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Author: InsertAuthorHere
Description: At long last, Luna has found the perfect prank to outdo Celestia: turn her into a filly and stage a fake takeover of Equestria! That is, it would have been perfect were it not for that pesky fine print..My Little Alicorn
Bringing Up Blueblood
Waning Moon (New Story 3 Part 3!)
Additional Tags: Totally Unnecessary Sequel, Magic Kindergarten
531 comments:
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteSMILE !!!
Smile cuz your story was AWESOME!!!
...sigh.
ReplyDelete@The Wandering Magus
You know... someone can be 'sorry' (for whatever reasons) if he wants to ? No need for a permission.
Of course he isn't *forced* to ''apologize'' ; it's not like he did stuff on purpose.
But, he seems to acknowledge that he made a slight error about 'THIS' very specific section of that one part, and wants people to know that *he* knows.
That's all.
@richfiles
>YOU are letting others make you THINK you made a mistake in your writing, and you DID NOT.
-Ok now... you keep saying that it's EVERYONE ELSE's fault that he's doing what he's doing, and that EVERYONE ELSE but him is wrong and are forcing him to do stuff... yet...
Yet, *YOU* keep hammering to him again and again... and again!... that he has no control on what's happening, that we are manipulating him... that apparently he can't think for himself, that we are forcing him... that he can't decide to do stuff by himself, that we are deciding for him...
Are you even 'aware' of what you are saying and implying ?
>I for one, defend your initial choices.
-And you will not support ***HIS*** new choice, and keep hitting on everyone else for ***HIS*** ?
Might just be an impression, but... Selective when it's good for you, no ?
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteI don't mind bringing cake... if someone people could stop pointing everyone else, because you made a decision about your story...
Part 16 can't come too soon, at this point.
Still, you know, don't need to rush it... good stuff take time to make, after all. Like cheese and wine. ;)
@pg13fresno I think I may have taken over your mind for a little while when you were initially writing the chapter. Sorry about that! God-like powers take some getting used to! *evil glowy eyes* That ultra-dark Discord is actually right in line with what I'd always assumed he'd be like in a more real-world setting. A wicked mind like his would never simply kill, he'd force others into partaking in his madness, he'd also bend others into carrying out his twisted ideas, and if he could deceive them into doing it willingly, so much the better. Essentially, the Discord I assume would exist in reality is... Satan.
ReplyDeleteHence why he's toned down so much in the show! They can't ever take his evil to its logical conclusion, unless they wanted to go "Evangelion"/"Death Note"/"Devil Man"/"D-Gray Man"-level mind-raping.
It'd be "My Little Demon Pony" in that case! :D
Listen guys. It's a story about some pretty deep stuff. As such, there's some dark thematic elements to be expected. Don't be flankhurt over five paragraphs that are in-character, whereas Cupcakes- totally out of character. SMILE!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the Anti-Smile Equation was hilarious. I wonder how that would look like on a chalkboard? (somepony should illustrate it)
Wow... This fic effected me quite a bit. I now hate blueblood (even more than i did, though he was more of a minor irritence, I actually felt faint reading about the second (i think) time Celestia was wounded, which surprises me to no end seeing as I play quite a few gory games, and wasn't even effected when Fallout Equestria explained how the raiders used corpses for decoration. This was one of the first ones I ended up reading, i do like some of your ideas on various events, Celestia planning on releasing Luna from the moon early as an example.
ReplyDelete@richfiles
ReplyDeleteThere are so many ways to respond to this, but I think "grow up and learn to accept viewpoints of others" about covers them.
Especially when you are the one resorting to attacks in response to those "little shits" calmly trying to detail why they disagree with you, and you are the one who keeps trying to impose your will on the author while saying everyone else is in the wrong for doing so.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteMy only request to the author is to hold true to his original vision, and not let others bring him or his story down.
End for that, the other people here demanding the author change his story to suit their tastes are claiming I am trying to impose my will on the author.
Yeah, you are wrong. Wrong in your assessment.
I stand by the author's original decisions.
You and your like demand the author alter the story to accommodate your wishes.
Yeah, sure... I'm such a horrible person. Horrible for having faith in authors to create their OWN stories, without the burden of readers taking things so far as to convince the author he had to be sorry for his story's content.
/)-_-
This is hooves down, one of my favorite stories on the site!
ReplyDeleteI love the story just as it is!
I look forward to the next chapter!
This story has proven to be absolute genius, and I can't wait to see how the Blueblood situation resolves! I'm so happy that Celestia and Luna are on good terms again.
Um, hate to interrupt the epic brawl we have in the comments, but Chapter 16 is up.
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1KM0Thu_kg0W1LAvantlJkPN-DM6KUmWIBoD1kD-sd1I/edit
« The direct use of force is such a poor solution to any problem, it is generally employed only by small children and large nations.
ReplyDelete-David Friedman »
« If we don't end war, war will end us.
-H. G. Wells »
-----
CH.16 :
>Oh, they just grow up so fast these days…
-It’s funny, because Celestia is the adult that became a child, and Luna is the ‘’child’’ that became a real adult. Perspective.
>Besides, she is the illegitimate daughter of my aunt.
-How does he know for sure that she ‘’illegitimate’’ ? Her ‘’father’’ could as well be the Emperor of the known Universe, and Celestia is just waiting for a special ceremony... also she’s still an alicorn, nonetheless.
Also #2, poor Blueblood is dumb and potentially suicidal, with a plan like that... Foalnapping royalty. From parent(s) that can send you into the Sun itself, if they so choose to, even !
>The long-forgotten flavors came rushing back in seconds, sending the mare into a nostalgia-driven nirvana.
-I haven’t had ‘french toast’ in years, if I recall correctly... It’s almost weird how just some old (specific) food can make you remember forgotten stuff. And, make you want to cook some just to remember them.
>Luna’s response was to nuzzle the side of her sister’s face. The filly’s mood unconsciously lifted as the warmth from her sister’s muzzle spread through her very being.
-Honestly, it’s kinda cute. It looks like the kind of things that would be between an older and younger sibling that care for each other (though, maybe a bit more between a mother and her daughter).
>as they entered Luina’s office
-‘’Luna’’ (small error).
>“Every so often, I shall be performing my sister’s duties, while she fulfills my own. Never again will we fully separate the work that goes into ruling Equestria based on an arbitrary time schedule.
-That’s... actually an interesting idea ?
I mean, there’s always the possibility to try to valorize the night and make it more popular as a temporary measure, but what happens in the day/night will *always* (for the most part) happen during the day OR the night... so, switching positions alternately is actually a very clever idea.
‘’Princess of the Day/Night’’ will not be exactly proper to use anymore, for ‘Them’, and I’m guessing their will adopt ‘’Princess of the Sun/Moon’’ as the default one, from now on. Well... you know what I mean ?
>“Yesterday, Pinkie and I put our heads together and figured out this whole magic mess.
-Quite literally, in fact. A bit funny, I guess. Might have been funnier, if she had said that looking, I don’t know, maybe a bit awkward (thinking of how ‘literal’ what she said was).
>“B-But we can still be friends?”
-Didn’t he say that, like, almost 4 times already ?
>“Oh, you cannot order me around anymore. Once I have you, taking down your sister will be the easiest thing in Equestria.”
-He’s going to end up straight into the Sun, isn’t he ? ...or a pig’s manure farm, on the Griffins’ border, for the rest of his life.
>The ponies looked up, and Blueblood was gone, leaving behind only a broken window.
-Huh, wait... Wasn’t it said that Celestia lives at a relatively good distance from the ground, at one point ? I hope (not really) that he know a featherfall spell.
>And beneath her were two stunned foals.
-Let me guess, it’s gonna be one of those ‘’villain/bad guy becomes a baby/very young, and gets a second chance in life. To try and be better than what he was in the previous one’’.
Well... at least I saw that used before.
-----
Overall, it was a rather enjoyable chapter, with at least one quite interesting thing.
Not sure about what I suppose will happen to Blueblood, but I don’t think it will be bad... I guess it’s one of the only satisfying things to do with him, without sending him to the Sun.
@richfiles
ReplyDelete"End for that, the other people here demanding the author change his story to suit their tastes are claiming I am trying to impose my will on the author."
Bullshit. Again. No one here demanded the author do anything. They told him that what he did with the story was a mistake and told him why, and he decided to change it based on those criticisms.
You are the only one who takes issue with that, constantly decrying and insulting those who disagree with the author and repeatedly saying that the author was wrong for changing his mind about the tonal shift he gave the story.
"Yeah, you are wrong. Wrong in your assessment."
Try explaining why. And please come up with a reason that is valid this time, because so far all you've done is make apples/oranges comparisons to other stories and bitch at people who dared have a problem with what happened in the last chapter.
"Yeah, sure... I'm such a horrible person. Horrible for having faith in authors to create their OWN stories, without the burden of readers taking things so far as to convince the author he had to be sorry for his story's content."
Once again, grow up. You aren't fighting the good fight, protecting the story's integrity. You are hurling cheap insults at people who are guilty of nothing more than disagreeing with the author and justifying it with line after line of bullshit.
Just finished chapter 16. It's both a joy and a sorrow to see this story finally coming to a close. It's been such a wonderful ride.
ReplyDeleteWhat hasn't been such a wonderful ride was catching up on this comments thread, which I hadn't read since chapter 14. This whole argument about the content of the story just bugs me, on both sides. This author has written a wonderful story, despite his occasional self-conscious admonishments to the contrary, and the way some readers have chewed him out over what amounts to such a small part of the larger picture is wrong. It’s all well and good to state what one does and doesn’t like, but a few of those complaints seemed rather too close to being personal attack and lacking in constructive quality. That said those who in turn chewed back at them weren't exactly in good grace either.
On a personal note, I would like to express to the author that I had no problem with the parts in question, and was shocked and surprised to find out that others had been so off-put. On reflection I can understand, if not agree, with the sentiment. The visceral detail with which the scene was described was quite grim, but nothing even remotely close to the ‘Cupcakes' accusations that got tossed around. Unlike that notorious fic, the scene in this story served the narrative, rather than being pure gorn for its own sake, an all too important difference that those of a squeamish bent should keep in mind.
Really though on so many levels this whole outcome just feels to have no real right solution. I suppose so long as both the edited and the 'directors' cut version exist people can just be respectively happy, but then there is the re-tagging of this story. I'm not sure this fic deserves the addition of the [dark] tag. It's not really a dark fic, it just contains a few dark elements. Something of a fine line but a noteworthy distinction never the less. Tagging it as such will undoubtedly be misleading; readers who would otherwise enjoy the delightful comedy may now avoid it, while those looking for a darker story may find themselves sorely disappointed. This might be a case where the displayed tag should be different than the archival one, [darkish] or some other diminuator to clarify how little there actually is, or maybe just add a [dark] pseudo-tag to only the appropriate chapters.
Though on further reflection, the [dark] tag could make the comedic revelation at the end of the first chapter all the more amusing, as it sets up a false expectation of seriousness.
This story, in it's UNCENSORED glory, is great.
ReplyDeleteThe comments of people complaining is annoying.
Calling ONE scene 'cupcakes' like is an exaggeration to the extreme, and does nothing for ones argument.
Also Blueblood is screwed. Celestia/Luna is going to string him up. He should consider himself lucky to leave the palace alive.
@shadefox
ReplyDeleteCould you please not confuse ''complaining'' and ''proper argumentation'' ? There's a distinct difference.
When Ever I reach the end of the chapter I all ways have a fit were I motion to grab my screen in frustration and scream "Dammm yooooooou!" while shaking it back and forth.
ReplyDeleteIt's A paradigm of a great story, It's such a good story that you want to keep turning the page but run out of pages to turn without reaching a conclusion.
You know, when I started reading this however-many-months back, I did not see it getting this intense.
ReplyDeleteAll of my stars, sir.
I always thought this was a cute concept, but never the sort of thing I'd read.
ReplyDeleteThen I see......a Dark tag?
Then I see......(Alternate Toned Down Version)?
ME GUSTA, ATTENTION GRABBED
Usually Imma "Less is Moar" guy, but this time I'm glad that the author had more ambition. Some good world-buildin' up in here. Unlike Multiversity, I'm big time into politics and the political elements of this story are very very smart imho. The bit about Equestria basically going "Fuck Democracy, we love our autocrat gods" is straight outta Judge Dredd's legendary Democracy storyline. Word to The Imperial Presidency.
AWESOME Grimdark spin on Discord btw. Making him a Kid Miracleman level UberSadist would be cool enough on its own, but you threw in a mini Mass Effect Reaper backstory too. Well SHIT. His little rant about Celestia's parents was more chilling than the violence that followed. The fanon needs MORE GRIMDARK DISCORD, MOAR MOAR MOAR
Nova, lighten up. You wet blankets always cry "CUPCAKES!" at the first sign of blood. Chile please.
@silentcarto
"Listen, seriously? Don't take Nova to heart. He's always like that. I don't think I've ever seen a positive comment from him. His reviews really should come with a warning label."
XD
all the swearing, flaming, and trolling I've done in EQD comments and you're the one with the rep for dickish comments now HA HA HA IRONY
@mycutiemarkisagun I only approve of Grimdark Discord so long as he gets to face me afterward. *tightlipped stare of ultimate vengeance* Then I'll show him how horrible it can be to be unable to die.
ReplyDelete@shadefox Blueblood shall be fed to Crackle! >:D
ReplyDelete@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDelete>>I always thought this was a cute concept, but never the sort of thing I'd read.
>>Then I see......a Dark tag?
>>Then I see......(Alternate Toned Down Version)?
