be unbecoming of the appetizer to overpower the next course, be it soup or the mains.
While comments are appreciated I do not exactly demand them - I am merely posting my work with the permission of Cube's good graces, although comments are a plus and bonus. Feedback from the user base allows me to understand not how to better appeal to them, but how to better shape a story that would speak more to the people who read it.
Due to my busy schedule I might only be able to update once a week, the prologue was done in about 2 hours, but nowadays even a single hour is hard to spare.
Thank you for all your feedback, however. It is appreciated, as always.
I wonder if the blog is lagging... Comment got eaten up earlier.
VastaKustutaAs mentioned in my earlier comment post, the prologue was mainly written to test waters and set the mood. In my industry the saying "Less is More" is rather prevalent, and I probably subconsciously follow it as well.
Due to my education with regards to art and writing it is in my beliefs that I should not cram too many facets of information into the "hook" chapter, apologies if this has been somehow misunderstood.
Much like music a Prologue is meant to be an introductory piece - it would be unbecoming of the appetizer to overpower the next course, be it soup or the mains.
While comments are appreciated I do not exactly demand them - I am merely posting my work with the permission of Cube's good graces, although comments are a plus and bonus. Feedback from the user base allows me to understand not how to better appeal to them, but how to better shape a story that would speak more to the people who read it.
Due to my busy schedule I might only be able to update once a week, the prologue was done in about 2 hours, but nowadays even a single hour is hard to spare.
Thank you for all your feedback, however. It is appreciated, as always.
<3
VastaKustutaAlso Lotte seems to know where/how she wants this all to go so I don't think anypony really needs to get antsy about there not being a 10 paragraph character bio in the prologue.
VastaKustutaIf you happened to pick out the bits and bridles like the limp she has, she towns she's traveled through, the old sentimental cloak and satchel, and the obvious broken horn and lack of a cutie mark sets it up quite nicely about the life she's had so far leading up to now and says plenty for a >Prologue<.
Anyway <3 Lotte, look forward to the art to go with it, too.
I'm interested, but it was starting to irk me a bit on how "grimdark" it was being. I know your trying to get some visuals using 'dirty' words ('tattered' 'unflattering' 'stained' all used in one sentence) but you are on the line of going overboard. There is a point where it becomes frustrating to read.
VastaKustutaAlso your treading in dangerous territory, using an OC. Your going into even DEEPER territory using a 'dark, broken, sad, lone traveler' OC, which can quickly lead me to seeing the character as nothing more than some self-insert by some desperate fanboy/girl.
The little "thoughts" in-between the paragraphs did not entertain me. They read like some suicidal kid trying to read me poetry. It didn't help that basically a fourth of the fic is these thoughts alone.
Your greatest power so far is the scenery. Felt like I was actually in the rain and the plains.
Overall, I'm interested, even though it (almost) read like a better version of some self-insertion fanfics I've read.
Also Mentaro, "<3" is a waste of a comment. Think out your comment and then post all of your thoughts into one post instead of just hitting the "post comment" button whenever you please.
Thank you for your interest and feedback.
VastaKustutaIt was in my original intent to place a "Grimdark" tag on the fix, but I was told that unless I show how her horn was broken in graphic detail, there was no need for that.
Regardless, I suppose it isn't the "Tag" which remains a driving issue here, but more of the contents. With regards to the visual descriptors, that will be a note I keep in mind for future updates to the collection.
The character's thoughts and behavior, however, remain intact in the sense that she was made to behave in a certain manner - although she may appear excessively flat at this point in time.
This will, of course, change over time as the story develops. The main reason why I chose to use an "Original" character was simply because I did not wish to infringe into the territory which main cast members and other named ponies have. Twisting a character with an aforementioned personality into a "Dark" setting has limitations - there exists a fine line between "Out of character" and "Re-interpretation".
In a sense I am "borrowing" a perspective to explore this particular world - being a worldcrafter myself I have issues hijacking characters when it is largely uncalled for.
Although fanfiction largely portrays named and created characters in certain scenarios otherwise unseen, I hope that with this particular angle and purpose in mind, there will be more room for narrative exploration while not crossing certain borders within the fandom.
hrm, nicely put reasoning for the use of OCs.
VastaKustutayou probably aren't familiar with this; but generally original characters are frowned on due to associations with very young or creatively challenged individuals on deviant art and other suck websites. These are referred to as "OCDNs" or "original character do not steal", a reference to a rather humorous example of such a character made by a young child, some manner of Sonic character with claws or something.
The general stink is over making this character too powerful or too integral to the plot or inexplicably shoe-horning them into the established setting or characters
it seems you're side stepping all of this by creating a character within the extended world and playing things out from there. I actually have a similar project in development.
best of luck
Although English is not exactly my first language, I suppose the abovementioned "Sonic lookalike" is a regional phenomenon... And not a linguistic one.
