Be sure to read the Severing first or you probably wont know wth is going on!
Author: A Fistful of Apples
Reconnection (All Links!)
Extra Scenes (New!)
Acceptance
Generosity
Alternate Ending: (New!)
Rainbow Dash Puts Her Hoof Down
Sequel (New!)
Breaking the Circle
148 comments:
This is good stuff! I look forward to the conclusion
ReplyDeleteAny word on when Chapter 5 will be finished?
ReplyDeleteConfound these ponies, they drive me to read.
ReplyDeleteSo, when might we expect Chapter 6?
ReplyDeleteI so want Chapter 6!!
ReplyDeleteHurry up with chapter 6 already, I want this story finished so I can put these horrible horrible things behind me.
ReplyDeleteJust read the chapters done so far. Add me to the group of people eagerly, eagerly waiting for an update!
ReplyDeleteYay! Chapter 6!
ReplyDeletewaiting on bated breath for the conclusion. A part of me is hoping for some redemption for twilight.
ReplyDeleteI'm now taking bets on when the question for chapter 7 start cropping up! My money's on Friday, right after the CMC/Fluttershy episode.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS STUPID!
ReplyDeleteThis is the bestest! Can't wait for the next chapter to be delivered! Any word on when we could expect it?
ReplyDeleteYou were way off DeviousPsychopath.
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, I'm trying to get the next chapter out sooner than it took chapter 6 to get done, soooo, the 26th or so? Actually, I'd really like to get it out sooner than that, but we'll see.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteDamn it Anon! Couldn't you have waited?!
@AFistfulofApples
Woo hoo!
I usually coudn't care less about fanfiction, but pratically devoured Severance and Reconnection. I really like that they aren't grimdark for the sake of it, but have some semblance of a story, as opposed to many other fics. The change in style of writing is pretty evident, what with a different author writing Reconnection. However, this seriously isn't a bad thing. I wonder how it will turn out, given that Severance still had a bittersweet ending, which I personally preferred over a pure downer ending. Oh well, as long as Twilight won't come out on top and causes the end of Equestria as we know it, fine w/ me.
ReplyDeleteI was skeptical of the concept of time-traveling ponies at first, but this story is very well-executed. There are a few minor grammatical errors here and there, but overall I think this sequel is even more engrossing than the original story.
ReplyDeleteThe original is brilliant. Creating a spinoff of it is no doubt difficult.
ReplyDeleteThough I loved the way it started out, I had a feeling that the ending wouldn't be satisfying. I was correct; though well written in some places, the constant grammatical mistakes and the lack of suspense (am I the only one who saw the ending (and quite possibly what the epilogue will be) coming a mile away?) make it so that this doesn't measure up to the original.
However, it's still a very enjoyable read; if you liked the original Severing, then chances are that you'll like this one.
I recognise there's lots of grammar issues.
ReplyDeleteThat's because these are all first drafts. I spend absolutely no time going back over these chapters to correct mistakes after writing them.
But I am thinking that maybe a few months down the line I'll go back over this story and try to fine tune it.
Wait...
ReplyDeleteIs it over?
D:
I just read 3-7. I don't know what to feel. I think there should be a bit of an epilogue. Just a few paragraphs explaining what happens next.
ReplyDeleteWhile I loved it, I agree it needs and epilogue.
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS
What happens to the stolen Elements?
How well do the ponies adjust?
What about Fluttershy and Celestia?
An epilogue would be very nice, but it was already pretty satisfying to hear about Twilights demise. But couldn't the whole circle just repeat again? I don't recall reading that the Element of Magic that pretty much kept her from truly dying was severed from her..
ReplyDeleteI must admit that after reading the prologue I was happy thinking that this will have a happy ending (no matter how dark is a story I always hope for a happy ending till the very end)
ReplyDeleteAs I read it I knew there wasn't going to happen...
But I have two questions.
1. What about Celestia?
2. Twilight died without someone trying to take her element. So now she is truly dead, right?
Still getting her horn cut made could be interpreted as such so I have no idea.
All in all a good story.
Now excuse me I need to burry this in my memory as now i feel very sad for Twilight...
just spent a good 2hrs reading these, definitely does seem to suddenly end in the space of a few paragraphs without even knowing what's really happened.
ReplyDeleteShame,
Otherwise it was really good and I enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed reading this. It was such an excellent follow up to Severing, and seemed to keep all of the characterization from Severing as well.
ReplyDeleteMy only complaint is how rushed the last chapter was. Everyone has been planning their revenge for the past 5 chapters, then suddenly: Twilight gets an element, gets another element, gets captured, maybe gets tortured, get killed.
It seems really cluttered, and I think it might have been better to spread it out more, like in your previous chapters.
Just my opinion. Overall, the series was well written.
Part 7 is quite good, it isn't THAT rushed.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think the ending came a bit too abruptly; the story was over, but I didn't really felt closure. I think an epilogue would be perfect for this, since there are some questions unanswered. Like what happens to the severed elements.
Wait, wasn't there stuff that was changed that they didn't do? Like Peanut never playing sports, and the stampede never happening?
ReplyDeleteI think there's one more chapter. Or at least I hope.
This was great im glad to see a (kinda) happy ending to that depressing as hell fic.
ReplyDeleteI agree the ending was a bit cluttered but I dont think it was by any means bad. I think it mite have been better if the last part was extended into 2 parts but I dont know if that would have worked or not because then it mite have ended up dragging on to long.
Ether way great job I have been fallowing this sense it started and enjoyed every part
Solid engrossing buildup. Disappointing and anticlimactic conclusion.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this was incredible, I gotta say it, it was incredible. Well written and everything.
ReplyDeleteI just hope this 7th chapter is the last one, an epilouge could do fine, sure, but no more full length chapters, it would ruin that ending.
Yea! This stupid story is over finally!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I just can't understand why you would want to write a story like this.
It's completely different from the spirit of show.
Why would you want to write something like this, based off of a friggin' show meant for kids?
Just... I'm not insulting your writing or anything.
It's the fact that you wanted to continue the grimdarking of a show about PONIES GOING ON MAGICAL ADVENTURES.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat's way out of line. Grimdark Ponies may not be your cup of tea (to be honest, I'm finding I rather prefer Darjeeling myself), but taking your imagination beyond the originally conceived boundaries of an idea is precisely what fiction writing exists for. You're more than free to not like it, but don't go stepping on someone for sharing an idea.
As for Reconnection itself, I... have been looking all day for the right words to say. I think a lot of readers have hit the nail on the head in saying the conclusion feels less than satisfying. I recognize the syndrome; stories are often victims of their own rising tension, and the inevitable defeat of the antagonist always lets a little air seep out of the balloon.