>>ME GUSTA, ATTENTION GRABBED
--While I'm glad you discovered this story, but comments like this kind of relate to my earlier point. I just can't help feeling as though you are liking this story for all the wrong reasons, even if I otherwise agree with most of what you went on to say afterwords. I know I shouldn't let something like this bother me and yet it still does, a little bit at least.
Oh well, people reading and enjoying a good story is more important than the reasons why, or at least that's the way it should work. The best stories are after all the ones that different people can appreciate for different reasons.
@mycutiemarkisagunGreat to see you join us here in this awesome story! LOL! You are ALWAYS good for a comment that'll make me bust a gut! All my internets!
ReplyDeleteAs for the new chapter... I loved it!
Also... Blueblood confirmed for having manure for brains! I mean... REALLY? REALLY!!! I should remind everyone that the spell seems to only be permanent on alicorns. It should make catching the lil' bastard infinitely easier though, what with him being a colt and missing his magic.
Oh, how big Auntie Celestia will loom over your puny, insignificant plot, making you wonder why you ever had to be born...
I don't know wether she'll super raeg or if she'll shock everypony and go all nostalgic for pre-bastard sized coltish Blueblood.
I'm pretty sure Luna will rage. She hate Blueblood with a passion, and never knew him when he was still young, and possibly not yet corrupted.
I'd love to see him stripped of his nobility.... That or his pelt! LOL!!!
@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDelete>(...) at the first sign of blood. Chile please.
-I might have seen more horror stuff and movies than you in your whole life, for all you know... don't suppose too much about people like that.
>all the swearing, flaming, and trolling I've done in EQD comments and you're the one with the rep for dickish comments now HA HA HA IRONY
-And like the word ''irony'', people don't really seem to know what a real/true troll and/or hater is... and see one in whatever when someone dare not agree with something or play with arguments, even if the person provides plenty of points and details to support the argumentation.
It's sad and annoying, in a way...
I think Lofty may have a future in the Royal Guard.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's done.
ReplyDeleteThe last chapter is posted.
It's crap.
I'm sorry. I tried to wrap things up as much as I could, but in the end it just wasn't enough.
Still, this was my first stab at ponies. Perhaps my next effort will go better.
Until then, see you later.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteWell... I'm going in!
Truthfully though... Your story has seen 6-star status and is rated 520+ to 5 - at FiMfiction. I don't think you deserve to sell yourself short. This story is one of the greatest I've read in the fandom, and I will read the last chapter with both joy of knowing, and sorrow for it ending.
I certainly hope you continue to write, as you are SKILLED!!! I'm not kidding!!! Even Stephen King has editors. Don't let minor mistakes get you down. They can always be edited to perfection. The thing with fan fiction, it it skips the long process that sits between traditional writers and published books.
As for the story, I still will stand at your side and proclaim it's epic levels of awesome! :D
I will now read the final chapter of your fine story! :)
I'll be back
^
ReplyDeleteClarification...
I mean that fan-fic writers are more exposed to the public and it's opinion, as they tend to see stories in a more raw state. It's good that the community props itself up with minor grammatical, spelling, and syntax corrections.
It also opens up the door for criticisms from those who personally don't like the direction the story takes, before you have a chance to lead readers to the final intended destination of that story path. This is one area where fan-fiction writers differ from published writing. A published writer may have limited peer review, but nothing on the scale of an open fan-fiction production.
I just don't want to see you discouraged and I just don't want to see you afraid of the direction your story goes. You sound so depressed in that last post of yours, and I feel like you deserve a huge Pinkie Pie hug instead! :)
Know that SO MANY of us love your story. You don't get hundreds of positive ratings without love.
And we love your story! :)
Oh Dear Celestia!
ReplyDeleteTwilight's punishment!
For burning the book!
THANK YOU for that!
I'm gonna crawl into the fetal position on the floor now as I laugh so hard as to cease breathing and die of laughter! LOLOLOL XD
I swear I taste blood...
Goodbye entertaining world!
I liked the story. Waiting for your next story.
ReplyDelete*sheds a tear* it's finally done eh? well.. it was a fun ride while it lasted <3 on to read the last chapter then!
ReplyDeletehope to see more future Luna/Celestia goodness from you again some time ;3 or whatever you choose to write :D
Your story is NOT crap! It's excellent!
ReplyDeleteI loved every single chapter.
I loved this fic soo much, easily my most favorite story of all time! Words cannot express. Thank you for writing this!
ReplyDelete...and so it all finally comes to a close. I must say this has been a most enjoyable ride, full of so many unexpected twists and turns.
ReplyDeleteI know that personally I expected little more than 4, maybe 5, chapters of light hearted whimsy when I started reading this so many months ago. Instead the author delivered a 17 chapters long emotional roller-coaster full of not just the expected comic hijinks, but intrigue and thought provoking introspection. Along the way the story did as such take a few darker turns, often with little warning, but despite the harsh criticism that resulted I personally feel that each scene, both fair and foul, served a greater narrative flow and as such that the author should stand proud by his work.
In the end though, I must admit that this final chapter does fall just a little flat, but I'm not so certain that is a bad thing in this instance. Most everything that needed to be said was already largely covered in the preceding chapters, creating something of a sequence of smaller endings leading up to this last finale. As such, the only thing left was tying up the last few loose ends and providing the audience with resolution and closure. Some stories go out with a bang while others a whimper, for this story though the ultimate ending was exactly what it needed to be, a return to normalcy.
In closing, I would very much like to thank the author for having added to the joy of my life with this story. I should hope to see more from the author, as if future works were even only half as good as this one they would still be a joy to read. Should the author choose to expand upon the continuity of this story, I know that I would be most interested to see Blueblood’s trials of enduring kindergarten and possibly beyond as Celestia slowly removes the spell granting him a little more of his former age and authority with each step, to see if the new found foal can truly be redeem or if he has already condemned himself to his own worst imaginable fate, a life of mediocre obscurity. Even though I normally hate seeing that arrogant snob of a prince cast in redemption stories, I would very much like to see such a potentially unique spin on the idea played out. Alternatively, a years later sequel with a teenaged or young-adult Lofty interning at the castle could have some interesting potential. Then of course there is young Kuchen, I wouldn’t mind seeing stories of his innocent youth, or even a detailed accounting of his later decent into madness. Really it is a truly telling thing when a story makes the reader care enough about the characters within that one continues to think about them beyond that story’s narrative conclusion.
And so yet another grand tale comes to a close. As we mourn the end of a truly great story, let us also rejoice in the hope that the author will son entertain us with another.
ReplyDeleteAfter all, they've been writing ponies this long, how else are they gonna spend their time?
That was FANTASTIC!
ReplyDeleteTHat was a story worth reading.
ReplyDeleteYES, it's finished! (and apperently 4 other chapters came out while I wasn't looking ಠ_ಠ) Can't wait to read this later.
ReplyDeleteGreat, finally a new update for this. Can't wait to read it, so far it's been pretty good.
ReplyDeleteI cringed with poor Celestia when I realized her old wounds were returning to her. That made me sad... Poor old mare deserves a hug... Like, 1000 hugs!
ReplyDelete@richfiles The only criticism I could give about the ending was the single thing that leapt out at me: Blueblood was just a little to quick to accept his punishment. That smile came upon his face too easily. I think he'd be more grudging in his acceptance of the fact that he was given quite a lot of mercy for his crimes. Yes, he'd accept it when it finally sunk through the layers of lead surrounding his pin-head-sized brain, but it'd have a touch more fear and grumbling humility rather than genuine submission and gratefulness.
ReplyDeleteGiven his personality all through the story, it seems that he'd be thinking, at best, "Oh damn... Auntie would be well within her rights to vaporize me for this! She would do to ME what I wanted done to Ponyville!! Better buck up, shut my damn mouth, and take this little slap on the wrist unless I want to end up as a wisp of high-energy plasma!"
@Alondro Also, I never minded the portrayal of Discord, as he was right in line with what I know he would be in a 'real' Equestria: a heartless, indescribably evil sadist who toys with his victims until he either slaughters them at the peak of their agony, or uses somepony else to do the deed, delighting in corrupting one of Celestia's beloved subjects toward his level of depravity.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, I wrote a little past flash-back scene I'm going to feature in a fanfic (when I get time to write!) in which Discord keeps a decaptitated pony alive to torture the Princesses. In it, he demands that they bow to him and beg for the pony's release, saying he'll stop tormenting the pony if they do this. They do, and so he fulfills his deal by letting the pony die, smirking as he reminds them that he only said he'd stop the pony's torment, and now that she's dead she's feeling no pain! He never said anything about putting her back together. The sisters in rage then lash out with all of their power, only to have Discord easily transform their attacks into harmless things and mock them with their helplessness.
That's only one of the awful things he does! Suffice to say, when that fic is over ever reader will want Discord completely annihilated! And he will be, because the more I think up for him to do, the more I loathe him!
Never thought I'd say this, but I think 17 beats up on Blueblood just a little too much. Sticking him between Celestia and Ruby based on his existing crimes would be quite enough, I think, but piling on new ones with Twilight, Rarity, and Spike right in front of the Princesses seems excessive.
ReplyDeleteHaving Ruby kick him across the room in a rage was... bad. If she were responding to an immediate threat to her foal, that's one thing, but this is criminal battery at best, and smacks uncomfortably of child abuse. I'd have much preferred to see Ruby turn him over her knee, perhaps at Celestia's orders. ("Sister, I believe your assistant knows what to do with naughty foals...") The rest of his punishment was fine, though.
Pinkie (and everypony else, in fact) running off to prepare for a party while Twilight is still cursed seems kind of heartless. Not even an "is she going to be okay?" Shouldn't Celestia's assurance that they could counteract the spell have come before the group broke up?
"Why is the sky blue?" doesn't seem like a question that needs to be answered with, "You'll understand when you're older." (The answer is 'Rayleigh scattering', by the way.)
"And now, without further adieu,"
That's "without further ado".
Great speech by Celestia. :) It was a good ending, though it could have used some editing. I hope you continue writing and improving!
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteOh yes indeed. I had so very much hoped that Celestia would get to 'grow-up' into a new body, erasing all those terrible injuries. Not only is she not so fortunate, but the weight of those scars apparently all come crashing down upon her at once. I just don't know if there are enough hugs in the world to convey the comfort she deserves.
@Alondro
Well one must remember the nature of the spell. The victim retains their adult memory, but is reduced to a child's emotional level.
@silentcarto
In a world were rainbows are manufactured in liquid form and the colors can be vacuumed away, I'm not so sure we can assume that the reason the sky is blue is quite so mundane as our own.
I don't read fanfics often, but this is definately one of the first MLP fanfics that I got addicted to sense the begnining. I thought, "A story about Celestia becoming a kid again? Could be adorable, and funny, maybe I'll read it."
ReplyDeleteWhile it was "cute & funny," it was also so much more, and had alot more depth then I expected.
I especially love how later chapters delved into Celestia, and Luna's sisterly relationship, and their past. Celestia coping as a filly. As well as Pinkie & Twilight's mini-adventure of trying to find a cure, and the subplot with Prince Blueblood. It may all seem like alot going on at once, but it all comes together so well, and the pacing was nicely handled.
You did a great job with these, as well as having unexpected twists, and surprised, as well.
You also did a great job making the characters seem in-character, for the most part, and adapting Luna's personality perfectly from the "Luna Eclipsed" episode. My only problem was maybe Discord in the flashback was a bit "to dark," and a bit more evil then he came off in the show. I also normally don't like making up to much backstory, because the show could retcon these, but I enjoyed the backstory you gave Luna & Celestia.
Regardless of those small critiques, I still enjoyed it, and this is by far my ABSOLUTE favorite FiM fanfic ever made so far.
I'd give it 6 stars if I could.
I enjoyed this fic so much over the past months, it makes me quite sad to see it end, but it's nice it ended on such a high note, and everything you were building up to in previous chapters were resolved nicely, and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.
I'm going to miss little Celestia though, she was just so cute, and awkward. Hehe
CH.17 :
ReplyDelete>“Th-Then all the magical energy the spell dispersed must have gone through the tear and…
-I just thought of something... They have anti-magic ‘’magichazard’’ (like biohazard) suits, that prevent magic from entering, but not from escaping (if not, Twilight would be have the cast spells while in one) ?
That’s... a little odd ? ‘Ok’, but convenient.
>“It means that the same power that kept me from changing back naturally is now affecting the both of them!”
-Yeah... I was almost certain that what would happen. Now, to see about Blueblood’s fate...
>For your admitted acts of conspiracy against the crown, your title and holdings are considered forfeit.
-Conspiracy, pony/foalnapping, harm and intention to harm ponies, blackmailing, partial destruction of property and illegal intrusion in private/limited-access area... and I probably forget some...
How many years in jail do we ‘’normally’’ get for that ?
>“As Princess Celestia of Equestria, I hereby sentence Twilight Sparkle to…”
>“…Play a little dress-up with me!”
-Such a harsh punishment ! This is unbelievable ! So cruel, so... will there be MMM cake ?
>rebinding and shelving every book in the Canterlot Archives twice over?”
>Twilight gasped. “Y-You mean that was going to be my punishment?”
-It’s not ‘’really’’ a punishment, when you enjoy it. ;)
>Lofty and Ruby to step into the room.
>The older pegasus blushed from the sheer cuteness of the whole scene
-It’s a tr-aaaaawwww ! :D
>Fluttershy and Lofty were at the snack table, the latter eagerly prodding the nervous former with every query she could think of.
