^UPDATE^
Once you finish this, be sure to check out RECONNECTION, the second part of the Severing series.
^UPDATE^
Here is the EPILOGUE for the Severing. The grammar is a bit off near the middle but It does make things a little more clear.
Links to the actual archived ones, since each page is shrunk for blogger
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
Page 5
52 comments:
Thanks for posting this. Would you like my other stuff?
ReplyDeleteSure, post it up and I'll get it going
ReplyDeleteWow... This is really dark... You weren't kidding when you said not for the faint of heart.
ReplyDeleteAlright, I'll dump my load when I get home from work, minus "Severing of Friendship". ~6 PST
ReplyDeleteAre you willing to post unfinished stuff? I wasn't going to mention it, but then you posted this so I figured "why not?" Anyway, I have a fanfic of this fanfic going. Would you be willing to post what's out now too?
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, a fanfic of a fanfic is kinda weird, but hey, it happens.
You forgot the Prologue and the Epilogue of the story.
ReplyDelete... Yeah, the Prologue and Epilogue Really do help the overall story. After reading through the whole thing they add missing elements that are only implied to that point.
ReplyDeleteThough there's not really enough of the Twilight Sparkle at the beginning of Chapter 5, I did want to see more of that character.
Anyone have a link to them? I'll post it up
ReplyDeleteD:
ReplyDeleteall im going to say is:
ReplyDeletehow could you? i'm reading this and all i'm thinking is w..t..f
You totally missed the point of this show, i don't mind someone dying in a story, emotions are emotions but holy fuck normally when you write a fanfic you at least keep some of the toons personality.
1/10
on a personal note, not being critial anymore: I personally hate and loathe you, if i saw you on a street corner i would kill you in an instant. im going to see how i feel tomorrow, but im pretty sure you just ruined this entire show for me.
fuck you.
Wow, this is extremely emotional and draining. I really liked it, not much makes me feel like this. I had to stop for a minute at the end of the first one when I realized what was happening, at the part where Twilight teleported to Celestia.
ReplyDelete@kari
ReplyDeleteHi Kari,
Your tears are delicious to me.
:D
I promised to post my comments after reading, but I'm not sure whether or not I should wait until I see you around the boards to make explicit comments? I certainly don't want to ruin this for anyone else.
ReplyDeleteEh, I think i can get everything said speaking in generals!
Excellent work, man. I was exhausted by the time I was able to read this, but once I started to read I just didn't want to leave it unfinished. (Of course this means I am beyond exhausted now, so please forgive me for any random half formed thoughts or sleepy nonsense.)
I wasn't quite engaged to the point of feeling sorrow during most of the events. I felt the most for the first part, and while I was interested through the entire story, didn't quite feel the same sense of "...oh /no./" that struck me in the first chapter. I didn't connect with the characters as much - maybe because we didn't get as much from their point of view?
I was surprised by quite a bit, and several times had no idea how you were going to accomplish your goal. When I'm reading, I'll often find myself noticing things, how someone words something. How they begin something - I am an amateur writer, so I am usually subconsciously on the lookout for thinks that I don't know how to do. I didn't do that a single time while reading your story. Nothing interrupted me or jarred me from being immersed.
A very cleverly done story. I'm glad I read it. Thank you for sharing!
Disturbing? Yes. Downright evil? Uh huh. Some of the best fanfic I've read? You bet your ass it was. Well done, very good writing here.
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, brony. The structure has a couple of downsides - once it becomes obvious where it's going the deaths can't be quite as shocking, but you escalated it very artfully nonetheless. Particularly clever how you figured out a way to have Twilight explain her evil scheme in such a way that it advances her evil scheme (lol), and is all the more shocking because of it.
ReplyDeleteThe people calling you out for merely being disturbing are off the mark, the ending isn't simply you doubling down on the grimdarkness of it all, it's bittersweet. You managed that while avoiding the obvious cliches of having Fluttershy become evil in the process of defeating Twi, or replacing Celestia/rule with Luna, etc, which allows you to actually end with a small note of optimism. Simply excellent choices all the way through.