But... I dunno, I feel like this should have been handled differently. The way things are, there's lots of threads that wind up dangling into nothingness, and that's going to frustrate a lot of people. Where did any of the stuff with Celestia go? What was the point of the final confrontation if Twilight was going to be handled by a Deus ex Muffina? Rarity went completely off the deep end in the name of revenge, which the narrative implies is a place nopony should go, but... did anything bring her back down? We have a dead Twilight, so presumably not. And I kept waiting for Dash to redeem herself for all the spying and win the day by truly embodying her element and, say, being willing to defend Twilight from torture despite everything that happened, but instead there was nothing.
More than plotlines, there's a lot of feelings that are just left hanging above our heads. If you ever go back and revise this, I'd recommend taking some time to think about other potential resolutions that can still be bittersweet without the reader feeling like she just ate a lemon.
Yeah, that's fiction.
ReplyDeleteThis is fanfiction.
Out-of-character fanfiction.
I wanted to quit when Angel died. I really wanted to. But I couldn't.
ReplyDeleteYou are a sick, twisted writer. You are also an awesome writer, this story was great.
The main story's done. That is, there are no more official chapters to this. But there's still more to come.
ReplyDeleteIncluding an epilogue. Epilogues are generally for tying up loose ends. And there are quite a lot of loose ends to tie up.
As such a lot of questions I'm not going to answer here, because they'll be answered later. But concerns which as far as I know aren't going to get any further address:
@Anonymous
The elements Twilight successfully stole went back to their hosts upon Twilight's death. This was supposed to be shown by Pinkie and Applejack's fast recovery, and how it's mentioned how excited Pinkie feels, as well as the way Pinkie was acting, etc etc.
@Anonymous
The "canon" this fic was based on was not MLP:FiM. It was Severing. What was most important to me as an author was for this fic to be in line with Severing. And so I didn't write this based on a show for kids, I wrote this based on a fanfiction by some guy, which I'm sure wasn't written for kids.
If you want to question the motivation of making Severing specifically, ask HFPS.
If you want to know about Grimdark generally, well, that would take a long time for me to explain why people might like it, and this comment is going to be long enough as it is.
@Phoe
The way I write, and the way I believe writing actually works, doesn't lend itself well to every event having a "point" other than to chronicle events, and hopefully be interesting to read. What was the point of the final confrontation? It was what happened because that's what the character's motivations and knowledge led to happen.
On the same token, I didn't intend for the story to really say anything in particular about revenge. I simply wrote out how I saw the ponies react to the concept in their situation. I felt that of all the ponies who knew of the events, Big Mac would be the only one dead set against revenge, but that's because he didn't actually experience anything. Rainbow Dash would be the next closest to being against it, also due to ignorance. But the other three ponies all entertained the idea of revenge in various amounts. Applejack said what she said, and felt Big Mac was correct, but she felt that revenge was something that had to be accepted as a bad necessity, because it was more important that they protect themselves than it was to be morally pure. And Applejack couldn't bring herself to not want revenge.
Rainbow Dash did defend Twilight, as much as I felt Rainbow Dash would actually defend Twilight in that situation. There's only so much loyalty you can show to somebody who not only isn't your friend, but is your enemy.
As to the final resolution...it was a difficult balancing act. There probably is a more entertaining conclusion to be had from the set-up. I couldn't find it.
There were two very likely realistic conclusions from this set-up. the first was Twilight getting killed before she even came back to the past. The second was Twilight winning very quickly as soon as she did. I had to steer the story away from both of these (because they wouldn't have been very long or interesting stories), and it was pretty difficult to do that and steer towards interesting events at the same time. I personally don't feel I did a good job, in the sense that I set too difficult of a task for myself. I did my best though.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you taking time to compose such a thorough response, not only to myself but to the myriad others as well. It was no doubt time consuming, but it shows a great deal of dedication, which I respect.
In deference to your own literary philosophy, I won't launch into a debate about the so-called "optimal" way to go about authoring. Your mindset and process has managed to bring about a story which captivated plenty of readers, which in the end is the strongest form of success any of us can hope for. Myself, I'm always poking at the words and looking for the deeper meanings that connect them (and I cannot help but mention that giving the very last words in the story to Big Macintosh adds a lot of weight to the overall revenge theme that I picked up on), but if I'm meant to look at this more in the vein of... Herodotus, I guess, then I can work with that.
I have a scenario playing out in my head wherein Rainbow Dash pushes much more insistently for Rarity not to follow up on her desires of vengeance, in part because she's showing loyalty to her own memories of Twilight (which are much less tainted than anypony else's), and much more because she's loyal to Rarity and doesn't want her to have to spend the rest of her life coping with the repercussions of committing a "necessary" atrocity. It's not exactly letting Twilight off the hook either; now she'd need to contend with living out the rest of her days as a failed schemer and a non-magical earth pony. Once the right hand of Celestia and a supremely powerful mage who devoted what is essentially two entire lifetimes to that art would suddenly be starting over without any of it (quickly abandoned by her own Element of Harmony to boot, as she no longer has any capacity to serve as its representation). Maybe she'd eventually become repentant, maybe she'd be redeemed, or even forgiven, or maybe she'd snap and live out the rest of her life in half-sane misery. I dunno, I'm not taking the time to think about this any more than I have. But I think that on the whole it represents a potentially more powerful and satisfying conclusion to events.
Regardless, we can definitely agree that you set a very lofty goal for yourself, and I think you performed admirably attempting to reach that goal. If you failed to clear that bar, it is certainly not because you were lazy, or stupid, or uninspired. Sometimes the audience just doesn't click with your vision. I hope I've been helpful, or at the very least not annoying, and I apologize for the sheer verbosity of my responses. Happy writing.
So do we find out how the things they didn't change get changed in the epilogue? I hope so.
ReplyDelete@Phoe
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, I do believe works of fiction can have deeper meanings and carry messages within them. But I feel these sorts of things happen regardless of authorial intent, and spring only from the work itself. As such an author can intend for a message, and try to craft a story with that message, but it might not work out. As for me because it happens either way, I usually don't take time out to try and put a message in things I write. They'll happen without me.
As apparently it has already. I never considered a message on vengeance to be seen in this story. I'm sure it is there, and I'm sure you're right that it's kind of wonky because I didn't take the time out to polish it specifically. Maybe I'll see about doing so if I go over it again.
Now there's a reason Rainbow Dash doesn't do that. It's possible in some world she did, but it's not the more likely possibility. Rainbow Dash doesn't strike me as somebody who puts a lot of thought into things like the morality of her actions. Notice she didn't stop to think about the niceness of dealing with the dragon in Dragonshy (but she did step aside and allow her friends to try what they wanted first).