-Adorable ‘’stalker’’ is adorable.
>The crowd exploded into an uproar of applause and stomps.
-‘’Hurray’’ for quite interesting Royal speech.
>The ERS can be tricky at times, but you will be amazed what heroes can get away with.
-‘’Absolutely ! Why, just last day a hero entered my house and took my life-saving, that I was cleverly hiding, in a chest in the middle of my kitchen... for some reasons.’’
>He was still family.
-*rewind tape* ...’’you will be amazed what -heroes--- family get away with.’’
>remember that, while I may not like all the things you do, I still love you.
-On a completely unrelated note... her most trusted advisor is the reformed Vlad Pones, a long lost cousin...
-----
This was an interesting finish to this series of story, I would say. Celestia was especially fascinating in her Royal speech and at the very end.
As a whole, it was fairly enjoyable to read, with 1 or 2 little... hiccups... but, no one can pretend to perfection, and it isn’t what people should seek in a story or anything anyway.
That was pretty good! No complaints here, it was a highly enjoyable read. I just felt that some parts were a little... contrived? Out of character? For example, there is no way that canon Celestia would do what she did in chapter 17 here embarrassing Twilight. And I'm not entirely sold on the ending scenes involving Blueblood. But otherwise, great story, thoroughly enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. Having Blueblood as a colt fills me with evil, evil joy. But Twilight as a filly? I hope this isn't permanent! Can't wait for the next chapter, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteEDIT last chapter: And the tale finally comes to an end. Quite the adventure! I'm glad you managed to wrap everything up in a happy ending. Thanks a lot.
This hath been the best thing I've ever read. You can not deny yourself the pleasure of reading this gripping story. For the brief time I spent reading this, I felt as if I were in Equestria. Coming to the end hath left me feeling like I am leaving good friends, perhaps even family, but this be the life we live. 10/10...nay, this is off the scale.
ReplyDeleteThis was the first fanfiction I read way back when I first discovered EqD. I don't wanna' see it go...!!!
ReplyDeleteI've just read the sequel, and I have one thing to say:
ReplyDeleteCelestia may be the plotting, scheming Benevolent Pony for Life, but she can be kinda dumb sometimes.
@acksed Aaaaaand after one day in magic kindergarten, Blueblood hung himself. The End.
ReplyDeleteOr this... Aaaaand after one day in magic kindergarten, one of the other foals sets Blueblood on fire and he dies. The end.
Or maybe... Aaaaand after one day in Magic Kindergarted, a rampaging hydra rampages rampantly onto the school grounds and devours Blueblood, each head having a turn chewing on him before swallowing. Yes, that's the perfect end for that ass.
(This has been "Shining Armor Thinks of Amusing Ways for Blueblood to Die at Magic Kindergarten", an Insane Mad Scientist production.)
Poor Celestia, she may want to rethink this little scheme of hers before it becomes a complete disaster.
ReplyDeleteThough now we see why she's willing to bat for the little jerk(he was really sweet) she obviously didn't take into account how clueless he is or just how much he's disliked by the rest of the palace.
@pg13fresno "The rest of the class were already in their seats, absent-mindedly playing with their balls."
ReplyDelete*MEGA-FACEHOOF!!!* I know you were sitting in your seat giggling madly as you wrote that line.
I'm definitely enjoying the new story!
ReplyDeleteI simply can't wait for more updates!
Also LOL @ the above comment! XD
Blueblood 1:
ReplyDelete>if he should ever approach her again, she would chain to the center of the world for all eternity.
-A missing ‘’him’’ after ‘chain’, maybe ?
Also, silly you, the center of the world isn’t empty. It’s a giant ball of iron in the middle of lava and... oh. I see.
>“I…I swear, I won’t harm that little colt in any way, shape or form.”
-Mmh... Maybe it’s just a tiny error, when he says ‘little colt’, since he doesn’t know Blueblood has become one for real... he should have said ‘Blueblood’ instead.
Unless one of the ‘guard(s) sworn to secrecy’ didn’t respect the secret ?
>She had refused to part with the ancient traditions upon her return
>Even before then, she refused to attend formal events because somepony’s great-great-grandmother had said something she didn’t like
>and worst of all, would not listen when her sister kept telling her she really was loved.
-Huhhhhh... did the previous story NEVER happened or something ?
All this was *clearly* solved in the previous story. Luna doesn’t overly used the YELLING stuff, and she knows that she’s doing a good job, AND most importantly... she really knows that a lot of ponies love her and appreciated her work, so...
What happened to the continuity from the last story ?
(It’s a tad annoying that Luna ‘’apparently’’ and mysteriously returned to her ‘pre-My Little Alicorn’ self, in JUST 2-3 days ? I mean, come on ?)
>“Um…Lofty? Is something wrong?”
-For some reasons, I can picture someone/pony just flailing his arms in the air like crazy... something like a mental image Lofty might be imaging.
-----
Well... it’s well written, and relatively interesting, so far. Of course, I wonder a bit in which ‘’direction’’ this will be taken, but it’s still pretty early...
Then... there’s Luna, or at least if we listen to whatever weird things Celestia is saying about her ?
I mean... According to Celestia, in this part, it’s as if ALL and any of the positive development(s) that occurred in the previous story, simply never happened.
I distinctly remember Luna finally being relatively happy of herself, because the subjects (of at least Canterlot) liked and trusted her, in the end.
Where did ‘that’ go ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteI have to respond on the topic of Luna A LOT, so here goes.
My Little Alicorn did happen, and Luna's development is still there. The early chapters suffer on this because the focus has to be on Blueblood's plight above all else.
That being said, Luna HAS NOT FORGIVEN BLUEBLOOD. Remember, he didn't just call her Nightmare Moon. He threatened to turn the entire court against her, engaged in a conspiracy to bring down the crown, tried to foalnap Celestia, and then got Twilight with the same condition he has now. As far as she can tell, he's little more than a mustache-twirling sociopath and doesn't deserve redemption.
Chapter 2 (and the in-development Chapter 3) starts showing why Celestia is willing to give Blueblood a chance when he's basically pissed away everything. She knew him his whole life, was close to him when he was younger, and wants to at least give him a chance to prove himself. Luna has known the guy only a year in-story, and thus has no frame of reference outside of the flankhole we saw in "Best Night Ever" and MLA. As far as she's concerned, her sister's being too soft on somepony that could have killed he.
As for Celestia's monologue about Luna's behavior...I gotta fix that. She was talking about Luna PRE-BANISHMENT and PRE-LUNA ECLIPSED. It was a year between her redemption and appearance during Nightmare Night, and she clung to long-forgotten royal protocol and behavior like a security blanket. And it wasn't Celestia that broke her out of her shell, but Twilight. Her avoiding parties and not listening to her sister was supposed to be during the lead-up to her becoming Nightmare Moon, where she had become so ingrained with being a Princess and so jealous of her sister that she became a much colder, more tyrannical pony than before. I wish I could explain more, but I would be giving away some very important plot points.
Oh, and "that little colt?" There's an explanation next chapter. Let's just say Shining Armor isn't quite as stupid as his voice implies.
And hey, glad to see you're reading this.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDelete>As for Celestia's monologue about Luna's behavior...I gotta fix that. She was talking about Luna PRE-BANISHMENT and PRE-LUNA ECLIPSED.
-I see. Well, in that context, this makes much more sense, yes.
Thank you for the clarification. (which was pretty much my only 'question', really)
>Oh, and "that little colt?" There's an explanation next chapter. Let's just say Shining Armor isn't quite as stupid as his voice implies.
-I supposed so, indeed (the 'more intelligent than he lets show' part). I do have some theories on the subject, as usual.
I still have CH.2 to go.
Blueblood 2:
ReplyDelete>“Are you sure you haven’t been eating crayon sandwiches again?”
>“I only did that once!” Lofty snapped.
-The red ones are the best. ;)
>The rest of the class were already in their seats, absent-mindedly playing with their balls.
-Yeeeeah... I can totally see an unintended innuendo there. Well, I hope it was ‘’unintended’’ ?
>It also makes Earth ponies stronger and able to grow food.
-I believe it should be ‘’to grow food better.’’, because... well... pretty sure any living(and intelligent) creature is kinda able to grow food too.
>A few nobles, our nephew included, were quite upset that a princess was marrying someone with barely a trace of noble blood.
-*GASP !* What ! Did those nobles forgot he was the brother of ‘Twilight Sparkle’ herself !
She counts for, like, 5 nobles at least. ;)
>he would never sully himself to eating outside. That was the realm of the working class
-Apparently, fresh air and sunlight is for the ‘other ponies’ ? *shrug* Fine by me.
>after a few seconds of blind fumbling and cursing the lack of any extremities on pony’s hooves
-Malleable hooves, they have ! Yoda, I’m telling you !
>I always thought baker kids would things like cakes and pies
-I think ‘things’ and ‘like’ are inverted... and maybe a missing ‘like’ too ?
>Another shrill screech, and Armor’s hoof was pointed westward. “DRAGON!”
-GAH ! *Fus Ro Dah !*
>Ready to get away from this future ax murderer as soon as possible!
-‘’future ax murderer’’, I’m not entirely sure to see the meaning here ? Maybe the wording is a bit odd/doesn’t sounds that good here ?
>His eyes were like daggers, desperately seeking out somepony to stab for this. “He…He got my little sis cursed?!”
-She had the spell on her for just an hour or so... big deal. -_-
...Also, ‘’Luna intentionally putting oil on the fire, and plotting to essentially harm (in any shape or form) a *CHILD*, through Armor’s actions’’, really ?
>He scoffed at the simplicity of it all. And I’ve already got three friends. How hard could this be?
-Famous Last Words.
-----
Relatively interesting, so far. The ‘foals’ at the kindergarden are somewhat likable, especially ‘Ribbon’.
Propably the best fanfic i've ever read
ReplyDeleteBlueblood 3:
ReplyDelete>or rather, a cup of honey with some tea buried in there so deep
-Ahh, Celestia and her very famous sweet-tooth. ;)
Her favorite will always be cakes, though.
>How does a common pony make friends, anyway?
-When you’re like 7-8 years old ? You punch the other kid on the shoulder, and ask if he wants to be your friend... or so I have been told.
>Perhaps these common ponies hold some sort of mystical secret that we nobles have forgotten over time.
-I had a quick laugh at that one. ;)
>On the one hoof, this nephew is a family-betraying monster, and it is your sworn duty to bring him to justice for his crimes.
-Which justice is already, in a way, being administrated by Celestia and... wait ? What was I saying again ?
>Starting tomorrow, Blueblood will have two mommies!
>Celestia clapped a hoof over her mouth and blushed in embarrassment. The implications of her sister’s declaration caused Luna to wince.
-Hmmmmm ? Pray tell ? Have something *against* parents of the same sex, I do hope not ?
That would be real bad for your ‘’modern’’ (and not Middle Age) Public Image... -_-
>“We must treat all our subjects fairly, after all.
-Oh yeah. Because, ‘’treating the population fairly’’ TOTALLY means that we MUST handle political criminals and average bandits ‘on the same level as/just like’ psychopathic murderers and child molesters.... riiiiiiiight ?
*roll my eyes so hard, that one falls !*
(Seriously... Luna is NOT dumb OR stupidly-evil like that... come on.)
... Such display of ‘bad logic’ sour the mood pretty quickly, let’s just say ...
>Celestia, you have a lot to think about.
-No. You. Don’t. -_-
>Ruby giggled at her daughter’s bizarre assertions. “I’m sure Leon is a nice little colt, and if you give him a chance
-Huh ? How comes that she doesn’t know ? I mean, (darn it, I can never remember if ‘’lofty’’ is male/female... the name sounds ambiguous for me, for some reasons) ‘’Lofty’’ is a young foal, and surely should have already told Ruby that Leon is in fact the ‘colt/foal’ form of Blueblood, no ?
>You can join us. I’m sure they’ll let you use Ahuizotl. H-He has red lights in his eyes this time.
-I smell something there... but, I can’t exactly point my finger on it ?..
>“The Hearth’s Warming Eve Pageant said that Unicorns used to raise the sun and moon,” the filly asked. “Why can’t they just do that again?”
-It most likely required the majority of the unicorn population and most of their (quite more limited, in that time) magic, and techniques/rites LONG forgotten (if this isn’t just exaggerated folklore)... since, at one point the 2 Princess-Goddesses came and ‘’automated’’ the process for the unicorns, with their own magic.
>It is always a pleasure to meet with members of the nobility from across Equestria. I trust everything in going well in Roam?”
-You mean, the country/Nation of Equestria... right ?
Also... ‘’Roam’’ is part of their Nation ? Like, what’s the word..? A colony ?
>If he is seriously hurt in any way, and I find out it was because of you, we shall be having ourselves another lovely chat.
-Gotta love those ‘subtle threats, with a silent smile’, from ancient powerful Royal being(s).
-----
It was a relatively interesting chapter... overall... except for that one use of terrible use of ‘bad logic’ by Luna. Also, what’s up with both their reaction, about the ‘’2 mommies’’ thing, really ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>"Oh yeah. Because, ‘’treating the population fairly’’ TOTALLY means that we MUST handle political criminals and average bandits ‘on the same level as/just like’ psychopathic murderers and child molesters.... riiiiiiiight ?"
Um...where does it say that? Luna and Celestia were talking about a stallion that tried to commit conspiracy, almost foalnapped Princess Celestia, and assaulted six of Equestria's greatest heroes. When Blueblood's only offense was threatening Luna, she simply placed him under house arrest, and it would have stayed that way if he hadn't tried his stupid, stupid plan.