I'm a massive e/lit/ist and I normally find fanfiction to be a waste of time for everyone involved, but you really expressed a fresh slant on the MLP universe here that manages to even fit in with the continuity of the show. Brohooves or whatever.
I've only read the first page so far but OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
ReplyDeleteI think that extra page you posted as an update is actually the prologue, since I figure it would be pretty hard for Twilight to do all the following stuff before even being born. But I wonder, what's the epilogue, then?
ReplyDeleteThe story is great, but the grammar is atrocious. It reads like it was written by someone who learned English as a second language. If someone could have proofread this before it was posted, it would have been nearly perfect.
ReplyDelete@AnonymousI'm pretty sure it was intended as an epilogue. The idea is to reveal to the read after Twilight does all these horrible things that she really only behaved like that because she was raised by a totalitarian regime specifically for that purpose, that she never knew her real mother, that evilCelestia was her only authority figure, etc. It diminishes her responsibility slightly, making her less of a cartoon supervillain, and the ending more poigniant.
ReplyDeleteSee, this is what happens when other people submit my old drafts for me. This was not an epilogue, but a prequel; that I had never originally intended to right, but did on a request. Title was "Expectations."
ReplyDeleteI re-read the epilogue. I realized The connection between twilight sparkle and the parents and holy shit i didn't realize omygawdomygawdomygawd.....
ReplyDelete@HFPSYou're definitely better off that it was posted with the label of an epilogue. If people read it first then they'd figure out the hook too early and the opening wouldn't be as much of a grabber.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDose anyone know where I can find a text version of this and not just a screen cap?
ReplyDeleteIn my heart i wanted twilight to win.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI can just hear Twilight saying "just as planned"
ReplyDeleteHoly bejezus thats some amazing work right there!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how Pinkie was written. Very in-character and able to stand against Twilight the way she would in-series. Her panic seemed like a deviation from who she was that made her demise easier.
ReplyDeleteIt was an interesting read. I'll definitely read it again.
Oh man i dont even.... its its sadistically brilliant but terrifying that someone can come up with something like this from a show like MLP
ReplyDeleteI'm going to echo that OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDD from earlier.
ReplyDelete...however. Perhaps I am a bad fan, but I really enjoyed this. Your inclusion of little details helped flesh the aging setting out more than just simply stating 'they're getting old', and despite the fact that I wanna kick ya for killing everybody (omg poor Rarity ;_;), I think you managed to keep them as in-character as you could given the plot. And the plot was pretty well-thought out, too. I don't mind grimdark when it's written well.
There are a few spots of grammar and misspellings but honestly, it's negligible. Thumbs up.
I really enjoyed this story. But what was posted as the epilogue is actually the prologue. Could someone post the actual epilogue? I'd really like to read the end of the story.
ReplyDeleteOoh, very well written. I read through this during downtime at work. (File clerk, too good at my job, only in once ever two weeks and work's usually done after like a half-day)
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed this. As long as it's well-written, any genre of fic can be good. As it stands, I think I prefer Grimdark to Shipping at the moment. Sad is still my fave, though.
hi there amazing story, but the epilogue seems to have glitched out. Any chance you could repost it??? Much appreciated!
ReplyDeletehttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8XlorG6n_cI/TUE-9h6TzxI/AAAAAAAAAi0/_HOzDfIO1yA/s1600/1296120829095.png
ReplyDeleteIt's a pretty cool epilogue, and I'd suggest reading Reconnection after all this. Maybe you should refresh or something, link seems to be working for me.
Oh my gosh.....I don't even have words....
ReplyDeleteTHIS is literature! I havn't read an epic adventure this awesome in, well, ever! And written around My Little Poniy no less!
I'm seriously amazed by this piece, absoutly beautiful!
4 billion stars to you sir!
This was horryfing.
ReplyDeleteThey way You dealt with Pinkie Pie or Applejack - I can't belive how monstrous imagination someone must have to pull this off. And I say: Bravo! I hate to read it, yet, I read all of it in one go, simply from terrifying curiosity, what's gonna happen next. It is well written, with strong, disturbing and very "NonFIM" theme, but still, a good read.