Your scenario requires RD to already have a notion on vengeance that I doubt she actually has (that vengeance has negative repercussions on everybody involved) as well as several other assumptions (the gratification Rarity could gain is less than the suffering she would attain later, that it actually isn't "fair"). I didn't see Applejack having this notion either, not until Big Mac sat down and explained it to her.
There are further considerations about this. Not only is RD brash, unthinking, and prone to defer judgement to her friends, she's also the youngest of the group, having died many years earlier than the next youngest, Applejack. Even when they were all "the same age" she was the most emotionally immature (and we keep seeing more of this as the show goes on).
Don't get me wrong, I do think your idea would be interesting, and I think it could have happened, but I don't think it was the most likely thing to happen.
One last thing about it is it wouldn't do well to actually *end* everything. But that's getting ahead of myself, I'll have to get back to you on that when I post the epilogue.
Also, I like talking about stuff like this. It's why I made such big posts talking about Forever is Forever. So no, you're not annoying me at all.
@Toby
I tried to hint at it in the main story, but I do plan to explain it outright later.
@AFistfulofApples:
ReplyDeleteThanks as ever for the continued insight and commentary - it's very enlightening to hear more about the how's and why's of what went into your work. Particularly as your approach and philosophy is one that's rather unique among writers I've had the opportunity to speak to (and it's a long list). I can't recall if I've seen someone embrace the "Death of the Author" concept so readily pertaining to their own works, but its valuable insight in any case into the ongoing struggle of the words you put on the page versus the words others eventually take back off them.
I think 4 in the morning is the wrong time to be trying to continue this discussion since I keep spacing out, but I did want to say thank you again. I am curious to see your epilogue, and how well it satisfies the wont of the conclusion proper.
@Phoe
ReplyDeleteYou keep throwing these things around that I have to look up.
You know, I was an English major for a very brief period (in fact I switched majors in the middle of my Literary Theory class and never completed said class). Anyway, I had to look up what you were referring to with the "Death of the Author" comment, and I must say I find it amusing how similar my views are despite me never hearing about this guy or his essay(possibly I did, but if I did I don't remember).
I do hope later one when you're more rested I'll find you have more to say. I'm interested to hear your opinion on what I said about Rainbow Dash's character.
Damn, that last chapter had me on the edge of my seat. Jolly good show!
ReplyDeleteBoth stories are great. I've very little complaints here.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I must say, this story bears quite a resemblance to the lyrics of Opeth's "The Drapery Falls." This makes the story better for me. :)
@AFistfulofApples:
ReplyDeleteHaving had the opportunity to rest and get some time to actually sit down, here's my response to your Rainbow Dash assessment, as requested.
You make some valid points, especially regarding her maturity, brashness, and her tendency to defer leadership to others when given the chance. And by this point in the narrative, a lot of those natural flaws (many of which I think are caused by very deep seated insecurities) are compounded by the fact that she is mentally many, many years younger than the rest of her friends. She's got the most to learn of anyone, but you know what? That also makes her the most innocent of the group, barring Fluttershy who for obvious reasons can't show up for a heroic finish. If anypony is capable of looking Twilight in the eye and still seeing glimpses of happy memories from their first lifetime together, it's Rainbow Dash. If anypony is going to shudder at the absolute wrongness of torturing a pony to death, it's Rainbow Dash. And really, if push comes to shove and she's got nobody to defer to, doesn't it seem in character for her to seize that particular moment to kick reason to the curb and stand up for what's right?
Maybe she doesn't possess a fully actualized concept of revenge and the terrible things it does to people/ponies, but in the course of the narrative I think she's had the opportunity to at least figure out some of the rudimentary basics. She's seen Pinkie constantly in tears, Applejack distance herself from everything in the world, and Rarity walk around with a devil's grin and not a good intention in the world. And again, her memories of a time when none of that was true are fresher than all the rest.
The way that things played out in the story, it seems to me that Rainbow Dash got scared and surrendered to the idea that there was way too much stuff flying over her head, and made the snap decision to focus on getting help for Pinkie and Applejack instead of fighting it. Which is still her being there for her friends so its still Rainbow Dash. It's just a bit different than what I would expect/hope from her. You crafted a highly plausible scenario (and maybe you're right and its the most plausible), but I don't think it's the most satisfying conclusion.
Although it's worth mentioning that there's no hard and fast rule that says a story needs a satisfying conclusion to be successful. Kind of in the way it's silly for people to complain about the Lord of the Rings because Frodo doesn't ride all the way to Mt. Doom on the back of a giant eagle and end the war in a chapter, it's silly to expect that characters will always find the best solution to the issues at hand and leave the reader feeling good about everything. And I'm sure there's a ton of issues with my own scenario, both themewise and plotwise, but I'm mostly just tossing it out there as food for thought. Maybe it'll fuel an alternate reality chapter or something, or perhaps the epilogue will render it completely moot. If the former, I am baking brownies in celebration.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNever heard of it. Is it any good?
@Phoe
You make good arguments. And my reply would have just been a more in depth explanation of why I saw the actions for Rainbow Dash that I did, but you beat me to that.
That is exactly what I saw Rainbow Dash doing, and what I wanted to convey as happening. Things were going too quickly for Dash, and she had absolutely no time to think about much of anything other than what was immediately in front of her, and she did just latch on to helping her friends.
But you know, you've convinced me that your idea is also very plausible, even if it was something I didn't personally see as happening. I'm still not sure if it was *more* plausible than what I showed happen, but it's at least plausible enough that I'm kind of irked at myself for not seeing it as an option when I was writing.
I think I *will* write an AU chapter where it happened. I do think it has some issues, but that's once again going into territory I plan to get into in the Epilogue.
@aFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteIts one of Opeth's most popular songs. Here's a link to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvLn8j4c5l4
Its a ten minute song and its death metal, so you may not like the growling parts.
Here are the lyrics: http://www.metal-archives.com/viewlyrics.php?id=1084
Firstly, the story is awesome. I enjoyed it a heap. But, I was just wondering, if Rarity killed Twilight, then wouldn't Rarity have received the elements Twilight had? I realize that Rarity has magic of her own and could have somehow transfered them back, though she doesn't seem to have great magical skill which seems to be required to mess with souls and elements. Maybe I just don't have a firm grasp of the "science" behind the elements, but from what has been read, that is what I am wondering. I also realize that the epilogue is coming, so my questions might be answered then. Anyway, those were my thoughts, and very good story, thanks.
ReplyDeleteMy ending: After Pink and AJ are gone, Rainbow goes back to Rarity's. Rarity is dead and we find that the Element of Magic allows Twilight to use magic regardless of whether she has a horn or not. When Rarity tries to take everything away from Twilight in revenge, TS seizes the opportunity to steal her Element of Generosity and kill her once she's exhausted. Then Twilight turns on Rainbow Dash and makes her doubt her own loyalty by not defending her with more fortitude and allowing Rarity to torture her. She seizes RD's Element of Loyalty, but allows her to live. Once all elements have been acquired, Twilight disappears and reappears in the place that all of the ponies went upon dying. All of the Elements are there. After scolding Twilight for her treachery, they bind Twilight to (some heavenly body; maybe the twilight sun?) for 1000 years. The elements go back into hiding to start anew.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason I've been reading this as the "retconnection" this whole time...huh...