I guess a better way to have phrased it would be, "So, are you going to turn every criminal in Equestria into a filly/colt now? Or is Blueblood just a special case?"
I suppose Celestia could have countered by asking why Luna is so hell-bent on punishing Blueblood, but that's for a later chapter. Let's just say there's a small clue in the breakfast scene, and that it has to do with "The scene that shall not be named" from MLA.
>"-Hmmmmm ? Pray tell ? Have something *against* parents of the same sex, I do hope not ?"
No, I don't. In fact, that thought never entered my mind when I wrote the scene. Luna's reaction was based on two things:
A) She's being called Blueblood's mother, and given what he's done, would that be something you'd be proud of?
B) She doesn't want to be married to her sister. That would be incest, and that's just wrong.
Oh well, off to go revise that. Stupid implications...
> Ruby and "Leon"
Ruby doesn't know who Blueblood is because she wasn't privy to that knowledge. Lofty didn't tell her because she was helping Celestia help Blueblood, and a part of that was keeping Blueblood's secret identity secret.
We'll see what happens when Ruby finds out later on.
> Ahuizotl's eyes
It's a joke about cheap gimmicks in toys, like how the original My Little Pony toys were the same thing with different colors and magic butt tattoos. Nothing sinister.
> Roam
Roam was briefly mentioned in the historical sense back in Chapter 6 of MLA, when Celestia was taunting Discord's statue about comments he made while he was burning it to the ground. Since we now have a Princess "Mi Amore Cadenza" in the show, I just decided to bring the city back.
There is some worldbuilding I've made for the city, but since the last time I tried to awkwardly cram that stuff in went over like a lead balloon, I'm leaving it out unless needed. Suffice to say, the city is part of Equestria, with the Prince and Princess holding honorary positions.
Well, I'm finally working my way through Bringing Up Blueblood. Now I'm trying to figure out if there's a subtle joke or reference in the name "Andronicus Leon". (And shouldn't it be Andronicus Leonidas?)
ReplyDelete@pg13fresno "Friends were just temporary allies, there to help you step on the backs of others while you plunged a dagger into their own spines."
ReplyDeleteFinally! A pony who truly understands what friendship is all about! >:D
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>“We must treat all our subjects fairly, after all.
-Oh yeah. Because, ‘’treating the population fairly’’ TOTALLY means that we MUST handle political criminals and average bandits ‘on the same level as/just like’ psychopathic murderers and child molesters.... riiiiiiiight ?
*roll my eyes so hard, that one falls !*
Yeah! It's not like we kill people for jaywalking or pulling the tags off mattresses... even though we should... oh how I hate them... so much hate for mattress tag pullers...
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>>Everypony cheered in glee, save for Blueblood. All he could do was slam his head right back on that desk and wish for the Pony of Death to take him away.>>
*A jet black pony with a hood covering his entire head save for the tip of a skeletal snout, carrying a HUUUUUUGE scyth pops up in front of Blueblood* You called? *SLICE!*
And that was the end of Blueblood! >:}
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>>Luna noticed her sister’s newly-acquired catatonia, and could feel pangs of it coming on herself. “I saw Discord almost kill you, remember? He tore out your wings, burned your flesh, skinned you, broke your legs, gouged out your eye. It was…I…I could never forget that. It’s been thousands of years since then, and I still cannot forget that moment.” She coughed back a few dry sobs.>>
Hence why, once all my plans are in place, Discord will be utterly destroyed. He has a severe weakness no one else seems to have noticed, and which even if he knows of it himself he can do nothing about it. I, however, know exactly how to exploit it. He will soon cease to exist.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Alondro
ReplyDelete...what kind of game are you trying to play here ?
@Alondro
How do you consider this a related or relevant response or effort in participating in 'this' discussion ?
@Alondro
Really now, what are you doing ?
What is this thing with responding to me things that are hardly connected to my comment ?
Is it your new way to ''handle'' commentators like me or something ? -_-
Also... you could have condensed those 3 ''responses'' into one. That would have, at least, saved some space...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteMe: Oh hey, Nova commented on the new chapter! I wonder what he has to say...
*sees he's complaining about Alondro triple posting*
Me: ...Oh well. I guess I'll just have to wait a little longer for him to rip this one to shreds.
(PS: I'm just joking. Your comments are some of the most informative and useful on the site, and I thank you for taking the time to write them out.)
Blueblood 4:
ReplyDelete>There’s no way anypony walks up to a dragon, stares it right in the face, and doesn’t feel like crying like a schoolfoal.
-If only he knew about Fluttershy... or, maybe Twilight didn’t tell him yet?
>“For what it’s worth, you did a pretty good job out there. >Just stay strong, and you can make it through this.”
-Mmh... so, the ‘thirsty for vengeance’ captain isn’t as blinded by his desire as we were led to think previously ?
>“And like any good parent, I made sure you had a nutritious breakfast.”
>Luna looked at the bowl of oatmeal and smiled. It’s a good thing Celestia left behind that special hot sauce.
-Oh Luna... hot sauce isn’t really nutritious, you know that. That’s also not a thing a ‘’good parent’’ would do.
>on treats that may not ever get eaten.” Once they turn their backs, you are mine…
-Ahh... Celestia and her incommensurable love of cakes. ;)
>my husband and I are well versed in the history of Canterlot. We know ancient traditions you have apparently forgotten
-One of those ‘’ancient traditions’’ being ‘dancing with a spoon on your head, around the corpse of a dinosaur’...
Yeah, some traditions are more ‘ancient’ and ‘’silly(stupid)’’ than other.
Also, Blueblood’s parents were apparently terrible parents.
>“I forgave you, didn’t I? Shouldn’t Blueblood deserve the same chance?”
>“You fail to understand anything, sister! This is not about Nightmare Moon and my own crimes! What Blueblood tried to do is unforgiveable!
-Hundreds, if not thousands of ‘’people’’ and ponies might have thought like Luna about HER own actions, 1000 years ago... Except Celestia.
Here, we see that contrary to Shining Armor, Luna is even MORE blinded by her vengeance’s desire than we might have been led to believe previously.
>“ENOUGH!”
>The entire castle shook with the sound of Celestia’s own Royal Canterlot Voice.
-Yes, Luna... Listen to the ‘Canterlot voice of reason’. The VERY loud voice of reason.
...might need hearing-aids now.
>Seems giving those extensions to Twilight’s friends proves I’m unfit to rule and must be brought down for the financial future of Equestria.
-Apparently, those ‘’ERS ponies’’ are dumb and crazy ponies ?
>Those couple of days were some of the funnest in my long, long life
-‘’funniest’’, no ?
>a snow globe. Inside was a miniature representation of Canterlot Castle
>If this doesn’t amaze them tomorrow, nothing will.
-A snow globe ? Well, I suppose it could impress young ‘’children’’, especially one with a ‘’cool looking castle’’.
-----
Mmh... still a relatively interesting chapter.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteI took the Ahuizotl thing as a direct (and not undeserved) jab at He-Man, myself.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNo, "funnest", as in "most fun".
----
So I'm caught up now, and I want to note that you're doing a good job of making Blueblood sympathetic without negating what he's done.
Sky Bloom is totally Celestia with Clark Kent's glasses on. :3 She knows too many details, like Blueblood's precise wording about his technique for making friends, or precisely which loaf of what bread Luna used to make his sandwich.
I like Gusty. She reminds me of Rainbow Dash without the wings. On that note, Fresno, you caused me to go watch one of the old MLP movies to get a sense of these characters' personalities. ...It really didn't help as much as I could have hoped. Characterization? What's that? :p
(And it hurt. A lot.)
@Nova25 3 comments? THREE?! I posted FOUR in a row! Do not mock me lest I smite thee! I am the QUADRUPLE poster! The power is mine!
ReplyDelete@pg13fresno Psssst, I quadruple-posted. It gave me secret abilities and a +10 troll power. >:3
ReplyDelete@Nova25 Oh yes, what game am I playing.
ReplyDeleteHard to say. It's much like Calvinball. I never know until I'm actually doing it. And then, the rules change along the way.
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteThings can be done, if you are actively spamming and/or trolling.
Just don't go of that way...
I, personally, have nothing really big against you, so please to not make things difficult around here. Ok ?
Blueblood 5:
ReplyDelete>plans to renovate the Baltimare sewer system >especially considering what happened to Celestia the last time the she was down there.
>most lucrative year in the perfume industry’s history.
-Huh ? She... ''pooped'' a lot ? Super Alicorn farts ?
>Her magic was still tied up holding her indestructible snow army together,
-Who ? ...Celestia ? Huh, I'm not sure to understand where she's going with this ?
I mean, it's not entirely clear what purpose they have/why they are there. Are they here to throw snow balls in case the bullies do something ? (also, the bullies don't seem to ''show'' much reaction to an 'army' of snowponies appearing of thin air)
>what happened he caught
-There might be a ''when'' missing in the middle here, no ?
>The Captain’s nerves, as well as his resolve, tightened in an instant.
-Well... seems like, after previously not looking as 'crazy-thirsty for vengeance' as Luna, that he's just as crazy as her about 'him' in the end...
>how you once went on a days-long cider binge. I am certain our nephew would enjoy learning how Ghastly Gorge was formed.
-Celestia had a 'splitting headache', and so she decided to split the earth a little ?
>one letter, and Blueblood’s greatest nemesis would be back
-... ... ...Rarity ?
>she failed to notice a certain pegasus watching her leave, a look of pure hatred on her face…
-Yeah, yeah... yeah... Very precious thing is broken, ''Blueblood'' is sad and reacts like an angry *FOAL*, and then all good progress is lost : Lofty, pure hate of ridiculous doom, blablabla... sigh... -_-
I'm not sure what annoys/irritates me the most in that scene, honestly...
>Princess Luna tried to destroy all life everywhere, and she is forgiven without so much as a second thought
-I'm guessing he forgot about the whole 'imprisoned on the moon for 1000years and being blasted by the Elements twice' thing ?
>this land shall return to the old ways! I will finally restore this land to the days of Unicornia!
-Ego : From sudden 'Nazi dream' level to--
>Blueblood collapsed onto his haunches, all while the storm of emotions raging inside him began to erode whatever ego he had left.
-...more 'realistically manageable' level, in 10sec flat.
So..? Almost going crazy, and having an emotional and existential crisis, was apparently a good thing. I guess ?
>“Leon’s the one that started the fight, not Gusty!” added Lofty.
-So... We have an Alicorn Princess, a Guard Captain, and now a foal, on the list of ponies half-crazy/blindly thirsty for vengeance ?
Next : The kitchen sink wants revenge !
-----
Well, it was certainly... interesting ? Somewhat of a ''heavy'' chapter, I would say.
Overall, I 'think' it was good.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>-Huh ? She... ''pooped'' a lot ? Super Alicorn farts ?
Let's just say Celestia always makes sure whatever streets she lands on are up to code, especially if they have a sewer line running underneath...
>I mean, it's not entirely clear what purpose they have/why they are there. Are they here to throw snow balls in case the bullies do something ? (also, the bullies don't seem to ''show'' much reaction to an 'army' of snowponies appearing of thin air)
Actually, pretty much yeah. That, or just scare the kids. As for the kids not noticing, that's because I just noticed the stupid Doc ate a line when I copied/pasted it from Word; she teleported behind them and out of visual range so she could gear up the attack. That was also why she couldn't hear what was being said.
>Shining Armor
There's a difference between "going softer on the guy" and "not hating his guts." Even in the last chapter, where he gave Blueblood a bit of a pep talk, that was because he was doing what he normally does with his guards when they exceed expectations. In addition, it's customary for guardponies to clean and maintain their own equipment, so he entrusts the same responsibilities, even though he knows Blueblood won't succeed and will have to be given a freebie anyway.
What the guards were asking him to do was drop the matter entirely, and that is not something Shining Armor is willing to do. Why? Because not only has Blueblood tortured him in the past and done something to his fiance, but also attacked his little sis and got her temporarily cursed as a result.
Suffice to say, Shining is nowhere near as vengeful as Luna, but he wants to make sure Blueblood earns forgiveness before he offers it.
>Pretty much everything you said about Blueblood's breakdown
Trust me, I had reservations with how the scene went down when I posted, but this was probably the best way I could handle it. I could have just gone with generic bullies (and that was the first idea), but this seemed to work more.
First, Lofty's rage and hatred were already spelled out in the second chapter. She only allowed Blueblood to be close to her friends because he swore he wouldn't hurt them, and now one of her friends is lying on the floor. She trusted him, he betrayed that trust, and now she wants revenge. It's pretty much as simple as that.
That's why she broke into the middle of the meeting and tried to get Blueblood busted. However, and I don't think this is too serious a spoiler here, she's cooled down to merely loathing him by the end. After all, he did stand up for her when she was facing a letter from the principal, and Gusty was willing to give him the chance to make up for hitting her.
Second, Blueblood's anger and subsequent Heel Realization was because of one of the spell's side effects, as detailed all the way back in MLA. He still has his knowledge and memories, but also has the emotional maturity and self-control of a child. Blueblood's entire way of thinking is built around rationalizing every single horrid thing he does as being for some noble goal down the line, and he has deluded himself to the point where this no longer bothers him. But now that he's lost that control, he can't keep himself calm enough for the lie to hold. He finally gets to see what he's becoming, and that sets off the chain reaction that leads to his total meltdown.
And third, "10 sec flat?" Really? Next you'll be telling me this needs to be about 20% cooler.
