• Story: Murder in Ponyville (Updated Part 3)

    [Grimdark] Fluttershy mudered?

    Feel free to go completely berserk in the comments, this cannot be allowed.
    Description: Rarity is outraged by Fluttershy's insults to her and the dress she made, and she finally snaps. This leads to Rarity murdering her, and making her corpse into a fabulous new dress.
    Murder in Ponyville
    Murder in Ponyville (part 2)
    Murder in Ponyville (part 3) (New)

    31 kommentaari:

    1. down with rarity for killing Fluttershy.

      VastaKustuta
    2. Well, at least it's not hideously graphic like that other one.

      VastaKustuta
    3. ya link not warking >> i think that might be a good thing lol

      VastaKustuta
    4. Damn and just when I was planning on trying to give Rarity her first real grimdark story too after my current fic...oh well.

      VastaKustuta
    5. Wait it's not working though...shiit.

      VastaKustuta
    6. Until it's fixed, you can just remove the "http://www.blogger.com/%20" part at the beginning of the URL.

      VastaKustuta
    7. No matter what's written here, I will bring too much of myself into the story for this to make me anything other than upset.

      I am therefore setting an example to other like-minded individuals, and exercising my right as an Equestrian citizen not to open it in the first place.

      VastaKustuta
    8. To the admin...

      I am horribly disappointed in you... the motto of the site is: "All the pony that is fit to print."

      do you consider this and cupcakes fit to print?? if so you are one sick pony.

      VastaKustuta
    9. Goodness, it's really short. Seems a bit rushed.

      VastaKustuta
    10. Ahh, thanks anon for fixing the link.

      This story is actually kindda bad in my opinion. Its that the story that makes it bad, its the quality.

      And its a bit too short.
      Still, at least it aint like cupcakes D:

      VastaKustuta
    11. @Anonymous

      This isn't really one to worry about. It's so short it barely qualifies as a fanfic, and isn't graphic at all.

      VastaKustuta
    12. @Anonymous

      Gotta agree with you there...

      When I saw Cupcakes posted...

      Oh man, that story... I've only ever read parts of it, nevr had the courage to go all the way through...

      The parts that I read, though...

      S, you really need to take that post down. Look at this, being carried over to different posts...
      We need to lock that particular story away, and hide it...

      VastaKustuta
    13. fixed the link, if that happens in the future just remove the www.blogger.com before it, it's a blogger bug that pops up every once in a while.

      VastaKustuta
    14. @MasterMask

      And any physical copies of Cupcakes need to be vaporized in a nuclear reactor in the heat of a thousand suns; and then that reactor shut down, disassembled and annihilated in a Matter/Antimatter reaction while being drawn into a black hole.

      VastaKustuta
    15. @MasterMask

      Cupcakes is impossible to get rid of. At least this way it wont take up 5 images in every gd pony thread on, and spawn an hour long discussion on how gross it is with every gore image on the planet.

      VastaKustuta
    16. I don't know what's the big deal. If you guys don't like it don't read it. I'm not going to read it because I hate it when a main character dies.

      VastaKustuta
    17. I hate Grimdark.
      I can't shake the feeling it leaves for days.

      VastaKustuta
    18. @Anonymous
      i just sleep and cry to myself when i wake for a couple days and im fine. its not all that bad

      VastaKustuta
    19. This is Grimdark? This is more like cuddly off screen B-Movie gore.

      I mean, Fluttershy was basically asking for it, and it's not like Rarity is going to waste any part of her.
      I'm interested to see if she takes it to the logical conclusion and make an entire spring line of special dresses.

      VastaKustuta
    20. @DeviousPsychopath
      Yes, I guess it was kinda rushed.This is pretty much a first draft because I only have about 20 minutes of free time per class, and I wrote this during one. I went back to edit this part of the post, and now I can't remember what I was going to say... I'm considering extending onto the first part, as that was the shortest, and I could go quite in detail over the dress making. My weekend is going to be quite busy, however, so I don't see this happening any time soon. Possibly next week, actually, as I have standardized testing all week, so I should be free after the testing each day. I have first drafts up to part 5 completed at the time, so I may upload those soon, too. Glad that people actually enjoyed this, as I quite enjoy writing this.

      VastaKustuta
    21. @Anonymous
      Not sure what you meant by the "...spring line of special dresses," but if you meant what I think you meant, we think alike. Sorry for the double post by the way, I was scrolling through the comments when I posted the first one.

      VastaKustuta
    22. To all:

      Remember, with all Grimdark, that Pinkie herself tells you how to get past the icky feelings it leaves:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tiynTPuUUM

      VastaKustuta
    23. Well, Hunter, it looks like you've already recognized most of the responses before your post, but I would just like to hammer in that fan-fictions aren't usually this... short. A more solid one-part, such explaining more of the situation at hand in the beginning (I know this sounds weird, but not everyone has watched the episodes or knows them well enough to know exactly the setting the story is taking place) and maybe a bit more character interaction would be better.

      I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it needs to be longer and with more meat, if you catch my drift.

      VastaKustuta
    24. Seems a bit unrefined, you should spend some more time in editing. While reading I came across a few little mistakes that caught my eye. The story also lacks suspense for the kind of story it is. It seems all too convenient, ponies just walking into her house and having her kill them right away gets boring fast. Also, the story lacks an antagonist, maybe a person who grows suspicious of ponies disappearing? Theres no real threat for Rarity, at least not anymore. The only pony with the ability to teleport has been killed and the strongest pony was also killed with barely any of a fight put up. Theres no real emotion in the story either, we kind of get Rarity is going a little nuts but who cares. Its not dramatic, well cupcakes was going a bit overboard but it was interesting to read because there was tension being built and mystery surrounding the whole situation. In the future, try not to give away too much in the beginning and don't skimp on the meaty bits. You have talent, just try and spend some more time on your work.

      VastaKustuta
    25. Oh, God, more filth spawned from the unfair hate oiginated from Sutied for Success. Lovely.

      VastaKustuta
    26. @Ron

      As stated on my DA in response to a comment of this like, I do not have any feelings of aggression towards Fluttershy, or any of the other main ponies, due to that episode. At the time I wrote this, Rarity was actually one of my least favorite of them. Is it even possible to hate Fluttershy? I don't see how it would be.

      VastaKustuta