ReplyDeleteThis story was – well, let's just call it epic! As was the Severing too. Thank you very much for it! I just wish I'd could write as fluently.
ReplyDeleteI was secretly kinda hoping for it to end in a way so that everypony would be happy and alive. Something in the style what Petal!FluffYVJB. said earlier. Guess that wasn't really possible. I'm really looking forward for to see how the epilogue will tie the loose ends together and if you'll leave enough hanging so somepony else could pick it up and continue.
Truly an epic story!
(And I mean epic in the way epic used to mean before the chan related inflation the poor word suffered!)
Now I'm gonna write a fanfic about this, so it's gonna be a fanfic about a fanfic, about a fanfic.
ReplyDeleteThis gonna get deeper then inception.
Personally I preferred Severing,but this wasn't bad.
ReplyDeleteOne question though,what about Celestia?
Is chapter 7 the end?... well it was a awesome story kudos! Also what happened to Celestia?
ReplyDeleteGOD DAMMIT I WANTED TWILIGHT TO SUCCEED!!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteY'know, I kinda did too.
What happened to future fluttershy and spike?
ReplyDeleteDid they suddenly cease to exist or what?
Awesome epilogue, it's nice to see this story come to an end.
ReplyDeleteA great follow-up story to a great Grimdark fic.
5 stars, and a round of applause.
Primer and ponies! 5/5
ReplyDelete@williamcll
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind that different time-lines coexist, and that Reconnection only holds some of the pony's minds that came from Severing.
It's very confusing (and paradoxical), but I hope that my simple explanation will suffice.
@Zarkanorf
ReplyDeletePeople assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly, timey wimey... stuff.
Now are we going to see twilight get a round 3? Id kinda like to see her give up and rejoin the group and they all be friends again...
ReplyDeleteDash and Spike?! I guess I can check off one more character from the "Dash x Everyone" list. Such a fandom bicycle...
ReplyDeleteGood stuff! The thing I liked most about Reconnection is the way it captured a mother's fierce love, and that comes through in the epilogue too. The way you wrote the older versions of the mane cast feels accurate, too. I'm looking forward to seeing what you write next.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm going to write another, shorter story about Twilight's adventures after the Epilogue. So yes, more of Twilight to come.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteSweet, I was just going to ask what became of Twilight. Great job with the epilogue!
@yrthak
ReplyDeleteThe DashxSpike thing just kind of happened. I didn't expect it, or plan it, it took me by surprise.
But you know, given the circumstances I think it's pretty reasonable.
I knew it couldn't have been as simple as putting Twilight in a hole in the ground.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see how things turn out the next time through.
I'm never gonna look at Twilight the same after reading this.
ReplyDeleteA part of me actually wants to see what would happen if Twilight finally succeeds.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna read this and if Twilight doesn't succeed I'm gonna seriously destroy something.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---
Oh, it's the other way around for me. Twilight is pretty much irredeemable at this point. I'd be content with her being sent to pony hell. Oh god, that would be so satisfying.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that this is a fanfiction that I really loved. Phoe covered most of what I had remotely wanted to say, regarding rainbow dash, but that's okay.
ReplyDeleteThere are only a few issues I'd like to mention, and then I'll have endless praise.
The story itself is good, but the epilogue is so necessary to wrap up the story that it probably could be a new chapter or something. The story abruptly ending at 7 isn't too great, as far as I see it. There also seemed to be some odd things mentioned after Twilight died; I recall reading a few sentences about how Rarity was better at controlling her magic. Is this a small hint that she may have gotten the elements for herself or something silly? The epilogue kind of contradicts it but whatever. There are of course grammar issues and some typos, but they don't distrupt reading or pacing and therefore I do not think your ability as a writer is any less.
Now. I read this last night and it took me like... an hour? I don't recall. I had to read severing too, but this really felt... like redemption. Severing is emotionally punishing, seeing an innocent Twilight have so many ulterior motives, but seeing her pay helps the reader relate to the other ponies so easily. I also think you portrayed some pretty complicated scenarios; I cannot imagine what it would be like if I had raised a family, was killed by my best friend, and then instantly brought back to some time maybe 20 years later, as if it was one fluid moment. I'd be in shock. Most of the ponies were too, and I think you characterized them pretty excellently. Pinkie Pie especially. Something about her not being the almost empty, purely optimistic, non-stop laughing pony makes her feel like a better character.
Overall, I believe everyone acted exactly in character (except Rainbow Dash, I think she would have pressured pinkie a lot more when they first talk), the scenario you presented seemed reasonable considering the magical way that equestria functions, and that your story was great at drawing in readers and feeling the story along with the characters. This is definitely one of the best fanfictions I've read in a while, despite the few odd errors. Even as a concept it shines more brightly than a lot of fictions I've read (even the two stories about 3 notes).
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteRarity being better able to control her magic was a hint to her having severed Twilight's element, albeit, having done so the old fashioned way. Then it was directly alluded to when Celestia commented that her aura was twice as strong as her friends.
As to Dash and Pinkie's first conversation, I agree with you it's more likely Dash would have pressured Pinkie more. But I didn't think it was my best option because if that had happened, it would have been three ponies working together and only one working alone, against Twilight. The way I had it allows for an interesting sort of symmetry, with two ponies working together, and two working individually. Of the latter two, one knows about Twilight, and the other doesn't.
6 hours. Because I have never heard of any of this before, I went ahead and read The Severing and Reconnection in one sitting. And honestly, I have never read something more morally disturbing, exciting, or beautiful then this, I can honestly say that the quality of this story is unfathomable and very very rarely do I read stories that... Ya made. Made me feel something, Especially not a variety of somethings like this did.
ReplyDeleteLet me start by saying that I just love this story, At first, when I was reading the prologue. I thought this was gonna be kindda lame. "Oh, so they all randomly come back to life with a plot device nobody knew about". But as I read on and the story move on to the first chapter. I thought it was crazy good how you characterized all the ponies, and I thought that the changes in their personalities were appropriate. At least I though they were, since I'm very young and I would have no idea how it would feel like to become betrayed, to loose everything you had and loved, or to have to relive everything all over again. There some pretty emotional stuff here, like how Pinkie and Applejack are constantly crying and feeling resentful for themselves, Or the relationship between Big Mac and Applejack and the concept of vengeance which seemed to play a large role in a lot of their actions and seemed to present itself to be a hidden meaning.