---
I'm sorry if you didn't care for this chapter (it's...kind of hard to tell with you sometimes). I agree that this one was pretty heavy, but it was necessary in some ways in order to keep things moving.
I'll see you next time, hopefully.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDelete>I'm sorry if you didn't care for this chapter (it's...kind of hard to tell with you sometimes).
-I care and don't care about everything. This doesn't mean much by itself, I know.
Just think of a baseline normally at 50points(on a -100 to 100), which varies up-down based on what is able to reach my interests, but with some sort of ''buffer'' that automatically applies, to try to ''knock'' the higher ups-and-downs back toward the middle/baseline.
The ups-downs located early or near the end, in a story/chapter will tend to leave larger, more permanent marks.
That's partially-kinda why, in parts, the general ''mood'' tend to be just 'Interested'.
In a way, it can always be 'Ok' or 'somewhat good', and while there's a much larger space to go down, it doesn't usually(there's always exceptions...) mean as much as when it gets above the ''baseline'' of interest.
... Odd, strange, complicated, maybe... but, it's not exactly easy to convey and explain the proper meanings and idea behind a 'general tendency' ...
-----
In any case, I did say : >Overall, I 'think' it was good.
There's an error in Ch. 5, and I'm not sure what you meant to say.
ReplyDelete"Celestia giggled under her throat was completely free of mirth, then continued."
@Nova25-Huh ? She... ''pooped'' a lot ? Super Alicorn farts ?
ReplyDeleteIt meant she fell in and ended up spending a fortune on perfume after the fact. I guess being immortal gives you a lot of time to build up embarrassing stories.
@pg13fresno
I thought the breakdown scene worked really well. I read it exactly the way you described.
@silentcarto
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't say that the ''breakdown scene'' didn't do its job...
When I said :
>I'm not sure what annoys/irritates me the most in that scene, honestly...
-What I thought back then, but waited/searched for the proper way to formulate it was :
From how we saw the 'things about Blueblood' improving in the story until that point, and where 'his things' ''seemed'' to have been suddenly redirected to because of what was going on...
It ''seemed'' to be aiming for one of those rather annoying things I occasionally see, and that are essentially, in the end, just a waste of time : (basic example)*10 good steps made painfully slowly forward, 10 steps backward after a quick cheap kick in the groin, 10 steps made even more slowly forward*.
Basicly, losing the ground that had been painfully gained, just to regain it back after a long while... ultimately changing nothing, if not for the lost time.
BUT!, to make things shorter... It's not what happened here, *but* almost could have happened.
Blueblood 6 :
ReplyDelete>the book had to be more important than anything else on the shelf. After all, it was bigger.
-If 'bigger books' are sometimes more ''important'', it is the 'smallest books' that often contain the more useful information.
>Mother…father…it was all wrong…
-It was all a LIE !
>I don’t deserve this. I shouldn’t be allowed to…
-Seems like he falling into the telltale signs of depression.
>“That bitter, cruel real world…”
>“Oh…sorry. Well, you four have fun. If you need me, I’ll be sampling the cider.”
-Me think there's something not good happening/that happened her way... that, and/or she ''love to drink'', if you see what I mean.
>after she lost her last job, she’s been really…different. Whatever her boss did to her must have been real bad.
-Well... seems like it's 'all of the above' + potential 'lawsuit against the ''touchy'' boss' scenario..?
>Ribbon shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, she did screw up that one stallion’s life, but that really doesn’t count as a party.”
-...I'm confused ? Who is 'Ribbon' talking about exactly ? Who screwed whose life ? ...how did she even show about whatever 'that' is ?
They all never saw ''Sunlight'', don't know that Celestia is ''Sunlight'', and never heard about the Celestia and Blueblood stuff, so... what ?
>Ruby’s breaths became lower and deeper, her coat darkening until it almost took the consistency of dried blood.
>She bowed her head to the ground as her rage (...)
-Are you the 'kitchen sink' I ordered in last chapter ? -_-
>“I already have plans in place to get him banished forever,” Luna said with a wink.
-Coming from Luna... oooooh, the cruel (and relatively uninteresting) ''Irony''... -_-
...Saaaaaay Luna... How was your trip on the moon ? Still made of cheese ?
>Once he was about a body’s length away, he sat down on his haunches, reached into the bag, and clumsily pulled out a single orange jawbreaker.
>Gusty did the same, only with a watermelon-flavored hard candy. After a few more tense seconds, both foals tossed their respective treats into their mouths.
-Not entirely sure why, but this scene is oddly... interesting, calm in a way.
> Celestia opened her mouth to speak, only to stop briefly to cough out the mouthful of stars she had accidentally swallowed.
-Huh ? *pause for 3sec* ...I will suppose this works like when the CMC ''extracted'' the colors from a rainbow, in that one episode.
Still, it's somewhat funny.
>Lots of aviator goggles and jackets. The snickers from the non-Pegasi was testament enough as to who thought that idea was funny.
-I don't get it ? ...is it ''supposed'' to be a joke ? From her father or something ?
>Fluttershy.
>Every single nerve in Lofty’s brain went crazy instantaneously. She let out the happiest scream a newly-minted six-year-old could muster and fell straight to the ground.
-That IS certainly pretty funny... in an 'adorable' kind of way. :)
>An evil grin spread across Luna’s face. She could tell from their last encounter that Rarity and Blueblood had a history, one that she could exploit
-Huhhhhh ? I will just suppose that Luna went dumb a bit, after hitting her head somewhere, and forgot that Rarity was one of the Bearers of Harmony, not a vain Canterlot noble, and an intelligent mare that learned to get over such meaningless things such as blind vengeance.
-----
I think it's one of the best chapters so far. Both in the 'comedic/adorable' parts, and the 'kinda serious' moments of Blueblood-Celestia.
Also, Luna's brain is clearly not all there, and/or not working all completely right, in the last few days/weeks.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete*...how did she even -know- about whatever 'that' is ?
Rarity: *long pause* "Oh Sweet Celestia, he managed to REPRODUCE?!"
ReplyDelete@silentcarto Given how Luna's acting, perhaps we should change the title of this sequel to "How Luna Became Nightmare Moon... Again", cuz she's certainly starting to act like a wicked mare of darkness! ;D
ReplyDeleteAnd finally it looks like BB is getting the big picture. Took him long enough! Ah well, can't expect everypony to be a supergenius like me. *prepares plans to destroy everypony else and replace them with his army of clones* >:3
Is anyone gonna post an epub with all the chapters in it please?
ReplyDeleteSomething I forgot... what's the timeline again ?
ReplyDelete'My little Alicorn' happened in about... 1 week ? And then, ''Blueblood's story'' started 1-3 days after the previous story, right ? Now, in 'this' story, it has been... 3-4 days for Blueblood ?
Just to help place things in perspective, kinda.
-----
Blueblood 7 :
>from horse sweat to some sort of icky black tar in the case of Obstruction.
-Black... tar... ? Huh, maybe I missed something somewhere, but... who is this ''Obstruction'' pony (it's a pony, right ? What a weird name.) supposed to be, and why does HE get a special thing here ? I mean... black tar ? Why, how ?
Does the army recruits demons now ?
>The magic around Blueblood’s jaw dissipated just enough for the pony to talk.
>Blueblood’s body slid and shifted against his will, his tiny strength being insufficient in the face of the Captain’s magic.
-If he wasn't a pony Blueblood knows... I would be yelling *STRANGER ! DANGER !*, right now. -_-
I mean, really ? I doubt 'this' is a valid procedure of inspection... not one that wouldn't allow the other pony to sue you at least.
>My parents instilled false values into my brain from birth, and I must do everything in my power to pull myself out of this pit they dug me in!
>And in that exact moment, Celestia’s elation deflated like a helium balloon.
>“Actually, I think it is a wonderful plan.” Luna
-I'm confused ? Blueblood DOES have a very valid point there(might need to elaborate a bit on it, but still)... so, why does Celestia seems ''against'', while Luna is ''for'' ? Seems backward.
>Luna slowly sat back down and grinned evilly. “I knew he would take the easy way out.”
-She almost literally put the freaking scroll in his mouth !
I don't get the Luna is 'this' story... maybe it's the 'crazy blinding desire for unreasonable vengeance' doing it, but she just acts/thinks in stupid and illogical ways..?
Almost denying virtually ALL the positive progress she had made in the previous story. -_-
>“Now, I must be honest with you. He is a difficult foal, and I would not be saddened if you had to discipline him to keep him still.”
-... ... ...her plan ACTUALLY was, by calling Rarity to Canterlot for some dresses, to have her just be... a ''somewhat severe'' dressmaker with 'him' ?
...wow ? That's somewhat pathetic for her...
Well, I shall remain polite here, and just go with the often used ''Luna is weirdly being dumb/crazy in her blind vengeance-whatever-thingy''.
>His incredibly pointless (and stupid) plotting
-For a second I thought the author was speaking of Luna's plotting... honest... no, really... *sigh*.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>If you wage war, not only will you be endangering her little ponies, but you will have given her a legal opportunity to act.”
-Like giving a free license for Armageddon to a goddess-Princess.
>“If you’re planning on apologizing about that night’s…misadventure, I would appreciate it if you would just drop the subject.”
-Actually trying to apologize for his 'misconduct' during the Gala ? How dares he !
...wait, what ? Wouldn't that be good ?
>But no matter how much she reassured herself that it was right, she just couldn’t do it.
>had Luna not invited her over and… >Her hooves trembled as realization took hold. That…She…I…
-Hurray, I suppose, since Rarity actually acted in a somewhat reasonable (and not totally, mindlessly crazy) manner.
Also, Luna is in deep ''poop'', now.
>“He is a monster! Something like that doesn’t deserve to live! Not after what he…”
>“We forgave you, didn’t we?”
-And here's the sentence that ''kill''... let's see how Luna reacts ?
>The tears fell. Villain.
-We are making progress Luna. Now... tell me about your pet Abacus ?
>The one way to bring families together, and yet was the thing everypony feared doing.
>A family activity.
-For a second, I though she was saying ''A family therapy''.
...and now I can't stop thinking of that one episode of the Simpsons, with the 'shock-chairs'.
-----
Well... the Luna of *this* story hasn't really changed... though, at the end, it seems things will FINALLY move forward a bit, with her extreme ''crazy-blind revenge'' issue.
Overall, it was interesting.
Rarity, with young-Blueblood, was a bit better than expected. The ''sentence that kills'' was something I was hoping to see, but unsure if it was ever gonna be used.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete"My Little Alicorn" happened over the course of a week, yes. "Bringing Up Blueblood" begins the following Tuesday, a couple days after MLA ended. So far, it's been about five days, with Chapter Seven taking place on a Sunday.
Oh my I'm glad I checked eqd today I might have missed this. Thank you author. May I have another? Also silentcarto... I was surprised to see you here..
ReplyDelete. It should be more expected on my part
Oh my I'm glad I checked eqd today I might have missed this. Thank you author. May I have another? Also silentcarto... I was surprised to see you here..
ReplyDelete. It should be more expected on my part
Heh, the griffins are evil, arrogant predators yet again who never seem to learn from their history. Still, I don't see what the problem is about feeding the dead ponies to them! After all, it certainly seems like "A Modest Proposal"... >;3
ReplyDeleteI really dislike the portrayal of Blueblood, he's a putz but you have to take it to absurd extremes and make him a monster who engages (or tries to, anyway) in mass slaughter over petty slights.
ReplyDelete@Benschachar
ReplyDeleteContinues toward the light... and then read the second story.
You will see.
The best part of ch 8 is how we see rarity showing a means for standing around blue blood from the canterlot episode...
ReplyDeleteThe best part of ch 8 is how we see rarity showing a means for standing around blue blood from the canterlot episode...
ReplyDelete> “Good morning, Leon. Happy Monday!”
ReplyDelete>After all these years, she’s still making the same joke.
-That was actually a joke ? ...?What?
>Celestia smiled. “After all, she still has a wedding in a few months.
-Wait what ? I thought all this was happening, at least, some time after both got married, no ?
Wasn't he on an honeymoon with Cadence, somewhere, which was supposed to easily explain why he wasn't in Canterlot during the event(s) of the first story ?
>Don’t worry, Blueblood. Once I explain the situation to her, I’m certain she’ll understand…
-... -_- ... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J834KH43YgE
Mmh, yeah, riiiight...
... Suddenly, ''random dream/nightmare sequence''. Time to skip a little ...
>“Your Highnesses, may I present Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess of Roam and Heir to the Crystal Em-”
-Huh? ...this story doesn't acknowledge the marriage (happening ''apparently'' before it), but it uses the vague, almost rumor-like, ''Crystal kingdom/empire'' thingy that will be in *SEASON 3* ? -_-
Certainly didn't waste time in randomly using it for a distant reference in the story...
>abandoned you in Canterlot for almost your life
-''all your life'', maybe ?
>“I had to draw something I liked, so I drew me taking out everypony I disliked.”
-Well... This 'Orange Peel' totally doesn't have some serious mental issues, and will not end up in jail forever, later in his life, or anything.
>Given who his father was, it was a miracle she could even keep him inside during recess without getting fined, or fired, or left in a dirty alley to die.
-Not sure to understand the last one, but... Is his father the ''godfather'' of the local mafia or something ?
Also, I'm really not convince this is a mini-subplot and/or detail that is relevant for this story ?
>Haven’t you ponies ever seen her parents? They’re Earth ponies, not Unicorns!”
-For once, the stupidity of that sentence has a reason, for the lack of a better word, to be... it's a young, very dumb, foal saying it. -_-
He obviously knows nothing about genetics.
