• Story: Forging Ahead

    by
    [Normal] Rarity the Armor smith?!  Hell yah!
    Description: Rarity is contracted to make a suit of armor. Can she do it without burning down the town in the process?
    Forging Ahead
    Saturday, February 12, 2011 op
    Labels: , , , , , ,
    Open in app
    Share This! Facebook Share Twitter Share

    15 comments:

    1. Cereal VelocityFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:59 PM

      If you've read it already, thanks for checking it out! Don't be afraid to let me know what you thought.

      ReplyDelete
    2. MalakaFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      I thought it was pretty dang nice. I read like half of it in the Ponies' respective voices, so you're obviously doing something right.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Fon ShaolinFebruary 12, 2011 at 3:35 PM

      And now I want to write a pony war story. Damn it, Cereal!

      ReplyDelete
    4. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:08 PM

      Best ending ever.

      ReplyDelete
    5. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:22 PM

      Well done! Unusual subject matter, and it's nice to see the up-to-date continuity. I'm not sure how well armor would protect you from being smashed against a wall, but hey.

      I would have liked to see a bit more characterization of Rhodium, to make it feel like he fit in more. But the non-OCs were portrayed very convincingly. Nice work!

      ReplyDelete
    6. LovecraftFebruary 12, 2011 at 5:54 PM

      Very nice! Wonderfully written, cute and funny, you got the characters down pretty well, I really liked this story.

      Hope you decide to write more soon (I'm still hoping for more of "Your Biggest Fan," haha).

      ReplyDelete
    7. Cereal VelocityFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:39 PM

      @Fon Shaolin

      Don't let me stop you!

      @Anonymous

      The armor was actually made of pillows and hugs. Rarity is very out of practice.

      @Lovecraft

      I really need to make a proper title for that story arc. YBF was just the first part's name, but it's stuck as the name for both parts.

      ReplyDelete
    8. SethistoFebruary 12, 2011 at 10:00 PM

      /r/ing armored twilight drawfriend stuff.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Cereal VelocityFebruary 13, 2011 at 12:39 AM

      @Sethisto

      At the risk of sounding narcissistic, seconded.

      ... please.

      ReplyDelete
    10. HellenionFebruary 13, 2011 at 1:41 PM

      I was a little disappointed by the ending, but it was quite good overall.

      ReplyDelete
    11. AnonymousMarch 24, 2011 at 3:05 AM

      Wait, Derpy just...*pretending* to be derpy with a contact lense?

      MY BRAIN IS COLLAPSING IN ITSELF!

      Seriously though, nice story and you got all the characters' dialouge just right.

      ReplyDelete
    12. AnonymousMarch 31, 2011 at 3:27 PM

      brilliant! loved the ending, lol.

      Armour that has been through a fight and has protected its wearer has all the pizzaz it ever needs

      ReplyDelete
    13. Shellsh0ckerMay 6, 2011 at 9:18 AM

      I can't help but notice that your pacing seems off. There's a good third of the story that consists entirely of Rarity trying to decide between three designs, and you resolve it by just having her throw two of them at random into the fire. I was thinking that she would ask Rhodium for some advice, and he'd be able to say "If you were actually making armor, this design would work best." It would've given you an opportunity to characterize him as well.

      Also, I cannot see Rarity doing something so blatantly stupid as trying to work molten metal with no assistance or prior experience, and given that nothing seems to come of the whole "Rarity almost burns down the smithy" thing, it really just seems unnecessary for that to happen.

      Getting back to the pacing thing, the hydra basically came out of nowhere, and I couldn't think of any reason for it to be there. The Everfree Forest seems to mostly keep to itself, unless idiots go in there looking for trouble. Come to think of it, I guess that might've happened, but nobody got a talking-to, so that doesn't seem likely.

      As far as compliments go, your characterization worked--excepting the "Rarity isn't that stupid" thing I mentioned earlier--I thought your take on Derpy was brilliant, the action scene was good, and I did like the very end.

      ReplyDelete
    14. RoxorAugust 1, 2011 at 9:33 AM

      I think the previous poster has managed to identify all the problems with this story, so I just have to say that I agree with them on all points.

      It's not bad, but it could be better. Four stars.

      ReplyDelete
    15. WierdplatformerSeptember 6, 2011 at 2:11 PM

      Cool, I found another older post! And it happens to be a good story, too.

      ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)