The story is very fast paced. Maybe you didn't intend it to be like that but its seemed to fit. You've certainly presented a lot of different elements into the story, the mystery behind Pinkie's dairy, Twilight's notes, and Rarity's devious behavior. Then I just love how interesting the story itself it. Like I just couldn't stop reading. Then things just got especially exciting during the end.
And the epilogue was sweet. How everything turned out okay for them. How Pinkie kept doing what she loved, How Applejack Gotten what she wanted without Peanut Rush. The really cute relationship between Spike and Rainbow Dash. And Rarity's new life with Applejack. Though I was interested as to what happened to Twilight though, But I guess its one of those things where its better left unanswered. Its definitely interesting to try to think about what had happen had Twilight been successful.
I just love this story. Its exciting, Its filled with mystery and tension, and the epilogue is absolutely lovely. That little part about the war between Luna and Celestia kindda left me yearning for more.
Incredibly quality story. And I thank you for writing such a masterpiece.
I apologies if my comment seems like a total mess. I just wrote my thoughts as they came along.
ReplyDelete@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteI replied before, but it seems blogger ate it.
Rarity severed Twilight's element without meaning to, albeit it, using the old fashioned method. This was alluded to with the easier use of magic, and was supposed to be outright referenced when Celestia commented that her aura was twice as powerful as her friends.
Also, Rainbow Dash was more likely to push Pinkie Pie in their first conversation, but recall what I said to Phoe. I couldn't have this story end so quickly, and if Rainbow Dash had spoken to Pinkie Pie more at the very beginning, I felt it would have caused the story to end quicker and easier than what I would have wanted it to.
Besides, having Rainbow Dash work on her own gave a sort of symmetry to everyone. Four ponies, two working together, two separately, and of the two separate ones, one knows about Twilight, and the other does not. I thought it was an interesting set up.
Jesuschristhowhorrifying.jpg
ReplyDeleteAmazing. This may mean nothing from Anonymous, but I consider your story to be at the very top of the quality food chain in MLP fandom right now.
You're not afraid to be dark when it's necessary and the writing is excellent.
If I may ask to clear it up once and for all for myself;
Am I correct in believing that every time Twilight attempts a new streak of evil, she creates a parallel universe? That is to say, the first world that played out with most everypony dead still exists, and so does the second with a mostly happy ending?
Multiverse concept?
Once an Element member leaves a world and for whatever reason is sent into the past to change something, they aren't changing what has happened so much as forging a new one?
I really, truly hope you write more of how these events can unfold.
Oh, WOW. This is such a good fic. Amazing closure on all fronts. Lucky I procrastinated so long in reading it, otherwise I would've missed the extra three parts that were apparently just added two days ago. I hope Sethisto bumps this post so bronies know it's been updated.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, very well done. I think it's more deserving of a Normal tag than a Grimdark tag, despite some phrasing and a couple of small scenes (and the "Generosity" scene) it's not very gory. Though I guess grimdark could count for dark concepts as well.
But honestly, I think you covered all the bases here and resolved all the outcomes. I ended with a sense of beautiful redemption and closure and was surprised you weren't the original creator of Severing, what with your attention to detail. I'm a huge fan of time travel and enjoyed how well you paid attention to your own sense of how everything worked and how the ponies would respond based on the times they were sent back to and when they were sent back from, as well as them not remembering their discussions with their elements. Kudos on a fic well-writ.
Just wondering, though, why did Twilight start remembering meeting with her element? (This is most prominent in Breaking the Circle) Was she so powerful she could just recall it all, or were past meetings with the elements brought back to memory each time they met again?
Oh, and Breaking the Circle reminded me of Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni mixed with Groundhog Day a bit. Any particular influence for that part?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThe simple answer would be that yeah, a new universe is created each time, ever-so-slightly different from the one before it. The Epilogue at the end, was to show that yeah, the first universe as detailed in Severing, still exists and is still plodding along, separate from the world I describe in Reconnection.
@BronyMike
I figure when you're in that after-death place with your element, you remember all previous instances of being there. Whenever you're actually alive, you don't remember the events that took place there. A person only remembers the events when they're there again.
I've seen both Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni and Groundhog Day along with lots of other fictional media that uses the Time Loop concept. But I don't think they had any particular great influence on it. Probably some subconscious influence though. I can indeed see some thematic similarities.
Ooh, I like you already. Swift responses and good answers.
ReplyDeleteHave you ever heard of a movie called 12:01? It's based on a short story and was released the same year as Groundhog Day, but I think it's better because it actually explains the time-loop. Doesn't loop nearly as many times as any other mentioned ones, though, but it's still got some comedy and is generally quite good.
I have heard of it, but not seen it.
ReplyDeleteStill more than most can say. Kudos again. Great fic. Is it all wrapped up now, or did you plan on adding anything else to it?
ReplyDeletePlease continue. I need to see what happens to the "real" Twilight.
ReplyDeleteLove the story!
Hm, I figured that would probably be best left open-ended, Twilight would wind up living her life in peace and perhaps the final universe is the one we see in the show.
ReplyDeleteOne minor complaint I've got, upon thinking for a little bit, is that Apple Dash seemed to get quite a bit more development than Apple Pie did.
The one other aspect I don't necessarily think should be elaborated but I don't think would particularly hurt it is if you went into detail on what Fluttershy did after Severing. Coming into this, that's what I originally thought it was going to be, it being described as a "Sequel" to Severing. Granted, talking parallel universes, I guess a "sidequel" isn't even really a term, but it'd describe what's going on here fairly nicely.
Eh, the best way i see it is if the author can continue it, it should be in another story. Like Reconnection is to Severing.
ReplyDeleteidk, this story is awesome. always hard to give up a good thing.
fistfull, promise you'll write more stories as awesome as this if u dont continue this one?
:)
@BronyMike
ReplyDeleteFurther up in the comments you will find a discussion between myself and Phoe about Rainbow Dash in chapter 7. The last thing I'm planning to do with this fic is write about what would have happened if Rainbow Dash did what Phoe had hoped she'd do. This is actually why the blog has not bumped the story. It was decided that we'd wait until that was done before bumping it.
Apple Dash and Apple Pie? In my head they have about equal development, but Apple Dash was just the one to stick around her mother more and so got more "screentime."
@Anonymous
I'll definitely try.
I should have known something was off about MLP.
ReplyDeleteThe main character of our beloved show is an ancient time travelling universe hopping super villain, who was so evil she couldn't deal with herself anymore.
I support this as canon.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteAh, that clears quite a bit up. Thanks. Well, looking forward to what you make for that final piece.
Fantastic. This is how you do grimdark. This is both in an out of place, and the time travel was remarkably intelligent.