>“You know, Fluttershy. The pony who saved Equestria from Nightmare Moon and Discord.
-''THE pony'' ? She wasn't alone on those things... shouldn't she know ? I mean, Lofty IS supposed to know *everything* about Fluttershy, after all (or so she says).
>And if anypony were to actually try and, say, torture him over this, I don’t know how I could look at that pony the same way again.”
-If Shining Armor had been drinking something, right now he would be spitting his drink, followed by a quick nervous laugh.
>“Of course, if somepony I actually knew and loved tried to do something like that
>I would probably have to spend some time away from them for a while, at least until I could look at them again without remembering that incident.”
-Dear... gods ..! She knows !
Quick ! Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction, and only stop when you reach the closest Flowers&Chocolate shop ! It's your only hope.
>Blueblood nodded his head. “Baron Frazzleberry.”
>And what is he doing at this school?”
-Let me guess... Violent/Abusive father of 'Orange Peel' ?
Just like the expression ''Like father, like son''. It would have been a 'funny cliché', if his father had been a mafia godfather, for real. *shrug*
Forgot to write ''CH.8: ''
ReplyDelete@Nova25
>for my own good, as well? How about forcing me to spend time with the same nephew that assaulted you and insulted me?
-In this story, she's nothing more than a boring broken record, isn't she... -_- (Luna was better in the other story, I say)
>He is a violent, mindless sociopath! How can you forgive him after he tried…to…?”
>“We forgave you, didn’t we?”
-Can 2 broken records make 1 working record ? Let's find out.
>The entire garden fell completely silent, so much so that a pony could actually hear the ants choking on Celestia’s potato salad.
-Ok. That last one was sincerely funny. :)
>As for Princess Celestia…she had exactly two bits left to her name, her lands all mortgaged or traded to her heartless competitors to pay the bills.
-It's kinda amusing, in a way, how the main ruler of an entire kingdom is so bad (or unlucky) at ''Monopony''. ;)
-----
Well, it was a relatively interesting chapter. Now... if Luna could be a bit less of a ''broken record'', a bit faster, it would certainly help at moving the event(s) forward. Hopefully, ''Monopony'' solves everything.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteThe story set is before the Season 2 finale. Shining Armor and Cadence were both sent as envoys of the crown to help with crises in Equestria. Shining just happened to get back before his fiance did.
I'm...pretty sure that was covered in the first chapter.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete"That was actually a joke ? ...?What?"
Yeah, I didn't get it either. All I could come up with was that it as supposed to be funny to treat Monday like a special holiday, or else something to do with "Monday" = "Moon Day".
"Huh? ...this story doesn't acknowledge the marriage (happening ''apparently'' before it), but it uses the vague, almost rumor-like, ''Crystal kingdom/empire'' thingy that will be in *SEASON 3* ? -_-
Certainly didn't waste time in randomly using it for a distant reference in the story..."
It's only vague to us. Celestia especially should know exactly what her position and history are.
"''THE pony'' ? She wasn't alone on those things... shouldn't she know ? I mean, Lofty IS supposed to know *everything* about Fluttershy, after all (or so she says)."
Yes, but she also attributes the group's victories to her hero.
"The entire garden fell completely silent, so much so that a pony could actually hear the ants choking on Celestia’s potato salad."
I LOLed. ^_^
@silentcarto
ReplyDelete>or else something to do with "Monday" = "Moon Day".
-Ahhhh... I seeeeee.
Well, I suppose it does look like it could be a somewhat funny thing, with the 'mon'-day / 'moon'-day pronunciation of the word. :)
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteMonday IS named after the moon. In most Romance languages it's called something like "Lunes", from "Luna".
All the days are named that way, ever since ancient greece. The days in English got scrambled due to syncretism with Germanic gods, but they're still named for the same bodies.
Sunday (Dominica) for the sun; Dominica means "Lord's day" in Italian due to Roman Catholic influences.
Monday (Lunedi) for the moon.
Tuesday (Martedi) for Mars; Tiu, or Tyr, was the Germanic god of war.
Wednesday (Mercoledi) for Mercury; Woden/Odin was the syncretic equivalent.
Thursday (giovedi) for Jupiter, or Thor.
Friday (venerdi) for Venus/Freya.
Saturday (sabato) for Saturn, which lacked a syncretic equivalent; Sabato comes from 'Sabbath'.
@silentcarto
ReplyDeleteHuh, well... That was informative, I guess ?
CH.9 :
ReplyDelete>before he could utter so much as the faintest syllable his wife was upon him.
-Well, to be accurate to the setting of this story... ''soon-to-be wife''. *cough* Since, technically, they aren't officially married, yet.
>No, no, no! Bad Blueblood, bad! Old traditions bad!
-Just the ''Nazi-like'' part of them, really.
>The colt buried his face in his forehooves, wishing that the moon would crash into Equestria and end his misery.
-Sorry, only in Majora's Mask.
>hopefully with giant muscles and spells that could disintegrate a thousand dragons
-For a few seconds, I thought he was thinking ''with a giant *moustache*(...)''. ;)
>And someday soon, Blueblood knew, that pudding would finally be his.
-I have a theory, and am in the impression that this pudding (and Orange Pell) will be tied, in a way or another, to the end.
This ''ribbon'' smells like a metaphor ! ...or is that chloroform ?
---
>But he reminds me so much of Blueblood. The resemblance is almost exact, like he was actually Blueblood shrunk down and turned into a little colt again through some dark spell.” She chuckled. “But really, that would be ridiculous.
-SIGH ! ... ... ...I can suppose this is meant to be, probably, something theorically ''funny'', with her being as oblivious to the extremely obvious reality as a lobotomized chicken, but...
I just find such attitude, in stories or whatever, to be *greatly* annoying (and a bit lazy)... personally. It's like nails on a blackboard, or biting into wool.
>“And really, if anypony tried to keep him like that, they would have to be really awful.”
-Please... no, not that... 'THAT' is a terrible thing to do. Very.
Being oblivious to a point where it is actually painful, AND having the character LITERALLY verbalise the 'extreme obviousness' as if it was ''normal''.
Also, she's just being a judgemental ass, right now... -_-
The chloroform does look like an appealing solution, at this moment.
---
>“Then I suppose it’s time we finished this. It’s time we restored the honor of House Frazzleberry.”
-''Evil'', probably violent/abusing, father seems more and more like what I thought from previous chapters.
-----
This chapter was... relatively 'ok'.
Maybe it's just me, but Cadance is not... really not... playing a good, interesting, or 'not irritating' role in the story so far. What she does, it's WAY too forced and artificial... the way she's used, it's not helping the story.
>>“Today’s the day!” shouted Lofty. “We are finally gonna get our pudding!”>>
ReplyDeleteIf ye don't eat yer meat, ya can't have any pudding!! How can ya have any pudding if ye don't eat yer meat?!
;D
@Alondro
ReplyDeleteYou mean ''veggies'', right ? Even the initial expression it's 'veggies', pretty sure (like, no veggies-no dessert. Kids you know.).
There were a couple of bits in Ch. 9 that I wanted to point up.
ReplyDeleteThe mare slid out of the bed, her hooves gently landing with all the crashing cacophony of a feather landing on a drum set.
Is that supposed to imply "lightly" or "heavily"? I don't understand what you're trying to express by juxtaposing these metaphors. Normally you would use this kind of setup to sarcastically imply something is worse than suggested, like "She slipped out of bed with the dainty grace of a bowling ball falling on a drum set." I don't think I've ever seen it used to do the opposite, but that's what the text indicates.
♪ Head, shoulders, knees and hooves, knees and hooves! ♪
Auuuugh, it's in my head! It's in my head, curse you!
"The resemblance is almost exact, like he was actually Blueblood shrunk down and turned into a little colt again through some dark spell.
I have to agree with Nova (gasp!), I thought this was pretty heavy-handed. You could have just left it at "It's uncanny, he looks almost exactly like Blueblood did at that age," and we would have still caught the dramatic irony. This is just clubbing us over the head with a two-by-four.
"And really, if anypony tried to keep him like that, they would have to be really awful."
And this part is even worse. Unless Cadence is trying to tell them that she already knows and they'd better undo the spell RIGHT NOW, going this deep into the ramifications of a spell that (allegedly) doesn't exist is just bizarre.
I have to agree again with Nova (double gasp!) in that Cadence hasn't really done anything for me so far. For one thing, she seems like little more than a vehicle to push Celestia and Luna into further conflict without really bringing her own personality to the table. And anyway, why is Celestia walking on eggs around her? She's clearly subordinate to Celestia, and the sisters form a united front for keeping him coltified for now. What's she gonna do, glare at them?
@silentcarto
ReplyDeleteDon't *GASP* too much, or else you will faint from over-oxygenation. :3
@Nova25 Not according to Pink Floyd. All in all you're just another brick in the wall. ;D
ReplyDelete@Alondro
ReplyDeleteMaking reference only work when the target(s) know what you are talking about... which I can't say I do, right now.
May you precise if the ''brick in the wall'' thing is a bad/good thing ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete"All in all you're just another brick in the wall" and "If ye don't eat yer meat, ya can't have any pudding!! How can ya have any pudding if ye don't eat yer meat" are both lines from Pink Floyd.
Seriously, do yourself a HUGE FAVOR and find Pink Floyd's "The Wall" and give it a listen. It's so worth it! It's available as a 2 CD album, and was also made into a "movie" version, which is essentially an hour and an half long music video that uses selected songs from the album to tell the story of a man slowly losing his mind due to all the stresses in his life building a mental "wall" shielding him from reality. There is a mix of live action interspersed with animated interludes and story segments. If you are unsure about spending money, give it a download. If you like it, consider buying it. "The Wall" was created in the late 1970s, and is a masterpiece of classic rock.
I have seen it performed live in concert by Roger Waters (also saw "Dark Side of the Moon" live). I spent over $200 to be in the front 1/3 of the main floor "seating" for both events, and I will NEVER regret it. "seating" is a formality! Nopony actually sits! XD
If you are unfamiliar with Pink Floyd in general, I'd say, start with "Dark Side of the Moon". "The Wall" is top notch, and I'd also recommend "Wish You Were Here" for anypony just getting into it.
In general, Pink Floyd's music has a psychedelic sound that was popular in the late 60s and early 70s. Some of the later stuff has more of a classic rock sound to it. Their early stuff is quite different, and may appeal more to fans of a more 60's era psychedelic style. In other words, their pre Dark Side of the Moon stuff can be an acquired taste to some.
If that's not your musical style, then so be it, but I do HIGHLY suggest giving Pink Floyd a fair chance, as they are one of the few bands out in the sea of music that have some genuine intellect behind their lyrics. People write them off as a band for pot heads, but the truth is, some of their songs feature some of the most lyrically diverse content out there! That stereotype is, ironically, true... A lot of the music is just simply entertaining and has a nice balance between catchy and relaxing and intense. Truth is, I was actually introduced to Pink Floyd by a pothead! LOL XD
That's not to say though that it demerits the music.
I don't know how old you are, so Pink Floyd may potentially be way before your time, but I find that much of their music is genuinely interesting, and I've heard people from multiple generations adopt it.
Good music doesn't need to ever be forgotten.
You should give it a try! :)
(of course... This coming from someone who's primary iPod playlist looks like it jumped out of a Fallout sound track... Oh wait... It did! :)
Blueblood 10 :
ReplyDelete>I’ve seen your file, and I know you scored the highest with maces and clubs
-Feels like a RPG, right there. What's his level ? ;)
>to some crazy pony wanting to invent a magical horseless carriage.
-They have some technologies, like at least basic electronics... how's a ''car'' something crazy and unthinkable ? I guess it's supposed to be a ''joke'', but that one doesn't hold well.
>or anything else that would make the current situation any worse.
-Like Cadance being even MORE overly oblivious ?
>failed to bring a smiled to her
-''smile'', (small error).
>The orange foal simply sat there, his eyes locked intently on the little pony he had come to call his nemesis.
-Never seen by the teacher... of course. -_-
>Blueblood snapped his head back around, only to find Miss Brightly standing over him. Her lips were curled into a very disapproving stare
-See all the wrong things she should see... how is she a teacher ? Then again, I think this is one of those dust-old cliché about teachers, or something.
>If you want to play with your friends, you’ll have to wait until recess, okay?”
-...play ? Well, if she's a teacher, she's definitely not a very perceptive one... or competent.
>“Actually, I was thinking of giving the position to Leon.”
-... ... ...let's be ready to 'groan'... -_-
>“But he’s Blueblood’s son,” Cadance said.
>“I know we decided he couldn’t attend even before his banishment, but we knew nothing about his colt.
-Ah, the '' NOT good 'ol '' overly exaggerated obliviousness of Cadance (though it's a BIT less ''bad'', here, than in earlier chapters)... THE 'hair on the soup', in this story.
Mildly annoying, and certainly not the best addition in this story. Could have done without her, with the way she's used, I say.
>and should have a third party interview the colt. How can we be sure he’s not a spy or a political tool?”
-The... child... being a spy ?
Is he REALLY asking to interrogate a child, to be sure he's not a ''spy'' ?
I would almost be tempted to say this is the stupidest thing I have heard ''someone'' say... recently.
Did he really thought that was a ''smart'' move to say/imply that ?
>“You were wonderful, muffin.”
>“That’s it! Muffins!”
>something under her breath that equated “muffins” with “answer.”
-I think Cadance caught a bad case of muffin-itis. She should immediately consult with THE expert on muffins, dear Derpy/Ditzy.