VastaKustutaWhere I come from I don't really see much of that, so I suppose I am incapable of understanding the implications of being associated with such a thing.
I am however, familiar with the aspect of Mary-suing a character, and it is always an important thing to balance focus and character emphasis in any tale - Since I've been writing for a while I have no qualms about that in general.
The story will not be set in Ponyville to begin with precisely because I wish to avoid interaction with the main cast, so hopefully the above-mentioned issues will not even come into play.
@Lotte
VastaKustutaMane cast. All the cool kids use that pony pun.
@Sethisto
VastaKustutaBut I'm not a cool kid ._.
If I get this silly linework of mine done I might have enough consciousness left in me to work on Act 0.1.
Better get back to work now that dinner has been wrapped up...
Lots of promise here. I'm intrigued to see more of Madeline!
VastaKustutaIt's phenomenal. Five stars.
VastaKustutaIf I had to choose one word to describe this, it would be: Pretentious.
VastaKustutaIt just seems to try so very hard to be deep and meaningful but just ends up difficult to read.
You say you know that less is more, but that doesn't just apply to the information you give, but also to the way you present it.
Here you have great descriptions, well thought out characterization, and you're clearly going somewhere with it all, but you present it in a way that shifts focus away from the content and toward the presentation.
Maybe this will get better in the context of the other chapters, but for now, it just seems forced.
As a stark contrast from the above poster, recently I voted to nominate this story as Best Unfinished Story for pony fanfics for a host of reasons. So I suppose we balance out?
VastaKustutaIt seems like the blog does not handle long comments well... Here's to hoping this one does not appear thrice.
VastaKustutaThank you for your kind words. I am currently wondering if I should submit Act 0.1 in time for the Draw/Writefriend Event.
I do believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion - as a Creator and author/artist it falls within my responsibilities to understand what I can draw from these comments and/or feedback to help better my skills; or at least my presentation with regards to material created by said skills.
While it is not possible (and not my primary aim) to appeal to/please everyone who reads the work, it is my duty to ensure that it stays within my vision(s) of the piece, and I will endeavor to do as such.
The prologue is, as mentioned before, a prologue. I will let the remaining chapters do the talking - it would be unbecoming of me to attempt to defend/justify my choice of narration every time I receive criticism, constructive or otherwise.
Also, to clarify: I plan to update this work on a weekly, or bi-weekly basis. If I ever do wish to leave this work undone or terminate its progress, I will inform CubeBrony as appropriately.
for act 01;
VastaKustutasimilar linebreak usage, similar descriptors, similar use of illustrations....and you kind of draw like it do except better
seriously lotte are you me? this is getting spooky
I usually not a fan of OC stories,but I love this one.
VastaKustutalove it, some may not like the way it is done but i see nothing bad. had fun reading and hope for more.
VastaKustutareferring to the just posted act 1, i'm not really liking the paragraph followed by internal monologue followed by paragraph system you have going. it was neat in the prologue but its almost distracting now. perhaps i just crave traditional form
VastaKustutaLotte is an angel among us urchins, come to sate our hunger with her divine Apple of Enlightenment that is her musings.
VastaKustuta<3
Definitely not a happy story, but a good one, and I think we're starting to get a better idea of what's going on.
VastaKustutaAbsolutely brilliant, certainly worth a read.
VastaKustutaAgain, very very well written.
VastaKustutaHello readers,
VastaKustutaThank you for your continued interest in the story.
Since I have received a number of queries about the "writing format" from the Prologue to 0.1, I'll take some time to explain why it is done.
The "Format" that has been used here is something I call "Thirds", mainly because of its structure and also because it seems like a third-person point of view.
This particular format is usually used (by me) when there is only one character, or if there is no other point of interaction for a period of time.
This particular format enables me to allow the character to have a certain degree of reader Immersion/ Projection without resorting to long traditional narrative about the surroundings/ her physical expression/ mental state.
To balance it out, it is usually mixed in with other formats, commonly traditional descriptive/narrative segments, or in some cases a first-person view I call "Dive".
However, since Madeline is a story I did for entertainment, I didn't exactly want to apply work standards to it - Depending on how the story turns I might change or swap out the writing style used.
There is absolutely no planning going on when additional Acts are written - Story arcs and circles are done on the moment, it makes for good practice and the development of spontaneity.
Due to the fact that 0.1 was done at quite a late time, I was unable to do more than one insert picture - There will be more in future updates.
Once again, thank you for your kind feedback and interest.
Writing is good, and rather original from my short fanfic reading experience. Reminds me alot of Trixie fics. Needs moar.
VastaKustutaSociological
VastaKustutaLotte
Omg you sound like my professor
We’ll never be as young as we are tonight.Flights to Kathmandu
VastaKustuta