ReplyDeleteThe only questions i have are: Is the rainbow dash scene mutually exclusive to the "breaking the circle"?
Also, what does breaking the horn have to do with keeping the circle going?
DAMN IT WHY ISN'T TWILIGHT STILL NOT SUCCESSFUL!!!!!1!111!1!!
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read Severing, I thought it was the best thing I had ever read, but it did leave an open ending. It didn't feel over. I'm glad someone took that up to create something like this, and I enjoyed reading this just as much.
ReplyDeleteSpoilers warning for those who haven't read it:
However, I would like to see an ending where Twilight Sparkle remembers everything. She doesn't erase her own memory. A universe where, with her experience in magic, it shows a difference. Perhaps something to do with the whole Celestia/Luna thing? Instead of starting after she's friends, maybe before. I don't expect anything to come of me asking this, but if no-one does such a thing, I think I might in some point of time. However, I am not a writer, nor even an aspiring one. I have no concept of how to get a character down, so I wouldn't expect me to do very well, but I'd still like to try if no-one else does.
I realize I'm Anonymous as I'm saying this, but I mean that.
Finally, a happier ending! The second alternate ending is just the kind of ending to this I wanted. It feels more complete than the original ending, actually, not having Twilight's death and the associated loose end be where it ends.
ReplyDeleteInteresting additions altogether. It was interesting how both of Rarity's paths gained her no satisfaction. RD's alternate ending was fitting for her character but proved to be a costly mistake. "Breaking the Circle" was fascinating in and of itself, and a surprisingly uplifting way to end such a dark series of stories. Well done.
ReplyDelete"Breaking the Circle" isn't an Alternate Ending. It's what follows for Twilight after the Epilogue. The only alternate ending is Rainbow Dash Puts Her Hoof Down.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
If Twilight's horn doesn't break, she doesn't go back in time.
@QuantumFire
Twilight's successful in Rainbow Dash Puts Her Hoof Down. That's something for you at least.
@Anonymous
Sorry man, I'm really burned out with this story. I personally am not going to write anymore for it. But if you want to write something more for it, go right ahead. That'd be cool.
I like Breaking the Circle,but I kind of hoped one of these endings would have Twilight winning.
ReplyDeleteloved the whole story, but I have to say that breaking the circle touched me deeply. i just love happy endings...
ReplyDelete∞/5 you're my new favourite brony, fistful.
still want to know what happened to princess fluttershy
ReplyDeleteI am impossibly thankful for "Breaking the Circle". Really, thank you so much for writing a fully happy ending.
ReplyDeleteYou know... I liked the stories, but really, both alternative endings were... Well, the plot was a bit hole-y. So, Rainbow Dash stops Rarity, and Twilight goes to... kill them? Why? You already established the non-kill method was superior, and she had their elements, so what was left to sewer? I'd understand if she killed them out of spite, or because they knew her secret, but to go to inferior method without any reason?
ReplyDeletePlus, why loyalty is saying this to Rainbow at all? Twilight succeeded, grabbed all elements, and now will probably die out of old age, or, being next princess, will live forever. So, how the element escaped her to talk to RD? No, the circle wouldn't continue, IMHO.
The second one, about Twilight's forgetting, had even worse plot hole. You showed us her as resourceful, capable of neutralizing Spike on her second pass, losing only because she didn't knew Rarity remembers as well, and eating the poison. So, how exactly she loses the third time? She has superior method, knows who is dangerous, and most importantly, is a Unicorn capable of beating Ursa. Ok, maybe they stopped her by luck. But, she only grows more powerful and experienced each time, and you shown us she kept going back with as little as one (or even zero) of her friends going back. Why taking out the one that was the only threat was so difficult for her? It makes no sense.
IMHO, it would be more fitting, had, having succeeded, she had no idea what to do next, and, living for too long, longed for simple, old days, giving the elements to Celestia to go back (or being back-stabbed by her). To go in that way... It makes so little sense.
@williamcll
ReplyDeleteDon't know what happened to her. I could ask HFPS one day, I guess. But I doubt he'd think it very important to answer me.
@Irbis
Twilight did not have all the elements by the time she was "saved." She only had Fluttershy's, Applejack's and Pinkie Pie's. Why does she choose to kill them? She explains it. Things went too far out of her control to allow for a slow methodical severing using the new method. Secondly, she's angry and spiteful. Third, while I didn't show this, in my head Celestia probably told her to just get it over with as quickly as possible, which meant the old fashioned way.
First, Twilight did not take Loyalty. Recall that she went with the "old fashioned" method. Second, I established in Breaking the Circle that it wouldn't matter even if she did, they would be able to go back anyway. In this situation, I'm assuming Twilight's body is eventually going to die.
Why did she keep failing? She's *very* unlucky, pretty much. If I wanted, I could detail more iterations and go through the specifics of how Twilight's "friends" continuously got lucky and bumbled into saving themselves. But I'm not too keen on writing this story forever. Just take my word for it, Twilight's unlucky in this matter. Secondly in my head, I figure she probably could have eventually succeeded if she kept trying, but I didn't see Twilight going on a long journey of self-reflection to find out that she was completely right the whole time.
Had Twilight succeeded, as she did in Rainbow Dash Puts Her Hoof Down, she would be killed by Celestia as soon as she did so. Celestia's motivation the entire time was to get Twilight to become powerful, and then take over the body. This was made clear in HFPS's prequel story "Expectations." It's thus not very likely Twilight will have the chance to "long for simple, old days." Plus, I don't like immortals who wax nostalgic.
Hmm... I guess I can see that. Still, the stories would be even better, they just lacked a few details in a few places. Remember, you're the writer, you have full picture, your readers don't.
ReplyDeleteSo, you say Rainbow would indeed be going back? But, that would make for an interesting story - now more determined Rainbow, and Twilight who now know the whole quest is pointless... Making a nice set-up for a tragedy :)
As for Twilight not trying stubbornly, according to checklist... Eh, I don't see her giving up so fast. Especially after what you shown us in your main story.
As for not liking nostalgic immortals, wasn't that what you did with Twilight after all? ;P
By the way, sorry for asking, but what Celestia needed Twilight's body for in 'official' ending? For cloning? But, that seemed a little too advanced for the setting.
Sometimes things are limited by the perspective. Third Person limited is...limited.
ReplyDeleteThe ending of Rainbow Dash Puts Her Hoof Down has everyone but Twilight die and go back. Certainly Twilight's body will eventually die, but Twilight's horn wouldn't be snapped, and nothing would cause her element to send her back. I think it might be an interesting story anyway though, because while all five ponies could undoubtedly stop Twilight, Rainbow Dash would have to deal with the fact that she single-handedly prevented their victory and got them all killed before.
"So fast"? She went though many iterations before finally giving up. Not just a couple, but I would imagine somewhere along the lines of hundreds.