Five Cupcakes for theme and execution.
Thrilling.
Nothing happens when you get struck by lightning in midair. It was well written, but that isn't the reason I read stories.
ReplyDeleteSimply put, a difficult to stop reading kind of story, well done.
ReplyDeleteReading it in .jpegs? That's some pretty Old-school, lawl.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteUm, yes. Yes it really does. Unless you're flying in a Faraday cage, lighting does plenty if it strikes you mid-air.
Pffft. I seriously would of filed this under comedy rather than grimdark. The idea you chose was un-original in fact that the so called destiny twilight had chosen was just an excuse for you to kill all of the main cast. I felt like you were trying so hard to make things seem dark it actually became laughable. You also gave A Grimdark story a Slightly bitter sweet ending, I really was irked about that. You also chose fluttershy as the so called "hero" in the end. The element of kindness bring death upon one of her friends. You also made her nimble and fast enough to dodge magical projectiles when you yourself said Many years have past, Enough being spike to be fully grown; Making fluttershy and Anypony Old to some degree. You also said she suffered from arthritis. That was, 1. a generic thing to give to a pony of age and 2. A factor that totally should of gone against her flying ability. I imagine if having arthritis as a Pegasus Pony would have detrimental effects on their wings. .. Anyway The thing is im just not impressed with this story by any means. To me its one of those "trying" fics that wants to be what its labeled as and instead boils over and collapses in on itself from the effects of disbelief and The use of OC Character traits such as spike being cruel to Fluttershy's Animals, That goes totally against who spike and fluttershy are. And also; Incorrectly naming an element of harmony. (its honesty Not trust)Yadda yadda yadda. I dont like it.
ReplyDeleteWhat numbskull thought it would be a good idea to post a story as images? There is such a thing as HTML, you know.
ReplyDeleteAs for the actual story, I wasn't impressed. I can't say I hated, though. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't very good either.
Ultimately, it failed to live up to the potential of its premise. Two stars.
That was fucking awesome.
ReplyDeleteThe single best Grim-dark story I have ever read.
I don't really agree too much. This part is good, but the sequel is where my heart is. Looking back, I would only have read this to get the story.
ReplyDelete@kari
ReplyDeleteseriously? chill out.
The page links are not working D;
ReplyDeleteI'd like to get this as txt-file so I can read it on my eBook.
ReplyDeleteEvil twilight? Evil Twilight :D
ReplyDeleteAdding a comment, so anyone else that's looking for a text version can read the text, instead of reading image files (ugh, seriously? Why image files?)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ponyfictionarchive.net/viewstory.php?sid=364
Doesn't include the EPILOGUE though. I've run it through a OCR system and I'll try to post it somewhere.
Here we are: epilogue in text form. I took the liberty of fixing some of the obvious typos and grammar errors. Not sure if I caught all of the ones introduced by the OCR system.
ReplyDeletehttp://pastebin.com/N1FQQeB0
This story is a marvelous example of a good grimdark fic and an excellent story in general, like everything Semi does when he puts a bit of himself in a story and doesn't just write for fun.
ReplyDeleteThere appears to be some confusion about the prologue and epilogue for this story. The image provided here, also uploaded to Pastebin by ibneko, is the PROLOGUE to 'Severing'. It is called 'Expectation' and it takes place before the events in the five main chapters. There is also an actual EPILOGUE, which I've only been able to find in one of the 4chan archives. This is probably because the author (HFPS) was unsatisfied with it and wanted to leave the whole 'Severing of Friendship' project behind him. Personally, I really liked it. It's called 'Epiphany' and you can find it at the end of /co/ thread 22737781.
ReplyDeleteAnd interestingly, in thread 22780006 there is a wonderful little discussion between the authors of 'Severing' and 'Reconnection' about the ideas expressed in 'Epiphany'.
Please note that 4chan is Not Safe For Work (or anyplace else for that matter).