• Story: Under the Moonlit Sky

    by
    [Shipping] This is a rare combo to say the least!
    Description: Luna and Rainbow dash start a secret relationship, that turns into something more.
    Under the Moonlit Sky
    esmaspäev, 21. veebruar 2011 op
    Sildid: , , , , ,
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    20 kommentaari:

    1. DeviousPsychopath21. veebruar 2011, kell 13:28

      While I felt the it was very rushed and lacking, I thought it was sweet. I'd like to see more of this author if the whole story went into more depth about their relationship and Luna's concerns about Celestia knowing about it. The artist should definitely try fleshing this out some more. The story would only benefit greatly from it.

      VastaKustuta
    2. Nukeman21. veebruar 2011, kell 13:41

      @DeviousPhyscopath
      Honestly, this was about an hour in half of work. I just wanted to see how people would react to the story and i'll post an updated version when i finish it, but thanks for the advice

      VastaKustuta
    3. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 13:47

      >Have sex
      >THEN names
      promiscuous ponies are promiscuous.

      VastaKustuta
    4. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 13:56

      good, imo one of the better stories, but reeeally compressed

      VastaKustuta
    5. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 14:07

      Yeah, it seems you have potential but that was ridiculously too fast. I wouldn't even let two characters kiss before a lot of build-up, let alone things beyond that; it makes it quite unsatisfying to read those kinds of things otherwise. However, it did have a tinge of sweetness and if you can learn to expand your stories you can produce some good stuff.

      VastaKustuta
    6. Muffin21. veebruar 2011, kell 14:33

      Good layout, but needs more to it.
      I love it though.
      Keep it up!

      VastaKustuta
    7. Hikuro1421. veebruar 2011, kell 15:07

      dude......just....dude

      VastaKustuta
    8. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 15:40

      I'm going to have to echo everyone else by saying that it was a bit rushed and short. Giving it more time would make it much better. Still good for it's length though.

      VastaKustuta
    9. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 16:48

      really rushed, pretty awkward, the characters weren't quite right, and some serious violations of "show, don't tell"

      and a bit of ikea erotica.

      this is maybe the private notes to a complete fic.

      VastaKustuta
    10. Anonüümne21. veebruar 2011, kell 19:45

      To be honest, I liked it. But I just liked it, I did not love it. Don't get me wrong there was a very nice story there that I had never heard before. I just think that it could have been more memorable if you would have lengthend it. Try adding a bit more detail and describe their time togather more. Have the characters have more interaction befor they begin on each other. Other than that my only other advice to you is to reread it many times over to work out any speling or gramatical errors. Nothing ruins the moment more than a mispelled word, or odd sounding sentence. Please continue to write though. I would love to see more of your work.

      VastaKustuta
    11. Anonüümne23. veebruar 2011, kell 20:39

      ...*DOUBLE FACEHOOF*

      (made me LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL)

      VastaKustuta
    12. Anonüümne17. aprill 2011, kell 02:21

      Not bad but the name could be beter and the chat whit TS and her friends.

      VastaKustuta
    13. That Swede27. aprill 2011, kell 17:24

      the story is way to much win.
      ECHO time. rushed and short...
      if this could be turned into an "epic" lenght story with build-ups and other small problems and obstacles it could become one of the best fanfics around.
      still just my 2-cents
      <3

      VastaKustuta
    14. kits9. mai 2011, kell 02:48

      >Somepony leaning over you while you sleep?
      >eat that candy vag.

      Please, PLEASE, have different character's dialog start new paragraphs.
      WHO IS TALKING HERE?
      I dunno lol

      VastaKustuta
    15. La Barata29. mai 2011, kell 23:35

      What does it say about the depth to which I've been sucked into this fandom that I no longer question how two female characters can reproduce?

      VastaKustuta
    16. reynard616. juuni 2011, kell 15:19

      @La Barata

      Hey, Friendship is Magic -- and, in this particular story at least, so is conception and pregnancy... ;-)

      VastaKustuta
    17. Anonüümne1. juuli 2011, kell 11:23

      If it's OK with you, I would like to make a translation to Spanish of this story.

      I swear I won't change anything, only making sure everything is ordered.

      Of course, if you want to wait until it's finished, I don't have any complaints. When I'm done I will gladly provide a link in deviant Art or something.

      VastaKustuta
    18. Anonüümne5. august 2011, kell 14:50

      since nobody had said this i guess i have to say is c-c-c-c-c-c-combo breaker

      VastaKustuta
    19. dastrdlyW18. september 2011, kell 10:56

      Really, I have nothing to say that hasn't already been said. Rushed, new lines for new dialogue, etc. But I seriously expected one of the two to "wake up" from the first page. But, it was good. Really, really awkward though.
      Rainbow Dash - some random person comes over and kisses you, pin her down and LICK- xD

      I would very much like to see an improved version of this in the future. Has a great premise.

      VastaKustuta
    20. Will2. jaanuar 2012, kell 23:18

      Ahh. This was the first fanfic I ever read, Now that I've read more fanfics this one seems more like a short story. But I still love it!

      VastaKustuta

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