Twilight isn't tired of living (I think she says on two separate occasions that she doesn't want to die), she's tired of being locked in a specific routine, being forced to go through the same motions over and over. It's a different problem from being immortal.
I figure Celestia wanted to study Twilight's body, as it was the only vessel that had ever truly housed, however briefly, multiple elements.
In Breaking the Circle, why does Celestia snap Twilight's horn off before killing her?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteLuck. She never sets out to do it, just, in the course of going against Celestia it keeps happening. I think it's also possible that Magic is tweaking the worlds so that this remains a likely "chance" occurrence, but I left that ambiguous.
My god I hope you don't just
ReplyDeletefucking let this go on forever
I mean yes this is one of my favorites stories along with severing and forever is forever
but REALLY MAN
"The Unicorn Day", starring Twilight Murray! :D
ReplyDeletenow that I'm not too lazy to sign in...
ReplyDeleteHOly shit, thousands of years, longer than luna's imprisonment.
GO twilight.
Is it bad that Breaking the Circle is what I was waiting for?
ReplyDeleteSure it's based on Twilight failing forever, but it's closure to her completely irrationally insane mind.
And a happy ending to a fic about killing the main characters.
Breaking the circle; So. much. closure! It's insane. Well done.
ReplyDeleteGroundhog life.
ReplyDeleteBreaking the Circle was an amazing ending.
ReplyDeleteSomehow you managed to swing one of the darkest FF into a happy ending. Wow.
@williamcll
ReplyDeletePrincess Fluttershy flies off with Spike into the deep wilderness, not wanting anything to do with ponies any more. Years later, Spike is taking his century long nap. Luna and Celestia have battled to a stalemate, destroying most of Equestria in the process. Fluttershy is alone, except for animals which flock to her like St. Francis. She's approached one day by a handicapped pony. It's an incredibly old and decrepit Derpy. She's had her hind legs amputated due to poor circulation. She's on a little wheeled cart. Being completely senile, Derpy has wandered away from her caregivers and has been lost in the wilderness. Fluttershy is characteristically shy but Derpy sits down next to her anyway. They chat, Fluttershy becomes more and more enlightened by Derpy's words. Fluttershy reluctantly agrees to go back to pony kind, but she won't without Derpy, her new friend, by her side. Derpy agrees, and Fluttershy heals her, rejuvenates her, and they fly off together to dispose of the two sisters and restore Equestria. They leave the little cart in the wilderness.
Oh, AFistfulofApples. You cad. Really, I brought this on myself for failing to consider the full ramifications of the world everypony lived in. I think the problem is that I failed to consider the text in the context of Severing (specifically the epilogue), also excluding the desire to end the original narrative on a 'happy ending' without the need for a tertiary loop. That being said, I bet the story of that third go-around was amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm still glad I was able to convince you to write that scenario. It felt strong and appropriate in the moment, and segues brilliantly into Breaking the Circle (which at this point I'm really willing to consider the strength of the story as a whole). The sense of closure and thematic appropriateness I had been complaining about earlier washes away in the face of a story about one unicorn's redemption from a horrible cycle of death, pain, and betrayal not because of any one gesture or moment, but through an excruciating and grinding process where she learns that she can't handle being Sisyphus. And more than that, that she doesn't WANT to be.
You are finished, yes? I believe you've earned the right to be. (Oh, also - Phoe is a she)
Frankly, I must say that... Those Extra Scene are rather bland and very uninteresting.
ReplyDeleteOnly adding an extra layer of disgust, and no emotions.
For RD Alt.Ending : I don't want to sound insulting, really, but that was a bit stupid.
...again... Nothing about Celestia. No real sense of closure. No real END.
For the Circle Alt.Ending :
>"It's not so bad, not being a crazy pony bent on killing your friends, is it?"
->(Hope rising)
>>It was Twilight's only hope now. That one day she'd show up, and never be sent on that stupid self-destructive path.
->>(HOPE rising)
Result: Finally ! Took long enough ?
(but I still have mix feelings about Celestia, the one that should have been defeated in those ''Bad Realities''... Now being in a ''Good'' Alt.universe, with a Non-Illogically-crazy Celestia).
At least it loops back to ''Normality'' ?
@Phoe
ReplyDeleteWell I did say there was something you were failing to consider.
And yes, I am so finished. I'm very happy to finally be done with this story. I was so in a hurry to just get this done I even wrote the two Rarity scenes and Breaking the Circle in a half-awake stupor at 4AM, before going to bed. I pretty much don't even remember writing them, I was so tired, but I just so wanted to get them done.
And duly noted, Phoe is a female.
@nova_25
Ah well, can't please everyone.
@nova_25
ReplyDeleteHee Hee. I get it. Twilight finally ended up in a version of the universe that the show is based after.
Lauren's crystal ball apparently doesn't reach into the other dimensions. Or maybe it does and she chose the most G rated of them.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteI liked it. All of it, even "breaking the circle". Although I am more of a fan of the grimdark style, I still enjoy it when an evil character really honestly earns their redemption in a happy ending. It makes the whole thing more rewarding.
This last part reminded me of what Rika Furude had to go through. Heh, no wonder Twilight is an alcoholic.
Sorry one more question. You said that that HFPS wrote a story called "Expectations" that was kind of a prequel but i can't for the life of me find it! Help!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIf you click on the link to "Severing," Sethisto has it mislabelled as the Epilogue.
Sorry if this has been asked before and look out there is a bit of a spoiler coming up.
ReplyDeleteWould I be wrong in assuming that Twilight Sparkle has ended up in the canon universe (that is to say, the actual show) at the end of Breaking the Circle?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt was my intention, yes. I'm quite pleased so many people understood that's what I was trying to show.
@AFistfulofApples
ReplyDeleteIt says something about your ability as an author that you were not only able to create a story that got one or two other people to write bits of it (and in one case an entire sequel), but were able to make me feel hate and sorrow, end on a happy note, and flawlessly tie it in with the Canon universe.
You are one of the most skilled authors on this site.
@AFistfulofApplesThank you for the happy ending.
ReplyDeleteThis fic is legendary!
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn I posted this earlier, but I guess not.
ReplyDelete@AFistfulofApples
It says something about your skills as an author that you were not only able to write a story that got one or two people to add on to it (in one case an entire sequel), but were also able make me hate Twilight and want to cry at some points, give a happy end to a fic that I would argue defines the GrimDark genre of pony stories, and tie it into the Canon universe in a believable way.
You are one of the best authors on this site, there is no question about that.
Is anyone else having trouble loading Chapter 7 and the Epilogue?
ReplyDeleteAKA when ponies cry.
ReplyDeleteWow. I've been really late on reading these, but I just have to say that the new stories are really good.