>Everypony’s eyes, ears, and other visual and audio extremities
>>and other visual and audio extremities
-That last one is very superfluous there. It just looks weird, honestly.
---
>“YOU’RE GIGANTIC! ENORMOUS!”
-The author is aware that Cadance is the same size as every standard ponies (like Shining Armor), right ?
>“W-Well…I guess I am a bit bigger than most mares.”
-No, no she is not. Like... totally NOT at all ? The hell *shrug* ?
>“I-I’m sorry. I’ve just never seen a mare as tall as you before. You’re, like, princess-sized.”
-By the damns ! NO, SHE IS NOT ! What the heck, author ? I mean, seriously...
---
@Nova25
ReplyDelete---
>Cadanca wiped the droplets from her eyes
-...''Cadance''... small error...
>Gusty fell back on her haunches. “I-I’m sorry. I’ve just never seen a mare as tall as you before.
>“And I’m sorry, too. I’ve just…never seen a mare that big before.”
-Why the need to make her (repeat) say twice the same thing ?
>“Oh wow, this is so cool! I didn’t know you liked bread!”
-He probably also likes 'water'... this is hardly anything special ?
---
>“And you must have great virility!”
-Oh, what the 'shit' now ?
... This chapter had started so well... and now the author apparently sunk in a state that makes him throw dumb-cheap ''sex'' innuendo(s), and troubles at correctly judging a pony's size..? ...
>All this did, however, was get a few to switch open their weapons. “Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.
>“And just who is this ‘employer?’” Cadance asked.
>“Oh, I believe you know who, Princess.”
-This is not believable, at all. I mean, come on... they KNOW she's a princess, they KNOW she's a VERY good friend of the *rulers of the Equestrian nation* !
At the very first second Cadance has to speak with Celestia, them and ''him'' would go straight to jail (after a quick trial), for threatening royalty !
This is almost giving me a headache...
>Make sure that their every need is attended to, short of their freedom.”
-Can you spell 'J-A-I-L' ? -_-
>“Because we have a score to settle.”
-Through ''illicit'' and illegal channels, that will make you end up on the moon... Smart move ''guy''. -_-
>Before Cadance could react, an energy field enveloped her body and floated her up into the air.
>Behind her, the six bodyguards’ horns were glowing like candles during Hearth’s Warming Eve, their power focused on holding the (theoretically) most powerful pony in the room in one spot.
-I swear, if this doesn't end up in Frazzelberry going to jail or something very similar... this WILL have been the most unbelievable(and dumbest) sub-plot ever...
>And then bowed down. “I wish to apologize for my son’s actions. And my own.”
-No.
Just no.
Just... *boot to the head*.
This is so very CHEAP... I don't even...
>“You could have just, you know, asked nicely?”
>he turned to the Princess with eyes wide open. “Wait…that was an option?”
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73KBozIDcbo ...Whatever. For me, that ''sub-plot'' failed/disappointed me.
It's not like it could have been better inserted, could have had hints of the 'possible improbable end result' at earlier key points or anything, right ?
>If Frazzleberry wasn’t immediately executed, banished, or executed and then banished, he would still be facing certain punishment for the kidnapping.
-I do VERY hope so... but... How do you bet it will not ?
-----
Overall, this chapter was : Half pretty good, half irritating/bad. Just a FEW 'bad' details, but those few were *especially* irritating (and head-scratching, for one).
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteOkay, I have to dispute you on the height issue. Cadance stands at the same height as a stallion, which is about a head or so taller than the average mare seen in this series. She is roughly around the same height as Princess Luna, who is also about a head or so larger than the others we've seen. Throw in the size of your average foal (about two to three heads shorter than a full-grown pony), and yes, the height difference would be more pronounced. The only mares/female monstrosities we've seen that are taller are Celestia, Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis.
And you know what? I really do want to get into a pissing match right now. Frazzleberry was raised in a highly corrupt system where crap like kidnappings happened regularly, and Celestia never did anything to stop it because of how withdrawn he had become. The entire point of his scene was to establish that the events from the last story are still being felt, the court is still trying to change, but they're still learning to adjust to this new system. And we'll see the aftereffects of this in the next chapter, both for Frazzleberry and Orange Peel.
And I'm sorry if this comment sounds like whining. I appreciate your criticism and how you tear down everything I write because I suck. But I'm tired of dreading your comments. I'm tired of almost putting a damn gun in my mouth every time you remind me of how much of your time I've wasted. And tonight has NOT been a good night, so excuse me if I'm a little grouchy.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDelete>I appreciate your criticism and how you tear down everything I write because I suck.
>But I'm tired of dreading your comments.
>I'm tired of almost putting a damn gun in my mouth every time you remind me of how much of your time I've wasted.
-...what kind of strategy are you playing there ?
Honestly ?
Trying to make people despise me... more ? (not that I deeply care about 'that', but I do still care about my 'reputation'.)
And, by the gods!, has ANYONE on the WHOLE DAMN Internet understand the (apparently ever-so strange?) concept on personal reaction-commentary toward a media ?!?
I swear... it's not THAT hard to imagine, but... Almost. No. One. Gets. It !
Barely anyone seem to make the effort to understand hot it works... I know just, maybe, 3-4 people on this website who ''seem'' to understand, but even then..?
Ever watched a series that had good/bad stuff in it, speaking to the screen when weird/improbable stuff happens ?
Ever damn watch a sport match on TV, and REACTED to the match, the ongoing action, yelling at the dumb moments of X player(s), rooting for a side... I don't freaking know what else I can't put to help explain the point !
I'm someone polite the vast majority of the time, and also speaks his mind in a direct way whenever I feel like it ; Who likes to consider and reflect on events I experience or could theorically experience, who *tries* to be ''politically correct'' and balanced (while not going crazy about it) when in a *discussion*... but darn some people (NOT pointing specific people, here) on the Internet makes it hard for me, on some of those things !
And how do a lot of people react, usually ? Threats, insults, trolling, ''I will kill myself'' stuff, dirty sarcasms, to name a few... The Internet. Seriously.
If it interest any souls ; I, myself, am tired. Ok ?
Will this comment change anyone ? No.
Will it change anything, then ? Realistic optimism : Low probability.
I will continue to be myself, other people will continue to be themselves, the whole damn world will continue to rotate on itself. And, very little people will actually care that *1 person*, me or whatever-anyone, wrote something...
.sigh
@Nova25
ReplyDelete*sigh* Do we really have to go over, again, the difference between "this doesn't quite ring true" and "wow that was stupid"? One is a helpful, constructive comment, usually followed by details on what, exactly, didn't work for you. The other is an insult, pure and simple.
If "only three or four" people on the site "understand" your style, maybe you should consider that your way of speaking is offensive and abrasive to all but the most callous of readers.
@pg13fresno
I really hope you pay attention to the comments on FIMFiction, too. Nova is not the only voice.
@silentcarto
ReplyDeleteTrust me, I read all the comments on both sites, and I try to take all criticism into account. Last night was just not the best night for me.
I apologize to both of you. A post like that was inexcusable.
@silentcarto
ReplyDelete>If "only three or four" people on the site "understand" your style
-I did say ''understand''. The rest, well... they don't care, don't comment about it, throw brown stuff at it, or simply ignore it.
>I really hope you pay attention to the comments on FIMFiction, too. Nova is not the only voice.
-I never pretended to be the only 'voice', nor will I EVER try to be, as long as I'm able to write...
Just so you know. *shrug*
@pg13fresno
>I apologize to both of you. A post like that was inexcusable.
-...you had the right to.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteI wish I could really express just how much I utterly love your stories! They are always a pleasure. Some people are not capable of understanding the difference between constructive criticism and plain offensive criticism... And insist the later is the former...
I want you to know that I APPRECIATE what you do for us. you give us WONDERFUL stories, and it brings us enjoyment. I hope you have a better day, and I hope whatever stress is getting to you, lets up soon.
Thank you, for "My Little Alicorn", and "Bringing Up Blueblood"!
@Nova25
Constructive criticism is fine, but some of the things you have said in the past are not constructive. They can be hurtful. There are people who are exceptional at proofreading and analyzing the written word... You come off as one who just says what they see and think, with no consideration at all for how it may make others feel. The two are NOT the same, and it can leave people feeling hurt.
The fact that you can't seem to see this is troubling. Time and time again, people have been hurt by your words, and time and time again, you defend your words as a fair and constructive thing.
You consistently fail to understand even basic humor. “Oh wow, this is so cool! I didn’t know you liked bread!” This falls under the classic genre "Kids say the darnedest things". If you have EVER known or had or been around small children... They actually do say things like this, and it's HILARIOUS!!! To a small child, if their family are bakers, and they see you in their bakery for the first time, that child might genuinely be amazed that you want the thing their family makes. Their experience might leave them truly unknowing that you "like bread".
Of course.. Since you don't get it, you insult the joke by saying "-He probably also likes 'water'... this is hardly anything special ?"
As for the rest of your comments, you are too insulting and degrading in your responses. It's not enough for you to say that you can't believe or follow a story element, you have to say the author fails, shout "No... Just no... Just... boot to the head", or jsut plain calling a chapter or sub-plot dumb.
There is NOTHING constructive about that.
You simply go from story to story and toss about insults and jabs at the author whenever you fail to understand a joke, or don't like the story or disapprove of the content. "dumb-cheap"... Really. You're gonna do that.
You know... I laughed. I laughed because I'm not an insecure prick who's not comfortable with anything above a mild PG rating.
I truly wish you could understand how insulting you can be sometimes. The truly worst part, is you really don't see how bad you are, and you try to put the blame for your reputation on others...
"Honestly ?
Trying to make people despise me... more ? (not that I deeply care about 'that', but I do still care about my 'reputation'.)"
No... You have obliterated your OWN reputation. People see the mere name Nova25 and they cringe at what's in store for them. This is NOT because of what any one has said about you... It's because of your own words. Over and over, your caustic words. We cringe knowing what kind of words you have said in the past, and we don't enjoy reading those words.
It's as simple as that.
@richfiles Speaking of things children say, my sister-in-law once had some applesauce my mom made fresh and made this comment, "Oh! I've had applesauce made with real apples!"
ReplyDeleteExcept... she was 23 at the time... And it's not the only comment like that... There was the joke about the guy who wanted to marry a Polish girl so he got sugery to remove a third of his brain, but the surgeon messes up and only leaves in one third of his brain and the punchline is that they guy now speaks with an Italian accent "Momma mia! What I gonna now!" And my sister-in-law thought for a hilarious long time before saying, "But that's not Polish."
I think the surgeons took out the whole thing in her case. (I can't help poking fun at her. It's like its right out of "Legally Blonde".)
@richfiles
ReplyDelete>You come off as one who just says what they see and think
-...yes. I see a dead person, I will call it a 'dead person', not ''he's just sleeping''.
I personally don't see why doing otherwise, but that's me.
>with no consideration at all for how it may make others feel.
-I... do often ''try'' to restrain myself, and consider the 'effect' of what I say, but... A cat is a cat, and if the cat is barking and looks like a dog and you're saying it's a cat, then I will tend to question it and point at the flaw.
Minor things, minor reactions...
Particularly strong stuff (be it intended, or me feeling strongly about it), will bare a strong reaction that I will 'want' to convey... which is harder to 'correctly' display (and control) through a static thing like an Internet comment.
An annoying limitation of the 'medium', sadly, I would say.
>you defend your words as a fair and constructive thing.
-I defend them as having the POTENTIAL to unravel things that can be ''useful'' for some people, to add something ''more''...
Someone might ask himself an *additional* question, think just a bit more on this or that thing, the (maybe utopic, unrealistic..) hope it will develop into something ''more'' in the end...
>You consistently fail to understand even basic humor. “Oh wow, this is so cool! I didn’t know you liked bread!” This falls under the classic genre "Kids say the darnedest things".
-I must stop you there... I have to point toward the 'limitation' of something static like a comment to display someone's personal 'expression/sentiment' into the words.
Members in my family have kids, I'm fully aware of the innocence and amusing awkwardness of children, and how they see the world through their limited knowledge and understanding, and how a penny can be the greatest of treasure...
For that specific line, while I understood its 'amusing simplicity', I still thought what I thought with sort of an 'amused shrug'.
>>"No... Just no... Just... boot to the head"
>There is NOTHING constructive about that.
-Well... I will refer to the first point, and the second part of the second point of 'this' comment.
Call it the bursting of a 'bubble of misplaced enthusiasms', if you want.
>The truly worst part, is you really don't see how bad you are, and you try to put the blame for your reputation on others...
-It isn't 'THIS' simple, you know that.
It's always more complicated than we think, than what we can see.
>No... You have obliterated your OWN reputation. People see the mere name Nova25 and they cringe at what's in store for them.
>We
-I would slap you(figuratively speaking, of course), if I could... if only for claiming such a blatant overgeneralization that you say encompass 'EVERYONE'(People, We : implied, since not specified), while in fact may just apply to 'some' people or 'limited groups' of people, while NOT being everyone or a majority.
>It's as simple as that.
-No. It isn't, not entirely... but people think whatever then want, and believe whatever they want.
I apologize for how long the chapter's taking. Alas, real life happened (stupid life, how dare it intrude on my pony time!), so I lost over a week of work time. The next chapter should be done next week or early the week after.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
« “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
ReplyDelete-Marilyn Monroe. »
« “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
-Oscar Wilde. »
« “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.”
-Elie Wiesel. »
« “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
-Dr. Seuss. »
« “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
-Jim Henson. »
-----
Blueblood 11 :
>Burly Barley, the gigantic Unicorn that could balance the entirety of Canterlot on his back.