ReplyDeleteThe extra stories with Rarity clearing things up on what happened were definitely intresting. They I actually liked the second one better because it makes little sense in my opinion why she would spend so much time preparing to torment Twilight just to quickly finish her.
The one with Rainbow Dash was really strange. Why would Rarity charge out when she has so much anger and hate built up and just do nothing? Despite that, it still made for a really interesting story.
Now. The squeal. That was really good. It really squared off the previous story really nicely. I thought that the way you wrote it was really good. How you built it up as if it was a separate story rather then just an add-on. And I honestly thought that the ending was this really nice place where everybody was happy. It wasn't until I read the comment above that it made me realize that the new place Twilight is living in is the cannon world. And that really brought a new light.
Excellent story man. I can't believe I waited so long to read it. This was some really great stuff. Thanks a lot for the read!
I read ALL of it.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am Exhausted.
And I love it - All. Of. it.
6 stars from me - wonderfully written, plain and simply.
Err, the link to Reconnection seems to be broken.
ReplyDeleteWhile I wasn't very impressed with the original story, "Severing", I have a much higher opinion of this sequel.
ReplyDeleteThis story does a far better job of painting Twilight as a monster and making it believable than its predecessor did.
Oh, and "Breaking the Circle" was brilliant. The self-inflicted memory wipe would explain a fair bit about Twilight's quirks in the show. A lot of the areas where she's a bit lost compared to most people could have been the result of the memory wipe bleeding over into neighbouring areas of her mind. Kind of like using the "magic wand" selection tool in a graphics program with the tolerance setting a little bit too high.
Overall, I found this quite satisfying and a massive improvement over its predecessor (which I only gave two stars). I'm giving this five stars.
This is the first FiM fan fiction I've read (including "Severance" as part of the story, obv.) first time reading anything from ED, and probably the only example of good fan fiction I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThe premise is weird and ridiculous - I mean: take the cast of a lighthearted, cutesy little cartoon about magic horses, then make a dark tale that has them all dying violently (and sometimes along with their own children, no less!) by the hands of a sociopathic monster of a friend, coming back to life, starting all over again, having to deal with these traumatic memories, and then plotting revenge on said "friend"? That's one damned bizarre story idea!
But it works! Severance/Reconnection/Breaking the Circle are well-written and amazingly entertaining. The only problem I had with them were that they weren't long enough!
My favourite story in the series was "Breaking the Circle"; after the previous chapters of murders, plotting and vengeance; and the bittersweet (though somewhat anticlimactic) conclusion for our protagonists, BtC ends this depressing series on an emotional high note. We see the seemingly irredeemable Twilight struggle to become moral, attempt to earn her way to redemption (hundreds of times over), and eventually finds a happy ending in the cannon universe.
I also really liked the extra parts, especially "Generosity". Most people think the torture scene is pointless, but I think it adds a bit to Rarity's character. After killing Twilight and realizing how hollow her vengeance is, there's a simple line "Why couldn't you just be our friend?!" that - intentional or not, makes it out that she wasn't just out for blood because of her painful murder (as it's portrayed in the rest of Reconnection), but because she wanted to avenge the deeper betrayal of her friendship with someone she cared for.
Wow, look at me, 1:40 in the morning getting all literary over a bloody My Little Pony fanfic... ugh.
Anyways, 15/10. Would read again.
I'm happy to see this story still get a few comments.
ReplyDeleteI intentionally wrote that "why couldn't you just be our friend" line to show that Rarity's main motivation was indeed that she felt overwhelmingly betrayed due to whom she thought a friend was really the one who had killer her, and her friends. She would have felt a lot better if Twilight had just apologised for *that* and not the killing itself.
However this motivation wasn't really even known to Rarity herself. It was a subconscious thing, which was why it never showed up properly in Reconnection.
I... this is.... wow. I am speechless. I spent all day reading it. And I love this story. I'm serious. It was amazing. But Twilight's sequel is where my heart is. After so much murder and horror. Twilight finally makes it out. After thousands of years. I don't even know what to say.
ReplyDeleteBravo... bravo...
I loved this story as a whole, but there's something bugging me about Breaking the Circle.
ReplyDeleteNear the end of the chapter, it seems Twilight's friends all magically lost the ability to remember their previous lives (like when Twilight tries to convince them to fight Celestia, it seems they don't remember Twilight killed them), and it's implied Twilight is remembering each of her visits with Magic, which she isn't supposed to. For whatever reason the story just stopped following the rules of their resurrection.
Frybrain, they only remember what happened if they are resurrected by the Elements. If Twi doesn't kill them in the appropriate manner, they either live their lives in the old universe or they die for real. Either way, the friends in the next universe are brand new copies. The remembering her meetings with Magic is weird though.
ReplyDeleteIn any case, though, I was really surprised by how at times the story managed to be both grimdark and comedic at the same time. I guess that's what endless resurrection does.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteHmm, that makes sense. I just assumed she was killing them correctly.
And I'd like to just say again how much I liked this story. Definitely one of the better ones I've read.
the link isnt working it just brings you to the google docs homepage?
ReplyDeleteI'm getting a broken link as well.
ReplyDeleteIT. ALL. MAKES. SENSE.
ReplyDeleteLink broken?
ReplyDeleteI have to say, this is quite something! You have done a good job at making a complementary story to Severing, even though you weren't the author of that particular fic. It was almost like Higurashi meets FiM.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, a worthy read. Would love to see more of these. (b'.')b
Man, so severing was decent, but it concluded better than reconnection. However, reading "Breaking the Circle" wrapped everything up so nicely it could even be considered canon. Very nice way to conclude such a story. I'm grateful that I wasn't assaulted with a 50 chapter series of how the same events occurred slightly differently each time.
ReplyDeleteGood job.
Soooo...Any chance for a third series?
ReplyDeleteCmon this is the, if not, the BEST grimdark story I have ever read.
Nothing. NOTHING! can ever beat this.
Dont know if you are still watching what people say here but... are you planing to put this in FimFiction.net? It will be really cool to have it there!
ReplyDelete(First time posting on blogger - hoping this goes well.)
ReplyDelete@williamcll
@AFistfulofApples
@AFistfulofApples
'Severing' (actually, 'The Severing of Friendship') has both a prologue and an epilogue. The prologue, 'Expectation', is in the EqD post for 'Severing'. The only place where I've found the epilogue, 'Epiphany', is in one of the 4chan archives. It indeed describes what happened to Princess Fluttershy after the events of 'Severing', giving closure to that story. The author was unsatisfied with it - I personally really liked it. You can find it near the end of /co/ thread 22737781.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@M
ReplyDeleteAttempting that link again...
over here
And interestingly, in thread 22780006 there is a wonderful little discussion between the authors of 'Severing' and 'Reconnection' about the ideas expressed in 'Epiphany'.