-A cousin of ''Roid Rage''(whatever his many names), maybe ?
>“That is a confidential manner. If you do not wish to have your memory erased
-''Mares in Black - MiB''.
>Luna’s eyes narrowed. “And what of Kuchen?”
-Luna is just being 'difficult' for the sake of being 'difficult'... and a bit of an ass, right now.
>Buttons, meanwhile, leaned herself over just enough to give Blueblood some support as he rose. “A-Are you okay?” she muttered.
-Those 2 definitely have ''something'' going on... well, Buttons at least.
>Nopony dared approach the enraged foal, nor do anything to stop his rampage; not even the adults had ever encountered something this drastically horrible before.
-Well..? So much for the 'good ending' of that sub-plot, with Orange helping the other in getting the 'symbolic ribbon of free-pudding... and friendship' ?
...whatever.
>Now it was Blueblood’s turn to roll his eyes. “I guess so. Do I have to tell my mom tonight?” >her mouth did not exactly hide her attempts to sugar coat the truth. “Actually…”
>Luna slowly nodded her head. “Then we are in agreement?” The other followed suit >“Then so be it. When Blueblood returns, we shall…”
>“I…I don’t know exactly,” the servant stammered. “But they said it had something to do with fighting.”
-Aaaaaaaand, of course...
When they were very probably going to proclaim him ''good to go'', 5 EXTREMELY convenient seconds before, 'this' happens...
That is SO cliché, it's irritating.
>but that’s what he said he said.”
-Twice ''he said'' ? Misplaced ?
>she asked me to take care of the night last night.”
-''the night, yesterday.'', maybe ?
>“You see…didn’t you go to the Academy?”
>“Of course I did, dear colt. It’s tradition, after all.
>“Well…from what Princess Celestia tells me, my dad used to be a real nice pony until he went to the Academy. After that, he was all about tradition this and protocol that.”
>“And even if you send him anyway, what good would it do? You’d just be making another noble to keep all the old systems alive.
-...why did Celestia never ''destroyed''/closed that school again ? Or, even just 'reformed' the school... if all/most crazy-traditionalist bad nobleponies come from there ?
She could very well repurpose that school, invent a 'whatever'-excuse, and whatnot. Direct or sneaky/subtle way... no ?
-----
Not bad. Overall, good. Something-something.
Blueblood 12 :
ReplyDelete>“We have much to discuss, and I tired of talking to doors a thousand years ago.”
-''I got tired'', maybe ? Makes more sense, no ?
>“Before the incident with Frazzleberry’s son, we were ready to find you guilty.
-...go figure. -_-
>so I did some research, found an old disguise spell, and…masqueraded as a part of my own staff.
-Wait, wait... wait... just a second there... It took a super-secret and powerful forgotten AND forbidden spell to change her into a ''filly'', yet she goes and gets a spell to make her look like whatever she wants with relatively great ease ?
...and, they had to re-use the dangerous spell for that one party, even thought she knew she already had this one ?
>Somepony who cared about you and wanted you to succeed
-Yeah, contrary to the 2 biased ''judges'' (Luna, Shining) over there... -_-
>Fortunately, passing judgment just happened to be Luna’s thing the last couple weeks
-Yeeeeeeah... ''judgement'', my eye.
>he once proud ancestral home of the Blueblood family was now a decaying ruin. The wrought-iron gate barely hung to its hinges, while vines and overgrowth chipped away at the walls.
-The hell ? Hasn't the WHOLE thing happened in barely 1-2 months ? Did ponies attacked, pillaged and vandalized the place ?
>he asked in a quivering voice. “I-It’s barely been two weeks! Why does it look like nopony’s lived here for centuries?”
-YEAH !? What he just said !
>“This is far from the first property I have seen end this way. If you do not keep up your house, it can fall apart within moments.
-No. Sorry. This is utter complete *cough* nonsense.
This doesn't make ANY sense, and this is NOT a valid explanation (or anything relatively close to one) by any stretch of the imagination... OR sanity... this is bad.
Unless this is another ass-trick from Luna... with some sort of illusion or 'wild plants growth' spell or whatever, in a last attempt to screw with somepony who can't currently ''defend'' himself !.. this would be a terribly made (if just dumb) scene, honestly ?
>She clicked her tongue and shook her head. “In any case, I think things are in order here. Shall we return to the castle?”
-...well ? That was lackluster ? I don't know, I think I was expecting more from this 'house scene' ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>Blueblood smirked. At last, she was listening. “You heard me. You’re a freak, a mutant, a disgrace to Equestria’s noble bloodlines.
-SHE'S AN ALICORN !? Unless he's *suicidal* (in addition of being dumb as all hells, right now)... the fact he's talking against an ''alicorn'', describing her status as ''freak/mutant'', this involves so many things... I don't even ?
I wonder if Equestria has a law against ponies speaking against the (rare) alicorn species ? They should have one (especially since THE 2 most known alicorns are the rulers of the nation).
>but there was nothing we could actually charge him with.
-Whaaaaa ..? Really ?
No law related to the special and specific state of 'alicorn(s)' ? No law against harassment, psychological bullying, and that sort of stuff ? ...or did the author just hadn't thought much about it ?
>“Now you shouldn’t say things like that,” Cadance said.
>“He’s not my father. I am Prince Blueblood.”
-''Look Lois Lane... Put glasses on- Clark Kent, glasses off- Super man, glasses on, glasses off, glasses on, glasses off...'' ... -_-
>Instead, the pony you told me was Leon was actually Blueblood the whole time
-Nooooooooooo ! Tell me more ? Ice is water too ! Amazing ! ...sigh. Never mind. At this point, this is ''almost'' funny.
>“And you didn’t think to tell me any of this?” Cadance’s voice became raspier and raspier
-3 simple words ''lady''... *Secret(s) of State*. -_-
>“So, your ‘vacation’ was just you getting turned into a filly? Why would you lie to me like that?
-Copy/paste last sentence -_- ...
>“I…I can’t handle this right now,” the mare whispered. “I-I need some time to think…”
-She might have wanted to do the thinking BEFORE going on her random angry-yelling rampage.
Cadence really hasn't been a great addition to this story, honestly.
-----
Huh... overall it was 'ok', or good, I guess ? There's just so many weird details of a 'disputable logic', in this chapter... plus that whole thing with Cadence.
Dun Dun dun!
ReplyDeleteWell, you finally did it in chapter 13. You finally messed up.
ReplyDeleteWhen Blueblood is talking to Mrs. Brightly about friends forgiving each other, she calls him Blueblood when he is picked up at the end of the conversation.
I think you meant to say Leon. Unless Mrs. Brightly was always aware....
Blueblood 13 :
ReplyDelete>the reason Cadance found out, and why Shining had been condemned to the dog house for the time being.
-I have always wondered why it's *ALWAYS* the guy that is *forced* to ''pack his shit'', in those situations, and not the girl... ''Equality'' apparently is an odd and, strangely enough, shifting concept it would seem.
>For all his stupidity and faults, I fear I may have erred in my judgment.
-As someone probably famous once said : ''No shit Sherlock ?!''
>“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a fiancé to grovel in front of,
-...and explain that, in life, you don't usually mix 'Private/personal life' and *SECRET(S) OF STATE!!*... damn it.
>"Now, where are those pudding cups?!" asked Ribbon.
-*Shake a tiny hoof angrily-yet comically* ''There better be pudding, Madam!'' ;)
>the largest dessert order in the Canterlot School System's history.
-Huh... since it's just ONE school, even if in a big town, and considering it's a Primary school... there can't be more than 100 (maybe 200?) foals. I doubt buying a ''snack'' for the school's children is THAT much of a big thing, really ?
Also, wasn't the 'pudding price' just for the foals that would be able to get the ribbon ? They were just, what?, 20-30 foals ? Not the WHOLE school participated.
>His heart sank. And now I have to tell them the truth.
-This promises to be awkward, but not nearly as awkward as it would be in reality... : ''Oh, by the way, all along I was a grown-up inside the body of a little foal.'' ...*cough*
>while a tiny spec of blackness manifested briefly on the tip of her horn.
>The filly's mouth folded into a scowl. You were right, uncle. She really is the worst pony who's ever lived. And I have to save him!
-Turning the most interesting(and charming) pony in this story toward the ''bad side'' ? I will wait a little before throwing a *Boot to the Head, with steel spikes* at the author.
Hopefully, the ending of this story will not suddenly become as ''shitty'' as that other story I read some time ago that made me stop reading for over a month in disappointment and disgust... and partial depression, but that's another story.
>Lofty squealed and nuzzled Ruby's side. "You're the best mom ever!" And now we don't have to deal with poo gas!
-That's kinda funny, yes. Heh, poo gas.
>The filly only looked down at her ingenious plot to toss a pie into Celestia's face and run off with Leon while she was distracted.
-The best 'non-violent' way to deal with political figures. A pie in the face.
>Blueblood's brain immediately suggested a tacitcal withdrawal
-''tactical'', small error. Also, I'm pretty sure we must say ''tactical retreat'', not 'withdrawal', no ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>That I'd hold a grudge for this long? That I'd honestly treat you or him like some kind of monster?"
-Virtually all of the rest of the world initially did(About Blueblood. Relatively speaking.), why would she have been any different ? Or, is she pretentious enough to believe that she's better than most ?
>and procuring enough protection suits for what they hoped would be themselves and two other adults
-Seems like an awfully exact number... I do hope that a bunch of foals and 1 parent don't suddenly barge in the room in the middle of the spell. Yeah...
>“I'm still a little upset, but I should share some of the blame.
-Just SOME ?! She was completely hysterical, and not at all trying for a damn second to understand anything of what and WHY things were going on !
>I guess I did lay it on a bit thick when I first got here.”
-The sheer stupidity of her statement almost made my brain ''crash'' for a second.
>And it really wasn't that bad of a problem.
-Says the mare that went half-crazy for a while...
>“But you're still on the couch, mister!”
-Seriously. What the f*** is her damn problem ? The *WORST* addition to this story ever, it's 'her' alright. -_-
>“Everypony, charge forward! BREAK FORMATIONS!”
-Well, surely the security and royal guards of the castle should be more than enough to block the path of a few foals, right ?
> “STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!”
-Or not ?.. And the guards of Canterlot are horrible incompetents...
>“We were rescuing her from her!
-I think you meant ''him from her'', right ? Last time I checked, Blueblood was a 'guy'.
>“Aunt Celestia, were you really planning to banish him?”
-Wait, what ? Didn't they change idea during last chapter, going from 'guilty' to 'giving him a second chance' after the event at school with Frazzleberry-whatever ?
Quote from previous chapter : >“Before the incident with Frazzleberry’s son, we were ready to find you guilty.
Meaning that, ''now''(at that moment), they decided NOT to sentence him 'guilty'.
>Celestia's attention seemed to shift back and forth between the various members of the room; even he seemed unsure of what to do.
-''she'', again I'm pretty sure Celestia is a 'girl'.
>The elder sister simply skipped to desert, enjoying a massive slice of cake
-Cakelestia strikes again ! ;)
-----
It was an interesting chapter. The way to finally get the 'ribbon' wasn't as initially expected, but good too (would have been better if Orange had joined them at the last moment). Cadence should have remain OUT of this story, or at the very least with a minimal not-directly-involved role... she really, in all seriousness, slowed and diminished the story with her ''actions'' and reactions. Luna wasn't so bad, overall, but her 'vengeance-obsession' really was a bit too heavily laid on her.
Only the Epilogue left now..
Blueblood 14 :
ReplyDelete>Standing on the stage was none other than the deposed Prince Blueblood himself
-I would have thought that he would have stayed a colt ? Unless this one is some kind of 'magical clone', or that he just become adult for official stuff, to maintain the appearances and stuff..?
>the current regulations required all bottles used for such christenings to be shatterproof, just in case the liquid or glass caused these newfangled ships to explode
-...huh ? Hmm. Huhhh... ok ? If it explodes, then it was DEFINITELY not meant to ever fly... and probably made from TNT or something ?
>She has seen fit to release some of the funds she was holding to repair my family's estate
-I still very firmly says that this *specific* point, about the estate, was one of the stupidest and most nonsensical detail I had read, back then. I mean... seriously... -_-
>Around him, the illusion began to chip away piece by piece
-Ahh, I see. A bit of column 'A' and a bit of column 'B'. A temporary illusion, for official businesses and stuff.
I guess that's the best way to do it.
>There was still a lot to do, but he could at least see the light at the end of the tunnel...
-... ... ...sigh. Ok. Satan, Cthulhu, a friend becoming a demonic Lich ? What now ? -_-
>The filly let out one last yawn before finally drifting off to slumberland. “Good night, Uncle Kuchen.”
-Soooooooooo..? Another good/evil 'Kuchen' exist in her family ?
By the way, a detail I'm not sure was actually put anywhere... Is there like just *1* 'Kuchen' entity shared through out the various minds (for the connected families), or is it like 1 *separate and independent* 'Kuchen' per family at the time ?
And... depending a bit from the previous answer, how is it that this one is good, or did the ''entity'' just retreated from Pinky Pie's mind to another from a connected family ? (Seems like Ribbon is pretty much used to ''hearing' him, so it's surely not new)
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This epilogue was... interesting. Good.
The last point brings, by itself, many questions, but none that really feel like they should have been answered *now*. But, if there's really a sequel to the sequel, I can see those being answered there, yet I'm not sure what could be added from the first 2 series of stories ? Unless... it would be a ''separate'' story, simply connected, and giving only the occasional references and small final explanations on some of the points left unexplained ?